FRIDAY AFTERNOON

3:12 PM
Well, we got off early. That was unexpected and super awesome.

I just got home. Yeah, I think I clocked out. Holy crap like almost an hour ago, right? I think I clocked out at 2:20. So, What took me so long to get home? Well, I work about 30 minutes away and

I stopped at the store.

I guess I’ve been home like Maybe 10 minutes, I don’t know.

I went to the cafeteria, the um, not the nice 1, the other 1. Uh today and I was like, blah. So

Bummed out because I wished I had a girlfriend and You know, I’m always like retarded, especially when it comes to the chicks at work and I’ve mentioned helmet girl before.

Well, anyways, I was coming back into my break room and Like, I saw her going into the Little restroom like break snack machine area. Yeah. Uh, I guess that’s

It’s hard to explain how all this is laid out. Is it though? Anyways, I saw her like far away and she looked at me and I looked at her And I was like, oh my gosh. Cuz I don’t almost forgot.

Um, I had pretty much given up. I figured she hates me, you know I think it was. Yeah, it was my birthday last week and I was like, I’m going to, I’m going to talk to helmet girl. Yeah and I passed her coming into the plant as I was going out. Into the cafeteria and I was like, hey I like your helmet and I said it all stupid, you know, but I said it like

You know, She’s helmet girl, right? Yeah. Haha And um, She ignored me and that made me feel really really bad. I thought you know she just hates my guts. But I got this feeling that I should have fucking talked to her. I should have I should have just walked down there and just been like hey because she looked right at me and I looked at her and she kept looking over at me and I kept looking at her and then I went into my break room and I thought, you know what, the hell’s wrong with me here?

Yeah, I like Like like really, you know, you’re never going to have a girlfriend if you don’t talk to anybody.

But that’s kind of where I’ve messed up. Uh, sometimes I feel like I just think oh, they hate me forever, you know. Because I’ll look at them and I don’t I never expect them to look back and then when they do I freak out you know and It’s like it’s just so hard. I get super nervous and I don’t talk to anybody and She’s different. She really is. And I don’t know why. Maybe I can try and talk to her next week. I feel horrible though. And every time I see her and I don’t talk to her, it makes me feel really bad. Well, almost every time. Yeah, but like this time, it did. Especially.

And I don’t know, that’s is going on in my brains right now. And then there’s like, You know, there’s this other chick who works in the gym. And uh,

I don’t know. She probably hates me too.

I don’t really know. I feel so stupid talking about this crap. But like yeah, I’m like if you don’t talk to anybody, you’re not going to. You know, have a girlfriend. If you don’t talk to ladies. You can’t just keep yourself all the time and Expect, you know, them to just fall in your lap.

But um, you know, maybe Maybe it will. Maybe something will align soon. Oh yeah. That’s what I was talking about. Like the 19th, right? Yeah, every month. Well, this was the 19th. And,

It doesn’t though. It doesn’t mean it’s supposed to happen only on the 19th. It’s just, I don’t know why that I Guess it’s really just not that big of a deal. I over complicate things.

Yeah. Sometimes, I’ll read way too much into things that, you know, I mean, they’re there, but a lot of times I’ll make them there. Even more

Yeah, they’ll be there because I A range it all that way in my brains.

A range at all. What

A, a range.

Really? Yeah, well, you know,

Felt good to get that out. And then you know there’s this other chick who works on, she’s not on my line anymore but she sometimes comes over there and helps out because we’ve been so short-handed and Uh,

I just don’t think I could handle her crap. Yeah, she was really mean to me. 1 day about something completely. Trivial and I was like, ouch, you know?

I can’t handle like another chick, who’s mean? I just can’t.

I just I need, I need somebody. Who’s nice. Yeah, I can’t handle meanness. Yeah, and craziness anymore like I just can’t.

It, I can’t handle it, I’m too sensitive. And I’m

I’m not that bad, you know?

I’m actually super accommodating, and

Thoughtful.

And annoying. Yeah, I’m probably

Probably 1 of the most annoying people like ever.

I can be anyways But it’s the weekend and it’s great that I got home like When do I usually get home? If I don’t go to the gym, I usually get home about 4. 30 or 4:45. And if I go to the gym I usually get home around 6:00.

And I could have went to the gym today. It probably would have made me feel better but

It’s been a long week, the transition week from Night Shift to day, shift is always really rough and everybody feels that everybody’s like just what this is so hard. And in the groups I’m in on Facebook. There’s 2 groups that my job has uh, And people are just like, we need to stop all this rotation crap. And I’m like, no way. I actually like it the first week back on either shift sucks. But after that, it’s like yay. Because you can do stuff on night shift that you can’t do on day shift and you can do stuff on day shift that you can’t do on night shift and if you just work a straight fucking shift, you know? It’s just

It’s like,

I wouldn’t want to be on straight nights. But I like night shift, but not all the time and I like day shift.

Though, because you can do stuff after work, but I like it mixing up like that.

The second car factory. Yeah. Honda they they cut out the Swing shifts Last year I think. It was every 2 weeks there. 1 of my friends still works there. And he’s like, yeah, I’m on straight nights now. He’s actually he’s worked there for a while. But uh, I just, I don’t know. I like swing Shifts. Yeah, I do. Call me crazy. But uh, I think you know, I’m just going to work on music and shit and I’m going to try and talk to helmet girl next week and if she just, you know, absolutely hates my guts. Then uh,

You know, I’m just going to tell her. Well you can’t say never tried to talk to you, you know. Like gosh.

Also I guess I’m not really a 100% ready. Yeah, I’m probably like 80% though.

But,

You know, I’m just so dumb.

It’s crazy. I don’t know, I don’t know which way to go and then it’s like You know, when I start getting out and playing and stuff, That’s what I also, I figured when I start getting out doing my music again, I’ll probably meet somebody You know, but then like helmet girl seems pretty cool. She does she looks like She would listen to cool music or something or at least have like decent tastes in things. She’s You know, I can tell she keeps to herself too.

Yeah, there was a chick at the second car factory like that. It wasn’t the Twin Flame, you know, chick But she’s the 1. I had a panic attack over over about what, yeah, when she tried to talk to me. 1 day, she actually tried to talk to me. And , I freaked out and I had to go like hyperventilate No shit. In a restroom stall For probably gosh it felt like an eternity. It probably was only like 5 minutes but I thought I was going to have to go to Medical. Well you know and I imagined going there and they’re like what the hell’s wrong with you. It’s like a girl tried to talk to me. This girl you know, oh, that was I thought was pretty cool. And she actually was once I found out who she was and found her Facebook page like she plays, Dungeons and Dragons and shit. And But she was a lot younger than I thought she was. And, uh,

That’s a Kind of a Funny Story actually but I don’t feel like going into it. There’s a lot of stuff I guess from the second car factory, not just the Twin Flame thing, but that was a lot of there’s a lot of funny stories I could tell about that place the year and a month, I worked there.

The co-workers, the all the different, there were some crazy fucking people who worked there. There were some really awesome people too.

The hiring process though is a lot more. Uh,

They’re a lot more selective where I work now. Um, at Honda, you know, if you could hire in as a temp, if you You know, if you’re a tenants was

Attendance. Yeah, if you’re attendance was good and you hung in there, they would hire you on in about a year. And uh, You know, that could be anybody. And there were some really shitty fucking people who worked there. But where I work now, it’s like those people wouldn’t get hired on Yeah, the process is so selective.

I was on a waiting list for 6 months.

But yeah, I don’t know. And

Uh, all seems everything. Seems kind of like

Like the Twin Flame chick hasn’t been in my brains for a long time.

Oh gosh.

Which I think is actually pretty good.

It sucks too because, you know, 2 and a half 3 years ago, I don’t even know if 2 and a half years ago, it could have been anything but At 1 time, I guess. I don’t know. A better way to put that. Like that could have been something. I just don’t think it could Now, she went too far.

Yeah, she did. It’s like she’s just a stalker now, you know. But then again, maybe she’s not anymore. You know, it’s just like, yeah, you know, I don’t hate her. You did enough damage? It sucks. I don’t know what the hell was going through her head but like just Let me get on with my damn life, you know?

I’ve had enough of crazy and mean, I think I just said all that though, like Earlier in the post. But that’s what, uh, yeah, that’s what I was just thinking about today. Like, on the way home, it’s like nah, I don’t know.

Hell, I might take a nap or something and go up to the gym later.

3:27 PM
Actually, I might

I’m thinking pretty hard about that.

So, uh, Anyways, shit. Yeah, that would be

Probably be fun. I can’t work out again until Monday because it’s not open on the weekends.

That’s the only thing I don’t like about that Jones. The gym. Why is it picking up everything? So stupid.

Everything’s yeah. Okay, it picked it up really stupid and then it changed that to something like to what I said but I don’t know. It’s like I want to keep talking but I don’t I don’t think I have anything else to say that’s not just repeating what I already said.

I don’t know, but like worst case scenario, you know, like

If if I’ve already like, you know, if the they already think I’m just a big stupid asshole. Uh, like the chicks where I work. The ones that I’ve

Oh this sounds so stupid it does like you know, it’s like well let’s just I don’t have to worry about it. Yeah. You know, I actually like when I worked at Target. That’s the thing. It’s like I, you know, I’m just like It’s like stop looking at chicks from work like, you know, like, I wasn’t really ready to talk to anybody then either and They get. Yeah, they do they think I’m being a jerk? It’s like, no, I’m just

Really nervous. I just get so nervous. I used to not be like that. I made a post about that though. Didn’t I, or was it 1 of those that I made?

No, it was I was going to say it was was that 1 of the posts I made password protect? I think it was the 1 I made like

Monday or something. Yeah.

You know, 1 day.

I mean, people read my blog like every day and stuff, but Like, 1 day this. I don’t know. I hate to say like, you know if I ever die or anything I bet people are going to read the shit out of this.

I don’t know.

But uh,

Gosh. Now I’m starting to get really tired. I guess it’s it’s time to stop talking. I can always make another post later. I’ve got the next 2 days off.

I’ll probably, you know, that’s I think, I think I might just Take a nap and then go back up there and go to the gym. And I think that, uh, That would be.

You know, and maybe not I don’t have to.

I think that I’m thinking too much out loud. Yes.

Thank you, please.