SUNDAY MORNING

5:34 AM
Well. Yeah. Now I’m out in my car. Haha, yay.

It’s Early. I woke up about an hour and a half ago.

I got some coffee. I made my last little thing of coffee.

I had a big ass fucking post. Like, When I first woke up, I was like, wow, I’m going to make a post but Shit, I took it. I didn’t. Yeah, I didn’t. I said, I took it down. I didn’t even

I didn’t even publish it. Yeah, I can yell. God. Oh my God, I can’t yell in my room. I can’t talk loud this early in my room, so that’s why I’m in my car that makes Makes me happy. I hope.

Hope this car lasts a long time.

It just needs, you know, the CV axles

I was talking about.

In the Yeah, in the not post. Um, about like my sister and my friends and stuff.

Because I was all like, oh, I feel so alien and alone. Uh, but I miss my kids and that’s like it, you know?

And I’m totally fine with the fact that those are

The people I relate to the best. Yeah. Are my kids.

And I’ve got, you know, I’ve Got Friends.

I probably should talk to them more often. I emailed my friend, Justin, he emailed me.

Last night. Did I talk about that or was that just the all in that fucking post? Oh, my brains.

Yeah, I know my last post was yesterday afternoon. Okay. Yeah. Um So, I did, I went to the store last night and I got drunk.

But I played guitar and sang and I hadn’t done that. And um,

In months. Yeah. Since my mom died.

My sister never did message me back. I don’t want.

I don’t expect, you know, I don’t know. I just Blah, my family.

Yeah, what a bunch of shit.

I guess I was thinking, you know, like,

Well, I’ll go back and forth about it. I’ll be like, you know what the hell even is this human fucking experience thing. And then it’s like, you know, this is actually pretty awesome sometimes and it is Yeah, I mean it’s not all crap.

I really have not been that active on Facebook and Instagram. The last This whole year really. I just

I don’t know. I got this new job and I worked so damn much. I’m tired all the time, but I’m also like, I don’t care anymore about it. After everything that happened with the Twin Flame chick. Like I just don’t care about social media like I used to, but I love making blog posts, so yeah.

It’s too early to do my chores.

Probably can’t do those for another. 4 hours or something. I guess, I could sweep and mop. The downstairs.

That’s too early to work on the bathroom. I don’t know, my other roommate who lives downstairs, the 1 that takes me back and forth to work. She usually gets up about this time and lets her dog out

But I got this haircut. Yeah. It’s still kind of funny. I’m looking at myself. I’m like I look normal as hell. Yeah,

Uh, of course. Nobody sees it at work because you have to wear a hat. But it’s a lot shorter. It’s like a normal person’s haircut.

I’m just really grateful that I still have hair. Yeah. Oh my God, some people don’t.

I look like I did when I met my ex fiance. Yeah, that’s I have the same like, the hair. My hair is about the same length.

Yeah.

Gosh, I wish I could have

Done the whole College thing. I think about that sometimes. Oh, that’s right. I haven’t talked about that extensively on In this blog, like I have Uh, the other 1. You know. 3 and 4 years ago, 5 years ago, I guess.

But yeah. I had gotten myself into college and fucked it all up for a woman.

A really.

Really bad woman.

It still blows my mind sometimes to think about that I even met her and what I gave up Because I did. But at the same time, like,

Maybe I wasn’t where I was supposed to be, you know.

But it sure was what I wanted to do. I thought, I don’t know. I mean, I did. Yeah, I wanted to get A degree in electrical engineering and French. That’s what I wanted to do.

Yeah, 2 degrees. I had a double major? Yep. And that lasted about 2 months,

Sure did. Oh, I was way in over my head too

But uh,

Yeah I just looked like I did then yeah I had shaved my head right after the divorce. And it had grown out about as much about as long as it is right now, uh, by that time.

It’s just, I don’t know. Funny to think about

But yeah, the first 3 years after the divorce, sometimes I just I have a lot of nostalgia for that period until I got the job at the first car factory, you know. And now, I can’t believe it’s been that much fucking time that has passed but God damn 2021 was 4 years ago.

Now, it’s just hard to believe.

My life was a lot better than I thought it was.

I was just so messed up.

I was still. I still am. Yeah. But, I don’t know, I guess that’s another thing. You know, when I first woke up I was like blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah blah, everything blah, it’s like well it’s not It’s good too.

I ordered a pizza last night and I was so drunk. Oh God, I did. I got so drunk. But I was happy. It made me happy. And uh, I look like Shit, I need to lose about 30 pounds. Anyways though, um,

Yeah. I ordered a pizza and I, uh, pushed the wrong thing and didn’t leave a tip. I don’t know why. That was the default was no tip. And I was like, crap so I called the place and told them, I was like, hey I didn’t mean to not leave a tip. I just I’m so drunk right now. I pushed the wrong thing and the guy was like, okay. Well, when the dude gets there, you can just write the tip in and On the receipt and I was like, okay that’s great. Yay, everybody wins. And when the guy got here, I was like, I stumbled out. I was like blah. Oh.

He said, I could leave your tip on the receipt and the guy was just like, dude, don’t worry about it. Don’t fall. You know, be careful walking back to your house. Hahaha

Enjoy your pizza. Have a great night and I was like, oh,

Okay, thanks.

But I’ll be glad when I get like, you know, this car fixed up and I get all my stuff straightened out. So I can, uh, start saving up money again.

Yeah, I don’t know like my voice is not as bad out of shape as I thought, but my control of it is And uh it’s like well I just need to practice. I’m so burned out on all my old songs though like all the Twin Flame Chick songs. I thought, you know, I’d never get tired of those. I love those songs and I do but I am tired of them. I played them so damn much, like, last year, going out and Doing Open Mic nights. I was like, hey, you know,

This song’s about Brittany.

I got to tell the story, too. Like I told everybody, everybody knows who this chick is

And like all my friends and my cousins and just everybody knows who she is. And it’s uh, it’s kind of funny. It’s a really small world. A lot smaller than she probably realizes because we know a lot of the same people.

She knows a lot of people that of the people, I know, know. Uh, If that makes sense, like, what’s that?

Degrees of Separation like, uh,

I know a person that knows people. I know people who know people that know her. Yeah like I know I got I know a handful of people who know her directly, too. But uh, I just think that’s funny as hell. That she was this dude who played cello at my wedding, his Ex-girlfriend yeah.

Gosh. And I remember, uh, I don’t at some point in 2018, which is when I think they broke up, uh, and I got divorced that year, too. He unfriended me at some point, probably, because I was making a bunch of fucking crazy ass, you know, whacked out of my gourd posts. God, I did 2018 was a crazy fucking year. The craziest year I’ve ever had.

And uh, I just remember, like, I remember her but I forgot I had forgotten. She worked at the second car factory. Like, I had forgotten all about all that and um,

I was just so crazy. I remember, uh, him posting pictures of her in, with her uniform on and stuff and I was like, well gosh. You know, I always heard that was a really good job. I thought he was a really lucky guy too.

I actually met her one day when I saw them in the parking lot of Pasketti’s or however they fucking spelled it. Haha I think in 2017. I was like Hey dude and Oh my God his girlfriend.

I had totally forgotten about all of that until probably May of 2023 when I was looking through all her Instagram pictures. Going back And I was like oh Wait that dude looks so Familiar. It drove me nuts for a minute until I realized who he was

Then I was like Holy Fucking Shit. I couldn’t believe that was. Who she turned out to be. I used to God I used to think he was so fucking lucky. I did. I thought she was the coolest looking chick I had ever seen. And of course, later I realize why. She’s my fucking Twin Flame

I almost back then, uh, Well, back in like 2016 when uh,

My ex-wife and I sold the house in Martling.

And moved to Gadsden.

Uh, I had to find, you know, another job. I got out of the business with my dad. I got back, you know, doing it again later. But, I didn’t do it for about.

8 months and I found a job, uh, as a maintenance person.

At this chicken plant and it was actually a really good job, but I couldn’t go to night shift.

Uh,

Like everybody else did because Of my ex-wife, I didn’t

Feel. Safe. Leaving her. I’m not going to talk about that. Okay. But like uh, yeah. That was a really bad time, a really, really bad time. I have no idea why It had to get that stupid, but it did. And I’ve been thinking, you know, I think about that I’ve been thinking about my whole life lately like just the whole thing. But anyways, I almost uh applied for the Second car factory then, I just didn’t want to drive like of course, you know I ended up

At the time I just thought you know I don’t want to drive fucking 45 minutes every day to work you know and home again but you know I ended up When I did get a job there, I was driving an hour and a half there and back every day. So I mean That was actually kind of rough sometimes, especially when I would work, you know, a double shift which I did.

As much as they would, let me on Fridays when I was on day shift. Oh yeah.

I worked maybe 5 or 6, double shifts. And um, oh my God, I would be so tired at the end of the night. My hands would start drawing up. They would be cramping so bad but because my body would be so fatigued and I would just be slamming fucking coffee, you know?

And then uh, you know, having to drive an hour and a half home after that. And then sleep, uh, on the fucking couch.

Ha ha, I mean gosh at My mom’s, you know, uh, and I would get an air mattress and it would fucking last about a month.

My kids would pop it or something or you know.

But I would wake up sometimes with my leg cramps.

Holy fucking shit at that.

Yeah. That was like, that’s a horrible way to wake up. It’s almost, it was almost as bad as the times. I’ve had, I’ve been woken up by my shoulder dislocating.

5:53 AM
Oh my God. But yeah, just like you know, I’d forgotten all about her. Just forgot all about like all that and I still can’t believe that’s who she is. Sometimes it’s like this girl.

Holy fucking shit. But you know, I don’t have any idea what she’s doing now. I haven’t looked at her stuff in Almost 3 months. Yeah, I’m proud of myself for that.

I wish it could have been different. I really do.

I don’t know what all got into her head.

I think about that too like You know.

I mean, all the twin flame stuff aside.

I never liked anybody as much as I like her. And it was just, Crazy.

Really, really crazy.

I was so scared of her, too. Oh my God. She like I never had anybody nobody ever made me that nervous in my whole entire life. I would Shake, I would like get. I couldn’t get 5 feet from her without shaking like a fucking crazy person. She made me so nervous.

I would get like these crazy feelings in the pit of my stomach, too. It was like, shit. Like that. Never happened to me before.

Like I never ever like, oh my God.

But she fucked with my head so bad and it might not have even been that big of a deal to her, you know, it might have just been a, you know, just another Tuesday for her but Fucking

Oh God.

Yeah, I know.

For me, it was just you know, 1 more time a woman ruined my life. Haha. Haha! Oh my God. I was just thinking though it’s like, you know, I wonder how it would have. What would have happened if we would have ended up together or like gosh,

I wonder how that would have went.

Would it have been awesome or would I have like, ended up in the soccer World? The cycle Ward? Yeah, the sock Ward. The psych ward. Thank you, Jesus.

Oh my goodness, I don’t know.

I hate to say that I haven’t met anybody since her though, who even. I mean, there’s been a lot of really cool chicks and there are like where I work now, too. There are, uh, You know, I just, I really like them as people I do, you know,

At the car seat Factory. There was this 1 chick and I just really, really liked her as a person and I was like, dang but you know, dating that’s another thing. It’s another another can of worms

But nobody had the effect on me ever has Had the effect on me that the Twin Flame CH uh chick did. But yeah uh I’m just burned out on those damn songs. I was playing when we were frogs last night and I surprisingly was able to hit the notes and everything because it’s a slightly out of my range. Normally, you know, if I’m not practiced up

Um, and then I sang Blue Velvet and threw my voice out so Yeah.

Yeah, that was my point to all that though, because I did, I would, I would like get on stage last year and be like, all right, you know?

This song’s called Honda plant blues and the songs tell the story too. I mean it’s kind of funny.

Yeah, I just, I don’t know, I just think about that and just people in this world and

Gosh, you know.

And myself. And I was listening to, uh, Van Halen trying to get some, like, you know, inspiration. Some cheese, fucking cheese ball. Inspiration for this concept album because a lot, a lot of that stuff. Sounds like some bullshit like Van Halen and, uh, I was just going through their catalog, like, will their early stuff, because as much as I can’t stand, David, Lee Roth. He was the best singer Van Halen ever had. And uh, oh my God. Haha

Like, You know, they have their hit songs and that’s like it every other song besides those suck like real bad.

And it’s really not that great. Their stuff’s really not all that great, you know, uh, Eddie Van Halen was a phenomenal guitar player.

And nobody sounded quite like that when they first came out.

But uh, you know, eruption that was pretty much the highlight of that whole album and then it’s like well

Like, interviews and stuff, especially when they got older. You know, it’s like gosh these guys are.

I’m just not a Van Halen fan. Yeah, I would never purchase any of their stuff. Or go see them in concert. I mean, I don’t know. I can’t really say too much. I mean because

Eddie Van Halen really was a great guitar player. Yeah.

And I didn’t know they were like they spoke Dutch either. I was

Going through Facebook reels and they were like speaking Dutch. And I’m like, what? So I looked them up. And it’s like, apparently, they, they were born there and it’s actually their native language. English is their second language.

So, I didn’t know that.

Gosh, I’m just out in my car.

Getting all whacked out on caffeine.

But yeah, I don’t know.

Ultimately, the whole twin flame thing, just made me sad.

It still does when I think too hard about it. That’s 1 reason why I stopped looking at her stuff. She was just so mean.

I think I mentioned that in a post 1 time that she had uh she tried to get me to meet her at a gas station.

After work 1 day and I got so nervous. I threw up all over myself.

I can’t remember if I posted that or not like that, the post that contained that.

Fact. Haha Yeah, it was It was insane. It really was.

I don’t know, I’m not going to say I won’t ever talk about this again, but

If I ever saw her or anything out anywhere,

I would probably have another nervous breakdown.

Hahaha. Yeah, I would Probably, I know I would cry my eyeballs out.

I hope she’s doing okay. I really do.

I hope she has a wonderful amazing life.

I can’t imagine. I mean some kind of imbalance existed somewhere, you know, uh, I mean gosh, what else can I say?

It’s Sunday morning. I don’t really have

Anything to do until I mean I can’t do anything really until later.

I guess I could sweep and mop the downstairs.

Because I have a lot of energy.

And I got drunk last night but I’m not hung over, which is great. I don’t get hangovers if I drink regularly and that’s

Something I’ve actually I’ve been doing this week, so yeah, I don’t know, I need to stop like I’m not going to do it this week.

But um,

Hopefully, I’ll get paid.

Next week, I don’t know. I’m trying to think about all my money. My money situation.

Anyways. Yeah, I’m not going to talk so much about that. Jesus Christ.

You know what I could do?

I could get my, uh, laptop and my, um,

Stuff. Yeah, my microphone and everything and I could practice. Cover songs in standard tuning. In the garage

Try to get my voice back in shape.

I used to uh back when I had a recording studio and everything and I had like I could just play whatever and sing be as loud as I fucking wanted to Forever.

I would practice my voice by singing Duran Duran covers. Yeah, like Ordinary World and uh,

Electric Barbarella. Those are fun fucking songs. And that’s another reason why, I guess I’m like such a big Duran Duran fan, haha.

But they do, they have some great songs? Yeah, they really do.

But that shit is so far out of my range. My normal range. You know.

And for me to hit notes really high. I have to just, I have to push a lot of air, but I have this huge lung capacity. Yeah, I don’t know. I’m just

Gosh.

More coffee, more coffee, more coffee, more coffee, more coffee, more coffee more coffee. Yay. Thank you. Please.