MOND AY

12:00 PM
Well, it’s noon. On a Monday. On the Monday. Haha.

Um,

It’s cold.

And,

Thought I would Fallen back asleep by now.

But I didn’t.

Probably get paid tomorrow. That’s good. That’ll be good.

I have about 30 dollars across 2 cards. Yeah, and that’s enough.

Though. I think uh, I have like 6 dollars something on my chime. And 24 on cash app.

Something like that. Which will get me gas. To the store that’s going to That’s what I’m going to use my Chime card for yes. And uh, This is too much information, isn’t it? My finances. Haha Yeah, that’s all the money I have in the world. And the rest of it, I need to get 2 more propane cans for my heater. For the garage when I go out there and practice later.

And uh,

That’s ten dollars. And then the rest of that I’m going to spend on food.

But also have some tamales. I have a can of tamales.

I’ll probably eat.

I will probably even later.

I will eat them later. Yes.

Well, I don’t have anybody in my brains right now. Oh, thank goodness. It’s really weird because like you know this stuff happens to me. And, uh, I’ve made posts about it, especially back over the summer, like all the weird crap that just happens, that doesn’t happen to other people.

And uh, It’s funny, but it’s like it’s normal to me. But it’s not normal. You know, what does that even mean?

I just got a notification from Yelp.

Phenomenal. But like it’s spelled faux. Like I know like like the soup faux like Vietnamese faux,

Uh, um. You know, like faux the soup.

Vietnamese faux p h. O. Yeah, um, what’s so funny about that is though?

The chick that I mentioned, uh,

In my last post, we used to go eat Vietnamese food.

Well, I don’t have the money for Vietnamese food today but maybe tomorrow.

As a matter of fact, that’s exactly what I’m going to get when I get paid. I’m going to go get Vietnamese food.

It’s pretty good stuff. They use cilantro like Mexican food. And uh, Her and I used to go there. Well, you know, a handful of times because we were only like dated for, like, 2 months. But, uh,

We probably went there 4 or 5 times. Yeah. But I never went there before her and I think I’ve been there twice.

Since, you know, uh, then haha I don’t know, but I associate that with her and it’s just funny that that popped up. I don’t know it’s funny but I’ve lived up here for a year and I haven’t ran into her. I’ve ran into all kinds of other people I know, though.

But I don’t know why she would get into my brains because

Well, 1 of the reasons I broke it off, at least. It seemed like, to me that I was just

Feeling. A, a

I was just like,

I’m trying to think how to word this, but I guess I was just filling a hole. You know.

I felt like,

Um, I wasn’t who she really wanted to be with. And uh,

That’s I don’t really know that I’m going to go into all that but um, You know, she was still hung up on somebody and I was still crying over my ex fiance when we met and I like to think though, that I left her in better shape than I found her, you know, it was just, it was 1 of those things but gosh, she was just the cutest. Sweetest lady I ever met. She really was. I don’t It wasn’t a dramatic like breakup or anything. And that was like, the last our last exchange was just telling each other how awesome we are and You know, wish you for the best and, I think I I made her a little Chicken, uh, card.

Um, digital

The that’s not like just I drew this little silly thing that was like, happy birthday. And um, sent it to her. On her 30th birthday. I figured that was important, you know, I was like,

She was a really cool chick though. It’s like it sucks that we couldn’t like that she wasn’t the 1. Like my next wife. Haha Oh my God I was so smitten with her. When I first met her I just

I just didn’t know how else to be. I like I’m never going to find a lady cuter than her you know? And we actually had stuff in common

It was, uh,

Didn’t make any sense to me but then it did, you know, I couldn’t give her 100% like I wanted to and

It’s just 1 of those things, you know. It’s like I said, I never really had any dating experience. I mean, I had my ex-wife for 18 years and then I had to contend with the void. And uh, I mean, the first thing I did was go out and get a girlfriend because I needed perspective but I was also

Wanted to love somebody again. And uh, you know, that didn’t work out, the first girlfriend I had. After the divorce, I mean, I had my ex fiance next and That was almost as traumatic as the divorce itself. And then I met that chick that I just mentioned, you know, the the ex-girlfriend that’s been in my brains It’s crazy though. A whole year hadn’t even passed since the Divorce when I met her. It’s just like, but She’s been with some guy for a long time. So I mean, I don’t know. I don’t know who I usually. Uh,

When a Lady gets into my brains. Well, sometimes it means. Things and it’s not always that, it’s not always A good idea for me to contact them. Okay, that happened. 1 time, there was this chick. I worked with, a couple of years ago I, I used to hide from because she had a boyfriend, but she was also way, way, younger than me. And, uh, she had a huge crush on me regardless and she would follow me around and stalk me all over this place. This is right after I had the nervous breakdown.

Well, this was about a month after that, when I started working at this car seat Factory, And uh I was really messed up still, it’s stupid because I’ve been looking back on all this stuff like occasionally I’ll go back to my old blog and read some of my stuff from like 3 and 4 years ago and it’s like holy shit I was in a Really.

Really bad place like For years, I was not. Well at all, I mean as in like I just felt so pointless and

It’s Just I totally lost like perspective of myself and my sense of self-worth and what my value is And as an entity, you know, it’s like, Yeah, it took me, it’s taken me a long time to, to realize that I am actually, you know, valuable on some level. And I’m not worthless. You know, it’s

It’s okay. And, you know, Like oh I just been like, last year, I was just going to go drown myself in the fucking ocean. Pretty much the whole year until my mom uh because everything had gotten screwed. So screwed up.

And until my mom got us kicked out of the apartment and that distracted me and then you know everything sucked for a little bit and then all of a sudden it started getting better. But uh my point to all that though with that chick she got all into my fucking brains 1 day. Like almost a year after I had left that job. And so I sent her a friend request though, from a fake account, and she accepted that And I just thought that was funny, you know, because I didn’t want to do it directly. But then uh,

She got all into my brains again, like really bad and so I sent her a friend request from my main account and she made this post about it. Uh, That I could see with my fake account that she added, talking about how that I should have, let her have me and all this stuff and You know, she could have made me so happy but she doesn’t do second chances. And her also not even considering the possibility that the whole reason I didn’t let her was because she had a boyfriend, not really for any other reason. There is actually a lot I could say about that whole thing, actually. Haha. And so I was like, well, fucking I guess I’m just going to cancel my friend request then I don’t know. If that was, uh, That was remarkable. I thought, I mean this chick Was.

I just didn’t think it would be a good idea, but mostly because she had a boyfriend at the time and I was just like, well, you know, I’m not getting like, I’m not doing that. That’s an ethical violation actually to do stuff like that. It’s like, you know,

If you’re with somebody and you’re not happy with them, you’re better off. Breaking up with them. Like, I don’t know, I don’t a lot of people don’t think like I think about relationships and stuff. That’s a big reason why I’ve been single for so long because I did kind of lose perspective on that of why I actually have You know, standards and uh, I hold myself to a very strict Ethical code. Yeah, and especially when it comes to people, Other people and any kind of relationships, but romantic relationships, especially because I’m so much and I love So very very much and you know, a lot of stuff just isn’t worth my time. And not everybody’s looking for what I have to offer. And that’s uh, that’s okay, you know.

But people that are, um, looking for that.

You know, there are compatibility issues that need to be um

I guess that need to be met. Yeah, with compatibility. I mean, I can’t just date anybody. A lot of people are looking for what I have. To offer. It sounds so stupid though because

I don’t really.

I say I don’t care anymore but I kind of do but then it’s like, you know, I’m a lot better than I have been like at any point since the divorce with my perspective on this shit.

Yeah, but that was the whole like the post divorce phase, where I had um 3, girlfriends, and a fiance, in a year and a half. And then Stephanie, you know, And then, now, almost 5 years. I’ve been single, it’s like

That was me learning and and realizing and remembering why I had like these standards to begin with. But Uh the chick though that I’ve mostly been talking about the ex girlfriend that I’m dreamt about and stuff. She actually was um

Somebody. I was genuinely interested in and, uh, It was just a lot of it was the timing.

That’s really kind of sad. Yeah it’s like dang that could have been something really great

Well, I say it could have, I mean

I guess it couldn’t have been any different, but you know, you look back and you think, well, if this would have been different or that would have been different, I guess if You know, in an alternate universe, you know

We weren’t. Uh,

Necessarily incompatible? Yeah.

And then, um, I have to say the same thing about Brittany too the Twin Flame chick. It’s like

She would have left me alone if she would have. Yeah, left me alone and let me get over like, having my heart ripped out and eaten in front of a bunch of Demons by that Tiffany chick, which is exactly what she did. She led me on so bad and then lied to me about having a boyfriend. It was so fucking stupid.

12:18 PM
But um, oh my gosh. Uh she wouldn’t though, Brittany would not leave me alone and that’s what drove me. So crazy. And eventually until I had a nervous breakdown and then she still didn’t stop. But she hasn’t been pecking on anything lately that I can tell for a couple of weeks and that’s, uh, you know, maybe she’s finally, I have no idea but um, if she would have left me alone, And there’s a lot more to that story, but I would have eventually came around my own and talked to her and not you know, been afraid because she did a lot of crazy mean things that scared the shit out of me. Really really bad.

I don’t know. Um, but it’s a new year, you know, coming up and I’m gonna just save money and work on like, My music and Try to get.

Healthier with like oh I have stopped smoking. And I stopped drinking. I haven’t drank in almost 3 months now and that is fantastic. And I haven’t smoked.

I think this is the third. Maybe the fourth week, I can’t remember since I stopped smoking. Now, this would be the third week. Yeah. Okay. Um, That’s pretty good.

Well yeah that’s uh, it’s just what I’m going to. Do.

This coming year is just, you know, just focus on stuff. That’s important. Uh, eventually I’ll meet somebody. I just thought it was crazy that she got all into my brains and I had 2 very Vivid like

Just I hate to keep using the word crazy but like that was I had 2 crazy ass fucking dreams about her. Like the last 2 times I went to sleep, it was like dang, like I’m not, you know, messaging her or anything.

But it’s just remarkable. Yeah.

Well, it’s kind of I say, I don’t know. I said, what else can I say? It’s like, it’s getting cold, but I know there were 1 of the reasons why, um,

To make a blog post is, uh, it’ll help me fall asleep because I’ll have to read this a couple times. Haha

Eh Hall. I said yeehaw. Thank you.

Please.