TUESDAY NIGHT

6:45 PM
Okay, let’s try this again.

Um, So, I got home about, 2 hours ago already Jesus. Yeah.

I guess I spent about an hour making that last post and then trashed it.

Um,

Got home and ate some soup.

I defrosted. This cookie cake thing I got for my birthday about a month ago, almost a month ago. And I had a Coke.

Uh, I had left in the break room, but my group leader. Saved it. It was like hey this is your Coke. I thought somebody stole it but apparently not. And so I got my coke back and I put it in the freezer. To let it get cold.

And yeah, but so I just finished that coke.

I don’t think I’ll finish this cookie cake. I’ve eaten about A third of it.

I was flipping through, uh, Or poking around on Facebook. And, you know, From time to time. I will look up old coal workers.

Old co-workers, haha. And uh, 1 of them is a Chick. I used to hide from because. She was 18. Uh like this was 2 years ago or, you know, so she’s twenty now. But uh, she’s all engaged and everything.

And,

I don’t know but you can tell that they’re on drugs. It’s really sad. And uh, but she was, she was like just 1 of the prettiest girls I ever met. But she was, you know,

It’s just I saw it turning into this huge Dumpster fire. You know, it couldn’t have just been some like It couldn’t have been anything but insanity and uh, she ended up, you know, I kept up with everybody, I worked with there for a little bit and she was a stripper. I think she still is actually And uh, she looks like it. Yeah. And uh, whoever she’s with now, he’s uh I don’t know. I just saw where he got arrested back in July for assault. I don’t, I mean, I don’t know what.

The details are or anything. I mean they, you know, Yeah, they’re both I think about 20. And I wonder if he’s because she had a boyfriend at the time too when we worked at the same place and he was this guy. I used to hang out with uh, his son. I know like back in the 90s late 90s, uh, this guy used to buy us a beer and stuff, and then his son that was her boyfriend. You know, haha it was just weird too. And uh, this the guy she’s with. Now has the same last name as, uh, some other dudes. I went to high school with, I don’t, I wonder if it’s like the same kind of thing with, you know, with that. Uh, he kind of favors uh, favors them so you know. Yeah.

No, telling

But yeah, when it’s like, you know, your friends and stuff. Uh you know people you you grew up with and used to hang out with, like then you work somewhere with their kids. You know? It’s kind of weird. Yeah I remember uh I was on Plenty of Fish. Uh, gosh, this was long time ago. This was like 6 years ago and I matched with this chick who was 1 of my friends. Uh, daughters. Yeah. Like he had her, they had her when he was like, he was like, 17. I think. When they had her? Yeah. Uh, haha

Because I remember, he ended up dropping out of school and all this shit.

And I was just like dang when I figured out who she was. I was like, oh wait, you know? Yeah, that’s that’s just a little weird.

I typically don’t date women under 30. Yeah. Well, my last girlfriend. She’s uh, she’s 32. Now she was 27. When we, uh,

I guess became a couple for, you know, that wasn’t really, that was really just her yanking me around for a year and a half.

And uh God that sucked so bad.

And the chick I dated after my ex fiance was 28. She acted like she was in Middle School though, haha God but she is 34 now.

You know, it’s just I don’t know when you get to be 45, it’s just

It’s different. Yeah, it really is like especially now that I have a 14 year old daughter who is insanely more intelligent and aware and stuff than I am. It’s like,

You know, she’s not gonna Deal with some 20, like You know.

It’s just, you know, like

You know what I mean? Like some like 22 or 23 year old, she’s not going to put up with their shit. And uh that’s another thing is like, Younger chicks like that, I’m afraid of them getting jealous or just being not mature enough to really handle like it’s like, no, My Daughter runs the show, you know, But that’s just that is a generalization. I mean and you know it’s just Typically a woman 30 or over is more, uh, Beautiful to me, you know, they’re more like Mature. At least, I mean, you know what I mean? Like, they’re just they’re it’s, they’re more attractive generally than, than somebody, you know, in their early 20s. Yeah.

But you know, there’s all kind of factors in that shit and there’s no like

Yeah, there’s exceptions to everything.

But, you know, it was a general rule

Just I don’t know, honestly, but that’s uh,

Yeah.

There’s a lot of different factors involved, you know? Like when my kids were younger, you know, when my daughter was like 7 or 8,

Uh it’s a little different than you know she’s just she’s smarter and more mature I guess than most 20 something year olds these days like Yeah, that’s my point.

Like I’ve been kicking it around in my head it’s like you know, I really do. Wish I had somebody I really do but you know I’m getting my kids this weekend and I don’t give a shit, when I have my kids. I miss my kids more than I wish. I had a girlfriend, you know. Oh, it’s just

Just, just not really as much of a priority as like in, you know, realistically Yeah, it’s it’s not.

Of course, you know what I’m all by myself, like I am right now. It’s like, dang, you know, it’d be nice to just have somebody to mash and pet and fall asleep on. And you know, make love to

Ha ha ha ha but uh you know it’s like

When it comes down to it like the reality of it, I really don’t. Give a shit like I think I do when I’m, you know, I just

Like actually really thinking about fitting somebody into my life, you know? And then there’s all like I’m just now starting to get like going with my music and art and everything and

Oh,

It’s like I said, there’s exceptions to everything but like From past experiences, there’s just so much about me that

Is annoying. You know, like it seems cool like, with my ex-wife, like all the stuff that I did like, you know, languages and all that shit and my music and all all that stuff seems cool and all too, you know, they’re wow, he does all this stuff but then you know, it gets on ther nerves eventually because you have to spend time doing it and I know it did my ex-wife like she just she fucking hated That I did anything, you know, after a certain point she was just, you know, it was cool. It looked cool and she loved to tell other people like You know, like if we were out at, social Gatherings or whatever, however, that happened, uh, she would just love to tell people that I spoke French and Latin and Spanish, you know. And I was this accomplished musician, but at home she would just give me shit for it constantly

Well, it’s not all I did but it’s all I did when I wasn’t juggling the kids and giving her, you know, letting her sleep till fucking 5:00 p.m. on the weekends. Because that’s just how she wanted it and I formed a close Closer bond with the kids like what’s an example of that? Like on my birthday or Father’s Day or anything? Like it was a special day for me to get the kids and go do something awesome like but, her birthday or Mother’s Day. She wanted to do nothing. She didn’t want to, you know, she didn’t want to do anything maybe eat dinner and that was it, she wanted to be left? The fuck alone, what she was was? Most of the time anyways you know?

Oh my God. Like do I really want to go off about this though? I was just like, My point is,

It takes time. And I just, I don’t know, like it takes a lot of time and energy to To have a. Somebody.

And I just, I’m afraid that they would try to fuck up.

Uh, not so much the stuff with my kids, you know, I think that would be okay a lot more because that’s something they could do with us. But like, with my music and art, and I’m just now starting to get going with that again. Like, I I did it. The last, you know, the last

Year or so I lived in The Farmhouse. I was, you know, I was starting to get better and I was being productive about that shit. Uh, but then I took a

About a 2 year break. Until uh I got my storage unit cleaned out probably I guess that would that was the fall of 2023. Yeah, it was after I left the car seat Factory. They were working us 7 days a week like

Almost 12 hours like 11. 11, 110 and 11 hour days.

Because yeah, their shift started at 6. Uh, it would be like, 6 to 5:30, you know, which is, uh, you take the lunch out, that’s an 11 hour day. It was insane. Uh, I was working 70 hours a week. The last month I worked there. And I just couldn’t take it anymore. I just couldn’t it was too much. A lot of people left. A lot of people left that job.

Uh, they just they didn’t pay anything like you made money because it was so much of it was overtime. But it was really a just that was probably not the worst, but 1 of the worst jobs I ever had. Yeah. That’s the same job I hid from that chick. But I was just looking at her stuff and I just thought, man,

I can’t get mixed up with anybody though who does drugs or parties or any of that shit like I just can’t. You know, I don’t want my kids around that stuff and all that stuff, you know, when you’re younger, it’s like woohoo. But, you know, it’s just a bunch of bullshit, you know. Like that stuff. It’s fun every now and again but some people just live for live for it. Like every weekend, or  even more you know they just hey it’s time to get fucked up and you know, it’s like no.

And I’m so introverted and my interests tastes and everything are so eclectic and particular, you know, when it comes to entertainment and like music and Just all that stuff. I’m just so just completely in my own world about all that crap. And it would, it would be really nice.

Be really nice to have somebody and I would love the crap out of them, you know?

I just, I guess I’m not ready to put like, you know, Anything on.

Oh, what am I trying to say? I guess it doesn’t. I don’t know. Yeah, I don’t know what.

7:01 PM
I guess it’s just 1 of those things that it happens when it happens, whoever it gets to be, you know, I don’t know if I’ve met her yet or if I’ve yet to meet her. You know what I mean? Like, I’m just

Uh,

I’ve never been with a woman who didn’t get. Jealous and possessive.

Like insanely jealous and possessive and I don’t know. It’s uh, it’s funny.

It really is.

It would be nice though. Yeah. I mean,

I think I’d fit her in there somewhere. Her you know, with all the crap It’d probably actually, you know, I’d be really happy, I don’t know what I’m saying. I guess I just worry about stuff.

Wow.

I don’t know if.

I don’t know if it’s. Yeah. There’s there are like there are some really

Special beautiful ladies where I work. Yeah, there are

Oh my goodness. And then, you know I never get out either, you know.

And then Brittany still pecks on my blog. I thought I could go this whole post without mentioning her. But she does and I made my Instagram, I just said, fuck it. I just opened it up and then I realized I had made a couple of posts 1 of them. I tagged my roommate in and I thought I’d better take that down, which is probably too late. Now, she’s already seen it and she could figure out where the hell I live. I don’t know. Oh my God. I just I don’t know. I linked all that stuff together. I’m just like, fuck. I’m just going to make everything public again and

Oh man.

It would be really.

Funny. To like,

To see her, you know, where she couldn’t like, Get away or something like she did when I saw her back in July. I don’t think she knew what to do, you know?

I didn’t I just wanted her to look at me.

I don’t know if she probably there’s no telling what she thought. Yeah, because I mean,

She was probably afraid. I was going to do something or be crazy.

Yeah, but I mean that’s what she did to me. Hahaha

I just

I don’t know. I don’t hate her.

I really don’t.

I still have a.

I don’t know.

Well, it sure is Tuesday night and this time last night I was already asleep. Yep.

I guess I was kind of holding out to see if my roommate wanted me to get the decorations uh, Halloween decorations out of the garage or something. I don’t know. But,

She wouldvmessage. She hasn’t.

H. She hasn’t.

Messaged me. It just changed that like 3 different things. I said ha ha ha. Yeah, I told her to just let me know. I think she was getting her hair done or something.

But uh, I’m gonna eat some more of this cookie cake. Wish I had some milk 1 of my friends, I usually uh, as a last resort, I usually try to Borrow 5 dollars from him. But sometimes he never like he won’t message me back about it or something. It’s not a big deal, like I made it today, I can make it tomorrow.

Uh, and I get paid tomorrow afternoon, but

Well, it’s like I didn’t have any. I did have some caffeine actually. Uh I think I Yeah.

They should not in the last post.

I mentioned that. Yeah.

Sometimes it is, it’s like frustrating. You know, how this stuff? How this app picks things up? But then, it’s like a miracle. Isn’t it kind of that it picks up anything? I say, even Any. Like, Remotely. Correct. Right. Yeah.

But, I don’t know, I’ll find somebody eventually or if I found them already like, you know something eventually, you know, it’ll happen. When the time’s, right? Yeah.

Of course I’m also just now starting to get like comfortable you know being by myself and like my life is actually pretty good compared to what it’s been like. It was really awesome in 2022. That was like the best all-around post divorce year. But uh, Other than like right now other than not getting to see my kids as much as I want to which would be every day. But like

You know, I settle for every other weekend or

Dinner or something on the weekends and maybe getting them once a month. I’m getting them Saturday. So that’s, you know, other than that, though my Life is actually pretty fucking good. Yeah, like I can’t complain. I’ve got a comfy bed. I didn’t sleep in a comfortable bed for

3 years. Yeah, I was either like on some shitty air mattress or Fucking the couch. You know at my mom’s. So I might actually it’s nice to have a bed and I got a room. I need to clean it up but you know, it’s really nice. This is a nice house. It has uh, clean running water. It’s got appliances. Yep.

And a dishwasher. It’s got a toaster oven. It has a refrigerator and a freezer and it’s got a garage with a refrigerator and a freezer. And I can go out and play music in the garage. I don’t have to drive all the way to my storage unit even though sometimes I do

I can record like the music to the songs. I have here.

But I can, I would rather do the vocals in my storage unit. That’s probably I’m going to mess with that this weekend. I think, actually, I’m going to probably be Too busy doing stuff with the kids.

Oh,

Yeah, I’m just going to I went yawn in a big yawn at It, and it picked it up as, as, oh,

Haha.

But what else can I say? I don’t know. I’m tired now. I’m gonna probably it’s probably going to be all I can do to edit this. Yep. And you know just stay awake while I’m doing it.

Thank you.

Please.