WEDNESDAY

3:05 AM
Well, it’s uh it’s Wednesday morning, isn’t it? Oh, it’s New Year’s Eve. Technically

I noticed a post. Where the, uh, the Rocket City. Dog bar is open. Yeah, for New Year’s Eve. And I think they have open mic nights. I’m going to call and verify that if they’re having it tonight.

And, I’m not just go up there. I said I might just go up there. Yeah, I may

I don’t know.

I’m in the garage right now. I’ve got to, uh, got to go back up the stairs and get my set list. I can’t do anything without a set list, right?

Ha ha ha.

What a year? This has been. I mean, yeah.

It’s flown by though, but a lot of that is because I work at a factory in Factory factories.

And factories. And with factory work. A lot of times, it’s like going somewhere. And going to sleep for 8 hours and waking up and then going home and going back to sleep.

Haha. Yeah, for real I mean this is go time just Zips by

Uh, I live for the weekends I get my kids and the time off and hell, even this. I’ve been off work for a week now and I’ve only got it.

3 more days and then it’s time to go back and then I get another day off and then I’m back to regular work. Over and over. But I think I finally I might have actually caught up on my rest a little bit which has been nice.

I was telling my friend Peter about that chick, uh, I still don’t know that, you know, we’re going to have like a band thing. Like, I don’t know. I don’t, I don’t really know why stuff happens to me where it’s like, yeah, maybe but then no. I know actually that’s kind of the point about that chick that I was talking about who was all into my brains. She’s not now. Thank goodness but I was like dang. But I was telling him it’s like, you know, I broke it off with her though, for some really, really good reasons. As hard as it was. To do that. That was 1 of the hardest decisions I ever made was to end things with her and I actually it bothered me. It messed with me so bad. I had to make a list of things of reasons. It was a pretty long list, actually, of reasons why breaking up with her was a good idea. And, uh, every time I started feeling like a Fucking. Idiot, I guess about it. I just consulted that list. It was a lot of stuff. Yeah. I mean, she drove me fucking crazy and she was uh, a great person though, you know, like I mean Jesus nobody’s perfect EX. Except I guess Jesus, right? Ha But, uh, Yeah, you know.

She wasn’t a bad person, she wasn’t awful or anything like that. And I just kind of went off on a rant about that to Peter because he was like Uh,

We were just talking about stuff like that. He was talking about chicks with porn brain and how, uh, you know, that’s like,

Um, something he doesn’t have and, I guess, you know, he’s he’s not 1 of those like sex, like, Maniac people, you know? Um, Where they’ve got to have it all the time and I was like, well I’m not like that either but it If I’m in a relationship with a beautiful woman,

But, you know, that’s happened a few times. Ha, uh, ha ha ha. I said, yeah. It’s like, I couldn’t have, I can’t get enough of it. It’s like, you know, once I activate that circuit, it’s like it’s on, you know,

It’s actually remarkable. I have such a high sex drive, it’s uh, like insane. But I redirect all that energy into music and art and blog posts.

Well not you know not really blog posts so much but uh yeah sometimes. I mean all that energy. I just I learned how to re Channel it. I had to to survive in the 1800s. 18 years I was with my ex-wife Uh, but I’m not going to get into any of that because me and her get along really great now. And she actually lets me borrow money sometimes and she came through for me with, like, some really important things which I’ve talked about in this blog. You know.

But there’s a big part of me that does. Uh yeah I wish I had a girlfriend but it’s been Like, I’m way overdue for another romantic entanglement.

And I guess because I do spend most of my time at work and the thing about my job is that’s the job is pretty much. Uh, it’s not like a regular job, your whole reality revolves around that job. But it’s because of the Swing shifts and the just the demands of it. It’s a it’s a big job and um, That’s 1 of the reasons why I get retarded and I look around at co-worker chicks but they look around, you know, they get retarded and look around at me too and it’s like, well, Um gosh I really wish uh I could just pick 1 of y’all and go with that, you know. But

That’s kind of what happened at Honda you know with Brittany it was but it got way over complicated and way too crazy and it’s going to come a time where I don’t mention that anymore you know she just hasn’t been pecking on anything.

I don’t understand.

I don’t know if that’s something I’ll ever understand. Other than just, you know, maybe she really was that psycho or something. I just have a hard time believing A lot of bad stuff I just, I, I don’t know with her like she was

Where do I start going off, though? About this, because it started, uh,

I struggled with depression really, really bad which is all just splattered throughout my other blog. It’s actually I was going back and trying to read some of my old posts. I mean stuff from like Not that long ago, you know, comparatively in my life time and it’s uh, it’s remarkable. How much I struggled with depression and, uh, Just all kind of awful, things hating myself and feeling pointless and feeling like I’m just a waste of a person and I talked about that a lot over and over and over and she read all these fucking crazy posts that I talked about that stuff and how out of place. I feel and alienated in my brains around other people because I just can’t relate to anybody. And I have really hard time, forming a new social connections.

And I was that was like the Apex of that when I was working at Honda I was transitioning from um,

This hermit type lifestyle. I, I hate to say I enjoyed I did though because it’s peaceful Other human beings cause drama and it it’s, I’m too sensitive for most forms of drama. And uh,

You know, it’s just It was kind of ridiculous. But uh,

You know, the I was just I get overloaded around lots of people, that’s 1 reason why I stay out of the cafeterias. There’s too many people in there and it fucks in fucks up my brains and people get into my brains and

Uh, what’s that Star Trek episode the Tin Man? Yeah it’s you know kind of like that it’s not quite as extreme but it causes me a lot at the very least discomfort.

Yeah discomfort and uh most people aren’t like that. Most people aren’t that sensitive and it’s I just don’t understand why she couldn’t understand all the stuff but like I’m better now in so many ways.

I still struggle with it some and what? But that was like I mean That was like, the part of me like trying to Get like back used to being around people again in a normal capacity. You know, it wasn’t like, I know I used to never have social anxiety or anything like that. Like in high school or anything. I was like, yeah, people, you know, whatever there they are. And uh, that started to change.

Uh, well, the last 2 years I was married, um, being married to an out-of-control alcoholic

Uh, You know, it just

It destroyed me like completely and I made posts about this, you know, and Brittany read those posts. And I just I don’t understand why she thought it would be a good idea to make. Like all that stuff worse. You know, she did. It was so bad. But uh,

Of course. Now I’m I’ve been at the place I’m at now for almost a year and I’m used to everybody, I’m used to the atmosphere and all the stuff and even though I still kinda hide from everything, still I don’t uh, I don’t get as anxious. I still get freaked out though about like chicks because I just there’s still a part of me that I can’t take being hurt again like that. It’s like she’s just going to break my heart. You know that’s all that’s going to happen.

And it’s sad because I get lonely. It’s like I’ve got all this big stupid. Crazy love to give. But, um,

And it’s like, well, I’ve been focusing on music and

It’s just been really nice though to have some time off. I think that’s helped my brains a lot. What was my point to all that?

I’m overdue. I’m way overdue for another romantic entanglement.

There was this 1 chick though. Uh, she’s from Athens, she added me. I sent her a friend request sometime back in October, but she keeps like deleting her, or taking her posts down and putting things up, and taking them down, and that scares me, or I would like, talk to her. And then there’s this other or try to talk to her anyways. And then there’s this other lady from Tuscaloosa. I’ve been Facebook friends with for 15 years, she’s uh,

Gosh, just super cool. And just absolutely beautiful. She’s close to my age. And um, oh my goodness, I just want to like talk to her and ask her out but it’s 1 of those things where it’s uh, well I don’t even know if she is single. She doesn’t have a relationship status available on her Facebook.

Of course, this isn’t an always mean anything, uh, that doesn’t always mean, you know, a lot of chicks, if you know, they want to be, they want you to chase them a little bit or something. And that’s not something I’ve ever been.

Um could ever wrap my brain around but I did Chase that chick who lives up here. Uh, I did. Oh my God, I did. And I made such an idiot out of myself too. Haha I wanted her so bad, but like I wanted to marry her, you know, like I wanted to love her forever and ever and ever, and spend eternity with this cute little lady, you know? And so I did I chased her and then once I got to know her, that’s the chick. I’ve been, you know, having dreams about and stuff the X. Yeah. Just to reiterate that I guess. Um, haha, haha. But, uh, I realized that this, you know, it wasn’t going to go anywhere.

In any direction that was going to be good for me anytime soon. And I was spending, so much money coming up here.

And she didn’t take, I don’t know, exactly. I was going to say she didn’t take it as seriously as I did or whatever, but I think she might have actually I don’t know why she would get into my brains though unless

3:19 AM
I told Peter it was like unless maybe I was, I meant more to her than I realized, I don’t know, you know, but she just, it just kept hurting me over and over and I was just like, well I can’t and I’m not going to go into detail about like, I think I’ve already talked about. Uh, some of that actually that other guy she was hung up on where I met her like friends hung out with some of her friends 1 day and it was like, oh my fucking God. Yeah. Um

I don’t know, but I just Uh,

But she still was like the only 1 I would ever entertain getting back together with because She was a really great person. I just I don’t know what really how to word any of that or how to really say anything else about it at the time, it made sense to break it off with her because it was

Like, wringing all the fucking. Shit out of me. It was draining me really bad on so many levels. You know, I don’t know. I just don’t know why she would get all in my brains and that’s what I was like thinking. Well, you know, but she’s been in a relationship with somebody for a really long time and uh you know I mean geez.

But I am way overdue. Yeah, I am. Way way, way overdue for another romantic entanglement, but

I don’t ever get out either. I never get out. I never like, I never. Get out and try to meet different kinds of people like somebody who would actually be on my level about stuff. You know, or have the same interests?

And things in common. I mean, you know, She has to be like cute and smart and weird. And you know, any of those 3 in a mix is going to yield, you know, another 1 of those attributes, right? Like if she’s smart she’s going to be a little weird which is going to be cute, you know? I guess you have to be cute in a weird way for me like I guess smart and weird but then that you know, that’s going to be cute, doesn’t this sound stupid? Yeah, but uh, you know it would be a plus if They liked music, art and languages. Uh, preferably Like good music and good art and had, you know, an affinity for uh,

French. Or Russian or Spanish? Oh, I love Spanish though, that’s 1 thing, about that chick that she was Hispanic but she didn’t like to speak Spanish because her parents made her translate. You know, when they, when she was a kid because she knew English and they didn’t speak her mom still didn’t speak English, she just didn’t care about it, which is fine. And it gave me an opportunity to use my crappy Spanish, which I love to speak Spanish, especially with somebody who doesn’t speak. You know, a lot of English and because I learn, you know, and it it makes me use my brain more and I had so much fun last year at the chicken plant.

Uh, talking to this lady named Maria. She was this tiny little Guatemalan lady and she was so cool. She couldn’t even read or write like we had to like we had these uh, safety things once a month or so we had to sign like after we read them and stuff and 1 of the Floor. People would go over there and like sign her name for her because she couldn’t read and write. But she was so cool and sweet and fun to talk to. And she just she became. She was like my best friend. Yeah, it was it was so great.

But um, and I and at work where I work now, I make up songs in Spanish all the time and yell them out all crazy.

It’s just, I don’t know. Spanish is probably my favorite language to make up songs in. But French is probably my favorite music to listen to and then uh, Russian I like Russian, I wish I knew more Russian I should Study.

It’s because it’s a really awesome language, too.

It would be cool if I could find a, uh, Well, any of the Slavic languages sound really cool. Uh,

I dated, Well, I went on like 2 dates was it 2 or 3 dates with this Romanian chick who was from up here.

Um,

But she didn’t really she spoke a little bit of Romanian and I don’t know, I’m just thinking my brain’s firing off a bunch of crap. Like I would love to meet a lady, who was from a different place, who spoke different languages and then she could like help me learn languages. You know, that’s 1 reason why I love my friend. Rebecca so much.

Which I made up a song about. Rebecca. Because she’s so great. And I need to play that and sing it for her like in some version some way or other and send it to her.

Anyways.

Holy shit.

And then there’s my other friend Rebecca I have 2, Rebecca friends, 1 lives in Germany and 1 lives in Colorado and I love them. Both the 1 in Colorado is from Alabama and she’s just the coolest fucking person ever too. She’s not really into like, uh, languages or anything but She’s um,

Well, you know I hate to say that if she lived around here. That’s who I would probably spend a lot of time with. Yeah. I would

I just love her so much. I’ve known her for like 25 years.

I don’t know, I’m just my brain’s firing off like woman entanglements, you know?

Oh my gosh. Um but I can’t like take any more. Toxic crazy shit.

Like I can’t, I can’t handle another. Stephanie or another Brittany slash stalker. That’s really all she ended up being on a in a physical way. That drove me so fucking crazy and uh you know, I can’t handle another.

Anything like that, you know, I’m just thinking and now I’m running out of steam. Seems like I had a whole lot more to say, though. I guess I feel well rested. I have this coffee here.

Oh, I do. It’s, uh

Stok cold, brew coffee. Yeah, it is and it even changed it to the spelling.

When? I after I said the word stoke.

I said, cold, brew coffee, stok, cold, brew coffee, and it changed it to how it’s spelled On the thing.

This is just the, uh,

Oh, golden smooth.

Bold and smooth. Yeah. Um,

Not too sweet. It’s actually um really really nice.

But I got a hold of some of this because not all of them have the same amount of caffeine in them. I got a hold of 1, they had at the Superstar Market, I think, uh, once I looked it up, I can’t remember the exact like

Flavor and stuff. It was, but it

I think it was the espresso blend or some shit. And it the whole bottle had like 800 milligrams of caffeine in it and God damn, I drank that whole thing in the course of a day, like a, like, like a 6 hour period, That’s when I recorded. Um, Old lady from Logistics. Yeah, the mean old lady from Logistics song.

And I went like, oh, I went so crazy, but I think like regularly these Bottles of coffee. These Stoke coffees Um, have well, it didn’t change at that time but uh, they have about 600 milligrams or something of caffeine average. And then so it’s still going to give me a kick.

I’m going to have to stretch out my money. I got paid but it wasn’t. I was missing like a day. Yeah, there a day and a half.

I think uh because I have to come back, I have to work Saturday and then I get paid for another day. When I get paid again I guess the holiday pay the way they have that set up. You have to like show up Uh, to get paid for like 2 of the days of the shutdown. So anyways and I’ve got a whole, another round of Vacation days coming up, I have a point that comes off next week. That’s exciting. I know. Um, But I’m going to be so broke until the middle of the month which is only 2 weeks away. But uh after I pay you know, bills and stuff with this check, which is going to be my

Car insurance. I just paid my rent. And,

Yeah, I’m too nice.

Um, fucking, uh

Where did my brains go?

My storage unit payment. Yeah, I’ve got a

Got to do that.

I went to Walmart earlier and bought a wireless charger. I thought. I made a bad decision. There was 1 uh I should have just went with my instinct and bought 1 that hadn’t been open 1 had been open and then marked down to like $13. And you know what? It didn’t work, I bought it, I took it up to the counter and I was like, hey what is this is wrong with this? You know, why is it marked down? You know twenty dollars and the guy was like uh oh it uh nothing somebody just opened it and we had to like put it back together and then Mark it down you know like Derp, you know, and I fell for it.

And I got it out. Got it home, and of course, it doesn’t work. So, I’m gonna go back, I’m gonna have to go back and get, I’m going to get the 1, the kind that I fucking had that I lost.

Yep. Because that 1 worked really great.

And uh well that’s my audio and video phone, you know, I have to have it for to make videos to upload.

But I haven’t done as much with music and stuff. This Shutdown, as I wanted to, but on the other hand like I’ve rested a bunch, and that’s important.

This is a long post.

I also use the other phone for editing blog posts. Do you know why?

Because it’s faster. Yeah, I still can’t believe I lost that charger.

Was my baby.

What I did I was like well you know, I could get 1 of these that probably works and then get or get this other 1 that’s cheap and there’s probably nothing wrong with it. It’s a gamble though.

Yeah, but it was uh, it didn’t work, so I’m I don’t know. I don’t know what the return policy is on markdown things. I have the receipt right here, but I’m going to take it tomorrow and be like, hey, This didn’t work and the guy at the counter told me there wasn’t anything wrong with it.

Yep.

Oh, I’m going to have to run upstairs. And get.

My set list and a pick. And then I’m going to get started. Uh, practicing my set, maybe everything, will my voice sounds a little better. So we’ll see. We’ll see how it goes. And I might get out and play an open mic tonight. I have no idea.

Thank you, please.