6:11 AM
Oh gosh, I just woke up.
It’s cold. Yeah, it’s really cold. I turned the fan off. In my room. Oh my goodness, this is my favorite time of year. So much, my favorite very favorite time of year.
Oh, I had some crazy dreams. About guess what? About Brittany. Yeah.
It hasn’t happened in a while.
And they’re always so weird. It’s like,
It’s like she’s always just Out Of Reach even if she’s like there and people will talk about her and be like, you know, I saw her, you know, there she was, and I saw her too, in my dream, and I saw her on a security camera. It was funny at work. Yeah, She came up to where I worked. She um, she had just started working there. And she was like she buried some kind of stuff. Uh, close to the entrance gate. Yeah, she buried it in the ground and I tried to find what it was. I think it was her cell phone. She left her cell phone. Yeah, she buried her cell phone.
I was like, who does that? Yeah, that was, that was my dream. That was like, what it was about and she was wearing a mini skirt with, uh, like with a uniform shirt with her name on it.
And I was like, she’s going to get in trouble. Hahaha
Oh no. It was uh it was a crazy dream.
The last time I had a bunch of dreams about her, uh, was the weekend before the summer shutdown.
At my job. It shuts down. It’s a car factory. Uh, it shuts down twice a year for a week. I think it’s a week and a half for the winter shutdown. Um, some places incorporate that because I worked at 2 other places that had shut down times.
Uh, 3 other places actually. Yeah. But uh, 1 place, I didn’t work there long enough to experience that Yeah. But uh, yeah here though at this place.
Um,
Like most places they’ll do the summer shutdown, the same week as the 4th of July. But this place didn’t this place doesn’t it was like 2 weeks after Yeah, and then it was the next weekend like that first weekend before the shutdown, you know happened. Um, I had all those dreams about her, then the next weekend, I saw her in Guntersville. Yeah. Twin Flames. It’s fucking crazy. It really is. My voice is a lot less gralee right now. Thank God. I was worried about it gralee. Gravity. Gravity. Gravel.
Yeah.
It’s yeah, it’s not it’s not that bad at all.
But my throat feels kind of weird because it was cold.
But yeah, that’s what I that’s what I’m thinking about right now. I just woke up. I was like fuck.
What a crazy dream. There was some other stuff though. That happened in the dream. I think uh,
Had something to do with robots, and
Computer screens and software. I don’t remember though.
But yeah, she unblocked me like she got all into my brains before the shutdown in July and she’s blocked and unblocked me, I don’t know how many times.
Uh, but um
Like she unblocked me. And, uh, I got this is, I don’t know. I, I read something she had posted. I think it was on Instagram or something, or maybe it was Facebook. She was all, like, I don’t block people, you know, and she doesn’t reach out and all this stuff. And I’m like, well, she blocked me.
Um, but anyways. Yeah, she had unblocked me and it’s like just message her, you know? And I can’t I can’t. She was so mean, she was so fucking mean the last time I did
And all that happened about two years ago. Yeah, what’s today? The 12th? Yeah, I think uh, all of it happened on like the 13th of October. 2023 It’s a crazy story, it really is. And I for some reason, I just can’t bring myself to to talk about the whole thing from the beginning. But um, Oh my gosh, and I do, I talk about this way too much, but it was so crazy. You know, and I thought about it too. It’s like, you know, for me, it was crazy, you know, for her, it might have just been, you know, another Tuesday, right? Haha I have no idea.
But um,
Yeah. It’s like I just couldn’t. I couldn’t even though she tried to follow my daughter on Tik Tok last year, I still couldn’t message her, you know.
My daughter was like, yeah, I blocked her.
It was, uh, it was, it was a really Crazy thing. But, um,
She blocked me again when I made this post about of all the blue and green chickens. I drew all like, all over fucking creation. I just posted it to see if she would. She kept popping up at the top of My suggested people on Facebook Messenger. I could see when she was active and she could see when I was and It was driving me nuts so I was like. Here you go! I bet there’s
Shit, hundreds and hundreds of those all over gas station bathrooms from Fucking. Like Tennessee. Because I’m an adventurer, you know, I drive around a lot.
All the way, like down. Probably South as far as Birmingham. I know, every sticker on in the nick, The, uh, yeah, that’s this. Like they call it a dive bar in the uh, description on Facebook. I played there, I used to play there a lot back in like the 2000s. I haven’t been there. I went there a lot. Oh gosh, 2 years ago. I’ll say, I was almost said I went there last year but I went there 2 years ago for the first time in 15 years and just hung out they were having some uh local bands play. I was like hey that’s cool I hadn’t been out in a long time. I was so scared and nervous. My friend Jane had to like walk me through it she stayed on the phone with me. She’s like I’m so proud of you for actually getting out.
Because I became a Hermit for so long. Oh, and it was such an adjustment to um,
Like, I guess reintegrate myself into normal social things. Yeah, that’s still an ongoing process. This Blog has helped a lot too. Or my other blog also, yeah.
I do though, I have noticed, like, I’ve gotten some new readers. Because I’ve been like looking around and reading other people’s stuff and commenting on it on WordPress. It’s like, hey Ya
I love when people read my stuff. Yeah, I do. It’s like yay.
But anyways.
Uh, every there’s stickers all in the bathrooms at the Nick It has 2 bathrooms, they’re both like, you know, unisex or whatever. And Every single 1 of those stickers has a blue and green Chicken on it. And that’s, you know, we’re the blue green Spectrum. Yeah. Like she’s the green 1. And I’m the blue 1. I’m wearing like blue clothes right now.
Uh, but anyways.
Yeah, all over all over the place. So, I made a, a Facebook post with a lot of those pictures on it. I don’t know.
Because I took pictures of all of them, But it was just so many. So I only like posted, maybe 30 of the pictures. And I made some paintings and 1 of them was a bigger triangle piece of wood.
I had painted. And gave to 1 of my friends when I worked at the dollar store. Yeah. And uh, it was a picture of her holding it up. She was. It’s really funny. Yeah, she was a really cool chick. She lives in Georgia now but uh she was the assistant manager at the Dollar General. Not the 1, I worked at. Yeah. Like at a different 1 and I I connected with the workers at the One across from my storage unit where I do my music.
Where I did my music, which Brittany knows where it is now. It’s just, it’s so crazy. But um
Oh my gosh, why? Yeah. Right across the road from my storage unit and I walked over there 1 night and I was like hey y’all I work at the dollar store too. Haha I’m recording an album across the street and like blah blah, blah, blah blah. And you know after about a couple weeks going in there all the time and talking to them I was like hey I made friends with them, you know? And I gave her that.
Oh,
Triangle piece of wood with. The chickens on it and it turns out she’s this chick. I went to school with all like middle school and some of High School with it’s her daughter. Yeah.
She had her I think when she was pretty young, she dropped out of School at some point
Oh, those were the meanest girls I’ve ever? She was 1 of the cool ones, though. But those were the meanest chicks. I ever met in my life, were the ones I went like grew up with,
At Asbury, Junior, High School. Yeah. Oh my gosh, like from kindergarten until the ninth grade. It was 1 of those like weird schools, like that. It went to the ninth grade. Yeah so I started High School Uh, in like a real high school. I went to Boaz And it was so big compared to Asbury because our ninth grade class, I think had 30 people in it, and I thought that was the whole fucking world, you know? Oh, those girls were so mean to me all the time cuz we had grown up together and I was like this, you know, I was the weird kid who was into dinosaurs, I was the only 1 too. Like you know all the other kids are just normal like country. You know kids there were some really trashy mean kids too
But like all the girls were just, they were so mean, anytime there was a new girl, they ran like several new girls off like a new girl would show up and she would just be like this normal, you know, Kid, and they would be mean to her and like so bad that she would change schools.
There was this 1 girl, they were so mean to her. Uh they just didn’t like her, they said she stunk And uh, they took all her clothes off 1 day down in the locker room and threw her out into the gym in front of everybody and she left after that. Yeah. I was like wow, what a What a bunch of shit hole fucking girls, but that chick’s mom. You know, from the Dollar General, she was actually 1 of the nice ones. She was like, like 1 of the 2 or 3 nice ones. Yeah, she was really nice to me, but she was a new girl at 1 time. She she didn’t like grow up there like I did, I don’t know how she was able to exist. You know how she survived it? But uh, she did. Yeah.
Oh, I’m just thinking about this chick named Amanda. Yeah. And then uh,
Oh my gosh. She was so mean.
And Rachel. This other chick named Tamara?
Yeah. Oh man, and 1 time like this is when I had first gotten into business with my dad. Um,
I was dropping this, like, Driving. Yeah, this like uh, really nice 2003 Chevy Silverado. With a Duramax diesel. It was like a you know extended cab. It was my work truck but it was nice as shit. And uh, I had pulled into the Sonic to get breakfast in Boaz and she comes out like that. Tamara girl. Who was I mean I was just garbage to her the whole what 10 years. I went to Asbury. And um, But I liked her, I thought she was cute and but she was so mean to me about that like all the time. I was like hey Tamara I asked her to the dance a couple of times and she was like yuck you know, not like no like you God no. You fucking gross. Ass little asshole. Yeah. Haha And so um, but I pulled in to the Sonic 1 morning. Uh,
6:25 AM
To get a breakfast burrito. This is when they were actually still good, you know, they had
Anyways, um, And she comes waddling out. She was probably 8 months pregnant, like working at the Sonic, brought me my food and I was like, well, hey there Tamara Patterson. Yeah, I just oh my gosh, she had the most I mean I never had a chick look at me like that when she recognized me because I hadn’t seen her in 10 years. Nearly she got pregnant when she was 16 and dropped out of High School. Like, I don’t know how many kids along she was, you know, with that 1 but
Oh my gosh. And but you know what? So funny is like the like it was uh
Oh, it made her so mad. Just the fact that I was there and this really big nice truck You know, this was a fucking, you know, 50 or 60 thousand dollar truck,
Oh,
I’m just thinking. Yeah and you know there she was working at Sonic she had no idea what I had been doing or anything this is before, you know, my space or Facebook or any of that.
And uh, oh gosh, the look, she gave me like I was, you know, she tried to, she tried to look at me. Like I was the same stupid garbage that I, you know, she thought I was in school, but I just looked at her like, You know, yep.
She was still, you know, really pretty though. I thought
Hahaha Ha
I don’t know what to say about that. I was just like, yeah.
Actually, I was thinking like a lot of those chicks. Did they dropped out of school? They couldn’t handle like normal school. When we All went to Boaz a lot of those girls were like this place is stupid, you know, and I was actually popular at Boaz.
Yeah, it was funny. I didn’t know how to handle it. I didn’t know how to handle like chicks. Being nice to me or actually liking me. Yeah, yeah. I was like whoa. What? Like I’m but I’m like you know because of the way those girls treated me. Yeah, it was really crazy. Those were just the, those were the meanest girls, I still haven’t ever met girls. Who were even anywhere close to as mean as those girls were. Yeah.
Oh my God.
Sand Mountain. Yep, which I guess Boaz is still a part of it too. But Asbury was a special, like a special pocket of
Sand Mountain, which is a special place in Alabama, right? It was a It’s a really like, What’s it’s different. It’s a little different now, but in the 80s and 90s, it was a, um, still an Economically and socially isolated culturally isolated area. Like
Yeah, every all the crazy stuff always happened on Sand Mountain. It was, it was like the Backwoods Within the Backwoods place like Asbury was even more back woodsy like crazy people.
Than normal Sand Mountain, which was already backwards and fucking crazy. Yeah, it was developed a lot later than the rest of the state. As far as, you know, we didn’t get electricity out there until the TVA and
Uh, built the Guntersville Dam and um, I think my grandmother uh, Her mom had 15 kids that lived. Yeah, she had 18 in all 3 of them died. And they raised mules.
Um,
But she never ate like she ate her first hamburger when after she was 18. You know, like she had never had. Like they she had never seen a car or anything until she was a teenager.
Yeah, that was like That was. What’s that movie, Coal Miner’s Daughter? You know, like
Loretta Lynn. You know, she was all like The that that’s how my grandmother was. Yeah.
Kind of,
But those yeah, I guess, you know, me and those mean ass girls. I went to school with, we were all the descendants of those like the really crazy Backwoods people,
And my family has been in that area since the 1840s Yeah, there’s like you can go to the cemetery. The Martling Cemetery cuz there’s like a few communities there. Asbury was the 1 with the school though. I’m actually from Marltling Yeah. Uh but Like, I don’t know how many great grandparents ago. At the cemetery, like 1 of the graves, are there from the 1840s the Tuckers
And there’s like a handful of families and we’re all like cousins and shit. There’s the beard and Beardens. And yeah. And Oh, it picked it up and then changed it. I have to edit that in And the Banks. Yeah. And uh,
The ducats.
Ducats. I guess I’m gonna have to edit that too. Ducketts
And the trolls. Haha Yeah, I guess I want to have to edit that it Edit that into I don’t know. The Terrells. The Otingers too. Hahaha That’s those are like the main families though.
That we’re all like, kin to
Oh crap.
I miss my kids. I wish I would have gotten. Could have gotten my kids. Yeah.
I don’t know. I freaked out. I think so much, too, because of, uh, all the stuff I dealt with the first. Like few years after the divorce and the last 2 years I was married. You know, I just I my fucking circuits are burned out like to process things in a normal healthy way.
I mean, I after I freaked out about things that I can, you know, usually see like the
You know logical sense, making parts of it but that’s what I did yesterday about the car. I was like oh my God, I just You know though it’s not as bad as it used to be because used to my default like thing was like just commit suicide you know and I would have to talk myself out of like doing that because I have I’ve tried to do that twice.
You know, and it I never really came back from that last 1 and uh, the last attempt, you know. It was really bad.
And then sometimes I’m just like, you know, why in the hell have I even had to like
What do people even have to deal with this, you know?
I used to never.
Like I used to never have any kind of issues like that until my ex-wife and I moved in together.
And I, you know, I started getting kind of depressed and then it just I don’t know, it would go away and come back. I would like I don’t know, I got into business with my dad. And he treated me like garbage and that wore me down like eventually like gradually, you know, just stopped. I just thought, well, maybe I am just a big stupid fuck up because that’s how he treated me. All the time
And uh, my exwife, you know, nothing was ever good enough. I just I just got ground up into a fucking stump by the time. All that was over with
And the last 7 years is basically just been me trying to like Fill myself back up and fix all that crap. It’s really crazy how the people that you love and care about the most can just absolutely destroy you. And then you realize, you know, that like looking back,
That, um,
They never really deserved to be part of your life like that. Anyways,
You know, like my dad who Cheated on my mom all the time and made jokes about it and just manipulated and used people to get what he wanted. And I was 1 of those people, you know?
And how he doesn’t ever have anything to do with like, he never like, I hardly ever talk to him anymore. He never sees my kids. He has 1
Hello. Yeah, he has 1 grandsons not picking that up. There we go. Yeah. 1 grandsons.
- What a piece of shit app. Yeah, my son. Yeah, it’s his only grandson and he never like calls him, or spends time with him or does anything with him. It’s like what the fuck. It’s like they don’t really even have a granddaddy he shows up around their birthdays and gives them money. And that’s about it, you know,
But he spends like all the time in the world like he does shit all the time. Every day with like my sister’s kids. And, uh, she has 4 girls, You know, well, But then, at the same time, like I’ll see pictures. My sister will post pictures of like, on Facebook of like my dad and all them and it’s just my dad’s like the only dude. It’s just like my sister and his wife. And My 4 nieces and my adopted. I have 2 adopted sisters but 1 moved off to uh Washington State. The last I saw And it’s just him and like all those ladies, you know, and it’s like, he could like that’s you’re either His subordinate or you’re his competition. Yeah. That’s how my dad is like that. What’s that dude from the movie, There Will Be Blood. That’s how my dad is yeah for real. And he’s so like he knows how to like, you know,
Get along with people you know, like he knows how to
Talk to people and, uh, you know, So he doesn’t seem like that but, you know, he is, yeah. He’s, uh, it’s really fucked up but a lot of people are like that. His brother is like that too. And I’ve got one of my uncles on my mom’s side of the family who is like that.
Yeah.
It’s just like, well, you know,
Like, You know, have fun with that shit. It’s weird.
But that’s was uh that’s what was so crazy about it. Like I would try to get uh, like excited about stuff. I would try to like actually enjoy, you know, doing things and be happy within the business and stuff like doing the work and everything, and he would pick up on that and fucking ruin it. Like he would go out of his way to ruin shit for me and it was fucked up. It was like you what you think you’re going to be happy? Hell no, fuck that. And like he would take the crank relays out of the truck. Sometimes I would get a call in the middle of the night. It was a generator business so like sometimes if like, somebody’s generator didn’t work when the power went out for poultry Farms. Yeah. So uh, you know, they would be a bunch of dead chickens. And so, uh, I would have to get out in the middle of the night and go and he would like it would be like oh crap that took the damn. Somebody took the dad took the fucking Crank relays out of, you know, again. I would have to fix that before I left. And I’m like, what the fuck?
Stupid asshole. You know, like, And he would just like, make fun of me all the time if we were around like other people, And uh, Like, talk shit about my mom.
You know, it’s like what a fucking like that’s my dad, you know. What the hell’s wrong with him and I did this shit. I got into the business with him to help him because his health was all he got. He had to have like back surgery and neck surgery. And he couldn’t do the like, the really hard work anymore and I got I did all that to help him, because he was my dad, you know, and I cared about him. I cared for some reason. I cared more about my dad than I did about my own stupid crap. Like I just wanted to play music. And do art.
6:40 AM
You know, the same thing with my ex-wife. It’s like Gosh.
Oh human beings. You know it’s like shit. This is a long post. I’ve been making a lot of really long posts.
Lately, like over 3,000 words. And then some are way longer than that. But I just I guess my point of all that is just like, You know, it’s not my fault and I’m not really that awful. I’m not really awful at all everybody. At work tells me how nice like I’m the nicest person they’ve ever met.
And uh, it’s, you know, I don’t know how many people chicks You know, especially have told me that I was like. Just the. They love my attitude and I’m just like sunshine or some shit. I’m like, okay, thanks, I don’t. I just show up, I don’t like being miserable. You know, I’m not going to, I’m not 1 of those people that Come to work and hate the shit out of it and stuff. I try to make it fun.
And uh, I make up songs and I sing? I make up songs about the people. And I’ll sing it to them, right there. I’ll be like, you know, there’s the like Hombrito you know, I was like mi Enemigo¡!
He shaved his beard. He had a beard. He shaved his beard off Friday and I was singing to him. It’s like where did your beard go in Spanish ¿Donde está tu Barba?you know all this stuff too Its, uh, he like he just doesn’t nobody knows what to think about any of that. Hahaha
But then, you know, all like the mean old lady from Logistics song like she drives by my, where I’m working at like, you know, 4 or 5 times a day. I’m just like, there’s that mean old lady. And I’ll start singing the song.
So she is though she was so mean to me that it made me cry 1 day and that’s where the song comes from.
Yep, that’s uh, this is what I’m doing on a Sunday morning.
I could go get breakfast.
But I don’t really want to spend a lot of money until I get my car looked at. I’ve got about hundred dollars.
About $100.
$400. Thank you dollars. Yeah, I guess it did pick up the dollar sign. That’s that never happens.
I don’t know. I don’t know what they’ve done in this app like the last year or so, it’s just
I don’t know.
Thank you, please.
MY BLOG NUMBER SEVEN 