SATURDAY MORNING

1:49 AM
Well, I’m just hanging out in my car right now.

It’s uh,

Is it early or is it late? I don’t know. Haha um,

So, I bought a new guitar, the other night, and I went to the French club meeting. It’s always just. Not always actually, depending on how many people are there. Sometimes it’s really awkward and this was 1 of those times. It was

Not as awkward as it has been though. Um, Gosh, my brain. Yeah.

I’m just trying to think of What the hell do I really want to talk about?

I haven’t felt much like making posts lately.

Because nothing too new or exciting. I haven’t been that excited I guess about Life in general lately. It’s just work, work work and tired all the time.

But I got home. Uh, we got off work early. And I got home about. 12. Maybe. And I stayed up for a little bit. Uh, scrolling through Facebook reels and all that crap. And fell asleep. Gosh, it had to have been before 2 and slept so long. And when I finally, like, I had the craziest dreams too, and I woke up Um, when I looked at my phone it said 11:11

Isn’t that funny? Yeah, that happens. Like in the mornings, when I wake up a lot of times it’ll be like 2:22 Or 1:23. That’s what it was yesterday. Morning when I woke up it was 1:23

Yeah.

That happens all the time. So much in fact that it’s not Remarkable. It was though like 15 20 years ago I started seeing numbers everywhere it’s like oh my gosh, what does it mean? And so I got into numerology. Because of that and uh I’m not as all obsessed with it as I used to be. Because it’s just normal now.

But it’s really funny to see like people post about it or people who have just recently gotten into it.

It’s like, yeah, I was

I mean, I still am, you know, if I find anybody interesting like a chick? Or anything. I do their numerology charts, you know, look through all that stuff.

I still figure up people’s birth dates.

And everything. If I see somebody, you know and they post their birthday, you know it’s like

I wonder what their life path is. Oh, they were born on, you know, this day or something.

But that’s about as far as it usually goes compared to how like I’ve done my entire families like on both sides of my family. Uh as far back generationally as I could, which I found to be very remarkable, especially on my dad’s side of the family, that’s where I found all, the real crazy numbers. And I was I was thinking it would be the other side, but Yeah.

But I bought a, a nylon string guitar.

Uh or classical guitar or whatever, the first 1 I’ve ever purchased and it was it was the cheapest 1 they had at the Guitar Center but it plays very well and sounds great and I got a pickup for it.

I’m going to have to modify the sound hole. So the pickup will fit. I think it’ll fit in my other acoustic. I don’t know.

But I spent $369. Yeah. And I got a music stand too, um, I’m tired again though. I was like I just got back from the store. I got some coffee and I was all like excited. I was going to go into the garage and practice.

Um, play guitar and everything. I wanted something I can keep in standard tuning. Because I’ve been, uh, playing a lot of stuff in standard. I’ve been making up a lot of songs in standard tuning too. So I’m like, well. Most of everything I have those uh, I can convert it to C standard. You know, if I have to except, I can’t convert when we were frogs to standard tuning. I don’t know, I think I talked about that in the last post, actually,

I had some really crazy dreams.

Though. Um, I dreamt that I was helping my ex-wife clean out her mom’s house, which that happened not too long ago. I didn’t help her but Her mom, sold her house that she’s lived in for

40 years or something and moved to this smaller house. And they cleaned out a lot of stuff and found a bunch of my stuff. It was really funny. And so I got to uh, I got like some pictures. Old, you know, memorabilia things.

Um yeah my brain is just not wanting to fire off like I thought it would I was like I’m going to make a blog post but uh and then like part of the dream her sister came up there and was like, hey,

And uh,

I had the best in laws, I really did.

But, uh, then I was doing a documentary, I was filming a documentary, um, in Jasper, Alabama. Yeah, uh, about the police department and it was funny. I was following this guy around and he got a call to this apartment complex and then it was this big underground tunnel that led to the jail. And I was having to like explore that and uh, he was showing me some of the weird rooms that you had to crawl under. It was like this old, labyrinth thing it was really crazy, you know, it was a dream. Yeah, I’ve had a quite a few dreams actually where I was a documentary filmmaker.

But that yeah, that was I thought was a pretty crazy dream to have.

Shit. Yeah, I’m tired again.

Maybe I’ll just go back upstairs and go to sleep.

1 of my roommates. I’ve noticed the last couple of mornings. She’s been up watching TV in the living room.

Um, I don’t, I don’t know and 1 of my roommates. I don’t think his car has moved in a week. He’s still there and he’s still posting on Facebook so I guess he’s alive.

I don’t know. And

Brittany. Still pecks on my blog. You know, she didn’t yesterday, nobody looked at my blog yesterday, I’ll go from like sometimes I’ll get thirty something hits, which I know isn’t a lot. I’ll look at other people’s blogs and stuff and uh some of them will get you know, hundreds of likes and just strings of comments and I don’t get anything like that.

Which I don’t promote my blog though, and I don’t really Look through other people’s stuff that much, but when I do, I noticed, they’ll come back and they’ll look at my stuff and they’ll react to my posts and sometimes comment.

I guess that’s what it takes to build a big, you know, following and network of people. I mean obviously

And it it is cool though. Blogs are like you get a lot more detail of people. I know it isn’t as popular. Um, Blogs aren’t as popular as they were a decade ago.

But they’re still cool. Yeah, this is still like my online diary.

My last girlfriend refused to read it. She’s like, I’m not reading your fucking diary, it’s like why it’s it’s right there. Everybody else reads it. You know, like all my other exes, read it, my ex-wife and

Brittany.

I don’t know, the more times passed, the more the time has passed since all the shit happened at Honda and everything with her. It’s like the more ambivalent

I feel about it like it used to just be oh my gosh you know she was like my dream chick and now it’s like well she’s really

Mean, like my ex-wife level mean?

Yeah.

I’m not going to go off about that though. It’s just I don’t I can’t handle that shit. I just I need a sweet lady.

I don’t really care about that anymore, though. For a long time. There’s even 1 of my tags, that’s like, oh, I wish I had a girlfriend or something, but I don’t care anymore. Like for real. And it’s finally, it’s gotten to that point. It’s taken Being single for almost 5 years. But that’s a good place to be. That’s where everybody should be some people get into relationships because they don’t know what else to do with themselves. And

You know, I guess sex and all that stuff is

I could totally have a lot of if I really wanted to.

I guess. I don’t, I don’t care.

And that’s great. I’ll focus on other things.

But, uh, it’s been like this week at work. Hasn’t been that hard. It’s been droger though. Our build number drogaris.

Drudgery. Yeah, drogaris.

I guess. So that’s

Whatever kind of word that is. Yeah. Anyways um,

Lots of it because our build number has been like half

Uh, because of the part shortage and

Of course, that fixed Uh, next week’s back to normal and it has, though it’s not been that bad. But, um, today they were like at lunch. They were like, hey, you know, you can stay or you can go everybody and it’s like, well. I’m going to go because it’s Friday and I’m tired. And I woke up this morning and I just haven’t

I just haven’t had the energy to give a shit about. A lot of stuff this week. It’s it’s the rotation week though. So, um, It’s always hard, but I don’t know. I don’t know what else to talk about. I got this guitar and I’ve got a music stand and I got a pickup for it and

I’m gonna. Piddle around with it though here in a minute. After I make this post and then probably go back to sleep even though I got a big thing of coffee, From the gas station. Oh, I have cookies too.

They’re not that great. They’re hard.

They’re not soft chewy cookies, like I wanted.

But they’re not terrible.

81. Yeah. I just ate.

I just ate 1. I said,

I don’t know, I don’t know what the fucking else to talk about.

I wish I wasn’t so tired. Shit. It’s like I got up. I laid there after I woke up and I was like man. I started flipping through Facebook reels which is like the new TV for me I guess you get advertisements and everything. Haha

I don’t know.

I said and, um, Yeah, I don’t know.

My brains, I swear to God.

Yeah, it got me wanting to get up and do stuff and it’s like, well I just bought this guitar. I have barely even got to play. I actually played the shit out of it. I brought it to work yesterday and sat out in my car because I get to work, you know, 2 hours early. And I sat out there for about an hour just playing the hell out of it and everybody walking by staring at me. It’s like, yeah, I don’t care.

In my car. I was in my car. Yeah.

Um,

God damn it. Yeah, I just wanted to get up and go do stuff and I was like, I sat out here and smoked a cigarette in the car before, I went to the store and then I went to the store and I got coffee and

All I know to do is just keep drinking this coffee and maybe it’ll come back.

I ate 2 cookies.

Yeah, that’s all. That’s all I need to do is just get up and do it.

There was a lot more, though. I wanted to talk about

Been watching a lot of David Lynch reels

2:08 AM
That’s what, uh, actually has been popping up in my, you know, when I, when I scroll through the stuff or flip up through the stuff, the reels

That’s what pops up is. Uh, David Lynch stuff.  And This author. Guy. His name is, uh,

Oh, there’s a K in it. Jason, k something. What is his name?

Truth every story, you know? Starts the same.

Like, every Wikipedia start.

Oh, anyways. Uh yeah. Just picked up the audio for this fucking thing.

This guy talking about some guy, I don’t know he’s wearing a suit. Talking about. Uh, the only certainty about things is is you’re born and then you die. And uh, this is a real cynical approach on things, though, his, who even was the guy

James Sexton.

Who the hell even is he? Um,

Let’s see if he has a Wikipedia page. Anyways, this other dude in the comments though, uh, was talking about

You only get 1 life. I was like, actually no, you come back like it’s something after you die. Yeah. He’s like nothing happens. It’s like yeah. You come back as another life if you want to. And I can already see. That’s probably fixing to turn into an argument.

What was his name?

He’s an attorney.

He’s only 8 years older than me, I thought he was like 65.

He’s a media commentator on divorce related issues and the author of 2 books on preventing divorce and maintaining a happy marriage.

Don’t get me started, right?

Yeah.

No idealistically marriage uh, is like I mean, that’s what I wanted. I don’t know that. I want it anymore if I want to get married again, if I ever even want to fall in love again. Or have any kind of anything like relationship ever again? I mean talk about cynical, right? Yeah, I just I don’t know.

I’ve been hurt too much and that’s really all it amounts to And then that’s just me, you know, the divorce was bad enough. And then, I mean, there’s a huge reason why I’ve been single for almost 5 years now.

But yeah, that’s probably not going to last forever.

No, I don’t know. I just have like

There’s just so much more I want to do. I feel like if I get into a relationship, it’s going to turn into like You know, something big and

I think I’m overanalyzing it and, uh, Yeah, whatever. But um,

What was I initially talking about? I opened my other phone and that reel was already up there, and this guy had commented

But yeah, life is the crazy thing but not really

Shit. I don’t know. I don’t even care. I don’t like I think I’m just going to wrap this up and go practice my guitar. I guess that’s another reason. I haven’t been making a lot of blog posts is. I just I don’t really.

Care right now. I’ve said everything that I’ve could ever possibly talk about

That was of interest to me.

In this blog and my other blog. And I even linked to the other blog that I had last year for a minute, that it was just me talking about how crazy I am and how much I wish my life wasn’t in the toilet, and it’s really hard to read. I was trying to read some of those posts and it’s like, damn, I was Really in a bad place last year, I thought I was in a bad place like 4 or 5 years ago. Last year was probably the overall the worst year I’ve had since the divorce.

It really was. But anyways, fuck all that shit. Yeah. Um, haha

Thank you, please.