4:13 PM
Oh, I just ate

I just ate a bunch of food, and And I finished it with.

With a clam chowder. Old Bay, seasoning. Up, I was talking earlier to My friend, Justin.

And I was like, man. I got to get some clam chowder.

I get it about. I eat it.

Shit 4.

Maybe times a year at the most I don’t know, I just get a hankering for it, then I eat it and I’m good to go for a few months. I don’t know what the hell is in it. That makes me want it.

4 times a year. Haha.

Ha ha ha clams. I guess.

I don’t know.

But,

It makes me happy to talk to my friends.

Sometimes, I feel like I go a little too far.

Talking about crap that I’m afraid. They probably already know about. I mean, I vented to him a lot back in the day when

I was going through, like, A lot of crazy shit with my marriage.

So, I don’t know. I think I might have actually Told him stuff, I told him already like, 8 or 9 years ago.

Like a about going to The psych ward. Yeah. And when I got out my ex-wife,

Made fun of me and told me, she hated me. I know and that she was surprised. They let me out, you know?

It was like it was so ridiculous.

It was really. Yeah. I can’t believe I put up with all that shit.

You know, if I knew what I know now, I would have let her divorce me like I mean when she first Told me. She wanted a divorce which was in 2016. Instead of crying like an idiot and begging her for us to try and fix it

I should have just been like, okay.

Because I still had like, I was still a person, then.

It’s so crazy. How

How some things can just destroy you. I mean, just Obliterate your fucking soul. That’s what happened and I’m just, I don’t know. You think I’d be?

Better. And I am in a lot of ways, but it’s still just like gosh.

Sometimes, it’s all I can do to just Wake up every day.

I don’t, I don’t care about myself like a normal person.

Oh no.

I don’t know. I thought I was reading an obituary. But I guess it wasn’t. Yeah, I’m just, I was looking through my other phone. I thought I saw something about the Aurora Borealis in Alabama, I don’t. I don’t know if somebody said I wouldn’t, when did that happen? Like didn’t that happen already?

And then there was like, this Soldier.

Sergeant major, and It was just it’s just about him. Yeah, it wasn’t a knowbut where he was like, oh gosh,

I know bitchuary.

An Obituary. It wasn’t

I don’t know, man. I don’t know where those other words came from. Haha

Yeah.

Oh wow, a Stegosaurus skull. The news.

Well, anyways, you know it would be it would be so cool to see dinosaurs. In person, as long as It didn’t kill you, I know.

All of them, I think my favorite was probably the Allosaurus. The spinosaurus, I really like Spinosaurus. And pterodactyls even though apparently they’re not real dinosaurs. I mean they might as well be What does it fucking matter? It’s like Pluto not being a planet.

Or something, like, terrorists ORS aren’t

Terrasaur.

Pterodactyls aren’t really dinosaurs or something. And Pluto isn’t really a planet. Like says who?

Oh my God.

Yeah, Academia I don’t know what a crazy thing. It’s like They’ll find a knuckle bone and name a whole new dinosaur species after it and imagine this fucking thing and I get it. Like, you can.

Take 1 puzzle piece and create the whole puzzle with your imagination. That’s the human way

We can measure distance.

Between huge, you know, gaps and And bodies celestial bodies. You know, with light years

You know, it’s what’s the closest? Other solar system is 4, light years away.

You know the distance light can travel?

Uh,

In 1 Earth rotation around the sun, like, that’s a fixed. That’s always been a fixed. You know, thing. Haha

Like time and all that shit works the same. It’s a universal or something outside of this planet.

The Earth’s physics engine.

I mean, what? I just

I’ve just been thinking a lot lately about about everything. When’s the last time I really thought about all this shit like 8 years ago, 8 or 9 years ago.

What’s the Star Trek episode Star Trek the Next Generation? The nth degree? Yeah.

That was, uh, 1 of my favorite episodes because the character was such a clutch. Clutch. No, he was such a dipshit

Retard. And he got to like he got zapped with all this crazy fucking knowledge. Of all things.

My favorite Star Trek, the Next Generation episode though. Is the Inner Light I think I relate to that episode the most.

Oh my God.

I’m just expecting any time to wake up and be like, oh, Yeah, it was just a probe in my brain and I’m really on a Starship. I’m a Starship captain. Yep. And I, you know, like I just Hallucinated this whole life.

That would make a lot more sense than anything else does.

Gosh.

It’s like my parents, you know, I grow up thinking like my dad’s the most badass dude in the whole world. My mom is just, you know, this really awesome Gospel musician

It’s just and then I get older and I have kids of my own and it’s like well no.

They aren’t. And, uh, People.

Yeah, it’s been

I don’t know why I had to like,

Well, intuitively, I guess I always knew, but like, you know, mentally and emotionally because I do care about the people. I love a whole bunch.

It’s hard for me to see people for what they really are. I have like this

I see the best in people.

Most of the time. Yeah. Sometimes it’s you know.

Sometimes, I don’t. Yeah, sometimes I see the worst. But most of the time, yeah, I see the best, I try. I do my best to see the best in other people and that isn’t always realistic. It’s like hey that person, you know, I look at their potential and not them as the state they are currently in.

A lot of that happens. A lot of times that happens with co-workers, Last year was probably the worst bunch of co-workers I ever had. At the chicken plant.

Really? Yeah.

I was just thinking about all that.

You know what I’d really like to do more than anything else is just win the fucking lottery. I mean, wouldn’t everybody though?

Yeah. And uh, Just,

Get my kids, you know, give my ex-wife a bunch of money to be like here. I don’t know what you want to do. I don’t I don’t reckon, I have I really ever knew who you were but here’s a bunch of money. And uh, I’m going to I want to take the kids and like move to Toronto.

With, um, you know, just Adventures Unlimited money for adventures with the kids. That’s really all I care about. Like that’s what I really want.

Out of this life, I’m not that Yeah complicated. But, um, whatever.

Hopefully, I get my car fixed up next week. I can go get lottery tickets. Again, I did that once a week. Till I got my car, repossessed. It gave me hope. It gives me hope. It’s like, You know it’s cool and all that, I have a great job. It’s the same thing over and over and over and I get to detach and make up crazy songs and blah. All this shit, but

If I could, I’d walk away from it, all in a second. I think everybody feels that way about jobs like that. It’s just, they’re hard. The payoff, the trade-off is the You know.

That’s the best paying job around here. Like gosh, it’s in. It’s insane.

I mean, just really, really great jobs.

But you do you have to be a little nuts. To hang in there and work, you know, long term at those jobs.

I guess I was thinking about the Twin Flame chick. She worked at the second car factory for like 11 years.

I don’t.

I don’t know.

I’ve thought about her more today. Than I have in a long, long time. But I had that dream last week about her.

Yeah.

I don’t guess it’ll never go away completely.

Because about the time I start to Forget, You know, I just don’t think about her anymore. I’ll have a dream about her. Or like this morning she’ll just get in all into my brains.

I wonder if I’ll ever see her again?

I don’t know. I wonder if she’s the off hit. I got who read the last post I made?

I don’t know.

I wonder if my ex-wife’s, still like,

Like she doesn’t read every post. I don’t know. I don’t know if she’s still reads any of this occasionally or not.

I remember I was hosting uh, dual lingo events with this. Um duo lingo. Yeah. Whatever.

I was telling my roommate who takes me back and forth to work. Yeah, that’s like her whole name. Haha

Um, I was telling her about that the other day. I was like languages and she’s like you’ve ever tried Duolingo and I’m like, well actually As a matter of fact, I used to host. Duolingo events. They put an end to that when Co hit.

Co.

Really the Corona virus. Yeah, just pick it up as that, I don’t know.

That was 1 of the dumbest fucking things I ever like witnessed Society engage with

Gosh, it sure was.

I remember gas got down to like a135.

A135.

1 $1.35. Thank you. Yeah, I don’t know why.

I say a135 and it picks it up like that $1.35.

Taste. My butt app. Yep. Um, but

That was another 1 of those things that created like a polarizing effect on human beings in America. It was so ridiculous. You had this like part of the people who were like, you know, freedom and And they just refused to comply with any kind of anything, you know, they weren’t going to wear panties on their face. That’s what they called them, you know. And

Uh, Vaccines, like,

Fuck that and the government’s not going to tell me what to do and it’s all a big conspiracy to try to herd people and Like getting, you know, just dumb bullshit and then you had the other side that Was.

Insane about wearing masks. And getting vaccines and if you didn’t, you were a super piece of shit and You know, I hate to say this but like, You know, I wore masks Anyways, when I did like sheetrock, I would sand sheetrock. And it would just get all in The Mask. It’s not going to stop a virus. And I, I just remember, though, like seeing illustrations people would You know, uh, like

Analogous. Fucking, you know, like if you’re pissing yourself, you know, if you got your pants down, you’ll piss all over somebody else. But if you’re wearing pants and you pissed yourself, it just pisses your pants. I don’t know. It just created this huge polarizing effect on people that was like half. Retarded

4:33 PM
People.

You know, were like this way about it and half of the opposite, way about it, and I was just like, you know, I got vaccinated, I mean, I didn’t want it, I didn’t get it either, but my ex-wife was all hardcore about getting vaccinated and she had it like 4 times.

And we had to wear masks at work and stuff but I was just happy gas had gotten down so cheap and Uh, I was able to drive on big crazy adventures and get lottery tickets and

She would actually, she let me take the kids on stuff and we would do like things we go to parks.

And uh, but it was it was weird like the first month or so that happened. It was surreal I would go into Walmart, and they had all these crazy, like things. And I don’t know.

It was just. Well, I, you know, I can’t say that much because I know Quite a few people who died. Yeah, from it.

But there was a lot of, like,

Just, I don’t know the polarizing effect it had on people. I think I guess my point to that is it was remarkable. Yeah, and I was just kind of in the middle of it, like, you know, yeah.

I was around people who had it actually, um, and didn’t get it. I never got it.

But I was vaccinated and I did wear my mask, you know, when it was like,

When did we have to stop wearing masks? I think, uh,

2022. They finally let us stop wearing masks at work.

Sometimes I forget all that happened. Yeah.

Then everybody got stimulus checks and then prices of everything went up a lot.

It was, uh,

Remarkable. I don’t know.

I guess because I have such like an objective, you know, take on everything.

When it comes to,

Like I missed the stuff, I don’t know, I’m just like whatever.

I guess that goes back to you know talking about how I don’t care about myself like a normal person. I just don’t want

I don’t know.

Sometimes I really

Really miss My Dawgs.

Yeah, dogs.

I mean, I guess you can, Pick that up. However, app

Out. Yeah. But um,

It was just thinking too. I’m like, you know, I don’t think I’ll ever Ever get pets again, and I was doing my chores earlier and

Oh, I did I missed. I didn’t do them last weekend. I was kind of I should have. Yeah but I was just so tired.

This job like It’s gotten better I needed 3 days for for real to like rest and do nothing. But, I talked about kicking my fucking ass, like this job has And,

Shit. What was I saying? Oh yeah. I was uh, sweeping and mopping the dining room area. And, My roommate, the boss lady roommate, she has all the uh the thing that has plants on it and I guess a cat had knocked over 1 of the plants. Okay, but some I don’t know it smelled like cat piss and shit but it could have been a dog, I don’t know. But Some 1 of the pets. Had a chat in the uh, had shit. Yeah. In the dirt. From the plant that they knocked over and I’m just assuming it was a cat because that’s what it smelled like, you know, it’s a lot different.

Uh, than a dog. And um, Just this River of piss. Like just all in it was like mud.

And, um, I did, I cleaned all that up, but then I was like, you know, I remember those days. My, my dogs used to just

They’d be like, I don’t give a fuck and they would just piss wherever and shit wherever

Especially as they got older? They were like boat. Oh my God. He did not care about anything when he got older like the last couple of years of his life. He just was like, you know what, I would be holding him sometimes and he would just piss all over me. Just and then just look at me like, you know, fuck you. I’m old, it was funny, but 1 time, I had to like, go buy a new shirt because of it.

I don’t know. I miss them though. God, I miss my dogs. But I’ll never have. I can’t imagine any other animals being is awesome. As Boat and Gneegnerz and Dave.

And Barney. And Tallulah Oh my God

And Charlotte. Which we were pretty sure that Gneegnerz was Charlotte reincarnated. And um,

Nanner. And Puzzles, and Millie.

Those were the best animals that ever existed.

And it’s still hard for me to wrap my brain around like back when I was married and everything I just

Gosh, I just thought, you know, we had this huge world

That we created together. And

I don’t understand. What in her mind was wrong with it.

That’s not something I’ll ever. I don’t think that’s something I’ll ever understand.

I’ll never understand that.

I mean, you know, maybe

Yeah I don’t think that’s just something I’ll ever understand like the whole twin flame thing. Yeah, I’ll never understand that either.

As a matter of fact, that’s actually

I don’t even know how to describe like how I feel right now honestly.

Well, you know that’s kind of an area of like retarded shit. I probably shouldn’t

As often as I do.

Visit. Yeah, as often as I do, like, I need to just kind of leave all that alone, I think. And focus on the future. And future things and good things in the future.

And not worry about stuff. That’s already happened. That I can’t change, you know?

I’m going to miss a lot. I’m going to miss out, I think. Or something, I don’t know how I got a new haircut and I got like, you know, I think You know, get the car fixed next week, where I can drive it to work. Oh my goodness. And then, uh, you know, I can go to the gym. I don’t have to, you know, worry about inconveniencing anybody because I do, I feel? I feel bad. I don’t really.

Want to cut into anybody else’s time, you know like cuz any more than I have to you know. Even though I’m paying my roommate to take me back and forth to work, sometimes I just feel like it’s

You know, she has a life. Yeah, and I don’t want to impose on that in any way at all.

And it’s, she’s actually doing me a huge favor. So it’s like, yeah, but I’ll just be glad when I’ll have some, you know, I can come and go at work. Uh, Really just for the gym. Yeah.

Go to the gym and Get my ass back in shape. Oh my goodness.

And that’s what I’m going to. What? Yeah, that’s what I’m going to focus on this summer. Yeah. It’s just, you know, working out and I need to drop about 30 pounds.

Really about 40, I think I’m

Yeah. That would, that would be ideal. And then uh,

Get back where I can bench press you know, 250 pounds easily. I used to get that pretty easily and, you know,

Easily curl. Fucking 70 pounds with 1 arm. I don’t know if I’ll ever be. As strong as my fucking dad was. But I could I guess if I worked at it,

I used to have a 100 pounds on my bench press, like, back in the day, you know, that’s what I did reps with. I would do a 100 reps with 100 pounds like sets of 100. Yeah, I know, that’s what I used to do.

I used to could do 400 push-ups in a row.

And Run 3 miles a day. That’s what I used to do.

20 years ago and then I got married. I got fat. I got sick. A lot. I got, I was just, I don’t know, I don’t understand any of that.

Character development, Maybe.

I don’t, I don’t understand. Well, you know what else can I say? I don’t Just, I really have been just really looking back on my life, the last couple of weeks.

I guess I still have some unresolved issues. But it helps to talk about it. You know, it’s like I said, this blog is my like my therapy. Like my therapist is this blog.

I guess it just really. I’m on my own therapist cuz I go back and read the shit and I’m like What? Oh, I’m fucking stupid or like, okay, yeah, that’s yeah, me. Yay. Yay me.

It’s like a mirror of words. Yep.

I can look at myself in the mirror. I can look at my

Crazy bullshit with a mirror in the form of my blog.

4 people read. My post that like 4,000 and something word post I know like wow. Thanks y’all. I think it got 2 likes.

Yep.

I have about a third of a cigar, Out in the car, I might go.

And smoke it here in a minute, but then it’s like, you know, I might just pass the fuck out.

Yeah. It’s hard to stop talking.

But yeah, this is the last weekend. I’m like drinking or anything? I’m going to stop.

Next week, I’m just not going to drink or smoke and I’m going to

Eat ramen. Noodles for breakfast.

Hopefully, I can get up in the morning at like, when my alarm goes off at 4:30 or something, I don’t remember.

Exactly. When My alarm goes off but um yeah, boil some eggs, I have Some eggs, I need to boil and You know like 2 eggs and a 1 of those little cup of ramens, that’s a great breakfast.

Of SpaghettiOs for lunch.

I got this extra hot.

Fucking hot sauce.

Yaka Tayo know.

Oh chuma. Ya is a that’s not

That’s something else. Yeah, that’s not a um yeah chewing. My Lladro is a Oh, it’s not going to

schumacher

Brasil en Word

Jaja

sumo yaro

yo mayoreo.

la palabra

no sé. en español

show más raro está palabras

It’s not going to pick any of that up. It’s an Argentina like slang word. Anyways.

Yeah. I really should get back to like studying Spanish or like doing Spanish again. Yeah, I did I hosted Spanish events. For Duolingo, I was

Pretty dang conversational in Spanish for a long time. It’s just I got divorced and got out of languages and forgot a lot of shit till I dated that chick like 6 years ago and Met her family and her mom didn’t speak hardly any English. And it was a lot of fun to speak Spanish with her mom, her mom loved me, just loved the crap out of me. And that made it made that chick. Not like me because she hated her parents. I think I actually made a post about that on my other blog, it was the craziest thing. I was like

You know, I meet this chick off Facebook. I think she’s the cutest sweetest lady I’ve ever met in my life. And uh I mean I was so smitten with her and she was like I can help you with your Spanish, you know. And she wouldn’t that she was just telling me that I don’t know why. She told me that she didn’t even like to speak Spanish, we would go to a Mexican restaurant and I would like You know, speak. Spanish, and she wouldn’t. And she would just look at me like I sucked because her parents, uh, when they, she was born in in uh, Tampico She was a waseka.

4:53 PM
Westech.

Oh, it’s not going to pick that up either Huasteca, haha but uh anyways. Oh, she was so beautiful and uh, but her parents made her translate, she learned English in school. Like as a little kid and they moved up here I think when she was 5 and so she spoke, you know, English and Spanish. And her parents didn’t speak very good English and they would make her translate for them and it just built this.

Crazy resentment. She just hated her parents and hated the language and it was the craziest thing I ever saw. I was, like, damn. Like you can speak 2 languages, like that’s awesome and she didn’t look at it that way.

I don’t know. She was 1 of those chicks that had no idea how beautiful she really was. Yeah, like I still Sometimes wish that she could have been My wife. Hahaha

It’s funny though because I haven’t ran into her or anything since I’ve been living up here.

But I have no idea what she’s doing these days.

There’s a lot of different like,

Lots of different. Uh, well Huntsville, yeah, it’s a pretty Cosmopolitan place for Alabama, especially

I mean, you know, I talked about how oh, you know,

Meeting somebody and having, you know, a girlfriend and shit. Like if I just would get out.

You know, and do stuff.

I guess I do need to practice my music. I’ve actually I’ve done that, I did that this morning and I did it last night. I don’t know if I’m going to do it tonight, but

Um, Yeah. Like get my car fixed up and everything I can drive it. It’s open mic night time again.

Get my stuff practiced back up and

Even though I get sick of my songs, it’ll be fun to Get out and play them to new people.

Stuff like that. Should make me excited about the future. Maybe I can even put another band together. Eventually, that would be cool.

Just a 3 piece. Yeah, just a bass player and a drummer.

And me. Haha.

Yeah. Well, anyways, I don’t know. What else can I say?

Thank you. Please.