WEDNESDAY NIGHT AGAIN

9:59 PM
I really Just wish I had some cupcakes.

And milk.

I don’t know why I ever. Ever drink alcohol because it fucks up like stuff that I enjoy like uh, Cakes and pies.

Puddings.

Reese’s cups.

Ice cream. Chocolate ice cream.

With melted peanut butter all over it all over it. Oatmeal. Oatmeal with raisins and walnuts, and dates.

With peanut butter and honey in it.

I can’t have any of that stuff if I’m drinking regularly because it fucks up. My body.

You know what? I haven’t had in a long time, but so delicious. Is angel food cake. With fucking cherries and whipped cream.

You know, the cherries from a can

I used to eat a whole fucking 1 of those

I would buy them. At the goddamn grocery store, you know, and the bakery section. They’ll have an angel food cake You know, in a circle.

I would eat the whole thing at 1 time. I would not eat the whole thing at 1 time, but I would eat it like In an afternoon.

Hell yeah.

I love to eat. Food. So much, most of my money. Goes to food. Yep.

And when I am forced to cut back, On eating food. It makes my, it makes me sad. It makes my soul. Sad.

The best part of life to me, like, as far as

Sensory like stuff, you know? Is food. I love food.

I mean, I guess, you know, There’s other stuff that’s pretty awesome too, haha but It’s

You know, food is is so great and I like to eat

Casseroles. Yeah, I do. And I like to eat.

Spam sandwiches. And gosh.

You know, I was tempted because I do got about 10 dollars. To go get alcohol but it’s like no I mean, more alcohol. Like some I haven’t had any today. And that’s like, I have to stop. I have to stop drinking and smoking.

Mostly smoking. Because It affects my singing and I’ve got to get my shitt.

Together again, and I’m doing that. I’ve been Hanging out in the garage. All Evening and night.

I’ve been out here for about 5 hours. Yeah.

Probably. Maybe even more.

But tomorrow, I got to go to work and then I got to work again and then it’s the weekend.

I’ve gone through periods where like I’ll drink a whole bunch and then I’ll stop for a long time and then I’ll start back again. 1 of the The first periods of that happening was, uh, 2010. After, uh, my ankle surgery and everything and I healed up.

I started singing like doing music. Yeah. With uh, we tried to have a band, some of my friends and nobody took it seriously enough. They said they did but they didn’t act like it and it was another 1 of those things where I had to go. Pick everybody up for band practice all the time. And so, And it sucked. Yeah, don’t get me started though, but I got Doing that we did that for about 3 months and I got my voice like really crazy in shape like the best it’s been ever. And I did that and I started like working out. I got on this crazy workout kick.

Because I was laid up for like 2 months and I couldn’t do anything. So I started like drinking and working out. I’d get up in the mornings and work out and then I’d get home and work out more and then I would, uh, the band stuff I would drink and I would like just

Have all this crazy energy. That’s the best I ever felt though. Yeah.

But I started drinking a lot, then then I quit.

From that, I started back. When did I start back drinking again? Um, Let’s see, I quit that summer. I think it’s uh when my daughter When my ex-wife got pregnant with our daughter? Yeah, that’s uh,

I stopped.

And I started playing in this other band and none of them drank. So I just Stopped drinking. And then uh, started drinking again in 2015 like regularly. That was horrible but the last 2 years, especially I have been drinking a lot. So a whole lot and smoking.

I drank for a period there, in 2021, I think that summer Yeah, when I was doing house remodeling,

I drank then too, but I stopped After a horrible. Terrible hangover.

Uh, 1 day. I just was like I can’t. Can’t do this again.

And I stopped for a long time until uh,

I started the second car factory.

Yep.

Well, I guess like, yeah, I stopped for like a year and a half. But anyways. Uh, yeah. Drinking though, it’s always I always feel better when I don’t I don’t know. I can eat more things that make me happy when I don’t drink. I haven’t had chocolate ice cream, and Melted peanut butter all over it in a couple of years. And if I had the money, I’d go get it right now but I don’t.

It’s just something to think about because what I spent on alcohol Tuesday

Would have bought ice cream and peanut butter.

Oh yeah. Actually, I think I might have some peanut butter left and some honey. I’m going to check on that right now.

Wet dog.

I do? I did. Yep. I did. I do I have it?

I have peanut butter. And I have honey. And I have a disposable.

Bowl. And I have a disposable Forks, long and tough.

I’m fixing to scoop this out. And enjoy it.

Oh, I’m dying.

I love. I can’t butter, my mama lived.

Off peanut butter and syrup.

I love peanut butter. It’s in my DNA.

I get so much of it.

It’s good. It’s good for me.

It’s delicious. Filled with Goodness. Hope I didn’t get too much, sometimes that happens.

I’ll get too much.

Oh yeah, yeah.

Oh, so good.

I love honey.

Talk about.

Mixing up food. That comes from. The ground and food that comes from an animal.

Oh,

Yeah, that was really good.

I didn’t get too much. I got just the right amount.

I’d like to thank my brain for, um, remembering. I had that. Because I haven’t, I haven’t gotten, I haven’t touched any of it in months in a month. In a couple months. Yeah, it was when I was in the other room. And I was playing Never winter nights all the time, you know? I haven’t played that game in a while. I downloaded the Spanish. Like the Spanish mod and I couldn’t get past any of this crap. And it wasn’t the language. It was just

Retarded. And I gave up on Neverwinter Nights.

I spent ten dollars on it and brought back a lot of cool memories.

Hell, now that I’ve done it, you know, eating is kind of a crazy thing. I have a mouth and teeth and taste buds on my tongue and

I have to use a fork. It’s made out of plastic to scrape out.

Get out the, uh, peanut butter. But I can just Mash this bottle with honey in it, and it comes out.

There is a hole in the lid. Yeah.

And the lid like flips, open and closes.

That was pretty good. And then, I drank some coffee after it. I’ve had a lot of coffee the last few hours.

I have.

But I’m on night shift, so I get to, um,

Stay up late.

You know, the 20th century was a really crazy time. And now it’s like I feel like where we’re at now is just all the leftover stuff from The 20th century. That was awesome. Just kind of got all like, Mixed around, and

Just the internet, how interconnected It allowed all this bleeding in of All kind of different things. Like music. Art. People’s opinions.

Yeah.

I wonder what’s next for the human race.

I think about that.

Sometimes I used to think about it a lot like 10 15 years ago for this world was headed and what we were all doing.

I really do. Wish I had a girlfriend.

Yeah. I don’t know.

I don’t really know what else to I don’t know how.

Yeah.

Well, shit, I don’t know. It’s like I have a lot to say but I don’t I feel like I do. Do I?

Do I actually, Well, I know I’ve eaten Ramen. And I’ve eaten, Peanut butter with honey.

I like the way honey. Tastes

It’s got, like,

This delicious golden taste. Or something.

And it’s made by little bugs who get it from, get the stuff to make it from flowers.

And they get all fuzzy and caked with pollen.

I had a crazy dream last night too the uh, my grandmother was still alive. And I was driving around places.

And it was fun. And my kids met her and everybody like was happy and I got uh I got to eat at this Diner.

That had, um, Chili cheese, Hot Dogs for lunch but it was like a cafeteria

Like at work. And it was really good and I had to wait a long time and I had to get a lot of extra food.

I finally put another verse in the demonita song.

Yeah.

So now it’s complete. And I was doing this other song. I made up called estaba boracho and noche But uh, I don’t know. It’s Pretty excruciating. It’s a Lamentations. Uh, Hangover song. It’s pretty Awful actually.

I can’t believe I have a peanut butter and honey. Oh, it was like the best surprise and it’s just in a bag was in a bag next to my Bed on my nightstand and I just forgot. About it.

I guess this is kind of turning to a long-winded post again.

Or, or something.

Again, I don’t know I’m tired, but I’ve got all. I’ve had all this coffee, some

So I am like retarded.

Yeah.

Guess I’m going to work on some more music though.

They’re still there. I was just looking out to see if my roommates.

How many of them are here at any given time?

Yeah.

I have 5 roommates.

I think I’ve said that before.

I don’t know. I’ll live here for a while but I’m not going to live here forever, but probably for a while.

This is a really cool house.

Oh my goodness. I guess I’m taking a break from music. I’ve just been doing it non-stop for the last. Yeah. 5 or 6 hours.

What else can I say? I feel better, but I feel bad about hating myself. Isn’t that? Is that progress? It’s like gosh, man. You’re not that bad.

Thank you, please.