Wednesday Afternoon

4:11 PM
You know.

It really is kind of a crazy thing, this whole existence.

I forget how many people care about me, you know? Just because Like, Family stuff isn’t as prevalent. Or whatever as it was. You know, stuff. I have a huge like Group of friends and cousins who love me a whole lot.

I forget that it’s like, uh, I think it was the week before last Uh, I just posted. I made a post like Can I borrow 20 bucks? If somebody would just let me know. And that’s all I wanted was twenty dollars and a bunch of my friends gave me a lot of money and I was able to go get the kids for Father’s Day and have a fun adventure. The best Father’s day I’ve had

You know, and at least 2 years, but it’s 1 of the best ones I ever had ever.

Because of my friends.

And,

You know, my kids really are the best people Ever made. I have beat myself up about it because things didn’t really go the way I thought they would after the divorce. I didn’t realize it would be this hard for me.

But mostly because I was hurt by everything so much that it just it didn’t seem real life didn’t seem Real anymore in the way that it used to, and it still comes back like Tuesday morning.

I’m really.

You know, at least I’m like aware of it though, like, and I’m, you know, and that’s another reason I like to make posts and talk about it because then I can go back and look at it and be like, dang, Yeah, 1 of my friends. Uh he reads this blog sometimes I think and he has a Blog also and he reads he read it. I mean I guess he would have had to read it because he messaged me with the same stuff I talked about. I’m pretty sure he read it, right? Haha. Yeah. And uh, Yeah, gosh.

And he’s a really creative like artist musician. Uh, writer Also. Like you know he’s he’s had to deal. He struggled too and I just it’s crazy though. Like and this is going to sound really dumb.

Maybe it’s not though. Yeah. Uh

Women have destroyed me completely. Yeah, they have and so much to the fact like to the point where they scare the hell out of me. It’s like I’m stupid around women and I love them but I just I can’t handle it right now.

I just can’t. And I would love to have a girlfriend. And uh, you know, there’s a

Oh, shut up. Yeah, there are though, there’s a lot of them at work and it’s easy to look around at work because I’m there. Most of the damn time but I’ve gotten away from work. Because I’ve had so much off time and it’s like, oh gosh. Yeah. But I don’t know. I feel weird. Like, I feel like I’ve had too much time off. And,

Work gives me a ground. It’s a grounding. It’s the only ground I have actually is work and I have to do it. If I have too much free time, I start to get.

I’ll start to lose like. Yeah, my ground and you know what happens when A circuit, you know. Loses its ground or has grounding issues. It gets all kind of noise and interference and bullshit garbage all into the mix, all into the circuit, you know. And so a good ground has to exist to shed all that.

And, You know.

I’m grounded when I’m with my kids, the most because those are like, that’s What I am the most of is their dad. I’m their dad. I’m their crazy weirdo artist dad. Who wishes that I would have made better decisions.

But then, like I couldn’t have done anything any differently because

I don’t.

I don’t know and that but I know that, I don’t know. Haha Yeah. So, you know, Hey.

If I could have done things differently, it would be different, right? Oh yeah. Gosh, I did though, like my voice the other night, I went way too far. Way too hard on it. But it’s okay because it rebuilds that’s kind of have to Tear it down and then let it rebuild itself back up. And then you have even more vocal control and range and everything. That’s it’s always a process when you When you do something a lot and you get uh,

Really good at it. But then you stop and then you know, the ability.

Diminishes and you have to work hard to get it back to where it was and you want instant results, you know. I do. Yeah, I don’t know why my voice ever has to get out of shape, but I haven’t used it hardly at all this year until the last couple of weeks.

Since mom died. I got on a kick in January. Really until that happened. Just, uh, yeah, going nuts. That’s when I made up the. When we were frogs, the song,

Yeah, and I’ve got to come up with some more words for some of the newer songs, not that 1 that 1’s finished. But

Oh man.

But, you know, I do, I miss my kids all the time and It hurts so much that. I distract myself with alcohol and food,

And then music, you know it just kind of comes right out if I’m all drunk and full of good. Delicious.

Crap. Yeah. Haha

I feel like, A hedonist hedonistic like uh, it’s not though that bad.

It’s not like, you know it’s really not that bad.

Yeah, it’s it’s really not.

Or I would be a lot. Like in a lot worse shape.

But I think I’m going to wrap this up and go back to get back to practicing my stuff. This is, uh, the last night I have off. And, I’m going. I’m going to make the most of it. Yeah. And then I got the weekend after 2 days. Yeehaw.

Thank you. Please.