2:24 PM
Hey, uh, it’s Saturday.
What am I going to do?
Nothing. Yep, that’s what I’m doing. I’m laying here in my bed. I’ve been talking to my friend. Jessi Welles About, um, Music and stuff. I sent her some of my music. She’s oh.
Friends with a lot of people and 1 of her friends. Is Swedish and her father-in-law, her friend’s. Father-in-law is Dan Magnussen.
Or I think that’s his name. Yeah. Um, who played drums with C6? Steve
C6. Steve, I guess so. Yeah. And uh,
Haha.
Seasick.
Yeah, Steve Anyways, um, Yes, she’s uh, lives in Panama, it’s a crazy story. Actually, she lived on a sailboat. For a while and ended up in Panama.
She’s 1 of my best friends and if I would have been single when I met her, I would have married her. Yeah. Oh my goodness. Just I mean we have we just like hit it off like I never met somebody. I just hit it off with like I did her. But I was married and I was like, dang, you know, there was
Somebody who probably would have treated me a lot better that my ex-wife did. Hahaha But uh, You know, my ex-wife treats me really great. Now, you know she does.
Um, I can’t say anything bad about her ever.
Ever again.
I mean, I never will
Um anyways though shit I was just talking to yeah, Jessi Wells earlier and she was like, hey send me some songs so I did.
Actually, a lot of my songs are pretty good. Um, I mean, she is messaging me
That she wants to eat my cute face. Yeah. Anyways um,
The feedback I get from my stuff when I post it for my friends, I have like fans, they’re my friends but they love me. You know they love my music.
I put a lot of like, crap into, uh,
Into my stuff. It it like Some of it’s stupid, but it comes from like,
I’m extremely sensitive. And the conflicts that come from that because I just can’t deal with people a lot of the time and I get hurt easily and I’m retarded socially, like,
We have retarded real bad.
And uh, it’s like Beyond autistic. It’s like fucking I don’t know, autistic just kind of taking on a different meaning than it did when I was younger. Used to when you heard about somebody being autistic. They were like not functional at all. Um, now it’s pretty much. You know, it’s it can mean anything. Um, You know. Just like a spectrum of stuff.
You can still be functional. Yeah, and autistic, I don’t know. I mean, I haven’t looked that deep into it but it, it was different. It seemed different. You know, when I was younger, when I heard about somebody being autistic. A lot of things can go wrong
You know, when you’re growing up and stuff, but I didn’t get socialized. Like a normal person, I had a very isolated sheltered upbringing. And that has caused me a lot of problems on 1 hand, you know?
On the other, that’s a lot of what fuels my songs, especially my interactions with women.
Who which always goes horribly wrong.
You know, I only wanted to love 1 woman forever and my ex-wife was, who I thought I got. And 18 years. It was just it didn’t, it wasn’t that at all and It really messed me up, right? I obviously, and so like it’s just the last 7 years has just been me. Having shit blow up in my face over and over and over to the point where I’ve been single for almost 5 years now. And the last crazy thing that happened to me um was Brittany, but that was like I ran from her and that’s why it got as retarded crazy as it did.
Nobody else would have ran from her like that but I was scared and like that’s not even Like, Petrified. Um, paralyzed with fucking
Insane amounts of fear. If there’s got to be another word for it, like, fear isn’t. I just like you know, like you’re afraid of spiders or something. It was like
I guess I’m afraid of love a phobia, maybe I don’t know, but I do I run away from everything. There are chicks at work and there’s a couple of them that are just the Cutest ladies I’ve ever seen 1, in particular that I’ve been like I wished I would have talked to last night, actually she works in quality. But um, I ran away.
And she is so pretty. She’s got freckles.
Oh my gosh, and uh, 1 of my friends who I worked with at Target who I thought was married. I thought I just noticed she got into a relationship about a week ago and I thought I thought
Oh, she was married, you know, I was like, that’s why I never asked her out but um, maybe she Then it hit me. It’s like, you know, I haven’t really talked to her that much in, like, 8 months, she could have divorced and I don’t know but then it’s like whatever I really liked her, though. Like she was 1 of my best friends at Target.
But I have I’ve been single for almost 5 years now. And uh, you know, I remember when I thought like being single for a year was a long time, you know, But it’s shit. I’ve been Gosh. Yeah. I’m way overdue for another romantic entanglement. I’ve got 1 friend on here that I’ve talked to uh, it’s been a while. Yeah, it was like, it was when I didn’t have a car back in like April or something.
This chick, I’m friends with, I think she lives in Arab and, uh, a video called her a few times nothing like crazy or, you know, like that. It was just Uh,
But she’s insane and she always posts these like crazy things.
But she’s also beautiful and it’s like, um, I don’t know. I don’t really have any money right now to go out and do stuff anyways. But I was just thinking it’s like man.
I just don’t do stuff like that. I don’t go out. I don’t meet people, I don’t flirt with people or anything and I never have if, I liked somebody I went after them and usually, you know, I mean, It’s just blown up in my face, every time it’s happened, like I’ll get with them, and then something goes horribly wrong. That’s the whole, like, that’s how I had like, uh,
Yeah, 3 girlfriends and a fiance, in a year and a half. And it wasn’t just like, you know, I was reading about I was actually going back and reading some of my old articles on my other blog, about Halloween? Yeah, the Halloween articles I posted on my other blog, I was talking to this guy 1 time. I was talking about in the blog post where I was talking to this guy 1 time after he got divorced. You know, he went through like 70 women but he was it was just like 1 night stands and hookups and stuff. I was like, oh well, I loved these chicks.
Like, you know, he’s like you know like 4 women like what the fuck dude? It’s like, no, I loved them. You don’t understand.
Hahaha
I don’t know. It was really stupid.
But that’s all I knew, you know, I was I was so messed up. But my ex-wife was, she was like, my first everything, like first. Real girlfriend first. Real like you know, all that, you know everything? I was 19. Yeah. And I could have had any chick in high school but I didn’t have anything in common with them. You know, there was always something that was like well you know, because I have a standards And there’s nothing wrong with that and, I came from a really really small place.
So, there wasn’t a lot of variance there, and, uh, I knew that And I’m still like that’s kind of why I haven’t.
Talked to a lot of chicks from work. I don’t have shit in common with anybody there.
You know, I would love to find somebody who liked languages. As much as me. And music and had good tastes in music like just somewhat decent taste, I don’t expect You know, anybody to listen to all the weird crazy shit that I like, but people do. That’s why, you know, I mean, Even some of the more weird shit that I like their YouTube channels will have, you know,
10,000 subscribers so it’s like I’m not that weird. I’m not completely alone. I guess and my tastes of like music and art and Just fucking everything. It’s not. I’m not that
I guess comparatively I am but there’s you know there. There are lots of uh other people out there. It’s a huge world. And I don’t ever really get out. I don’t poke around
But I’ve been like,
Developing. And I guess like my Self. Haha
I don’t know how else to put that, but a lot of it is just me like making up crazy shit in my head and then that turns into a song and it’s really always, it’s really funny to, um, Like what I make up in my head versus what of the reality. Typically turns out to be. It’s, uh, Well, um, for an example.
There were these 2 chicks. I worked with at Target and I didn’t know anything. I didn’t start talking to people. It took me about a month. Couple of months, it took it took about
Wait. It’s about at least 2 months for me to start really talking to people, like, besides, like the people who I had to deal with all the time, like the bosses and Uh,
You know, people I absolutely had to interact with. Uh, like the other like, the other regular like workers. It took a while for me to get where I could just talk to them. And I’m, I’m finally getting in there after, like 8 months where I work now, that’s where I’m finally. To that point here too. But, um, It’s funny. But there was these 2 chicks. Uh, they were like goth, looking chicks, and I made up all this crazy shit in my head like they were witches and they were like sisters and all this stuff and that because they both stared at me all the time and it was funny. I was like, you know, they want to sacrifice my soul to the devil and uh, I just made up all this crazy shit in my head and when I finally got to talk to him, You know, they were just completely, not at all, they were normal, they just liked to dye their hair black and they had tattoos but that was like That’s not so extraordinary or remarkable these days.
Um,
They’re both Christians and I thought, you know, they would listen to like depeche mode. Yeah, or like the Cure or something, but they had no idea who that was. They liked country music.
2:39 PM
And uh, it was just really funny. They were like, totally not. They were normal. They were actually mother and daughter. Yeah.
Oh, apparently.
Just, I mean they were just so normal. Yeah.
And I think that that’s like and then then there was this other chick who I thought was like you know, I made up all this crazy shit like she was this demon queen From Another Dimension and I was like oh you know I like
I really, really liked her and then um,
She was a mutual friends with uh, this other chick on Facebook who worked there. But I was friends with her, before I started working there at Target and when I uh, I like found out who that chick was
Before I even started talking to her because I was fixing to. I was like, man, I’m fixing to just, I’m fixing to go after this lady. I was going to like
Start making her stuff you know like I did Brittany but Brittney had messed with my head too much though. Like it was it just It was so stupid. But anyways um
And then, you know, I find out she was married, and she had a little family, and I think she lives in a trailer actually somewhere off in like
Hartselle, Alabama, you know. I cried about that for a week. Hahaha. I liked her so much. Anyways, I’ll have to edit that in if I’m even going to post this now but I was just thinking, Talking to my friend, Jessi Welles
Oh man.
She’s trying to get me to go to Sweden.
And file bankruptcies. Haha So I can get. Uh,
I’m gonna have to come back to this. I’m gonna have to message her back.
2:42 PM
Okay. Anyways, you know, just messaged her back. I was like
I guess I should just try to get my passport anyways um because who knows. But like I am I’m really
Really far behind on child support.
And I heard that was like, A big deal. If you want your passport, you can like, get your passport denied, if you’re so much behind on child support, cuz it, they It’s like a flight risk or something but, like, holy shit, I’m not going to do that.
But it would be funny to go to Sweden with Jessi Welles.
Uh she’s crazy but she’s like funny crazy and she’s
A great person.
2:45 PM
Crap, you know, I forget, I have 2 phones.
Um, Yeah, I was like I gotta send you all these pictures My daughter’s art.
Oh crap, I’m gonna have to like now, she’s all like blowing up my phone. So I’m probably going to talk to her. Ha. Anyways
I need to start getting, out and playing my songs. Yeah, I need to get out and start doing my music again. I’m going to work on that tonight. I’m going to work on music. I think I have like, 5 dollars.
My daughter’s messaging me her art too
Oh,
My goodness it would though. It’d be a lot of fun to like go do something crazy with Jessi Welles.
Yeah. Um anyways, I guess maybe next week. Wait, yeah. Maybe because I have money. Um, I should try to get my passport And then, like, I could plan something for the fucking winter shutdown week.
Who knows? Right? Yeah. But um
It’s Saturday and I don’t have anything to do and that’s great. I’m so tired.
Thank you, please.
MY BLOG NUMBER SEVEN 