SUNDAY NIGHT

6:51 PM
Well, dang. Yeah.

Um,

Everything was okay, my roommate is okay, thank goodness. I was really, really worried. Like,

Gosh.

I ended up. Taking a nap from like 3:30. Until about 5 or something.

My daughter messaged me a bunch of pictures of her.

Recent hike. Yeah. With her boyfriend and his family like It was really cool to see all the pictures and she’s just insanely all growing up now

If you saw my daughter, like when she was  3 or 4 years old, She looks a lot like She went through a phase there when she was probably. From the ages of like 9 till maybe 11. Well, no, maybe like

Yeah, maybe like 8 to to 11

Where she was like, I don’t know. But now she looks like

A grownup version of a a, you know, a young lady version, I guess. Yeah.

Of, uh, how she looked when she was 3 or 4.

But it’s so crazy to have a kid and my son too. You know, he’s looked the same, he’s just gotten bigger. But uh to watch your kids grow up is just

Fascinating. Yeah, all the changes and stuff.

But she’s been walking a lot, and I told her that I walked to the store. You know, um, Fairly often. Did I walk to the store last weekend?

Or was it the weekend before? Last

Oh, goodness. I think

I walked to the store last Saturday? Yeah because I worked Sunday. I didn’t walk anywhere this weekend. Yeah, I probably should have though, that’s what she says. Like it’s a nice day for a walk

Um, It’s actually, it is such a really long walk.

To stores or anything have I posted about that? I think I have

Gosh.

Yeah, everything just Zips by.

It really does. It’s already halfway into April.

Hopefully, I can get a car before my daughter’s birthday next month.

Because,

It’s just ridiculous. How I went from? You know, getting my kids all the time. Like I would take a weekend off from the kids, maybe every other month or something. And and most of the time that was by accident, or if they had something going on, or if their mom was just like, hey, I want the dang kids this weekend, you know,

And it went from that, that was like that for Except for the 4 months that I didn’t have access to a car in 2021,

Uh, because my mom rented a car, you know? And that ran out when she got her. We got our stimulus checks. Yeah. And then, you know, all that ran out. Again, back in, you know, that only lasted for a couple of months. If that I don’t really remember stuff. Exactly. Without just thinking about it off the top of my head. You know what I mean? But um,

Except for like the, you know,

Altogether. Maybe. 7 months out of 2021 that I didn’t have access to a car. Yeah. Um,

That’s how it has been you know, the whole Post divorce.

Thing.

Yeah. Like that’s

It’s weird. It just it’s like and then, you know, After I had a nervous breakdown in 2023. Like June, uh, because yeah, um,

It went from. You know, the kids on a regular basis like that.

Uh, to

You know, I didn’t get to see them on a regular basis. I couldn’t keep them my ex-wife. She let me keep them a couple times. Like that September, she dropped them off at the apartment. 1 weekend and then, uh, when I was working at the car seat Factory, And then, like, I think,

I didn’t keep them again until April or something. March. I want to say it was the first weekend in April. Of last year. So, And then I still though, I still didn’t get to um, keep them on a regular basis. Uh, Like, until

The end of June. Yeah. Like finally, I’m not, you know, I’m I passed like my ex-wife’s. Um, she didn’t.

I don’t know how I’m trying to say this. She finally figured I wasn’t crazy anymore so I could keep the kids again you know and then it was like Dealing with my mom and

Um, I really miss my mom, sometimes.

It just

Gosh, sad stuff. Huh? Yep.

But yeah, when I got the warehouse job and I had money and stuff, that was 1 thing, too. Like cuz my daughter has a social life. Now she’s always got stuff and so does my son like Uh, you know, my daughter’s got a boyfriend and she spends time with him. Like they’re always out doing crap or something, you know, or Like they spend a lot of time together because they’re, you know, they’re boyfriend and girlfriend. It’s really cute too and I’m super happy. She found somebody

That is really awesome. He’s the, uh, captain of the robotics team and he plays the Baritone saxophone. And I think something else in their band. They have a band, my daughter has a band and she’s the singer.

And it’s really funny. Like I’m so proud of my kids.

My son has been doing art and stuff too. And sending me pictures of that. He’s coming along pretty well.

Both my kids are super talented. And can pretty much do anything, they set their mind to do, you know

They’re the best people. But um, what was I what was my point? Yeah, that’s why I didn’t, you know, but I would go like up until I got my car repossessed Up until really they cut our hours so much at the warehouse, because when I was getting overtime money, I was going and seeing them.

At the very least on like Sunday for lunch or something. I took my son on a big crazy adventure for his birthday, too. Of course, at that time, I was, yeah, that’s when I was that was the last week, I stayed in the motel with Mom.

Goodness. Yeah, I just miss my kids.

You know, but

Also, realized earlier I got some clam chowder, and I was like, yeah, because uh,

I, I guess I figured, I think it’s been about a month ago, maybe? I bought this industrial-sized box of crackers and I just, for some reason, my brain was like, I have unlimited crackers, you know, forever and I just used the last pack in that box And,

I have to get more crackers next time like, I have

Soup. But I don’t have any more crackers. Yeah, it’s crazy. And there was something else that I’m out of almost out of is bowls. Yeah, I use disposable Bowls because I don’t like

I got used to not having dishes like you know, when I lived in this Farmhouse I’m going to make a post all about that. 1 day about The Farmhouse. And scrounge up all the pictures I took. And all this stuff I did. I mean it would that was

That was probably the most special 3 years of my life, but it wasn’t always.

Good. Like that was just

I made the most of it but I had a lot.

I was dealing with a lot, like, God.

But that’s also 1 of those things that I wish I knew what I know. Now you know, I wish like I could go back. Knowing what I know now. About stuff. It would have been the most fun I ever had living there honestly, but that wasn’t. That was about 50 to 60% of the time. The rest of the time, I mean, I remember sometimes I would just lay there and

Wonder why? I even existed at all.

Like it got

It got really bad. Yeah. Sometimes especially uh When I didn’t have food after my ex fiance dumped me and I just stopped caring, I think I took

30, Maybe. Yeah, clip. Oh my god, really? That’s a word. Yeah. Um, It just changed it to like 4 different things. Klonopins, oh my God

I did I just like poured a big handful of them out and and just gulp, you know, and what was so stupid about that is I slept for about 12 hours and that was it. I didn’t like Didn’t really have any kind of

Effects past that.

Yeah, I was like dang. It wasn’t like any kind of attempt or anything. I don’t I guess it was 1 of those like I’m just going to go to sleep and you know wake up whatever if I ever do and then it it wasn’t that big of a deal I practically just wasted a bunch of shit, Haha

Yeah.

But about the time all that happened, work slowed down and I was just I ran out of food and money and everything and I didn’t eat a regular meal for about 9 days. And that was, you know, that was hard, that was 1 of the hard Parts living in that house. And,

The next time that happened. Well, I didn’t have electricity for a year. That was like,

Pretty much all of 2019.

And um, Gosh. Cold showers you know kind of suck but at least I had running water and it wasn’t until I got that quality assurance job that I was able to afford to get my power turned back on. 2019 was a really like hard year. That was probably the hardest year.

Uh, 1 of I’m trying to think of a harder year than that. Yeah, that I’ve ever had it was

It was pretty rough.

Yeah.

But I feel like I’m getting a lot better as far as being depressed and stuff, you know it’s gotten a lot better.

I’m just spacing out thinking, there’s so much crap I could talk about but then it’s like, where do I start? You know,

Well, uh,

This week shouldn’t be so excruciating at work. Usually they. Um and I say excruciating you know it’s like we’ve been getting a lot of overtime. And it was really cool like, on my paycheck, you know, I was like, Yay, it was worth it. This week’s not supposed to be so hectic, and then next week, The shift changes.

And then I’m on nights. Yep. Swing shifts. Just like at the second car factory?

And I really like swing shifts because it mixes things up.

You know, you can do stuff. Uh, on day shift, like at night, you can have You know, nighttime stuff, you know? Um,

Like, you can go out to dinner, or a movie, or something during the week, or, like, I can go play Open Mic nights, which I, that’s like the After the kids, that’s probably the next thing I’m going to work on doing, you know, on a regular basis when I get a car.

And then um oh my God, there’s a dog bar. Yeah up here, it’s called the Rocket City dog bar, and they have open mic nights. And I’m going to I’m going to Mess with that.

But night shift is really cool. Because if you have anything to do during the day, You know, like an appointment or something, you can go do it.

And,

I love night shift. I don’t know, it does something to my brain working like all night long. And,

That’s what I liked about. The car seat Factory. I worked at uh, is they had breakfast? You know, on night shift. And then the place I work at now, doesn’t

Yeah.

I know looking back the car seat Factory, you know, really wasn’t that bad.

7:09 PM
Except they didn’t pay that much.

I don’t know.

I had to make my other blog private. At least for now, because It’s just

I’m not going to name her in this blog but she’s the Twin Flame chick. She’s just Wouldn’t stop pecking on it. It drives me crazy. And it shouldn’t You know.

Anyways.

Yeah, she doesn’t peck on this 1. But then like, I don’t know, maybe it hasn’t been enough time.

I have not seen her physically in almost 2 years.

I don’t know. That’s not something. I’m I really care to talk about Uh, she was reading some articles though. I say talk about extensively. Yeah.

Um, but it was funny the articles that she read on my other blog. I guess it was Saturday. At some point I was like, yeah, I wish that she would have read those already. I wish she would read the specific posts I’d made just about her.

But um, you know

It’s just at this point. It’s so over complicated, but it’s not. But

I wish it could have been different.

A lot. I mean, that was 1 of those things that like

If I had a time machine, right? Yeah, maybe 1 day.

I just miss my kids though. It’s cool that I text with them all the time and everything but You know it’s nothing like seeing them in person and that was 1 of the things about 2021. It was like I’ll never you know, I just I missed them so much then because I didn’t see them for like 4 months straight.

And it was so hard.

And it’s like that. Right now, it’s just it hasn’t been 4 months but it’s like

I hope it doesn’t get to 4 months, you know, I hope I get to see them. I mean, well I told my son that I’ll probably Rent A Car next paycheck and come see them because, you know, I have to take them out and do stuff.

And we have to like we’re going to, at least have to go on some kind of Adventure. That’s just, that’s how we spend time together.

And yeah.

But it makes me happy, you know, when my kids text me like stuff and pictures and everything.

I just miss them. I talk about that all the time. I say that a lot. I know. Yeah. Hopefully hopefully I can get a car soon.

Probably a couple more paychecks or so, maybe, maybe 3 more paychecks. You know, I don’t know. I’ve got a little bit saved up. I do.

I need to clean my room. I mean, I picked up all the garbage. I guess I need to

Do something with all these clothes and put the

Fitted sheet on.

Yeah, maybe work out a little bit and then go to sleep. I don’t know what else to say.

I’ll get all these like feelings and emotions in my head. And oh I’ll make a blog post, you know, and then when I start doing that it just goes in all different directions.

I’ll think about you know, like I was thinking about like I was talking about 2019 and I did house remodeling that whole year up until August

When I got a job at this, Fucking place called Newman. In Albertville in the stamping Department making like parts for doors for Honda cars,

And uh,

That was a really terrible job.

But I miss house remodeling. Sometimes it just it’s never as consistent. It’s never consistent, you know, like

We’ll work, you know, for a month straight and then not work for 2 weeks and It’s funny though. Like when I got used to the

Unpredictability of it, I guess. In 2021, I did it most of that year too

Um, You know, it was like this is actually kind of funny. It really was but,

Shit. Yeah, I was just thinking I was Feeling all nostalgic about that and then my mom, you know, I miss my mom a lot sometimes.

It’s like, I want to tell her about this new job and I can’t.

Yeah.

I don’t know, I feel so disconnected from my family except the kids. Well, and I say, like, I say, my immediate family like my dad and my sister and all that.

I still have a bunch of really awesome cousins.

I don’t know what else to say though. I’m just like Thought I’d make another post.

I’m full. I ate all that clam chowder.

I do that about once a year, I’ll eat clam chowder. I get a hankering for it.

And I can’t eat it again for a long time.

Yep. Oh my goodness.

Thank you, please.