SUNDAY MORNING

3:50 AM
Oh my goodness.

It’s uh, It’s early. I haven’t had a lot of sleep.

I haven’t.

I got the kids, they’re asleep.

And so, I decided I would come out here to the garage.

1 of my roommates friends is here. Um, I guess pet sitting, but she she came in about 2:00. This morning like 2:00 a.m. yeah. And scared the living fucking hell out of me. And uh,

I don’t know. It sucked.

But that’s what woke me up. Yeah.

It’s the transition weekend from Night Shift to day shift, which is only a day.

It’s only a day and a half. Yeah. It’s like,

Well.

I made that post, uh, yesterday.

That’s when I got about when I got I think I got out of the shower and made that post. Yeah. And, uh,

Fell asleep, not too long after that slept, for a couple of hours. And got up.

Went and got the kids, and

Then we went and ate.

Korean.

Fried Chicken man, it was good.

We ate so much that we didn’t even get supper. Yeah, that’s like it was crazy. I went to a Best Buy also.

And uh, I was going to I attempted. To get

Approved for like some crap. So I could get this uh, IPad Pro. I know, I really like aimed really high for that.

Anyways, I didn’t get approved for not even the uh they had like, you know, the card where I could like pay it off in 12 months. And I didn’t get approved for that, but then it was like, they tried to approve me for this other thing where I could pay it off in 3, months, interest free. And, uh, guess what? Nope, and the guy seemed really disappointed. Yeah. I was kind of hoping I would get approved also because it’s like, You know, I’m ready to make my cartoon and I was wanting to get the best thing I could get. You know. Haha.

If possible, but I’m probably going to have to aim a little lower.

Um, or just save my money, but Jesus Christ, it’ll be November before I can afford that thing. If I pay cash,

So uh, I don’t know what I’m going to do. Yeah, I mean it’s not like what I’m wanting to animate or anything. Is that complicated?

It’s just, you know, some pretty Simple 2-day, 2D. Um, You know, it’s my crazy Doodles and shit but into cartoon form.

It’s really funny though. Um,

I’m on days next week, so I’m going to have to like,

Get used to that. It’s going to take about a week. And the good news though about that is I can Get better sleep and I always get better, sleep on days.

And I can go to the gym after work more easily.

I don’t know, day shift is more a lot more normal and I end up, you know, kind of going nuts towards the end of Night shift. But that’s, you know, it’s fine. I still have like a ton of money too. I haven’t spent a lot of money even though I have I also haven’t so Um, But I bought new clothes. My daughter made me buy new pajama pants. And for my own good, you know, and I got a shirt.

It’s just funny. Yeah.

I’m wearing, uh, this, these are like thicker pajama pants and they’re white. But I have another pair that are black. I’m probably going to try them on. I haven’t worn them yet. And I bought this nice warm shirt and another pack of socks and that was almost 100 F dollars for

100s. I said, 100. Fucking dollars. It was yeah at Target.

And I saw this, like, Crazy chick. Wearing. Um,

Some really revealing clothes. And she got all into my brains. But my daughter was like, ew, you know, it was funny.

But we had a lot of fun. We went to Lowe’s after that and it’s just we got back and uh, everybody was just tired. So We didn’t really go back out. We were going to go out to the Waffle House. And that didn’t happen.

I don’t know what we’ll do today. I kind of

Wish, I had more time to spend with them. I wish they could spend 1 more night, you know? Oh, I just miss my kids. I missed them so much.

But, I’m going to work on some music and everything also. And I’m going to make an attempt. To get out and play and open mic night sometime this. The next 4 weeks. Yeah. Because I can’t do it on nights. Obviously?

And they’re having an open house that I mentioned that in the last post. That I mentioned that, did I? I don’t know, like I ought to just be happy this app. Picks up anything I say Even somewhat correctly. But, uh, they have an They are having an open house, a hahaha. Oh my God. Uh, at my job. And next month. Yeah, about a month and a half away. And so I’m going to get the kids.

Uh for that and we’re going to tour the facility where I work and they get to see All the stuff I do and it’s going to be a lot of fun. They were they’re really excited about it. Yeah.

It’s cool though, too, because as hard as my job can get, it’s exactly where I want to be. Yeah, it’s, uh, It’s pretty cool. I’m really happy with my job.

I don’t know if I’m going to make an active effort to talk to any chicks though, on day shift. There’s a couple of, uh, Oh gosh I just you know I shouldn’t even talk about this stuff I just I’ve been single for so long, you know. And I don’t get out and do anything. And so the only like, ladies I’m exposed to on a regular basis, are at work, and there are, there are some really cool looking like

You know, several there. By comparison, There were 3 at the second car factory. Haha Uh, 1 of them was the Twin Flame chick and then this other chick who ended up being my boss. And then this other 1 that I had a panic attack about when she tried to talk to me. I mean, that’s just how I am, you know, but I’m I feel like I feel a little better. Hello.

Yeah, I feel a little better about myself since my birthday and everything. I don’t. I don’t know, it’s it gets to a point. It’s like I just it’s time to stop.

Hating on myself about things that wasn’t You know, they weren’t my fault, I did the best I could.

And, you know, 1 of the things that made me just Collapse into my own, you know, stupid bulshit was just this overwhelming sense of failure about the marriage, about the divorce and everything. Because I did, I only wanted to love 1 woman forever and it’s like, well obviously I wasn’t, you know, I did something wrong, but that wasn’t All me whatsoever. But sometimes it’s still bothers me, it really does.

I’m too hard on myself. Is what it is. And I do sometimes hold myself to these impossible, dang near impossible, expectations, and standards and shit, you know? It’s like

On the other hand, I’m also

Existing, as a human being, you know who By default, or

Or um, Are kind of, you know, flawed.

Yeah, like inherently, I guess.

But where I lack in like, uh,

How am I trying to say this? I Channel it all into my creativity and music and art and shit like where I fuck up and how I don’t Operate, I guess like a normal person does.

You know, I mean, I’m not like I don’t know. It’s it’s okay.

I haven’t had a lot of sleep, I think I got. Uh, I took a nap before we went to Target. I think that was about 6:30. I woke up. Maybe an hour and a half. Yeah. And then, uh, I fell asleep around 11:00.

And woke back up around. 1

Then fell back asleep, and Woke up when that chick came in. And uh,

Yeah.

I’ve been awake since then. I’m trying to figure out what the hell I want to do because I’m starving to death and I haven’t bought any groceries yet. Because a lot of times when I get paid and I have extra money because I paid all my bills with my last paycheck.

I just eat good and you know food isn’t cheap if you eat good and so I’m just like you know I’ve just been eating all my meals either at work or out you know at restaurants. And I treated myself a whole bunch for my birthday this year. It was Really cool. But the Korean Fried Chicken was fucking great. It was gosh, I got the uh Seoul. Sampler. Yeah, I’m going to have to probably edit that in and uh

Man, it was so good, but

Let’s kind of funny about all that is. What is kind of funny? Yeah, about all that. Is that, you know, I’ll probably never go back there. It was like a novel thing, you know. It’s like this isn’t something. I loved that, it was delicious and I ate so much that I’m just now getting hungry again from it.

But uh,

Yeah. I mean it’s like I don’t I did it, you know, I ate Korean fried chicken and it was great and

Unless the kids just want to go eat there again or something sometime. It’s it’s fine. I did it you know? Haha.

If that makes sense. I yeah.

Now, I’m starting to get wound up cuz I’m talking Um, Shit. What else can I say? I don’t know. Like I’m trying to figure out what I want to do for breakfast. The kids are asleep when I have my kids it’s like It’s, you know, it revolves around them and it’s I just feel like if I go out and get anything, it would be a dang waste without them, just like trying new stuff. It’s like if I can’t do this with the kids, it’s a waste.

Uh and that’s how I feel about breakfast right now. And you know my son probably isn’t going to wake up, he always gets up. Well, typically he gets up first, but he’s probably not going to get up until 8:00 and my daughter.

Um, You know, she might not get up till noon, so

Oh, gosh, I’m hungry. And I don’t have any food here, but I don’t want to go out to anywhere. Delicious, without the kids. So,

That’s uh,

That’s what I’m dealing with right now.

Reckon the whole point of making this post. Right now is to distract myself. From that. But,

You know, I’ll look fucking great for 45 to It’s like gosh, you know, I took my driver’s license picture. I’ll probably post that I got my driver’s license, renewed. Yeah. And this is like the first driver’s license picture that actually looks decent.

And uh,

So that’s something for me to feel good about myself and then, you know, hopefully I can uh, I need to drop about 30 lbs. Yeah. Hopefully I can make some Headway into that this time around on day shift. It’s just easier because I get better rest. And uh, the gym is a little more accessible.

But I could always just get a gym membership at a real gym, all, you know, too. But that’s something that typically has always set me apart from like the rest of my friends and shit back in the day, especially I always exercised and took care of myself.

4:10 AM
And and they all like, didn’t So yeah.

I used to run, you know, I used to get up and run. I worked myself up to like 3 miles a day. I did that for a long time and then, I worked out. You know, with weights, I did a lot more weights than anything else. And I’ve had, you know, some injuries.

I’m predisposed to a few of those. Yeah. It’s, hereditary

And it sucks. And that is what actually kept me from being like a fucking Like,

Like a heavy weight lifter? Yeah.

I mean, like, where I could, you know, bench press 400 pounds, that’s what kept me from doing that is because of my shoulders, but, you know, I could get 250 back in the day pretty easily. I can still get 200. You know, it’s not I’m not that That bad.

Shit. What else can I say? I mean, I don’t know.

I’m going to try and get my kids home, kind of early, you know, back to their moms, uh, early afternoon. Today, so I can get back early and Go to sleep. So it’s actually kind of good. I’m making myself stay up. That’s kind of what I’m doing too. But God damn it. I’m fucking hungry. Like it’s starting to really Get. Stupid.

Blah, blah, blah. Haha

Thank you, please.