SATURDAY NIGHT

9:23 PM
Well, it’s Saturday night. So um, in my car smoking.

Yeah, I’m fixing to go get food, though.

Probably go to Culver’s.

Get a fish sandwich. I guess. I don’t know. That’s like my favorite thing from there though.

I went and got Indian food earlier and I was not impressed. It was this place up the road and uh,

They didn’t even ask me if I wanted a menu or anything. It just like here’s the buffet. And I was like, you know, I’ve never been here before, I’ll try it.

It really wasn’t that great. And it was 26 dollars. So I was like, well. Fuck this place. I’ll never come back.

I mean it wasn’t worth twenty 6 dollars. It was worth like 15 maybe.

Yeah.

4.6 stars on Google Maps, I don’t know.

Then I came home and I fell asleep. I’ve been playing the shit out of my New guitar.

Um, I posted a video even

Like totally fucking up like some crap and then I break into the Brittany song.

Um, I don’t know my brains but I had this really crazy dream.

That, uh,

I was like because last year I missed some really important shows. I missed Jonathan Richman. Okay, at the Saturn in Birmingham and like I didn’t even know that was happening. I follow the Saturn on Instagram and Facebook, it’s actually a really cool venue. I saw the dead Milkmen there back in like 2015 and I got thrown out for being too crazy. Hahaha

I am a like a really crazy person anyways. But I was drunk, and I think that’s the most angry my ex-wife ever was at me.

Was it? Well, maybe 2002 when we went to see the um,

Lord of the Rings. I think it was the second 1 and I got I was so drunk that I threw up in the theater. I think that was the maddest she was ever at me but um,

Yeah, I had this dream I was like something just popped up in my Facebook feed that Acid Bath was going to be in Huntsville. And uh, I don’t know, They got back together for like a reunion show Or a show or something and that turned into like a whole bunch of shows. And, uh, nobody knew who the hell they were when I was like a teenager like me and my friend Brandon And we got everybody else into them. Which, you know, they were like my favorite band in the 90s. Now a lot of people know who they are.

And I’m still like a huge Dash rugs fan. I’ve like, saw him. Dax rugs. Yeah, I know. Okay. Well, I’ll have to edit that in

Dax Riggs

Haha. Um, But I’ve seen him like fuck, half a dozen times. And at the Nick in Birmingham like this really Small place that I’ve actually played at. Back in the day. And uh, like the mid 2000s, I guess. And I’ve met him I actually scared the hell out of him 1 night, I was like Dax rigs on my fucking god. Dax rigs Dax Rigs and uh, Yeah, like he’s this little bitty guy and I’m not And it was funny, but I was like, I didn’t mean to scare you. I was just so excited. It was the first time I saw him. I think. This was like 2005.

When he was doing the dead boy, and the elephant men thing. But the We are night sky

Uh, which, um, actually was a pretty good album. I guess it was just him. And this chick drummer, who I think she ended up. She’s dead now, but she was really cool. Her and I kind of hit it off. And then my ex-wife was like, hey,

But um,

Yeah, I had this dream and I was like it was like the last minute and I was going to have to miss work for it. And I tried to put PTO in at the last minute and I never did hear back from my boss and they were playing the next show was in Mississippi, you know, I was like, oh my God, you know, Because I did, I actually had a panic attack and missed the violent femmes show last year that I had got tickets for Um,

They had sold out and some chick on on Facebook, I’m friends with. I don’t even remember who it was.

Was selling her tickets. And uh, I bought 1 of them, it was like 40 bucks. Was which I think is what she paid for it. And uh, I got like halfway down there and had a fucking panic attack.

It was crazy. Yeah, last year was just a total piece of shit fucking year. Uh, for me in a lot of ways, it was cool in a lot of ways though, but not overall,

I did get out and play a lot of open mic nights, which I have not done this year. But anyways that was like I woke up like oh my God, you know.

Um but then it was like shit. That’s that was a dream. Yeah. So I got on there and I guess they’re playing in Atlanta in April my ex-wife actually sent me a thing about that a month or so ago.

They’re playing with um, crowbar and I hate God. And I never could get into crowbar, really? They had some cool songs, but I was a huge. I hate God fan. I’ve met Jimmy Bower and Mike Williams And uh, I was like wow you know that seems like there was another band playing

Playing, you know, I don’t know but that was Was a silly dream. I was all excited in my dream. I was like, oh my God, Acid Bath

But, I don’t know.

I’ve actually kind of had a weird day. I went

To my storage unit. And got my printer which I still haven’t gotten out of my car. I got my printer and I got

Like other cords and stuff.

But I was going through all my crap cuz I was trying to find my external hard drive.

And I couldn’t find it. I think it might actually be in my closet now that I, you know, I think I got it out actually. But I don’t remember. I’m going to have to go through my closet. I don’t really have the focus or the energy level right now, but I’m not like exhausted tired. Feeling. The way I was when I woke up.

Um, So, who knows?

But I got really depressed. I was like, dang, you know?

And then it hits me. How much time has passed? And uh, I don’t feel like I’m 45 but I am And sometimes I get really like I get what? Hit. Yeah, really hard with that perspective.

You know, my daughter, she’s on Instagram and she posted this thing and it’s like, Dang, you know, I have a teenager

Oh and also in my dream. Yeah it was like like a flashback where I was younger. I was watching like me as I was like in my 20s. I had my long hair and Like just a lots of stuff but like the old me, The me that I miss sometimes a lot that I

That did got destroyed. Yeah, like from the divorce and being in business with my stupid asshole dad.

The version of me that I liked The most. I’m not romanticizing it or anything. I really liked who I was 20 years ago. It’s just I didn’t get to be.

Just it’s crazy. I didn’t get to be that person for very long.

Because I got married and got into business with my dad. And now I’m who I am now which is really I mean, I guess it’s not that bad, but

I don’t know.

I guess technically, like in a lot of ways, I’m doing what I was wanting to do. You know? Then, which is working some decent paying factory job and doing music. And it really wasn’t being married so much. It was just that I got into business with my dad.

Which I couldn’t live with myself, if I hadn’t but that totally Just,

I think that ruined a lot more things for me than, Anything else? And I don’t even talk to my dad. Now, you know, I saved his stupid business and Trained my step cousin who killed himself last year and

Uh, Lots of stuff that.

I wonder what life would have been like if I would have told my dad to fuck himself which is that’s what he deserved but I didn’t realize that at the time, you know, you you grow up a certain way and you you think you know your dad or your mom, you know, your parents, just seemed my parents seemed. Anyways, they were so much larger than life and uh,

Now, you realize when you get older that they’re not, not only are they not perfect? You know. Nobody’s perfect. But they’re not even like

That great, you know, my dad’s a manipulative lying, you know sack of shit really. And, you know, my poor Mom, though, but she was really mean to my sister and mean to my daughter and a lot of stuff about my mom, I didn’t, I don’t really understand About her or my dad.

Uh, I think 1 time at a bookstore. I passed by this book. That was like, you know, how to Deal with like, uh, something about

Having narcissistic parents, it was like a self-help book about it and I was like, hey that sounds like me. I just kind of laughed but uh yeah. For real Like my parents totally were all about themselves. And my mom had a gospel music career and my dad had his military career and that’s what they both were focused on. Like me, And my sister were just kind of put on the back burner you know? And it’s not like that with me, my kids are like absolutely first. I’m on the back burner, you know. Except the weekends, I don’t have them or do anything with them like this weekend. The only reason I’m not doing anything with my kids. This weekend is because my daughter has a bunch of stuff going on. She’s part of this UN ambassador program and she had a bunch of stuff in Auburn to do today. And tomorrow, she’s having dinner with her friends. Like a or a late lunch, I guess. And

Yeah. Oh

She’s in the band too. So she’s got like, she’s like going out for drum major. And she’s got all this stuff going on. And my son, though he doesn’t he has sports but his games are over. So I didn’t really, you know, and it’s 2 hours away. So it’s like, Dang, you know, I wish that wasn’t the case, or I would just, I’d go like, get my son right now for Something, or I would have gotten him earlier for something, you know?

I’m just thinking about my fucking life sometimes.

It’s like dang it’s better than it was. It’s better than it’s ever been since the divorce so I can’t really complain. I don’t know why I got so depressed earlier.

I guess just thinking, you know, things don’t always work out the way you think they’re going to

And I really did, like, The best version of me was 20 years ago, like, I just, I didn’t get to really do anything you know, it just, it just made me sad. I was looking through all my old like crap. Because all the stuff that I’ve had all my, you know,

Everything I have in my storage unit, like from my past, you know, all my like I have pictures and I have, uh, you know, just stuff.

In there.

I was looking through all of it kind of like dang there’s my you know, books. All my books. All my Latin books and French books. And I meant to get some of them. I pulled some of them out. I was going to bring them back with me. I forgot them.

9:39 PM
But, uh, I don’t know.

Yep. But I guess it’s Saturday night. And I haven’t been making regular posts. But,

Um, yeah, I guess I’m going to edit this and then go get some food. Yay.

Thank you, please.