Wednesday

5:55 PM

Well.

Gosh. Um, I got off the phone earlier with this. Generator place.

About a job, and Well, long story short. I’m not sure that it would be a good idea to leave the job. I am at now for that job, but sometimes I really really, really, really miss doing Generators.

Shit. My daughter.

Whoa.

My daughter made the most awesome birthday card I’ve ever seen for her boyfriend. Like, I’ve never seen a birthday card, that fucking awesome. In my life, I never could have made anything that awesome and I’m going to post pictures of it.

I don’t know though. The place seems pretty cool, they was going to pay uh, He said, you know, 28, you know, 32 or so for the more experienced techs, and if you wanted to make more, you would have to do installations. It’s like dude.

I started to go off about it. It’s like I used to install fucking huge crazy things by myself.

I’m talking about 800 amp installations? Yeah like by myself 2 400. Amp transfer switches.

2 generators wiring all the shit up for 8 chicken houses.

By myself. Yeah, like

But I didn’t my roommate was with me too. So I was like, I don’t know.

They mostly do Residential type things like 20, kilowatts and under and you know I would do stuff.

60 was a small, you know, thing fucking 100, 200 kilowatt generators, average.

And I that was my entire adult life from the time I was like 13. Until I was 37. I was like generators Generator generators with some like bullshit, you know, chicken plant jobs and

I worked at Pizza Hut and I worked for my uncle for 2 years and uh, what else did I do? The The vacuum cleaner fixing job vacuum. Uh, cleaner pressure washer floor scrubber job which I loved. Yeah, I did.

But you know, I only worked there for fucking like 6 months before I got sucked into the business with my dad. And I did that for.

10 years.

Really like well, yeah. And then I got out of it and was a maintenance person at the chicken at a chicken plant. Uh for about 6 months and then I went back to doing generators for my dad again. Well, with my dad, I don’t know and my step cuts and Step comes in.

Step cousin, Jesus Christ app What the fuck. Um, really yeah. I don’t know, it just made me feel all nostalgic because sometimes I really miss like

Fixing. Things and being on call, and You know, doing stuff, lots of stuff and making shit tons of money and traveling and every day was something different.

Yeah, I don’t think. I didn’t think. Well, they don’t they couldn’t even they don’t even offer health insurance. So it’s like a really small place but

I don’t think it would be a good idea to leave where I’m at right now for anything else because I’m going to get into maintenance.

And you know, that’s going to be something different every day, is it the same place? But that’s 1 thing that I learned about. Maintenance at the chicken plant, is that I really loved it. As long as I’m like doing shit and I’m fixing it. You know, I’m happy. And I can suck it up for a year and then I can get into the maintenance program. This is what I wanted to do at the second car factory before I got derailed. And that’s a really nice way to put it. Thank you.

And um,

Anyways, I don’t know, It just brought back all this crazy shit because I did generators more than I did anything else my whole life because of my dad and everything and

I miss it. Yeah, I’m gonna email the guy, later. Just be like you know I just miss it. See if he has any part-time stuff coming up or anything because they’re really behind on their oil changes. Which is. Par for the course with any kind of with generators, it’s like yeah everything needs service all the time.

But sometimes I really do miss it. It’s just it was always a huge crazy adventure.

I would go to the other side of Georgia, you know, Drive 4 or 5 hours, and You know, work for 10 hours until I was beat down, fucking retarded tired, and then have to drive 4 or 5 hours back. Sometimes I’d get a hotel room though. And then, uh, Tennessee would go to the middle of fucking nowhere in Tennessee or out in the middle like Gordo Alabama. Yeah. Like where even is that, right?

I don’t know. My dad was so possessive and controlling. It was retarded. And he just like hates my fucking guts now, you know,

And I did, I really pulled him out of a bind by even getting into the generator business and it’s not something I explicitly wanted to do. But I don’t know dealing with everything like I was like I could I could have handled my dad or dealing with my ex-wife but not both.

And it was so,

Inexplicably.

Fucking stupid. Yeah. How like everything got by like you know it started off and when I first got into the generator business full-time, like officially as a co-owner in 2006

Until like, you know, God everything started getting really bad in 2016 and that’s when uh I got out of it actually and I left the thing with nothing, I left that business with nothing.

I didn’t have to, you know, I just did because it was my dad. And uh, all that shit, you know, of course, is lost on him. That’s another story. I was just sometimes I just miss being a generator technician. Yeah, because like, when I was out by myself and stuff, I had a lot of fun and I really enjoyed it. I loved my customers. That was like,

Because I love people and, you know there were some interesting characters.

Oh my goodness. Yeah.

I don’t know why it had to be. I don’t know why it had to get so awful and stupid the way it did. It could have been really great.

Like I still don’t understand why things happen, the way they did with my marriage either the Whatever, right? Like just

All that came flooding back though. Talking to that dude. And then I was just I started tripping up on my words and I was like oh crap. Well it was nice talking to you like gosh I just sometimes really miss it.

Oh shit. What else do I have to say?

I miss my kids.

Yeah, and

I haven’t had any caffeine today.

It’s been hard because my body is like, why are you making me? Do all this shit without caffeine?

I got like, you know, half drunk last night, kind of woke up, shitty slept kind of shitty.

I’m doing the same thing,

Tonight. Haha

I guess I’m slurring my words and blabbering because It’s picking up. Everything’s stupid.

I bought a big bag of those, uh,

Cheetos. Puffs white cheddar? Yeah. Flavored Cheetos puffs.

I got hot dogs but never out of the jalepeno hot dogs.

They were out. That’s how it’s picking things up. That’s I guess that’s how I’m talking. I don’t know.

Jumping on things.

Chomping. Yeah.

Feeling kind of like an idiot because some of the most miserable I’ve ever been working. Has been working with my fucking dad.

Yeah.

He treated me like bullshit fucking garbage.

And sometimes it’s like, really?

I can’t believe I did it. Yeah. I can’t believe I put up with that shit. But I do. I did.

I got on drugs really bad too? Yeah, haha. Yep, that’s how I dealt with a lot of it.

God

Sure did.

Helped me deal with my ex-wife too.

But,

I don’t know.

I don’t really feel like talking about this anymore. Yeah.

Somebody is stirring around upstairs, I don’t know.

I’ll probably just edit the crap out of this and post it.

Yeah, I put um, I put that application in like

Fucking.

God, I want to say last year. About the time, I got hired on at the warehouse Target. Yeah, Target Distribution Center. That’s where I worked. Not like it matters. Now, you know, cuz I don’t work there anymore.

And that actually,

The people there were awesome but the job was not.

It was fucking great when I was getting all that overtime though. But,

As much as I misg generators sometimes, and

What the fuck word? Yeah, I don’t know as much as I miss generators sometimes, you know, like I have a tendency to romanticize things and forget about all the stupid crazy bullshit, which most of, you know, 90% of it when I did generators was my dad.

Um,

I’m finally somewhere I can actually have a career. And, you know, I’m just going to stick with it. I think.

Because in a year. Well,

In 9 months. Yeah, I’ll be able to um, You know, get into the maintenance program and Probably work my way up from there and to being an engineer. And then I’ll make, you know,

Really good money, and that’s what I want, you know, for my kids. For my kids so I can have like Some cool place. You know, that everybody gets to live in and I can buy them stuff, I don’t give a shit what they do for money or work you know whatever they want to do with their lives.

Sometimes I guess I still get like angry at my dad because

It could have been so much better.

Because I could have had, like, all that doing the generator business.

But,

I don’t know.

It’s been a really hard couple of years like trying to get my momentum back for living again.

And things, you know, are finally starting to look up.

I hope

Gosh.

Sometimes I just want to drink myself into a blue bean and just fade away. Haha Into Oblivion. I said, Yeah. Ah the state of like being forgotten.

The root word for for Oblivion comes from the Latin word, Obliviscor. Yeah, I’m going to have to edit that in.

Oblitus Sum means Uh, I have forgotten.

Yeah.

Gosh.

Obliterate. Same root word. Yeah. Oblivion.

Yeah, I probably shouldn’t drink. I should study. Again, I should study languages again. I guess because I have so much other like, interests, besides just working my fucking ass off, but right now, that’s all I’m going to be able to. That’s all I need to do. Yeah.

But, I don’t know. I still like run around like a crazy person and make up crap in Spanish.

What else can I say? Yeah, I’m just

I’m tired. I’m so tired.

I wish I was like,

Less tired. But the only way to fix that is to go to sleep.

6:17 PM
Oh,

Oh man, I have yeah, it changed the time stamp. So I guess I have been talking for a long time.

Well, you know, it would be cool to do generators again but I’d have to make more money and I’d need insurance.

Yeah. Like,

I’ll top out. With this job.

In a few years just as a entry-level production associate at 35 dollars an hour. I know that’s a lot of fucking money. It’s probably going to get more by the time I you know, I’m there, it’s probably going to be a lot more than that.

By the time I’m there long enough. Yeah, the top out.

But um, you know, I think maintenance I’ll start off around 40 Dollars an hour which is a lot of money. And I think they top out like they don’t. Yeah they just keep making money. So I mean yeah.

I can’t do that for a small company. That can’t.

Give their employees health insurance. I mean, even like when I was in the generator business,

Our 1 employee, which was my step cousin. He got health insurance, you know? It’s kind of funny.

All the chicken farms and all the

Traveling and the secluded crazy areas like oh my God, Alabama. Oh, Omaha. Yeah. Alabama. There is there’s an Omaha Alabama. Its population, varies, it has like right there. There’s a big sign on a barn, right? As you get into Omaha, Alabama. That says it. Actually, it’s not even that big of a sign. But, I mean, I did I grew up in all that world. I remember going with my dad. To these generators.

In the 90s, you know, in the late 90s and like, installing them and Then coming back the next year and servicing them. You know, and making sure they were still running smoothly and everything was good. I saw several different, you know, versions and actually had to do some retrofits of transfer switches and

Voltage regulating systems and shit, it’s just all that stuff. Just comes it just all came flooding back talking with that guy about generators earlier.

But,

That was my old life. Yeah, it’s

I guess that ties them with all the other crazy shit that I’ve been. Thinking about lately, like, you know, listening to my friend Justin’s music and a lot of stuff I recorded, you know,

15 years ago.

And stuff that, you know, my old life when I was married and we had 8 dogs and then, you know, we had 1 kid then we had 2 kids and

Things weren’t at all, what I thought they were anyways. You know, it just but like back then, when I thought it was 1 way it was

I had a really good life. Yeah. For

For about 10 years.

It really was. That was my the best my life ever was.

And will I have a life better than that?

Who knows what the future holds.

I’m already starting to kind of slur a little bit but a lot of that haha because I’ve been drinking, right? But a lot of that is also because I’m so goddamn fuckin tired.

Oh but I wasn’t tired like this. Like I got to where I wasn’t this tired at the second car factory. I got used to it. I was like yeah. So I’m just, I’m getting used to it. You know. The swing shifts and I way overdid it yesterday at the gym. That’s kind of Kind of, um, really tired now. But

I’ve never seen a birthday card is awesome as the 1, my daughter made. Yeah I know. It’s like holy fucking shit.

I thought I made awesome birthday cards with like, pop up things she made like, Hers is like it pops up and then folds out and then pops up some other stuff that you pull things out of. Yeah it’s like gosh. Wow.

And the kids and how awesome they are. Has made all the crazy stupid bullshit that I went through working for my dad and being married to my ex-wife.

Made it all worth it.

Yep. And I wouldn’t go back and change a thing. I would only change like, post divorce stuff.

I think yeah, I don’t know. I don’t think that’s the point. I think the point is to get to the end and then be like, wow, what a fucking crazy.

Deal the human, you know, experience is

I think about, you know, we’re just, we’re just all on this planet just In these bodies with arms and legs and heads. And we got to eat stuff. You know, we got to drink water or something.

We have to talk, we have mouths and they have teeth. We smell things with a nose and the nose. It gets snotty. And it has hair in it and then you got eyeballs. You know, that see things like what?

And brains. Yeah. That that hold all this shit.

And like don’t even get me started on, you know, your pancreas and liver and kidneys and your bladder and the rest of it.

What a fucking thing and it’s just, you know, on a round ball, they say.

It’s floating in space or something, going around and around and around.

Going around a fucking big ball of.

Hot stuff. It glows

And we have a moon that Fucks with the oceans. And People’s moods. It reflects light off the Hot Ball. Yep. And then all the planets there’s other round balls that go around and around and around the Hot thing called a Sun. Yeah, it’s just Like okay. And I’m breathing air, I breathe air. I got to have it. It’s a talking

You know.

Sound waves.

Interference, you know, in the air. Fucking patterns of it. Patterns as in like, you know, recognizable. Fucking speech that can be understood and convey, like ideas and

Shit forever. I don’t know. It’s just like, wow.

And you have humans, right? But then there’s like animals, like

Donkeys. And cows and birds. And there’s clouds. There’s the sky and Beyond the sky is outer space and then we’re like on, you know, the planet is like Ground with dirt and I’m in a house which is like, made out of stuff. Made out of wood that comes from trees.

Have to cut them down and debark them.

And cut them into planks. And I used to do that kind of shit too.

Oh my God.

Yep.

Thank you, please.