9:47 PM
Yep.
It’s Saturday night.
I’m just hanging out in my room.
Still.
Still got gnats.
I’m just glad that I didn’t buy a whole bunch of wine like a jug.
Ha.
Ha, ha. Ha. Ha. Ha. Ha. Ha ha. Ha. Ha ha ha. Yay.
Ha.
Oh, it had a lot of marks up there. Exclamation.
Yeah.
I’m so tired.
But I’m like, Stupid. I want to do stuff, but I’m too tired. My body’s tired.
Next week, I’m going to be hitting the gym every day.
Oh shit. It’s the last week of day shift.
Yeah, it is. And so like I’m going to be on, it’s going to be the long weekend.
And then Monday night,
I go to work and then I get off work.
And my vacation starts.
Sucks. I don’t get paid again until that Wednesday afternoon, but that’s only 1 more day.
Kind of hot. Like, stuffy up here upstairs. I’m going to have to turn my fan on.
I just did.
This is usually what I do on the weekends, I just kick around like my room. And I’ll work on music.
But I am, I’m
Uh, I’m kind of stumped right now with that with the concept album recording. And I’m not really. I don’t have the energy to sing and play. Guitar, but I’ll probably do that tomorrow. I have to sleep. I had to wake up really early.
Well, I did wake up really early and I didn’t go back to sleep until later this morning. Yeah. Like I had some crazy fucking dreams.
Holy shit.
I remember 1 of them.
I’m trying to remember the other. They were both really insane.
Yeah. 1 of them though I was hanging out with my friend, Chad. Who I reconnected with last year. We’re friends on Instagram. Yeah, he don’t do Facebook.
I really have just gotten so sick of Facebook.
Like the reels and stuff, I’ll, I’ll get lost in them. And then it just, it’s like shit I get like,
Sick of it really fast, though.
But I had a dream that I was hanging out with him and I was like, I met his wife, I’ve never met like his family he’s got 2 kids. I don’t. Like met any of them in person? Uh, we went to high school together. He was 1 of my best friends in high school. We were like a click me and my friend Brandon, And Chad, Jeremy, and this big crazy guy who’s a pharmacist now, his name was Doubtfire, We called him that because he looked like this is Doubtfire. Yeah Mrs. Doubtfire yeah, he was this like 6 foot 5 300 and something pounds football player. For real. Yeah. But uh, He did he just had the face. So, that’s what everybody called him. And uh
I’m trying to think they were more of us. There was David Boone. And Dustin Midgette. His last name For real.
Yep, Haha and
You know, I’ve got to look at that. Let’s see.
It’s on 1 of my friends pages.
Shit, I can’t find it.
Anyways though, I had this crazy dream. That, I Was hanging out with him. And his wife and we were just like talking about stuff and his wife got all the political and was looking through my blog and found some meme. I had posted that I didn’t it just was funny to me, but it was like a person in it. And I like posted a meme that was making fun of some person and I just thought it was a generic person but it was somebody important. And it offended her really bad, like politically and Uh they started like interrogating me, she like called This some important dude uh, on her phone and showed me.
Showed him. Showed him me. Yeah, haha and uh, they were like just grilling me about stuff and they had like, people come over and like they were all videoing me on their phones and Um asking me all these crazy questions and and like trying to make me out to be this stupid asshole that I wasn’t. I was like, I had no idea, you know, I was just posting trying to keep my posts streak going, you know, and haha. I like ran out. I couldn’t find my car and I started crying. And I called my friend, Chad, I was like help. I can’t find my car and he’s like, I don’t know man, my wife’s really mad at you right now. Everybody is mad at you. And I woke up like, what the fuck? Yeah, I had that dream. It was about 6 a.m. this morning and uh I just stayed up
And got a shower about 8 and left to go get the kids. But my point of that was, you know, I didn’t get A lot of sleep. So I’m going to do that this
Tonight. Yeah, and tomorrow like I’m just going to wake up. I’m going to get around when I feel like it, instead of Because I had somewhere, I needed to be. It wouldn’t have mattered like about that either except band practice.
And uh, I guess my daughter has a pretty rocking band. They have a show, they have shows like all the time. It’s kind of funny.
But yeah, I didn’t drink the whole bottle of wine either I was just like left some in the bottom of it about an inch. An inch. Yeah.
I was looking, I had to kind of gauge that with the with my fingers. Haha. And uh,
Just left it over there. I could see them all buzzing around it.
But I’m like, I’m not. I’m not drunk or anything, but I’m retarded.
It’s Saturday night. This is what I did last Saturday night. It was like I was completely just absolutely trashed. That’s when I ordered the pizza.
And I was listening to Van Halen.
Um, but not seriously, you know, I was trying to like, because of the concept albums, some of the songs sound like Van Halen like early Van Halen, But it is funny. It’s like their hit songs and the rest of it is garbage
What a crappy popular band.
I just corporate Rock. I guess I don’t know.
But they like they did have some really good songs, some of them and
It just kind of embodies the early 1980s.
You know, I vividly remember the early 80s like being a really, really little kid like, 2 and 3 years old, 4 years old. I remember my cousin 1 of my cousins was obsessed with Madonna. And she would sing Madonna songs and we’d be like walking around the yard and walking back and forth from my grandmother’s house to my house. And this was like, 1984 and I have vivid memories of like, starting kindergarten in 1985 and the Challenger fucking space shuttle blowing up and all that shit.
I had like this really sharp. Just the most perceptive analytical mind that was on top of everything. Until like, I met my ex-wife.
Yeah. And then, I just started to get like,
I don’t know it. It made me retarded.
Made me a better person but it made me a like, I don’t know what the hell.
I mostly just go by intuition now.
Um, I guess that’s what the kind of my point with the scheduling my vacation days. It’s like I just went You know, tap tap, tap tap, tap on the fucking calendar on my phone, and uh, then I just, you know, went back and looked at it. There was like, hey, that was actually pretty Pretty good. How I scheduled those?
You know, but I wasn’t really I don’t go through, I don’t have to go through a rational thought process. Like, you know, I was, I don’t think about stuff, I just act and it turns out to be Well, sometimes it turns out to be the totally awful wrong thing. But,
Yeah, that happens.
The Eternal, I guess. Ground myself. In the eternal to Such an extent that I forget. That’s where it comes from.
It really is crazy. Just like I’ve got this body, you know?
This thing, and
What the ceiling fan? There’s a up and a Down. I know.
Yeah, and a uh, there’s a left.
I’m looking to the left and then a right. Looking to the right. And then I’ll, you know, In between all that.
There’s in front of me. And behind me.
Inside of me and outside. Hahaha. Oh my God.
And there is a mirror, like I have a mirror.
Um,
I guess that’s the chest drawers.
Chest of drawers Chester drawers.
And however,
And there’s the closet.
It’s like fold out mirrors and I don’t ever.
Um,
I haven’t been able to look at myself, this much in my entire life. There’s more mirrors than I’ve ever had in 1 room right here in this room.
Crap. I had something really like good to say and I forgot it just to pop in my head and
Dissipated.
I can’t hear my roommates. I think it’s the 2 new roommates.
Doing something. Talking, at the very least.
They seem like really nice people.
Like seriously though, all my roommates all 5 of them, they’re all pretty cool.
The 1, I give money to like, She’s the best person I’ve met in the last 10 years.
Yeah, for real.
Gosh. Oh my God. Being homeless sucks. So bad. Oh man, last year and 2023 was so fucking crazy.
I was homeless in 2018 also like that was kind of weird.
I was looking back through, um, some of the crap.
That, uh,
Yeah, I could because my, uh, my ex-girlfriend sent me a friend request last night, which is funny, because I mentioned her right at the end of the post, I made, Uh, yesterday.
And you know, I was, I messed around with music for a minute and then I just got I just got way too drunk and I was listening to The seeds. I hadn’t listened to them in a long, long time. And, uh,
All of a sudden this thing popped up. It’s like friend requests and it was her and I was like holy shit. No way. Because she does she goes away and she comes back and uh, but anyways, I was, I was going to message her. I was like, well, you know? see how she’s doing. And I accepted the friend request and I opened up messenger. And, uh, because I had restricted her. I, oh, gosh. Oh, gosh. Like
3 years ago, probably. And so, I hadn’t looked at anything. She had sent me, and she sent me some stuff. I think it was November October or November 2023. It was just mean as hell. And I just I read it and I was like, you know what?
No. And so I unfriended her and this was all at like 2:00 am. Yeah, this morning when I was going through all that and uh, because I passed out around 9. I was like, well, I’m not going to accept the friend request just yet and I woke back up about 1.
And then I was like yeah okay and then I was going to message her. I messaged her anyways though I just like hey what’s up like you know
She really like messed with me. Last year really bad. It it was
I tried to explain to her how I was even more screwed up than I ever had been.
10:10 PM
Told her all about the whole twin flame thing and I just I don’t know.
That’s kind of where I started going off about things. In the post that I took down. Anyways uh my point to that was I was looking at some of our like the pictures and shit and I sent her some pictures of stuff where I had, I’ve been hitting the gym pretty hard.
I was like, yeah.
I was just thinking, that’s so that’s what I’m going to do next week. I’m just going to go to the gym and kick its ass.
Yeah, it was 1 of those things. Like pretty much
The whole time I’ve known her, it’s just been like, you know, blocking and unblocking each other. And just crazy shit. It’s Not healthy at all.
I don’t know if she just sometimes, just misses me. Or is like, I’m gonna fucking, like, she just gets like what she wants to just mess with somebody and she knows, she can still mess with me. She’s the last lady I ever did like anything with
She’s the only person I’ve been with in the last 4 years.
Yep.
And she knows that she knows how I am. She knows I’m not like, you know, most people. I’m not motivated by sex or any of that. I’m just like
You know, I just I’m not, I’m motivated by my big stupid heart. And that’s like,
It’s got me into some pickles, but
I don’t really know why she would message me. Yeah, that’s kind of the thing. It’s like, you know she’s just going to start messing with me again or does she genuinely?
Like care. About how I’m doing. Because that’s what I thought last year, and it turned into a bunch of shit. And that’s what always happens. And always ends up happening. Is it just she ends up driving me, completely insane. And then she like either I get mad or she just gets mad and then we just kind of like leave it alone.
I got really mad at her in 2022 and just I let her have it 1 day.
And I didn’t talk to her for a year and a half.
A whole album is worth a songs about her. Like I leveled up as a songwriter Um, After I met her.
I used to just I used to send her stuff all the time. I would, that’s when I lived in The Farmhouse and I had all my music stuff set up. I had my guitar, my bass, drums and my keyboards,
Just all set up right there and it was uh, really loud like, through my PA. I had a lot of
Stuff. And I would play crap, just make it up off the top of my head and send it to her. And she really enjoyed that nobody ever
Ever made so much music and art. But it didn’t change. The fact that
I mean, it didn’t.
It didn’t make her mess with me any less actually. I think it made her mess with me even more. It was weird and crazy and I don’t understand her at all.
I just know the effect it has on me. Uh, especially after last year, it’s like yeah, I’m not.
I don’t really care to entertain that anymore. But I do, I hope she’s just hope she’s doing great.
Shit, I have a lot of stuff I have to pay though with my next paycheck.
I have to do my storage unit. And my insurance. I have to get a tag.
I have to pay the rest of my rent.
Just have to see how much I get yeah, I don’t know. It’s going to be
Funny. But then like next month, I get a whole bunch of off days because the shutdown Yeah, it’s it’s different though. It’s not like a when other places I Worked.
They have the shutdown.
Uh, the Fourth of July week, but this place doesn’t do that. The car seat Factory didn’t do that either. They they shut down. Their summer shutdown was was a different week.
The car seat Factory was a very interesting place. Because it was the old Lee plant in Boaz. And my grandmother worked there in the 70s and 80s. And so, did all my aunts? And uh, I think my uncle worked there, too, and my dad might even have worked there for a minute.
Before he got back in the military.
I guess they made blue jeans. Yeah. Yeah, they did because I remember uh, My grandmother kept like the stones they had for like making those Stone washed jeans, whatever the fuck. And uh, she had like, a bunch of them. It’s just like, this is what how they make, you know, those pants with all the white blotches in them.
I spent a lot of time with my grandmother, when I was a kid. She was the only stable adult And my childhood. And I just mean, like my dad was gone all the time, you know, he was never there, he was on always on some big crazy adventure with the military And, you know, my mom. She, uh,
She, she was always doing some kind of thing too with her gospel music and her community outreach programs and Benefits singings.
If I ever needed anything or needed anybody to check me out of school or anything like doctor’s appointments, or any of that shit?
My grandmother’s the 1 who did it?
She’s the 1 who cooked the best food. And just she was always there. She was my favorite person.
And that’s who I named my daughter after.
Yep.
Gosh, I just missed my kids. Dang it. It was really awesome to see them today.
I miss them all the time. I’ve never still never gotten used. To not being part of their daily lives.
I was the 1 who put them to bed all the time I did shit with them all the time.
I miss them so much.
But I don’t know, it’s like I said, I don’t think there was any saving that marriage. I don’t, it’s still sometimes. It’s like gosh.
Shit, I don’t know.
What is the future? How old? Um, What? No? I said, what is the future? What does it? What’s lies ahead?
Haha.
I don’t know. Lots of work. And free time soon. And then it’s like, you know, uh,
I have to work. Like, October and November and then DC.
December. Yeah. The month. And,
Then I get all those vacation days again.
I think. When I get, uh, I think I’m going to try
And wonder why I even need like I need a what do I even need? I said, damn it. I need to try to fix my daughter’s guitar.
Where my son stomped on it again. And he said, he tripped over it, which I really I believe that I think. Haha, and he stomped on it when he was 3 like I wanted to break it Daddy. I was like God. You don’t break. Don’t break guitars. I didn’t whip him or anything as a matter of fact.
I’ve just a handful of times I’ve ever whooped either 1 of my kids. It’s just like, I can’t. Do that because I can talk to them like people and they understand.
Gosh, they are so smart.
But um yeah, I need to try to fix that. But I want a nylon string guitar. Yeah to keep in standard tuning.
I really just need to focus on. My playing getting that in shape and my voice getting that in shape and maintaining it. I’m doing a terrible job of that right now.
Just keep going to the gym. Get myself in shape shape up, you know.
I’ve really let myself go the last couple of years. And uh, Got. All these crazy songs. I need to record.
I’ve got this.
Bench. Thing with
Space inside. I can put stuff. I’m Probably going to put laundry in it.
And I got to figure out where to put it. I’m going to do that tomorrow. When I’ve slept enough,
Yeah, um but yeah, I’ve got a bunch of crap. Bunch of things to do when I get my voice practiced up Again, I can get out and play. Open Mic nights. Get my car fixed and get new tires. Get the air conditioner going.
Change the oil.
I thought about getting a drawing tablet.
Well, my friend Arwa. She’s got, um, she’s got a tablet. She sends me stuff a lot.
Of her drawing and she’s Egyptian and she is 1 of the most beautiful. Ladies, I’m friends with, I’m friends with a lot of like,
Uh, A lot of my friends.
Live in other countries. Yeah, but she lives in Korea, she’s a Egyptian but she lives in Korea. Like she loves Korea. She goes to school there. She’s a great artist. And uh, she was drawing some silly junk on her tablet earlier. She sent me a video. And it’s like, you know, I need that. Because I have a cartoon idea. And I really, really want to make that.
It’s the best thing I’ve ever came up with.
And uh,
I need I need some way to like make it. That’s easy and animate the characters. I mean it’s going to be really cool but like it’s not going to be that complicated. Yeah.
But it’s so funny and it centers around like, it’s like I don’t even know where to start explaining it. Yeah, but it’s, uh, It is, it’s the best thing I’ve ever came up with.
I think I’m going to yeah I’m going to get me a tablet, but I want a nylon string guitar, I want another electric guitar haha and the studio monitors. Right? I mean, there’s just a ton of things I want. Right?
Yeah.
But I got to get my car going. A little bit better first.
Oh gosh, I don’t know what else to say. I’m tired now. I’m sleepy.
Thank you.
Please.
MY BLOG NUMBER SEVEN 