5:48 PM
Oh gosh, what am I doing? Well, I’m hungry.
That just kind of hit me. Um,
I’ll probably go back out. Here, maybe in an hour. And get some more food.
I gotta wait till all the traffic clears out because it gets fucking nuts out there. Oh my goodness, like Huntsville is um I don’t know about the mornings because I always leave so early to go to work. I miss all the morning traffic. But in the evenings, I mean, like 4:00 p.m. until 6:00 p.m. Good luck. If you’re coming uh if you’re going anywhere actually, let’s say if you’re coming home, I said yes I was going to say, you know but it’s like if I if I’m going to work on night shift I always hit. A bunch of fucked up traffic. It doesn’t matter how early I leave Like I can leave it like yeah, 4 or something. And I still hit a shit ton of goddamn traffic, and then I hit it on the way home. And going up.
Um, Through.
Yeah, my brains there’s like I’m just talking really slow.
If you go up 72, to get to Winchester Road, which is where I go for all my crap. I don’t go back into Huntsville, but it’s still. It’s It gets backed up because that goes to Scottsboro. So I guess it’s all the people going home from working in Huntsville and then, Like I said last night, uh, I guess it’s all the people coming down from like New Market and shit up Winchester Road.
Uh, so you hit all that traffic? Yeah, and
It usually levels off about 6 or 6:30, Give or take. So uh, I have found because there were a few times I was running super late for work. And on night shift. Yeah, and our guides are
And no, I said,
I didn’t.
Um, Yeah, I kind of like I didn’t mean to hit
What am I saying? I didn’t hit any traffic. Yeah. I didn’t mean to, uh, be late. Well, I was almost late.
I loved 1 time really early. No I left 1 time really late. So yeah, I overslept on night shift and I left the house at like 6:00 p.m. and my shift starts at 7:00. So it’s like it was like a race with the devil I thought and then I just didn’t hit any traffic and I was like, Wow, and I made it to work at like 6:45 or something and clocked in on time. And
Actually had a, uh, Point roll off today, so that’s good. Yeah, I had an attendance point. Yeah, it’s so now I have 2 and a half. Instead of 3 and a half and that makes me happy. And it also reminds me. I have to fill out this application.
Uh, for the maintenance program that I’m probably not going to get into this year, but maybe next year, I’m still going to do it anyways. And The worst thing, you know, they’ll just be like, well, you don’t meet the
Deadline for being hired in which I think was, uh, February the 1st. I was hired in March 3rd. So,
I swear to God. If I could go back, I don’t know. Sometimes, I think maybe I have the ability and I’ve already set everything in motion to like the best possible outcome with my life.
I like to think that’s kind of, I’m thinking about, like what I’m talking about. Is uh, what the hell is wrong with me? I can’t make any sense right now. Um, I think I’m just tired, you know?
It’s like if I could go back and do anything differently, which
There’s so much stuff like what would be the best place to go back and do something different, right? But if uh, sometimes I just wish I never would have left. Where I work now. Back in 2022, when I went to the Honda plants.
Uh because it paid more, it was $3 an hour more at the time that was, you know, but it was closer to the kids. Which was a big thing because I don’t like I’m 2 hours away. Yeah. From the kids, and I don’t like it.
And that Honda uh was like 45 minutes away from the kids though in the other direction. So like
Um, coming home because I lived in Albertville at the time and so on my way back from work, I could stop in and see the kids or take them out for uh, supper or something and the hours were
Really nice 6 a.m. to 2:30 p.m. You know, you get off work at 2:30 p.m. You got the whole fucking afternoon. You know, I get off work.
Average, you know 400 PM it’s like well, it’s It’s not terrible, but it’s uh,
You know, it’s dark almost in the winter time. I don’t know. It’s just it’s Better to get off at 2:30. I don’t know.
The hours and the the shifts were closer together, so you could stay over and like I got a whole bunch of overtime. Sometimes I would bring home 1200 dollars a week, you know?
Just from working overtime. And uh, sometimes I brought home more than that. I would work a double shift, some Fridays, and the swing shifts were they were closer together. And
It was every 2 weeks. Which uh, wasn’t really that bad. Where I am now, It’s way more extreme. But,
The people are better. Yeah, where I work at now and uh there’s a lot of other things. I mean they’re comparable. You know, Honda had A yeah the their hours. Alex, the hours better? Yeah. I liked the hours better. What the fuck. And um I’m just not talking loud enough. I guess.
I’m just thinking of, but I guess if I could go back and have never left, Had never left this place. You know, but would that have been because things were really different when I worked here 4 years ago. But I could have gotten into the maintenance program already by now and done something with it.
But I probably would have married Tiffany and that would have been like
Not something great, long term, that would have probably been like, you know, I had a bunch of, like, 2-month a bunch. Let’s see. Um,
I guess shit everything. I was mixed up with 5. I had 4 of these like 2-month bullshit relationships almost in a row. After the divorce and, uh, you know, except the year and a half between Hannah and Stephanie. But If I had married Tiffany, Um probably that
Probably would have lasted a couple of years, you know? I don’t even want to get started. I don’t even want to go off about that, but that probably like, who knows? What kind of crap. It’s like everything happens for a reason type thing, right? Yeah, sometimes it doesn’t make any sense until later on down the road. And it’s like, oh, oh gosh, I guess it’s good. It happened that way, and I’m still trying to see like how that all fits together
Because, uh, I feel like except for the Songs. I got out of the whole thing with Brittany. Um, I could do I could have done without all that. Honestly, I don’t know what all it means but I did get
4 of my very best songs out of that. And I did level up as a song. Writer after that all that bullshit happened but um,
She pecked all my fucking other blog today. I was like talking about that shit this morning like oh she hasn’t, you know, maybe she’s finally left me alone. I don’t fucking know. I said hell fucking, no, she didn’t.
And she’s probably been, she’s been pecking on this 1 for the last. Few weeks. She just the best I can figure. She’s using a VPN. Yeah, I don’t know why like she can’t just message me. I don’t know why. I don’t know. I don’t understand. But I’m not going to worry about it that much.
Um, Unless I’m just like faced with her again or something or unless she can just grow the fuck up and message me. Haha
Oh my God. But uh, on the way out today. I just happened to glance into the gym and c 1 of the gym girls. Uh,
I saw 1 of the gym girls. Yeah It just scrambled my fucking brains and
So like, that’s what’s
I’ve been trying to find her like like I don’t think if she’s on social media anywhere. Like I couldn’t find helmet girl either so who knows a lot of chicks probably
Don’t have. I don’t know what I’m
I don’t know what the fuck I’m talking about. All this is so stupid, I don’t know. I wonder like,
Um,
I guess there’s a part of me that that would like to date and stuff again but then there’s a bigger part of me that I really miss my kids more than I wish. I had a girlfriend so you know I don’t have any money this weekend. And um,
Next week I will. But I’ve already got a bunch of plans made for the kids like we’re going to do stuff. And that’s just, that’s a, another big reason why I’ve been single for 5 years, because I would rather do stuff with my kids and the weekends, I don’t have money. I like to just kind of hang around and work on my music.
But it is it’s like dang, you know, it’s really not that remarkable, but it’s gotten a lot better. I was thinking about, you know, because my ex-wife and I had that for 18 years. And it’s taken a really long time. We’ve been divorced for almost 8 years now and it’s just taken that long for me to finally get used to being like you know,
Uh I’m okay. I think by myself, I mean it would be great to have somebody but I’m not going to put up with a bunch of crap.
Like I did.
Uh,
You know.
But a lot of it too. Is the chicks that I went for after the divorce? I didn’t really I had lost a lot of perspective and Uh, I didn’t value myself. I still don’t think I’m all that great. At least in a romantic context because, you know, Um, like relationship wise. It’s like you don’t want me. You know, like I’m so,
My life is such a mess really from a practical standpoint. It’s uh it’s kind of ridiculous actually it would take a very
Kind.
Patient, sweet lady, you know, like I can’t I just, I don’t know. I can’t imagine. You know, a chick. Who would actually just be like well you know that’s okay that you’re $20,000 behind on child support, you know. And, and that was like the last time I really paid attention. You know, it might be, I think that stuff. I don’t know. I think that’s about
Well, I’ve been paying it regularly since last May so I don’t I don’t know.
Well, ever since I got that job at Target last year, you know, I’ve been paying it regularly But I don’t when I’m doing house remodeling which I have you know I’ll never go back to doing that full-time again but um
6:03 PM
Gosh. Yeah that’s a big the year or so that I did
What I did it for 6 years on and off in between like, crappy factory jobs and the times that I did, I didn’t pay child support and that’s why I got so far behind. On it. Uh, it’s actually a long story. You know, I remember my ex-wife, her just being real nonchalant about it. Uh, like
I was like, yeah, I’ll get caught up on child support or something. This was back when it was, you know, a couple of thousand dollars behind and she was like, oh I’m not going to need it. Anyways, you know, blah, blah, blah, blah. When all this stuff happens she I don’t it’s it would take too long to like explain
But then she got remarried and uh, I don’t know. It didn’t seem like it was that big of a deal from her end for a long time until uh, her current husband got something happened with his job. He was a plant manager. I don’t know what all happened, but he lost that job and
Uh I think she actually needs my child support money. Now she actually kind of needs it, but things are a shit ton more expensive. But also the kids. They’re older and they’re more involved in like extracurricular junk. So,
Eventually, you know, 1 day I’ll get caught up on that and then there’s my credit. You know oh my gosh and I got that reposition last year and uh repossession. Yeah, last year and that
Uh, coupled with a lot of other things.
Um like the loan I had at the Honda Federal Credit Union. I think I still owe about 1500. That was a $5,000 loan. I took out And um, Yeah, thanks Brittany. You know like
It was so crazy. Yeah. God. She drove me so crazy. And then it’s like, Then I just had to start all over again except worse. I was worse off than I ever was like 2 years ago.
3 years ago. Hold on. Yeah, like This time. 2 years ago, actually, I remember I had just started working at the chicken plant at Koch’s. Uh,
In Collinsville Alabama. And that was at that time uh was the worst my life had ever been. Since the divorce it went from being like in 2023. At the beginning of 2023, it was like the best it had been since the divorce and a year later it was the absolute fucking worst. And it stayed that way for a while until I got the job I have now but also I had to deal with all this crazy stuff from my mom, that didn’t make any sense.
I guess, I don’t know. I just, I hate that I missed the. I’m still going to apply on everything, but I just hate that I missed the, uh,
My higher on date.
Yeah, hire on Um,
Later than the uh, deadline. For being, you know, hired in to meet the uh, you know criteria. I don’t know why this is so hard to articulate for the, um, For the maintenance program, Jesus Christ. But it’s really cool. Like you go to college and, uh, I wonder if my uh, student loan payments.
Student loan, what? Um, When I went to college back in 2018, I had a pilgrim and you know, of course all that got fucked up a pilgrim Grant.
I had a pel grant. Yeah, thanks. I was like what the fuck? Anyways, this app. Yeah. Um, But that got fucked up because of my ex fiance And, you know, it’s like, yeah, you can say, oh, you just blame these women. Haha But, you know, this chick Got into my phone.
I was supposed to, I was only supposed to stay the weekend. She got into my phone and turned my alarms off. So I overslept and missed my return flight and we drove back across the country. Can you imagine my bewilderment? Oh my gosh. I ended up losing a really good job. I had just gotten I had just gotten that job like 3 weeks before I went through orientation for like a week. And I had just started like regular production. I was still in training, you know. And then on a whim it’s like 1 Friday. It’s like hey, you know, let’s meet!
So I totally lost that job but I was still in the, on the probationary period and then I I could only miss like, 2 days and I missed fucking 4 days, you know. And by the time we got back,
By the time we got back to, uh, you know, It was just oh, my gosh. I mean, she ruined everything, too. Just I don’t know what got into her except she was on disability for being crazy and she didn’t want me to go, you know, consequences, be damned. And then uh she cracked up turned around and went back home. And then, you know strung me along for a couple months. Dumped the shit out of me, got bored with it and dumped me and then told me, I owed her $1200 for some fucked up, stupid reason. Yeah.
But yeah, that’s why I have, I think last, I got an email, which it might not matter that much because they did waive. Those payments for a long time or like, student loan debt, but I still think, I think I owe about 2 Grand. Yeah. So, I don’t know if that would affect Um, Me getting into the college part of the maintenance program because you do you go to school for 2 days a week? For a couple of years.
There’s a part of me that’s just like, you know,
Work on your music, focus on your music and, uh, I poke around and look at other like local. Look at the local scenes. In Alabama, I mean, I guess you could just say the whole state
From Birmingham. Up north, you know?
Um, Birmingham and north of Birmingham, there’s like 1, big scene and kind of, I guess, I mean Huntsville has It’s like, Local musicians and Birmingham, has their local musicians and
Gadsden has their local musicians and uh, I don’t know, but it’s just, they all kind of crisscross up everywhere because I know a lot of Local musicians and they’ll play, you know, a show here and there and
Birmingham is a lot more hopping. It seems like than Huntsville is as far as local musicians go. But it just looks like a nightmare to me. And I remember getting out, uh, in like 2024, I was going to say last year, but I didn’t do any getting out and playing last year.
This is still going to hit me that, you know, it’s like 2026, it’s a new year, you know. But um, And I haven’t had to write the date down on anything yet. So, I don’t, I don’t think I wrote anything down. Last year either much, I think, when I first hired in the job, I’m at, now I when I filled out paperwork, but by then, you know, I’d already gotten it into my brains the correct year. You know, how
Anyways though, yeah, my music uh I don’t know. I think I’m just
My voice is out of shape, but I mean that’s easily fixable
I’ve got um, I just I’m trying to Hang out. And then like, Practice, I’m definitely going to practice this weekend but I need to practice tonight. Oh, that’s right. I have
Potato chips.
And,
And I have some tamales too if I get hungry again later.
Um, Yeah, I’m not going back out. What the fuck?
I’m just so tired. Like this week has kicked my ass. You wouldn’t think? That, you know, not doing shit for 2 weeks almost. Wouldn’t make that big of a difference and it’s not just me like everybody on my line.
Our asses are just dragging like, Holy shit. But this happened with, The summer shutdown. Like, when we came back the week after, you know, just getting used to doing the Working on the line again is it was so hard and this week is
It has been hard. Yeah, uh my poor guitar. It’s like I’m going to come back and get you, but
Yeah, it’s it’s been in my car for 3 days.
And I don’t know that I’m going to be able To get up and go out there and get it and practice Tonight either. Yeah.
Oh my God. But
I finally was, I was just like, you know, I don’t fucking care if I have a girlfriend or any of that shit. Um I think I’ve talked about this, there’s this 1 particular lady from the gym but like I saw her as I was walking out of the plant and it just fucked my brains. All the hell up. And uh, it’s really kind of funny. She’s the 1 that, um,
Oh, it’s so stupid. I just wasn’t ready to talk to anybody when I first saw her and now it’s like Of course, I was going to say she probably hates my guts. That’s what I said this morning about that other gym girl, but she actually talked to me this morning when I was in the gym after I logged out because you have to sign in The computer and then you have to sign out. And when I signed out she was like, have a great day and I was like, oh my God, she said something to me. Oh, holy shit.
And so I was like, thanks, you know, I was really
Surprised. But my voice was all flemmy because I wasn’t, you know, I had to Clear my throat. It was, I sounded stupid. I was like, whoa. That totally took me off guard.
But it made me happy. It’s like she doesn’t hate me. And, uh, so that girl, the other 1, I just mentioned that, um, and they all freak me out, you know, but she just probably doesn’t hate me either.
Oh, she is though. She’s like
1 of the most beautiful women I’ve ever seen in my life. She is like an angel fell from. Heaven, hahaha I swear to God.
I’m not gonna like oh gosh don’t don’t talk about this shit, right? It’s so stupid but um
Yeah. I’m so tired. My brain’s like a big. Stupid rock. It’s like filled with Holes
Yeah, I don’t know how loud I am outside of this room. I can hear 1 of my roommates talking and laughing in her room. But uh, She’s probably not paying attention to me.
But yeah, I can’t file like, I don’t know. I can’t. Department. I was just like, you know, try to look What I said I can’t find them on social media. The gym ladies. Haha Like that’s the thing. It’s like stupid. But usually you know, and the reason I do that is to kind of get a general idea of who they are, And sometimes you can and sometimes you can’t and sometimes you can. At least tell how crazy they fucking are. There’s this 1 chick uh, I don’t know what her particular job is but she walks around with like a couple of other people. They’re like a team or something. And uh, she pops up on the people I may know. But oh gosh
Like she’s been on and off with some guy for like the last 2 years. They tag each other in a relationship every 6 months which Just screams all kind of crazy, you know.
6:21 PM
That’s kind of how my ex fiance was too like we broke up and got back together, I think 5 times in 2 months. And it got like it got so bad sometimes and it was all just, I mean, she put me through almost as much hell in 2 months as my ex-wife did an 18 years. I mean, it was fucking, it was so awful, but this has turned into a really long post. I think that’s the third time stamp And that means, this is probably about 4,000 words long. (4,221!!)So,
I don’t know.
I just wish, uh, I could get into the maintenance program and everything go with that. But then it’s like, well, you know, is that for the best? You know, looking at the big picture and looking back on things from a perspective of like with that perspective, with more of a, a
Idea of what the big picture was, you know, would have would be or what am I trying to say like than I did 5 years ago,
Yeah, because sometimes I would be doing the shit that didn’t? It’s like, what the hell am I doing? Where the hell am I even at? And then uh, you know, 2 or 3 years later, that would make sense?
Yeah, it’s like, okay, well I had to do this and that had to happen for this to happen. And that was actually you know, if that hadn’t happened. If something else would have happened instead, it wouldn’t have been as great.
And you know what I mean? So that’s what I’ve been thinking about. This afternoon.
This evening or something? Yeah.
Just got to.
Just got to trust in the process of life and have faith that Everything is going to be okay. And
Thank you, please.
MY BLOG NUMBER SEVEN 