8:06 PM
Do I even want to make a post? I’m I’m tired,
I didn’t have a bad day. It started off crappy, but
Thank goodness for my. Wonderful friends. Who let me borrow. A little bit of money, so I could get caffeine.
Haha, I have 12 dollars now and I got As soon as I left work, I went to the RaceTrac gas station. Yes, and got they have.
Those.
Triple. Shot.
Espresso things for, uh,
2 for 6 dollars and I got 2 of those. 1 will get me through tomorrow and the other will get me through Wednesday. And I know oh my gosh, uh, the only thing they had in the vending machine. Within like, you know, a walkable distance.
What was the fucking Red Bull? Yeah. And uh,
I’m still kind of wired up. I got it. After lunch.
Wait, I got it.
Towards the end of lunch. But I drank it after lunch. Yeah. Okay. And I was all dragging around until I got that. I was like Then I had to ask myself, you know, some serious questions like, hey, Maybe you’re really addicted to caffeine you piece of shit. Haha Yeah.
I remember at the second car factory, they had free coffee. And I would drink sometimes 2 coffees before the shift.
1 on first break. Well, I would get it on first break. I would drink it within like 30 minutes of being on the line. 1 at lunch, and then 1 at second break and uh Yeah, I did. I stayed pretty whacked out on that stuff. It was free. So,
They had free drinks. There’s a lot of stuff about the second car factory. I was thinking about that earlier. It’s like, nah.
No, it’s like, man. Gosh. Sometimes I really miss that place. It’s a lot different. I have a couple of friends who still work there. And, they’re on straight shifts. Now, it’s not swing shifts anymore, which I enjoyed Yeah, cuz it mixes things up, people complain about that shit but I like swing shifts. As a matter of fact, this is my last week of day shift. And next week, For the next month, I’m going to be on nights and I love night shift. Yeah, I do. I love night shifts so much
But, You know, I’m ready for day shift.
By the time night shift is over. I just like it being mixed up like that. And it would be really hard for me. To go to a straight shift after being on swing shifts at the same place.
But I did, I really liked swing shifts.
The second car factor is the hours were a little better. You got off at 2:30 in the afternoon on day shift, which, you know, gave you plenty of time to go do whatever after work and then on nights you were off at 12:30, you know, normally
And uh, gosh yeah, it was like
All this Nostalgia is starting to hit me. I was I think I mentioned in my last post or maybe the 1 before, it’s like 1 day, I’m just going to talk all about the second car factory. That was a year and a month of my life. It was a very Transformative time.
Uh, it was also insane. It got that way. It didn’t start off that way. It started off as like, wow, this big crazy new adventure, I got paid really good money. Which I make you know, comparable money now. But uh, I think actually I’m making as much an hour. Now as I was, when I left the second car factory.
But they had all kind of cool stuff it, it was a older company too and so it was a little more established
Uh you know they rented out, I don’t know what else to call it. 6 Flags for a Saturday uh I guess in 2022. It was the weekend of my birthday and the kids and I had so much fucking fun. They rode 1 roller coaster. 5 times. They rode all the roller coasters. They did everything and we were there for about
5 hours, I guess. And then they were done. Yeah, we went to the hotel room and just hung out and that was Probably.
The best birthday I’ve ever had. Yeah, we had so much fun that weekend.
Um,
Gosh. Yeah, I know I’ve I hate to keep uh, you know, talking about the Twin Flame chick but that’s where I met or encountered her I guess. Yeah, that’s where it all. That was the stage that it all unfolded on.
Um, I talked about that in 2 posts on my other blog, but I don’t I stopped like when, uh, I started talking about Tiffany when things went to shit with Tiffany. Yeah, that’s another story. Gosh. Where do I even start? Yeah.
You know, I’ll let my guard down 1 time and it just you know, opened up my heart and it gets fucking just ripped out and
All that stuff.
Scary, you know, makes me scared of everything. It doesn’t, I don’t trust anything, you know, for a long time after that and Oh, it’s just there’s so much to it, but I was just thinking like
Caffeine. I drank a lot of it at the second car factory like more than I ever had.
Except I guess doing generators, I would drink a lot of coffee because I would sometimes work, you know, 20 hours doing that shit. A lot of it was driving though.
But still gosh. That was I mean I don’t think there’s a job out there that can top being a generator technician working for or with my Dad. Yeah, like nobody.
Nobody ever. I don’t know anybody who takes it to the level that he did. But uh, Yeah, coffee caffeine.
Because I was I was dying. I was like, oh my God, I’m dying. I was I fell asleep on my lunch break for like 10 minutes and that’s when I messaged 1 of my friends who usually is pretty awesome about letting me borrow money, like 20 bucks and I always pay her back. I usually only ask her like, right before I get paid, which I get paid Wednesday and then another 1 of my friends, he’ll throw me 5 dollars, you know here and there but I always pay him back too so that was like, 25 bucks.
So, I got that Red Bull and I got a honey bun to Uh, supplement my beef stew. Hahaha
And, uh, I guess I am. I’m still kind of wired up because I hadn’t had any caffeine. I didn’t have any all weekend. Oh yeah. Except that coffee drink, the 1 coffee drink. Uh, Saturday. I don’t know, it just hit me really hard. I’m just like Zip Zip, Zip, Zip Zip, you know?
Kind of makes me want to wait and drink the coffee drink later in the shift tomorrow. You know, I was fine the first quarter and then, uh,
The second quarter right before lunch, I was starting to die.
Anyways, that’s yeah. Um
I think I’m a caffeine addict, so I have a problem.
Hahaha.
Um,
I remember though when I worked at the first car factory, I had actually just stopped caffeine. I just
Uh, quit. And it was hard for about a week and then, um, it was fine. And I didn’t, I didn’t have any caffeine at all for about a month. Then, 1 day, I got off work. It was a Friday and I was going to go get the kids and I was feeling kind of like I was tired and I drank just a regular Starbucks like coffee drink and I was so wired up. I was like Hopping like in the car. You know. Just like, hop, hop, hop in my seats. I was so. Whacked out off, just like a regular Starbucks coffee drink.
Yeah, that’s kind of funny. My tolerance, you know?
No, I don’t, I’d get a belly ache before I drink enough of that to get. You know. Crazy
I’m going to. Complain about my roommate’s dog.
It barks too much, I don’t understand.
I don’t know how many times that dog has woke me up.
And I’m just like, you know,
Really sucks. Yeah.
I was thinking about the second car factory today though because of the caffeine and I was like, man.
I was thinking about, you know, chicks from where I work at now you know, I’m just I was thinking about talking to that 1. I didn’t I totally didn’t, you know?
Just,
I think I just get lonely, you know, and then when I’m faced with the reality of it especially after everything that happened with Brittany, you know, that’s her. That’s the Twin Flame chick’s name. I just don’t, uh, It’s like, no, I really don’t.
Don’t really care. Not. Not really.
So it’s not that it’s so much scary, it’s just it takes so much It’s such a process.
And then an investment.
Yeah. Oh, emotionally. And I just don’t have, I guess the emotional. Yeah. Capital. To invest in anything like that right now. I just don’t have it. It’s like, you know, I’m working on this concept album and practicing my regular stuff. Of course, this past week I’ve been binge watching, uh, Twin Peaks
It’s kind of like, you know, I’m allowed some mindless Leisure activity here and there.
You know, and then there’s the all the adventures with the kids and My kids don’t want me uh, for a while. I was forbidden and just strictly forbidden from dating. But they don’t want me to have a girlfriend.
You know, I mean, it would take somebody really, really special to fit in with our dynamic
And as much as you know, I do like well there’s a couple of them. There’s there’s there are there’s a there’s
Probably a half, a dozen actually That seem pretty cool but like,
You know, I just
Also don’t feel like I’m ready. Yeah. I feel like I need to do. I need to be I need to get back in the gym on a regular basis and get in shape. You know, get my body and my mind, straightened out a little better. Maybe, uh,
Focus on practicing you know get my music, get all my stuff shaped up. I mean I just don’t Feel like I’m ready. I have I’ve been single for 4 and a half years. And uh,
Well, the whole twin flame thing reached out to Chris Sendo. Haha I don’t know what else to call it Cristiano.
Crescendo. Thank you. Uh, What October in the middle of October of 2023 and since then I’ve just been like nope, yeah about a lot of stuff I mean here and there I’ll like kind of poke, you know, in the
Water or something, I don’t know. But it’s like, no, no no, no no. I’m just not ready.
I still get freaked out and it really doesn’t matter.
But yeah, the second car factory. Uh the Honda plant. Yeah. Oh, I got
Some of my best very best songs out of that whole experience. And I really do wish, it could have been different. I wish the Twin Flame chick and I somehow that could have happened and I never. I still like I never liked anybody that much in my life.
I cried and cried and cried, and cried, and cried, and cried. Especially the last. What? 3 months, I worked there.
Yeah. Like April May and June of 2023. I cried. Oh my God. Like
8:22 PM
So much.
Gosh. Is it already changed timestamps? As I’ve already talked that much I just, I don’t know. I drove to my storage unit earlier and uh, I had to get some stuff out. And take back to the house and I was just, that’s where my mind went. I was thinking about, you know,
Uh, I was so like, Because oh gosh, I was I was so messed up still and I’m not like 100% better or anything. Actually, I’m a little better but you know I’m still pretty messed up.
That sucks.
But um, Yeah, I don’t know. I was just thinking about all that.
And I went to Sam’s Club earlier. I got a hot dog. Combo for a dollar fifty. That’s I think the cheap ass fucking cafeteria, whatever, they call it Cafe. Yeah, the cafe. They call the the food. Uh, was worth twenty 5 dollars a year. Membership.
Really was I mean, I can get a pizza like this big pizza. It’s pretty decent too. I like it better than Costco’s pizza for $9.
And uh,
I can get a Coke and a pizza for 250. But the hot dog, which is like pretty big for a hot dog. Uh it and a Coke. Yeah, it’s right at a150. It’s like A1 38. Oh, a dollar.
- Yeah. Thank you.
Um,
My brain. Yeah. Anyways, I got that.
And it’s by the, it’s close to the UAH campus. So I had another like stupid flashback episode. Because I attended college
Yeah, until I met my ex fiance.
It was 2 months. Yeah, it was a little over 2 months.
I got this job. I got a really good job. And I got into college. It was really hard. I got a pel grant.
I mean, I don’t know, it just it all just kind of like hit me in the brains.
And I try not to hate myself about screwing up, probably the best opportunity I was ever given for a fucking crazy woman. And I don’t just throw that term around like oh it’s like no, this chick.
I don’t want to talk a lot about it. I talk about. I’ve talked about it so much in my other blog but like she did. She just
I met her in an INTJ dating group and she flew me up to meet her and she got into my phone and turned my alarms off. So I overslept and missed my return flight and then we drove back across the country. I was only supposed to stay the weekend. I ended up losing that job and uh, I don’t know what I was thinking. I thought I’d put College on hold and go back.
And I should have just like Oh God we got all the way back here to Alabama and she cracked up and turned around and went back home and called her mom to fly into the Chattanooga Airport. And drive back with her. And I should have just blocked her on everything after that. But I didn’t and she called me crying like a day or so later just begging me. Crying her eyeballs out, begging me to take her back. And,
I did.
Because that’s the most in love I had ever been. I thought I’d met my fucking soulmate. Like that’s how crazy, you know. I was so messed up. I was reeling from the divorce so it was only like 5 months after the divorce was final. And oh shit, y’all. So
I thought about that on the way to get a hot dog and then on the way back from getting a hot dog I passed all the stuff again. I was like God damn really.
That’s where I had a class and that’s where I had a class, you know, just looking at the buildings and just thinking, you know, just trying because uh, when I bought my other car, um, at this, uh, the 1 that got repossessed at
There’s a car dealer ship. Yeah, that’s close to the campus. Like I remember I went and got got it serviced 1 day and I had a fucking come apart, passing the campus hating myself like gosh, what have I done? So I deal with that kind of crap a lot, it’s like
Well, it’s not as bad as it used to be but you know, just
Sometimes I just can’t help but feel like the biggest fuck up in the whole entire world. I was going to get my degree in electrical engineering and French.
And I don’t, I don’t have any common sense.
I have like this crazy imagination. And I’ve got, uh, you know, a really creative and analytical mind and the depths that I like can You know.
Operate, I guess in. You know, is offset by my complete lack of Any kind of practical sense at all. And it hit me, it didn’t hit me until after the divorce. You know? Because my ex-wife did she handled all the uh, Like the
She was the ground, the grounded 1 of the 2 of us, which that’s, I’m not going to get in. To that so much. But like,
I’m still like I still don’t know what the fuck I’m doing, you know, like she’s the 1 who handled all the realistic things. And I don’t, I can’t. It’s like a, I’m crippled. Like in that capacity in that way, you know, I can’t I’m just a complete
Fucking idiot. Yeah, I really am. When it comes to, you know, the real world.
Gosh, I’ve got to like gosh. Oh my goodness. Yeah.
All the damn caffeine. I don’t know. It was just 1 Red Bull and then I when did I even I finished that off about 3. Yeah, I don’t know. I still got energy. I didn’t talk. Well, my roommate came home, and needed somebody to get the dog food out of the trunk, and I was about to doze off. When you know I got the text and I was like oh just making sure it wasn’t the kids or something and then I was like well I’ll go get the dog food.
And then I’m just like wired up after that.
I would love to get to a point though where I don’t think about this crap and I don’t beat myself up anymore. I don’t
You know, I’m nice to myself about things again because
Well.
There was never any malice in my heart. It’s like I was just always so accommodating. And uh,
I cared so much about the people. I love. I still do. That’s what I couldn’t understand about the Twin Flame chick. It’s like if she really had any idea who I was, she would not be doing this shit to me, like, oh my God.
Lady, you know it just it totally like it fucked me up so bad. It’s like I couldn’t believe.
I didn’t know what to believe it’s like, why is she doing this? It just and the level that it drove me crazy, you know? I don’t know. It’s like the second car factory. There’s a there’s some parallels there. I guess between like what happened with my ex fiance and what happened with her?
Because here was these 2 chicks who really didn’t, you know, the exchange was so intense but actually we barely knew each other yet they still ruined my fucking life. Haha. Yeah, I don’t know. It’s like gosh and I still like this is I talk about this shit way too much.
But I guess, uh, The thing about that though is I hardly ever think about my ex fiance anymore. Today is the first time I’ve really thought about her. In forever. Yeah and what’s triggered it was going by the campus. I went a different way than I usually go to the Sam’s Club. There’s actually 2 of them up here, 1’s in like South Huntsville and the other Is off the interstate off Holmes Avenue, that’s the 1 that is closest to my house.
But the other one is a little better. Yeah.
The job I have. Now though, it’s like it’s the pays comparable, but the work is harder.
Uh, than the second car factory, without all the free drinks. And the 24/7 gym that was like,
I spent more time in that gym than I did anywhere else outside of work. Yeah, I did. Gosh I miss it. I can’t work out like at the Gym, where I work now? Like I did at at the other 1.
I don’t know if this is, this is a long This has turned into a pretty long post.
I don’t know, I guess I just, I still like sometimes it comes back. I mean it, it never
Completely like, has gone away you know?
The fact that I thought I was going to be at the second car factory forever, like I thought this is where I’ve landed. This is where I’m going to stay and you know, I had plans, I was going to get, into the maintenance program but I was also I wanted to be an engineer. And uh, You know, engineers make really good money but also got, you know, I’d probably be doing really cool things.
Of course, I can do that here. You know where I work. Now, it’s just
It’s going to take. A little longer. Of course if I could have stayed in college, I would have already gotten a master’s degree. And all that stuff just hit me this afternoon while I was driving to my storage unit, it’s about a 45 minute drive. And I was like, damn.
Yep.
But I don’t feel that bad or anything, it’s just, I don’t know. I’m just blabbering. It’s the I don’t know. My brain got all, like, charged up after I drank that it was so like it was just sunk In the bottom of like a big murky bog.
Yeah, It was Just it was just at the bottom of it, with the With the leeches and the catfish.
Whatever else lives in there.
Yeah.
Snapping turtles.
Yeah. And then like, I don’t know, it kind of like got like shot, it got ejected up from the bottom, all the way up into the clouds.
Yeah, my brain. Metaphorically
How about a fucking crazy thing? I mean,
Life on Earth, being a human. And then there’s all this other stuff, there’s all these animals and The ground in the sky and Clouds. And I have a job and I wear clothes, I have uniforms and they have my name on it. And I have a name and other people
Have names too and I’m just
Talking a lot.
Have I ever talked about how much I like popcorn ceilings?
Yeah, I do.
Should I eat again? Gosh, I ate that hot dog at like.
5 oclock.
5 PM.
I really don’t want to cook anything though.
Yeah, I have a 12 dollars. I could probably just get breakfast in the morning.
Or I could eat my Ramen and then,
I don’t know. Okay, now I’m finally starting to get tired. Yeah, that was the point. This was Gosh, I’m I’m gonna I hope I can edit it.
And not pass out while I’m editing it edits. Yeah, thanks. I didn’t, you know,
Okay. Thank you.
Please.
MY BLOG NUMBER SEVEN 