WEDNESDAY!!¡¡!!¡¡!!¡¡!¡!

2:26 AM
Well.

I haven’t been posting a lot lately just because I haven’t,

Done anything new. I was mostly trying to keep up my post streak but then it’s like, well I repeat myself a lot about many things all the time, the same stuff over and over and over.

You know, generally I mean, sometimes I’ll throw in stuff, that’s interesting. And then I totally forget what I’ve talked about. And what I’ve, you know, It’s funny.

A lot of times I’ll mention things again, just because, uh, like

You people new people? Yeah. Um, Haha. Yeah, they read this sometimes and it’s like well They’re not going to scroll back. You know.

100 posts or something, to read, like the story about something else I’ve referenced although I have noticed.

Uh, this 1 chick. I follow who sometimes reads my blogs and likes them. Uh, posts. Yeah.

She noticed. Um, no, she links my brains I noticed. Uh yeah. Haha I noticed that she links to like articles where she um where she’s talked about something else before like in reference it’s like yeah as in this article. Haha way over complicated. Uh, statement as to what I was actually trying to say, right?

Oh, I’m on day shift this week. It’s the transition week. So my brains are all fucked up.

And it’s not just me. All my co-workers are the same way we’re all. Just like, What? When I worked swing shifts at the Honda Plant. Yeah, it was every 2 weeks which they’ve done away with the swing shifts now. But

Um, it wasn’t that hard. The shifts were offset a little less extreme. A lot less extreme actually. It’s like a whole 12 hour difference in these shifts now and you know a couple days I was acclimated no problem at Honda, right? Here at this place, it takes every bit of a week sometimes longer it took me. 2 weeks of Night Shift to get used to it. Last, you know, this last round and I just don’t feel like

I just don’t have any energy at all, hardly, it’s crazy. It’s like, I just feel groggy and it’s beyond that, though. It, I was so tired. Driving home today that it hurt like it physically. Fucking hurt. I was just like, oh my God, I’m awake. You know, it hurts so much. It’s still kind of does. I’m so tired it fucking hurts.

It’s.

Retarded.

But that’s uh, that’s my reality right now. It’s it’s actually kind of funny. Yeah, I’m not complaining. I’m just saying

Hahaha. Yeah.

I’m supposed to get this bonus.

Sometime today or tomorrow, I don’t know. Uh, It hit last time I got a bonus which it wasn’t that much because it was prorated. I hadn’t been there long enough to get the whole bonus. This time I have been I’ve been here for 8 months. And so I’m supposed to get the full bonus.

And uh, but my point was last time, it seemed like it hit

Uh,

In like the early am hours of, uh, I don’t even remember what fucking day. It was. I want to say it was like a Tuesday. Wednesday morning. Yeah. The shift started on a Tuesday. It was on nights. Yeah. But I have no idea like it might come when I get paid regularly which is usually Wednesdays.

At 3, something. I don’t know if today is going to be like that or not.

We’re in the middle of a part shortage right now, so we work half the shift, it’s supposed to be like this for the next at least the next couple of weeks and, um, half the shift and then like, you know, we have to clean up and do stuff. And then, you know, most people go home, they give you 3 options, like, you can stay, Or you can go home without you know, no pay, no penalty. I think they call it and then um, Or you can use your PTO which I only have like 4 hours left.

Paid time off. I think, is what that stands for.

I just stayed I went home early Monday, because I was so fuckin tired uh, yesterday though. It was so hard to stay that extra just 2 hours. It was just 2 hours. Um, it was like causing me a an insane amount of Agony. I know. And I immediately came home and fell asleep at like 4:30. And slept till about 12:30. And I should feel great. I should feel well rested, honestly, I don’t know what the fuck. Is wrong with me. And uh, I hope there’s nothing like clinically wrong with me though.

I just, I don’t think that there is. I think it’s just

Lots of stuff. I think I’ve been fighting a cold too and we’ve had a uh, it’s been like it got really cold, like the temperature.

The last couple of days it’s um it’s only in the 40s I think right now. It was in the 20s. That’s a big difference, I guess I don’t know. I don’t know why I would ever feel as tired as I was when I got off work yesterday. But Jesus fucking Christ the last time. I was that tired. Was when I would work. Like when I worked at Honda, they would let you work over the shifts, were close enough together. You could work over like 4 hours on the other shift and on Fridays, I would work a double shift and like a lot of times I would work 70 hours in a week.

And,

You know, I was really tired. That’s like how tired I was yesterday. It was like, I was tired like that. You know. It was remarkable.

Like holy shit. I shouldn’t be this fucking tired.

But whatever, right?

I’m sitting out in my car, because I’m, I was trying to talk, um, in my room, not being too loud, and it just wouldn’t pick anything up. It was, I couldn’t talk loud. And so it was like, a Mumble and Everything was stupid.

But uh, nothing really new going on with me except that, you know, Oh, when I get my bonus, I’m going to get a pickup for my banjo. So, I can start. Recording with it. I tried using a microphone and it’s just it’s not, it’s not the same, it picks up everything.

It doesn’t work very well. Yeah, as a pickup would work, I’m going to get me a nylon string, guitar an acoustic electric. Yeah.

And I’m going to.

Going to mess with that. I’ve actually came up with a lot of songs in standard tuning. Uh, this year. So I’ll be able to fuck with that shit. But most of my stuff is in C standard. I don’t know. I’ve, I don’t know how I’ve never owned a nylon string guitar. So I don’t know about like

Hello. Yeah, just don’t pick any of that up. I don’t know about like detuning it. Like I I’m used to with acoustics. Although, uh, I’m sure it’s possible, I just don’t know how. Um,

I don’t know, yeah, I don’t know anything. I guess I can try to de-tune it but I’ve also made up a lot of songs in standard. So there’s no need to de-tune Uh, everything, but my best stuff is in C standard.

I can convert a lot of my songs to standard tuning but, um, not all of them. Like when we were frogs has to be played in C standard, And the Honda plant Blues has to be played in C standard.

But it’s also funny, because a lot of the songs I cover, I’ve converted to C standard and they sound really dark and weird, which is my style You know. But it’s uh it’s getting to where like I need to start trying to find Open Mic nights to get out and play it’s time for me to get out and start playing again, performing and shit in front of people. I’ve uh, posted quite a few.

Videos on Facebook and you know, cross-posted them to Tik Tok and Instagram and stuff.

And I’ve got all my social media, like it’s all public. Now. So I don’t know, I actually feel pretty good making a blog post. Maybe that’s I just needed to make a blog post. Haha Maybe that’s why I’ve been so tired. I haven’t gotten any of this crap, out of my brain. And it’s just been weighing me down or some shit, right?

Yeah. I almost want to just go off and tell the whole story about Brittany too, but

I don’t know because she’s still pecks on my blog. She pecked on it yesterday. I think she looked at this 1 but she pecked on my other blog which is what she’s been doing the last few weeks or month I guess or something. About once a week, she’ll peck on it. And it’s really funny how I can tell it’s her and she wants me to know it’s her. But like, what does it even mean like what’s she Even doing, you know, like there’s a Why aren’t we together, right? Like, if if I’m that important to her, which you know, I kind of have to stick To my guns with that. It’s like if she really wanted me like something serious, like, like a real. Anything with me, we would already be together. I don’t think there’s. Uh, it’s not that complicated. Yeah, so I don’t know. But I still like I really do want to tell the whole story. About that.

But I’m not going to because I don’t know where to start right now and I’ve already this is already turned into a pretty long winded post. But I went to sleep, I fell asleep. Uh, yesterday afternoon, you know, without eating anything.

I stopped and got gas and a pack of cigarettes and I was like, cuz I’ve been smoking, I’ve been smoking regularly for the last month. It’s uh, It’s kind of funny but it hasn’t really affected my singing voice. What has affected my singing? Voice has been lack of practice

You know, it’s really Just stupid. But I haven’t done my chores this week.

I need to do that, like Maybe I’ll have the energy to do it. When I get home today, I don’t know.

Um, I’ll push it pretty hard. Anyways, and then it’s like, well, you know, that stuff can wait.

Because 1 of my roommates. Um she has like everything. She’s got a bunch of her stuff like Strewn about all over the living room anyways. So it’s like You know, I don’t know what to do with this stuff. Like there’s 1 of the rooms that my chores are to sweep and mop the, uh, hallway and the upstairs little part. The living room, the dining room and the kitchen. And a lot of times there is just a lot of clutter and things that aren’t I don’t know what to do with. A lot of it, I’m afraid to touch actually sometimes so, you know, I don’t think it’s that big of a deal or she would like Say something to me about it. Worst case scenario because she made this rule where, like, if you go over with your chores it’s ten dollars a day. I just have to throw her like a extra 20 or 30 bucks. I don’t think it’s the end of the world.

Oh man. But yeah, I just haven’t

2:41 AM
Felt like posting, you know, I do that.

But I had been making regular posts for a long time up until the last week or so. And it’s just like, well crap. I don’t have anything new to talk about. I still don’t, you know,

I think I’m going to smoke another cigarette. But I’m going to get a shower and go ahead and Get ready and probably get to work. A little early.

So, I can go to the gym.

Get that out of the way.

I have been going to the gym before work.

I’ve been doing that regularly. Yeah. Um I still get freaked out by those gym girls and that’s 1 reason why on day shift. Yeah I don’t I haven’t been going to the gym after work. Uh, there’s 1 of them there. Well, 2 of them there, but 1 of them, like, I don’t know why this freaks me out why I can’t just talk to her and be like, hey, you know, because she’s

Insanely beautiful, but she stares at me all crazy and I don’t know that shit. Just freaks me out. I guess, you know, I’m still dealing with uh,

You know, like I’m not I guess I’m still not ready. I don’t know. But it’s funny because I have, I’ve been single for almost 5 years. And a lot of that is because I can’t handle. It’s not that I’m afraid of being hurt again. It’s like, I can’t. I can’t do it. I can’t be hurt again. It just it paralyzes me with fear. Like it’s not. It’s not a normal thing and I probably should see a therapist.

But also I think um, you know, there’s a lot of drama and retarded bullshit that goes with any kind of entanglement at least in my case. I think in anybody’s case, you know, in any kind of romantic entanglement, like it’s unavoidable for me, especially

That uh, it

Facilitates. Or uh,

Creates, I guess. An insane amount of drama that I can’t. Like, I just can’t handle it. And there’s so much, like I can’t have like you know, casual Affairs or flings or anything like that. Um, they get too crazy. It’s like they get so possessive and anybody, you know, at a workplace in any capacity at all, it’s going to, it’s going to be, it’s going to be too much. I don’t think I can handle it and I think that’s 1 reason, like intuitively. I just get freaked out. But um, Thursday night is the French club meeting. I haven’t been to a French club meeting and Since February, I think. And it might have been since January, I can’t remember the last 1 I went to But there’s 1 Thursday and I’m going to go to that.

So, that’ll be fun. Huh? If I’m not too fucking exhausted. Stupid tired.

But yeah, I don’t know, I don’t know what else to say. I’m just like, blah me.

It is though it’s nice. That The weather is actually starting to feel like, November. I took the kids to a French restaurant Saturday night, and it was like,

Warm, you know.

Let’s see, it’s 42 degrees supposed to get a little bit colder and then it’s a high think cuz it’s in the 60s and

Tomorrow is supposed to warm back up into the 70s. So

Yeah. I don’t know, I don’t know what else to say, honestly.

1 of my friends. He’s, uh, he’s an author actually he lives in Korea and he posted. He made this post with a quote from Michelle whole whole back. Hole, I don’t know how to pronounce his last name actually, well back. Hula back Michelle, hula back.

Uh, maybe I’ll edit that in.

To the degree. You approached the truth, your Solitude will increase. Keep going, don’t be afraid. The worst has already taken place, of course, life will rip you apart again. But as for you, you no longer have much to do with it. Remember this?

Fundamentally, you are already dead. You are now face to face with eternity.

Yeah I’m just like hey what a fitting quote because I woke up and I was messing around Facebook and I was just feeling all like you know whatever. And then uh I checked my notifications and he had tagged me in this post. Yeah it’s like well that’s funny.

But yeah, gosh, I do Feel a lot better. Maybe I maybe I just needed to make a fucking blog post. I don’t know.

Haha, thank you, please.