11:52 AM
Oh goodness, let’s make a blog post.
Yeah, what’s going on? Well?
I’m the only person here right now and
It sucks because 1 of my roommates had to go to the hospital. She did, yeah. The 1 who takes me back and forth to work. She was having, um, Pains. And,
She had to call an ambulance and everything and I’m really worried. About her. And
Worried about. Potentially missing any work.
It’s just like, dang, you know?
And I’m still being stalked. Yeah, that’s all it is. It’s just stalking.
I don’t know why.
It still matters that much, whatever she’s doing because I’m not looking at her stuff anymore.
I don’t really want to talk about that.
Dang it. Yeah.
Yeah, I hope. I hope my roommate’s. Okay, I really do.
My other roommate had to take her and he was stressed out because he doesn’t like hospitals. And offered to go with them, but They’re like no, you probably should stay here. And I am.
And, I’m doing my chores. I’ve been sweeping and then it’s like, well, I just want to make a blog post
Because a lot of times it makes me feel better.
If I’m stressed out.
Yeah.
Yeah, I had this like huge surge of hits. I think it was Friday. And then it’s kind of trickling down. I think the The new of the publishing of my blog with its on domain name. Own domain name. Yeah, I guess that’s like
Kind of,
Its like explode. Haha Yeah. And then that’s it.
That’s fine. It’ll just go back to like nobody but a handful of people reads my blog anyways, which is okay. Yeah. Yeah.
I just, I don’t know. I feel like
I don’t know what to I don’t know how to feel right now, but I hope everything is okay, you know, because I really miss my kids.
Like really, really, really really miss my kids.
And I just got this job. I’ve only been here a little over a month.
And I need a car.
I actually had a really fun awesome day yesterday.
I sure did.
I don’t know. Today is a little less fun. A lot less fun as far as that stuff goes. Yeah. I just hope everything’s okay. I just, I don’t know.
What else can I talk about? I don’t know. It’s like I got all the really big crazy things out of the way I was going back actually. And looking at my other blog, because
I really didn’t want to talk about this stuff anymore on this blog, especially, but I have apparently I have a twin flame and it has driven me. So dang crazy. And it’s like she she doesn’t leave me alone but she won’t message me either. And it’s just like,
I’m sorry. You know I don’t know what she wants me to do.
And then there’s a part and it’s like, well does she really want me to do anything? She just wants to drive me crazy as much as she still can. You know, it’s it’s really mean.
I haven’t looked at her stuff like any of her stuff and
In like, way over a month going on, probably 2 months now. I can’t remember the last time I looked at her stuff and it just makes me sad. That’s all it’s done.
Is just
Make me sad. I actually made up a song about it. It’s Uh, All you did was drive me crazy and make me sad and that’s the chorus. And it’s a really like excruciating song. I’ll probably never play it. It just it was 1 of those things. I had to get out.
And I was kind of hoping maybe that uh, She had gotten like,
Over it or something and moved on. Yeah. I mean, this chick
Did a lot of really mean things to me and I don’t understand. But the result was me, you know, losing a really good job because of it. And all I care about is my kids. I talked about, you know, I wish I had a girlfriend and all this stuff and that would be nice. But I’m too messed up. And I just don’t think I’ve met. The right person yet. Who isn’t going to drive me like insane and torture the crap out of me, I just I do like, I’m traumatized when it comes to fucking relationships and it sucks. It’s not something I’ve ever gotten. You know, like a healthy normal relationship.
And I totally understand that.
Well, it’s um, I say like a, you know, it’s me a lot obviously. Like I’m the common denominator, right? But a lot of that has to do with the fact that
Which is why I’ve been single for 4 years is I don’t I pick the wrong people. I’ve got this big stupid heart.
That, you know, I just see somebody who needs to the crap loved out of them. Yeah, and that has been the case in every single
Entanglement, you know, I’ve found myself In. Hahaha. I don’t know how else to put that but it’s like That’s why I’ve been single for so long. You know, and I also Kind of totally acknowledge the fact that I’m really not that great, you know? Otherwise things would be different, right? I don’t see myself like I’m that awesome or anything. Some people have told me that I am and when I like, post my videos of stuff, like a lot of people are just like, dang, you know, you’re really talented. Nobody really.
You know, just meeting me interacting with me in day-to-day life unless, you know, they hear my stuff.
They don’t realize that I’m actually, I mean, I am I’m good at music and art. It’s almost like I’m cursed in the romance Department.
I made a post about that on Facebook, 1 day. It’s like I have, I’m blessed.
In like, friendships. And you know, like As a dad, my super awesome kids, the best people ever. You know, I have that. Um, and you know like,
You know, in every other way that’s important and I guess it does totally outweigh that but God damn, I get lonely, you know?
But I am like absolutely cursed. It feels like it anyways with romantic relationships. And it’s been so bad, you know, some of the shit that I’ve been put through and it wasn’t just like my ex-wife, you know?
There’s 18 years worth of shit to talk about with that. It’s too much. For like 1 Post but you know, I ended up
Hell, she moved on and she got remarried and she’s doing great right now and that’s awesome. And I have still, I’m still struggling, okay? And something.
Will get it’ll get better, then it’ll fall apart, you know and then it’ll get better and then it’ll fall apart and I’m just
Tired. I’m tired of, you know, I want my life to be. Good again.
As in like stable, you know, where I don’t have to stress out about.
You know, basic security issues like, living and eating and Having a job which I really like my job. Which, not everybody.
Has.
My positive attitude, which has been refined, extensively Because I’m really, really grateful to have gotten the job that I have. It’s a really great job. I was grateful to get the warehouse job and I was really grateful last year when I got that. Chicken plant job.
You know not having a job. I get if I don’t work I get depressed and that’s 1 reason why I’m so active. But, you know, I work really hard. And then, you know, when I’m not working, I have to do stuff, too. Like yesterday, I dismantled those big. Things that had like a thousand fucking screws in them. But it wasn’t hard. It was just
It gave me something to do and then I felt great and then I got shit faced fucking drunk and played Never winter nights. Yeah. For like a long time and had a lot of fun and then I passed out.
And woke back up and I think I fell back asleep around 9:00.
Or something a.m. this morning. I was like, I’m just going to lay here. I can take a nap or something and then I got woken up by hearing, my roommates talk about calling an ambulance and I was like, oh my God. So, I ran downstairs and
She, she thinks it’s just like gastrotuss Oh, gastritis. Yeah.
I don’t know what the other word is, but uh, hopefully everything will be okay. The Like the ambulance, all the stuff she checked out, you know. Oh, All her vitals and everything but they were just they wanted her to come in. And get looked at and that I just hope everything is Great about that.
It makes me sad though because like I feel, I do start to feel like a burden on people like having to depend on other people. Even if, I’m paying her to take me back and forth to work. It’s like You know, she’s got stuff. Like she has a social life. Not everybody is like me, you know, like she has stuff. She does. And I hate to sometimes it kind of interferes with that. I try not to you know, I try to be accommodating though. It’s like you can just drop me off and pick me up whenever like as long as I get to work. And get home and then get to work again and then home again Etc, right? Yeah, like I’m fine. I don’t have.
You know I have my kids and my crazy Social Media stuff which isn’t as crazy as it used to be or is it I mean I don’t have like a normal social life, I’m super introverted. I’m so introverted actually that I talk to myself and make posts about it. Yeah, it’s just crazy but it’s not. It’s I mean that’s just who I am.
And that’s a big thing too. Is because for 18 years, I had 1 lady and I never have really gotten used. To, to not having that.
I mean, that’s what I called the void, you know? And it was huge for several years.
And it was getting a lot better. And then the whole twin flame thing happened, And it’s like,
You know, enough of the games, okay? Like like she knows exactly how I feel about her. I don’t know why.
She?
I don’t understand, I just don’t and I mean, this I don’t want to talk about that anymore.
You know.
I just hope everything’s okay. Yeah, I mean gosh I live in a pretty cool place. I live in a really cool house. I got the coolest fucking roommates, I mean, they are, they’re all real artsy and intelligent and like they’re really cool people.
I couldn’t ask for better roommates and that’s like, you know, I feel like I’m finally I just need a car that’s the only thing and yeah I do I wish I had a girlfriend but that’s not a priority. It’s like that would be something like extra. That would be really cool to happen. But,
You know. I haven’t seen my kids. It’s going on 2 and a half months now, you know, it’s like shit.
I called my son last night he texted me that he missed me a whole bunch and it made me, you know, really sad. So I called him and talked to him for about
12:09 PM
Forever. Really, it seemed like probably like, 45 minutes. And, you know,
I’m their dad and I’m not like just some like a lot of dads I’m like, Super engaging active Dad. It’s just a bunch of shit happened. And fucked all that up. I can’t put into words. How?
They’re they are all I really care about so yeah. It didn’t even pick that up. Yeah. My kids are, like, when it comes down to it. That’s all I care about. I don’t care about myself like a normal person. I’ve noticed, yeah, it’s not like, you know something I set out to do.
But I’m not perfect. You know.
And I probably am way too hard on myself about a lot of things, but You know, with like romantic entanglements also, I get so invested in that shit because I only wanted to love 1 woman forever and I don’t know how to be in another way. I don’t have yeah, that came out stupid. I don’t know how to be any other way, you know, and I don’t really want to be
I’ve just been, you know,
My main priority right now is like getting a car so I can You know, maintain a perfect attendance record. Because I have A Puritan work ethic. Yeah. And I used to not So much. It’s really just gotten the last 8 or 9 years, you know? It got a lot better. I think it really started when I was working maintenance at the chicken plant in 2016. Is what really got my work ethic up. Because I realized it’s like shit, you know, I have I’m important at work. And That was the first workplace. I actually where I felt part of the team. And when I feel like I’m part of a team, you know, or like something bigger, then you know that makes it worth you doing. And that’s how I feel with the job I’m at. Now I got to where I didn’t really feel like that anymore at the warehouse but this is turning into a super long-winded post.
I just, I don’t know. My brains were just Firing off. Yeah, and it’s like oh I’m sweeping. Oh God, my brain. So I just figured I’d make a blog post because I get really worried. But I think it’s I feel like everything’s probably going to be okay. Yeah, I just you know,
Something happened. Out of the ordinary and my brain just starts like All the variables get analyzed, and sometimes that can take
More time than, uh,
It can have a quasar crippling effect. Oh, pick that word up kwasukasukela.
Hey, okay. Yeah. Um
An almost haha crippling effect on my fucking shit. If you know
Something goes wrong. It’s like well then this could happen and that could happen and this could happen. It’s like all the interconnected, you know, chain of events or web of events. God damn it. Now, I need a cigarette
Um, yeah, I think I’m I’m going to And, you know, I’m like I’m a third of the way done, with my chores you know? And I swept
Mostly down the stairs. Anyways, my brain. Yeah, I don’t know. I’m just
I want my roommate to be okay because she’s also a really great artist. And she’s super cool and she’s a great person and she doesn’t deserve to like have anything bad happen to her. You know.
Like my roommates are like. They’re some of the best people I’ve ever met, you know, like, for real
Anyways. What else can I say, huh?
Thank you, please.
MY BLOG NUMBER SEVEN 