7:53 AM
I don’t know, I said,
Usually I’m asleep by now. But, Holy shit. I’m not
Figured I would make a post and Maybe that’ll help me fall asleep. Usually, I’ll make a post. And by the time I’m done editing it. I’m like,
Nodding off really hard? Yeah.
My ex-girlfriend messaged me yesterday. Stephanie
She’s just like, oh, I’m just hanging around bored.
I don’t know why she would message me, but sometimes I think she just misses me like as a person.
But, The last. A couple of boyfriends or so.
Maybe the last 3. Yeah, she’s cheated on them with me.
Or oh, actually what she does? She breaks up with them for like a week and then like you know this was 3 years ago, I think, well last year too. Yeah. I mean
Do, I really want to talk about that? Yeah, she had a boyfriend last year, and she broke up with him for like, like a week and had me come over, and she was like, oh no, it’s over. Like, and then she got right back with him. And then they broke up again and she’s with another guy and they are supposedly engaged.
Yeah. And uh,
That’s my ex-girlfriend. She yanked me around for a long time. It all started in 2021, It was ridiculous, it got so ridiculous and uh,
I don’t. I don’t really know.
If she would have never dumped me. She got all crazy 1 day and just picked a fight with me about stuff, that didn’t make any sense.
And uh, 1 thing, she was like, you drink energy drinks because you used to do cocaine. Okay, I did cocaine for like 2 months in 2014, I had like, you know, it didn’t It was really just, I don’t know, it was stupid live and learn, right? Yeah, and uh, That’s all I ever did cocaine. And she like, I told her about that, though, 1 time and she thought, because I drank energy drinks, That’s what she said. Anyways, I think she was just picking a fight to be crazy. I don’t know.
I don’t really know what all goes through Stephanie’s head. But um,
She dumped me over it because I was like, what the hell is wrong with you? Like I don’t do cocaine, you know, I drink energy drinks because I like caffeine and I’m doing at the time I was doing house remodeling. Yeah. I was uh the longest stretch I ever did. It was in 2021. It was most of Up until November. So it was like 11 months actually, it was almost a year because I started doing it in December of 2020. And uh,
Stopped.
Yeah, I stopped, When I got the uh, first car factory job. That’s right. And uh, But she like she dumped me and then she messaged me about a month later and apologized and all this stuff and wanted to just be friends
And uh okay you know, but then she got with this guy and she just started rubbing him in my face but then she was like oh blah blah blah and she’d send me like a naked picture and it was like I can send you pictures if I want to, you know, and all this crazy shit.
Yeah. Yeah, that’s the kind of lady Yeah, I know.
I’m just I’m just thinking about all that. It’s like, this was my last girlfriend, a whole album’s worth of songs about this chick and a whole bunch of art too. I loved her so much. I loved her almost as much as I loved my ex-wife. You know, and like my ex-wife, it took years To build that up, you know? Of course I did. I loved the crap out of my ex-wife. Like the instant, I saw her. But we had also been talking on the internet for like 8 months before I could work the nerve up to ask her out.
Yeah, so I mean, you know But I did, I loved Stephanie so much and uh I guess I kind of well I say I let her yank me around but
I just loved the crap out of her. And she was always really fun to talk to and, uh,
But she just would get so unhinged. I got the job at this, at the first car factory and
Uh, I got a car and she got, I had her blocked for several months. I had enough of her crap because she would she would get with this like a She would get like a boyfriend and just, you know,
Message me for about a week and just be like oh you know well like we’re friends she just wanted to be friends and she would talk about how you know great and happy she was and all this crap. And, you know, it would that would turn into how much the guy sucked and how
Bored. She was and how much she missed me and then it would, you know, it would get more and more. You know, she would start sending me videos and pictures and telling me all kind of stuff.
You know, real like graphic. I mean I anyways it’s embarrassing to look back on it. But I had her blocked because I had enough of that shit and uh
But she got 1 of my polyglot friends to message me and like, please, you know, she wants you to unblock her so bad and I did And I told her I was like, yeah, I got a car all this stuff now. And she’s like, well, why don’t you come over? I want to have fun. I want to go do stuff and so I did. I went and picked her up and we went on this big crazy adventure.
But she started getting really like.
This is like borderline. Stuff. I don’t really want to talk about but she tried to trick me into getting her pregnant and just crazy shit like that and it scared the hell out of me. And so I just like we hung out for about a month. Like, you know, Every few days or something. I’d go over there and like we would we’d have we’d have a lot of fun. We went out on a dates and Uh, she was like, you know but she it’s the crazy stuff. And my kids finally met her and didn’t really. They were not impressed.
Didn’t really like her kids that much either and it just wasn’t, it wasn’t going to work. And so I broke it off. But at the same time it was like, actually the last time I hung out over there with her in 2022. I remember she freaked me out so much. I just ran out and I never looked back.
And uh, I don’t think I talked to her for about a month after that. I was just like, I can’t, you know, you just you need to find somebody else. Because it was all the stuff too. Because, um, How she would get with the dudes and then like,
Start messaging me while she was supposed to be in a relationship with these guys. And it did it sucked. Um, but then she would always like break up with them. You know. I guess so technically it wouldn’t be cheating. But she’s got a really bad track record and it’s like, you know, I don’t.
She came along at a time in my life when I was really, you know, I was in a really weird place that’s when I was living in The Farmhouse. That was the last year. I lived there though but Um, I had gotten so isolated. And just, I mean, I can’t really explain how Out there, I got
In reality she was really more of a muse than a girlfriend. I leveled up so much as a songwriter after I met her.
And her numerology chart is totally like, I’ve never seen anything like it. She’s a 33 life path.
With an 11 Soul number a 22 expression, and an 11 personality. Yeah, like What the heck?
I don’t know, and uh, she does, she has a lot of uh
She’s a lot. Yeah, a whole lot of person. And she’s does, she has a really like her life. Story is, um,
She’s had a very crazy life and so you know, that was the part of me too. That just my heart. It was so sad. You know, it was just it just oh my gosh. But uh, I don’t think she really knows.
I think maybe she’s a little better now, but, uh, I don’t think she ever. Really had any idea what a normal healthy relationship was supposed to be like,
But she never had anybody treat her. Like I did like, you know, The songs and I mean, I made up so many songs.
For her and I would send them to her. I would sing them and make videos and it was a lot of fun though and I would make all kind of crazy, art and send to her just all about her and
Um, nobody ever You know, looked at her, the way I did or treated her the way I did.
And loved her probably as much as I did. I mean, holy crap.
But uh,
I don’t know after the whole twin flame thing, I guess I was kind of messed up like Last year I was still reeling from all that. And I guess vulnerable is a good word for that. But only like, Under certain conditions. And since she was the only woman, she’s the only chick that I’ve, you know,
Been with the last 4 and a half years.
Um, so I mean, yeah, it just it wasn’t hard for her to like, just be like, hey, why don’t you come over? It’s like, you know what? I ain’t doing anything. You know. Anyways? Like okay sure. And um you know it was it was a horrible idea. I should have found like Well, I wasn’t looking for anything. Like I was going to say, I should have found somebody else to mess around with, hahaha but I’m not like that. And, And nobody at work. I worked at the chicken plant last year except that 1 chick I liked but her I don’t have anything in common either. I just thought she was really cute and sweet. You know, but absolutely nothing in common and that’s usually what happens.
Um but yeah I just I was rather easily just sucked back into a bunch of crazy shit over and over with Stephanie last year. I don’t know. It was, uh,
It ended up though. She just ended up killing the last bit of adoration I had for Her. Yeah. Like, I still care about her as a person and I want her to have she deserves the most awesome. You know, best life ever she really does that girl has been through
So much crap that she doesn’t, you know, she didn’t deserve. It’s a long story and I don’t really feel like it’s my place to tell a bunch of it, you know. But uh, she’s not a bad person. I guess when it’s all said and done. And she actually has a good heart. Yeah, she does. And that’s Probably the main reason why I’ve just never been able. To.
Completely cut her out. Like if she, you know, just Which we didn’t talk much yesterday. She just messaged me. I never replied to the last thing. She said though, either, but she was just You know, I think Sometimes just wonders how I’m doing. Um, but last year was not the case. You know, it started off like that, but it got like it was like, wow. I never thought I would ever see her again though.
8:09 AM
So I’m always a little wary anytime, she messages me because she’s probably, you know,
Probably is bored with that, dude. She’s with now. I mean he seems like a really good person though he really does. But He doesn’t seem very exciting and that’s 1 thing I am. I’m a lot of fun. It’s just, it’s been um, it’s been a long time since I was, uh,
Was able to express that, I guess, you know, like I don’t I’ve just been hurt too much and she really did like she hurt me really, really bad over and over and over and over.
And we can’t be together like we can’t be in a relationship again. Like we can’t we can’t be boyfriend and girlfriend ever again and that’s just the way it is, you know?
It’s kind of, like, And it’s sad. It’s just like, it’s like I can’t ever. I could never get back with my ex-wife. You know, I couldn’t ever as much as I care about her. And like, You know.
Yeah, that’s just 1 of those things. I have, uh, You know, 1 x girlfriend. I feel that way about too The 1 that lives up here that we, you know,
Oh gosh, my brain. Yeah, like here, I’m just trying to. Make myself fall asleep by making a post. I’m actually
Wound up. I’ve wound myself right back up. I’m probably fixing to go outside and smoke actually.
Yeah, I bought a pack of cigarettes. Last week was very, very stressful. And so I bought Cigarettes and then I smoked all of them and I got paid yesterday and I bought another pack.
Yeah. Okay. Um
Yeah. I mean there’s like X’s I don’t have that many. What I have. Hold on. I have an ex-wife an ex fiance.
3 ex girlfriends. And Stephanie. Haha Yeah. So like, you know,
There’s not a single 1 of them, I would ever. Want to get back with, you know, but Um,
My ex-wife and Stephanie are the only 2 X’s that I care to talk to like that’s I guess that’s my point. I don’t want to ever talk to any of the other ones ever again. Haha You know, but um,
For. All for some time. There in 2021. I was seriously like, I wanted to marry Stephanie and if she hadn’t dumped me, if she hadn’t have picked a big crazy fight, Um which kind of you know, made me think that maybe that’s what she was doing to me. What she was doing to those other guys, you know, she was like, dumping them for like a week or 2 and then like she would get back with them. You know, so she could mess around with me, right? I mean, that’s what I thought she was probably doing to me, like, looking back, you know. Uh, I was like, yeah, that’s totally probably what she did to me too but
Like, we didn’t ever get back together, it was just
Crazy and it’s but like I said, it’s uh, I don’t think she had any idea what a normal healthy relationship was supposed to be, like, it’s supposed to be like
And I do, I think she gets bored. It doesn’t really Matter who it is, I think. I think, uh, she just doesn’t know how to function in a healthy. Relationship. Which is really sad. And a lot of people are like that actually, especially if they’ve had to deal with a lot of In a really crazy, like, If they have. A lot of trauma, I guess? Yeah. In the context of
Relationships. She was married. Like when she was a teenager. She had her first kid and she was 16.
It’s like, it was just she just didn’t have a normal childhood either. Just super awful. You know, this stuff. So it’s like, I don’t know, too many people. Who’s been through like what she has. And still turned out like to be a good person like she is, she’s a good person. But God damn, you know.
Um, But yeah, I guess I’m always like really
I’m on guard. Yeah. When uh
She messages me? Yeah, uh but yeah, last year I was just like that was it. Yeah, that’s it.
No more of that but I still care about her, you know, and it’s good to see that, maybe she eventually 1 day will be able to accept that you know,
Maybe the guy she’s with now is like
Um,
The Right 1 for her. Yeah. That’s what uh, that’s my point. I don’t know, it’s all this is just in my brains. I was looking through, um, my messages.
A second ago.
Because I was, um, My friend Sabrina popped up. Yeah, I was like, oh Sabrina. I wonder what she’s doing and then I scrolled past what Stephanie messaged me yesterday and I was like, okay, um, Stephanie and then here I am, right? Yeah. But uh, I don’t know.
Well. Um,
I did drink like a Red Bull right before the last quarter and then I went to the gym. So I think that might be I’m kind of wound up. I went and ate waffle house. And that made me really sleepy when I got home.
But then, I laid there. And I just started my brain just started going and going and going. And uh, yeah.
Now, I just made it, I’m making it go even more, but maybe I’ll, uh, maybe I’ll get tired as I’m editing this.
Sleepy. I’m already tired. You know, my body’s like, what, what are you doing?
Haha.
Anyways. So, uh, I don’t know. I don’t know about like the chick from work. Either that I like, uh, I went to a different. Um,
Vending machine area I guess with a restroom and everything. Because they were out of the Vending machines where I usually go were out of Red Bulls, that’s the only energy drink they have. So I saw that chick and I was like, I looked at her And I waved and I said, hey,
And, she ignored me. Probably. Because of the last 2 times I saw her and she smiled at me, real big, I ran away. So like, you know, I freaked out is what I did and ran away. She probably thought I was being a stupid asshole and I guess it was a stupid asshole thing to do, but that wasn’t my intention. She probably thinks I’m a jerk.
But I’m not, I’m just Stupid.
And I guess I’m still not really ready to talk to anybody. That’s fine, but it does make me feel like crap, it hit me. It’s like, man, you don’t need to be
Talking to anybody. Yeah. At work right now especially like I’m still, you know, there’s
I’m still really not where I want to be like,
You know.
And there’s nothing wrong with that, it’s just
What am I trying to say? Um,
I don’t know. I’m not. I’m trying not to be hard on myself about anything like that, because I’ve been through a lot of crap too, but it’s time for me to fix myself. I haven’t really
Last year was so damn crazy, you know, and this year has been Better. And I just I don’t know, I feel like
I feel like I need to do some more work on myself. It kind of hit me though like you know for real it’s like dude just stop you know. Focus on yourself for now, get Get back in the gym, you know, I was going pretty good and then I got a bunch of vacation days and the Shut down happened. I had a lot of time off so I didn’t get
I got out of my workout routine and I’m having to pretty much start all over. From where I was at like 2 months ago so and I just need to get myself back on track and
Yeah. I don’t know. But
I wonder if I’m even going to post this. I probably should though.
Yeah.
Gosh. Sometimes it’s hard for me to believe like if it wasn’t for like,
All the media stuff I have like records of uh, like, you know, videos and pictures. And
Memories. Haha.
You know, that things like that actually happened. Sometimes it’s hard to believe that anything You know, I did I lived in this crazy. Old farmhouse for 3 years and you know, then you know, I got those car factory jobs and all that stuff happened. I worked at TS Tech and the dollar General. You know, the chicken plant last year and I worked at a warehouse
I mean, it’s like, yeah, all that stuff happened.
And it affected me a lot.
But I work so much, you know, and
Just over and over, and over, and over, and over, and over the same thing.
The shift changes and all that stuff. It just Sometimes I feel like what I’m doing and what I’ve been doing for the last 6 months is what I’ve been doing for my whole entire life. Haha Yeah. It’s like no I have I have a lot. A Lot happened before the huts.
Before that. Before the huts. Haha. I don’t know. Um,
But yeah, I’m going to do something fun with my kids this weekend. I hope. And uh, It’s a 3-day weekend. That’s cool. I’m going to work on some music.
I wish the gym at work though was open on the weekends. It’s not. So I got
Tonight. Yeah. Like I guess tomorrow. Yeah. I’m thinking I go into work tonight, but I get off work tomorrow morning. So, um, That’ll be the last time I can work out, but then next week, I’m going to do it all week long and
Holy fucking shit. Yeah, hopefully it’ll make me sleepy editing all this
Crap. Yeah.
Oh, How’s it going?
It’s a nice morning.
Apple got a haircut.
Go ahead. He went to the Groomer
That looks nice.
Weather’s been awesome.
My roommate 1 of 5 let her dog out. Haha Yes.
Yeah, the weather has been really awesome weather.
Now, I’m in the garage.
Oh, fairy wings.
My roommate rents out the garage space for like art for art stuff. And I guess they’re making some fairy wing costumes. Outfits, you know, looks pretty cool.
No, I’m not going to take any pictures.
But yeah, there’s
A lot of really talented creative people.
Um, Around. Yeah.
It’s, it’s really Cool.
Oh anyways, uh gosh. Yeah, that turned into a lot. But um, I don’t know. I guess, I’ll freak out a little bit when Stephanie messages me? Yeah, just a little
And I freak out when.
Any chick from a workplace shows interest in me. But it does, it hurts a little bit because I really really do like that chick.
I just hope she doesn’t hate me.
If I try to talk to her again, it’s it’s going to be a while. Yeah. But yeah, that’s okay. I have to be nice to myself.
And uh,
I mean, I don’t know, like, I don’t know, her name or anything. And so, you know, I can’t like look her up. I can’t look her up on Facebook. To like, uh, Because my daughter has to approve.
Uh, ideally anyways. Yeah, like I have to run any like any kind of anything by her because she’s smart.
8:33 AM
And uh, I just I’ve made really, really bad decisions.
Regarding, you know, stuff like that. And uh
Nobody will ever be As important as my daughter. And son, I mean, you know,
I mean, like, All she has to say is, I don’t like them and that’s it, you know. And uh, so there’s a, you know, there’s a lot a lot.
To consider because I do have such a close-knit dynamic with my kids.
And gosh, if there’s anything I’ve Done Right the 2 things that I’ve done, right? You know, with this life has been my daughter and my son.
Oh my goodness. I’m gonna have to post some of her artwork. Like I’d say she’s uh she’s a better artist than I was when I was 14, but she’s a better artist than I am now. And that makes me so happy and my son is like a billion times smarter than I am. And uh gosh a whole lot cooler than I was when I was 10 years old. Yeah, it’s great.
Well, what else can I say? I don’t know. I’m just, uh,
Trying to wind down. Probably going to do that while I’m editing this.
And if I don’t stop, now I’ll keep talking for another 20 minutes.
Hahaha haha. Yay.
Thank you, please.
MY BLOG NUMBER SEVEN 