SUNDAY AFTERNOON

2:23 PM
Well, I guess I could make another post.

I’m just hanging around my storage unit taking a break from singing and stuff. My voice isn’t as bad as it was the last time I came here. That’s pretty good.

Wish I would have brought my electric guitar though so I could stand up and sing. Um, I always do better when I can stand up. And I need to practice my voice, a whole bunch.

I’m working on this new Spanish song and I made a reel of it and uploaded it to Facebook. It’s like it’s not even. I don’t have hardly any like Words except the chorus and some other parts. But it’s not like it’s maybe 20% finished. I just thought it would be funny to upload and, uh,

I don’t know. I don’t just, I just don’t get it the ex What’s the word?

Yeah, I was going to say exposure but that’s not what.

It but I guess that’s part of. That’s probably what it is. Yeah, I just don’t get like Facebook doesn’t

I don’t get the fucking stuff like I used to like reactions and Views and shit and most people like most of the people who look at my profile for real are people, I’m not friends with I did kind of a test about that last year. When I worked at Target Distribution Center, I made some highlights and, you know, maybe 10 people. I was friends with looked at those highlights and, you know, then it would have like it would show you other, you know, like other viewers and I had like 30, on some of them. I had over 40 other viewers. Yeah, on my highlights. It was like what? Yeah, I guess I’m I get stalked all the fucking time. Like the most of the people, who look at my social media aren’t from my friends list is my point. Yeah.

Sometimes like if I’ll upload something, it’ll take off. I think Honda plant Blues last year. It had over a thousand views and over a 100 reactions actually, I want to say, you know, like a few days. Yeah. It had, uh,

It got about 1,200 views in like probably less than a week and then another 100 or so and then the next week. Yeah, I was like, wow. That’s the most uh any reel ever had though. And that’s not shit, that’s nothing.

It’s the same thing for my blog too. Like I was looking at this guy’s stuff the other day who’s uh I just started following Um yeah. Hey if you read this haha but uh he had made a post talking about just I think like his first thing or so got hundreds of views hundreds of like stuff and I never get that. I’m lucky to ever get anything over 30 like yesterday, I think. Uh,

I got 31 like, like on a, a really busy crazy day is like I’ll get 30 views and you know, uh, Like 1 of my articles might get 5 or 6. You know, and I might get a handful of likes or something on it. It’s just, I don’t know. I don’t do it for that but it’s like, wow. I don’t really get anything. I’ll put anything out and it just doesn’t get You know, it doesn’t. Nobody cares or something, or the internet doesn’t care. Haha I don’t know.

Of course, a lot of this stuff is hard to read. It’s hard to get through a lot of my crap on this blog because it’s so wordy and weird. And it’s, it’s just how I talk. Yeah, so like I’ll say, you know, I’ll stutter stuff out. I’ll be like me. Me me me me, me me or you know? Yeah, I did. I I I well the, um,

Duh. Yeah, you know like shit shit like that.  Haha

Right? All the time. So I’ll like make a post. Some of these posts. Have 4,000 words in them and it doesn’t take shit. I’m not typing it. I’m not really, you know, anything. It takes me though sometimes a lot longer to edit a post than it does for me to talk it out. And, you know, I might talk for 30 minutes and rack up, 4,000 some odd. I think my biggest post had about 6,000 words in it, And I can’t even remember what that was about. It was a couple of months ago or something. Yeah, it’s just I don’t know but it is really cool though to have like uh to be by myself right now. And I don’t um some people those people were here earlier but they left, they came back and they left again and I don’t know if they heard any of my stuff.

Um, I’ve just been Practicing my crap. You know.

I wish I had uh wish I could have done this yesterday but I didn’t have the gas money. It’s like I only got the gas to get up here once. Yeah. And uh back and like I couldn’t have done it 2 days in a row and still had the gas to get uh back and forth to work till I get paid again. I just really hate to borrow or ask anybody else for money. Yeah. From anybody, it’s not a big deal and when I have money I give people money who need it.

Holidays. Just The holidays. Yeah, It really got me. And then with my last check, I paid all my bills for the month. So I was super extra broke and even though I did some extra work for, uh, my roommate last weekend. And I did though, that’s kind of the thing too. It’s my own fault because I spent a whole bunch of money at Whole Foods. Eating delicious.

The tastiest stuff ever from their heart D. They’re, they’re hot bar. Yeah, what the fuck? And uh,

So, I mean, if I hadn’t done that I’d probably have an extra 50 $60 or something. Yeah, so I mean that’s another reason I hate to ask anybody for money because I just don’t manage it very well. But that’s about to change. That’s about to change. Yeah. It’s going to change this year. Is uh, this next check Wednesday is my first check of the year. And I’m going to, uh,

Well, how I’ve been like eating and not spending a lot of money, the last Few days is probably what I’m going to do for a long time. Until uh, I have a lot of money saved up.

Now, I’ve got to get the kids next. Thursday, I’m going to get them for supper and then Next weekend, I’m going to get them for something, but I’m going to try not to spend And you know, 5 or 6 hundred dollars, I’ve got to get new tires. And I just need to save all of my money. I need to just save save, save save, I get paid twice a month typically sometimes 3. Times a month. It really depends on how the month Falls I got 3 paychecks in December. Yeah, but I mean, like I said, all that went to Christmas stuff with the kids. Oh my God. I mean, I spent

Probably a couple thousand dollars. Yeah, it was ridiculous.

So I mean you know that’s gonna I’m gonna have to tone that down a little bit for a while till I have enough to get uh, To afford a camper or something. And,

Live in it.

I’m thinking uh I almost want to say, I think 1 of my roommates is moving out the 1 that uh

I don’t really want to talk about it. Yeah. I just in case the off chance that any of them read this, they’re not going to though because none of my roommates give a shit about me, like like that. Anyways. Uh, but uh, I am not going to miss him if he does, I don’t know. I’m just, I was just like uh, listening to my roommate talk yesterday and she was like, showing people stuff and he had his door open and his room was spotless clean and um, I think and he was giving away some crap the other day. Some big like TV stand thing and I don’t really know like I don’t. I don’t know. I don’t know if he’s moving out, I don’t know. He’s got a a partner now. Which I guess is good because I don’t know. I don’t really know what to say about him, honestly. Like, right now, I might later. I’ll talk about him like at some point later on, but Not my favorite person. I tried though. I did. Oh my God. But anyways, uh, I think that might be happening. And whoever moves in and takes his place. I hope is just awesome, you know? And then I can just say, like, well, I just don’t like 2 of my roommates, you know, instead of 3, I don’t care. Roommates though. It’s it’s really funny. I was talking to this dude from work. 1 of my friends from work. Uh, I was kind of just venting to him about roommates. This is when I was mad at all of them about the dogs and then, uh, when I felt extremely taken advantage of Uh that big damn paint job I did for my roommate that was 1500 dollars worth of fucking work. Anybody else would have that would have been the minimum anybody else would have charged her for that shit. But anyways, uh,

Ho ho, ho, ho, ho. Ho, ho, I said Haw. I said ha ha ha. Yeah. Anyways Anyways again, right? Just use that word. What was I saying? That’s 1 of the reasons why my stuff is hard to read. Um, But he was just like, you know, with roommates. Yeah, you just take what you can get. He had 2 roommates before he got married. He had had roommates and, uh, he despised Them 2 of his roommates. He had had 3 roommates 1 of them was like his best friend, but the other 2, he despised them which is a pretty strong word, especially coming from him and I thought, well, you know, I don’t despise my roommates. So, I just don’t, you know,

Not, not the worst people I’ve ever met though. Yeah.

I guess I still do like, you know, the 1, the main 1, the boss lady or roommate. I mean I love her and the 1 who took me back and forth to work she’s you know she’s really special Um, there’s a lot I could say about her but it’s she can’t. I think there’s a lot of stuff. She can’t help.

And,

Gosh, you know.

But yeah, I’m right. Like just hanging out in my storage unit. It’s weird though because I um I there was a lot of stuff I couldn’t fit in my Mom’s storage unit when I helped her move out

Year before last. I can’t say last year anymore. Uh, I had to just stick it in here. And I have no idea what happened to like, all her stuff. I don’t really. Care to talk to my sister ever again. Uh, I just don’t really

It is so remarkable. How my perspective? How things? How my life has changed. And I guess maybe this is kind of normal for people for a human life. But people, like, I thought would be in my life forever, you know, 10 years ago, I don’t even like my dad. Like gosh, you know, and my sister uh, 1 of my aunts still messages me. Sometimes and, uh, like, that’s it. And my cousin Andrew and my cousin, Nathan. And that’s it. On my dad’s side of the family, I don’t talk to anybody anymore. And then my mom’s side of the family. Well, I was never really that close with a lot of them, but I do have some cousins My Heroes. My older cousins that were like, my biggest Heroes and my dad.

2:37 PM
Uh, when I was a kid. And, you know, I still keep up with them and stuff like my cousin, cliff, and Shawn and Shawn’s like the best dude fucking ever gosh. Shawn’s like 1 of my biggest Heroes and so is, uh, cliff And Shea and I don’t have no idea what the hell happened to Shea. My cousin Matt is still there. Um, my cousin Wes but he’s dead. I don’t think he was ever on Facebook but his son is And it’s just crazy though. You know, the only 2 people Who I really like keep up with and talk to who I’m related to, you know, and I mean, I care about all of like I care about everybody. But like, my kids are the only like people I really Like family, I’m really close to anymore. It’s just my kids.

I don’t know in my storage unit, it’s like it used to, you know, I’d come in here and it’s like all my stuff from over the years because all the stuff I own in the world. You know, anymore. Like a lot of it. I mean some of it in my room at the house but most of it’s in this storage unit. And uh, so there’s like a lot of stuff. I still have all the crap that uh like all the keepsakes from my ex-wife and everything. But now I have stuff in here. That reminds me of my mom and then you know yesterday coming out of walking out of Walmart and seeing a woman for a split-second look. Just like my mom. Uh, in the produce section. I mean You know, after I like, I mean, after the hair and the mask, and the eyes and stuff, you know, like she didn’t look anything like my mom, but the hair and the mask and the eyes, like that was enough to trigger like a crazy episode that lasted until I got home for the most part. Like, I just, it was all, I could do not to break down fucking crying. Because I really miss my mom sometimes and I talked, you know there’s a lot. Of good things about my mom. That also, I don’t think she treated me. Like she treated me a lot differently than she did my sister and uh my nieces and my daughter. Actually. Quit taking my mom on adventures with us because I had to because of the way she treated my daughter. It was really weird and uh but like my mom did so much to help me. Like she rescued me from my sister’s Egg Plantation and that’s a long story, kind of, uh, my dad was just being the biggest piece of shit in the fucking world to me, right after me and my ex-wife split up the last time and I’ll never forget it. I’ll never forget what a fucking

A lying ass manipulative fucking egotistical sack of shit. My dad fucking is like I’ll never forget that. I don’t fucking care. I will never forget the way he treated me. Like right after my ex-wife and I split up for the last time he was, I don’t understand, you know, but he’s an asshole and like you know, the fact that he barely has anything to do with my kids, he shows up On holidays or their birthdays throws money at them and leaves and that’s it. He doesn’t spend any time with them. He doesn’t do anything, he does stuff all the time with my sister’s Kids, he has 1 grandson, which is my son and he never sees him, never does anything, and it’s really shitty.

And it says a lot about him. I, you know, I’ll, I’ll sometimes I always. Well, I do like, you know, I try to I blame myself first. It’s like, where did I fuck up? You know, in any kind of relationship with someone where things go like to hell, you know? Uh, nope. I did not fuck this up. My dad fucked it up because he’s an asshole. And I’m just a, I don’t know, he doesn’t even know me. Is like he never did. Like, it’s sad, but at the same time, you know, it is what it is, and it doesn’t bother me. Most of the time as much as it used to, but it does though. Uh, the last time I saw him was my son’s first basketball game. Last year like last oh God, I think it was like the end of November Maybe. It might have been the first of December, I don’t know, but uh, I don’t remember exactly. But, That messed with me real bad, seeing my dad and seeing how old he’s gotten and it’s just like, you know, I still love him but like You know.

It’s so goddamn stupid.

I can’t believe I got into business with him. You know, for 10 years, I mean, I worked for him. My whole fucking life on and off, but for 10 years, that’s all I did. And it was so shtity the way he did, he treated me like fucking garbage all the time.

And it just sucked. And I don’t like, I was I don’t know, but that happened. I don’t know 1 of those things I guess from for character development or something. This is going to be a long post I guess. I don’t know.

No, those other people haven’t come back. So,

When I get up and look out the door, sometimes I

I wonder like if Brittany’s going to just pop up 1 day because she knows where my storage unit is.

And she, I’m pretty sure that was her pecking on my blog this morning.

Well, I had planned to come here anyways I don’t know. It’s weird, man. And she doesn’t, uh,

I’ll never understand why she did what she did to me the way she did it. Um you know. And yeah. Where do I start? Right. Like God.

Oh my goodness, it’s almost 3 oclock. Yeah, it’s I think I’m going to go over my set again and um probably get the fuck out of here in a couple hours. Haha, I don’t know.

But yeah, my storage unit and all my stuff and here’s just a bunch of my clothes, my old clothes, I need to get out of here and wash them.

Like there’s a pair of pants. Just a perfectly good pair of pants.

Well, I don’t know. Got my shirts, my old shirts, a whole bunch of stuff. I need to just Go through this shit.

That’s what I need to do.

Is there some of my kids clothes?

Oh, there’s 1 of my old gloves, from the Honda plant. Wow. I’ve got a bunch of stuff from Honda. In here and from, uh, Where I worked. The first time I worked. Where I work now. I can’t, I still can’t believe. I got to come back there. That was like I still can’t believe. I got to it was like, it’s like 1 of those dreams where you get to go to high school, in high school again or something. Yeah. Um,

It’s kind of like that. It’s so crazy. But it’s a totally different animal because I’m in a different completely different like shop.

I was like, where they weld the metal together at the first time? And it was just oh I just fucked up so bad by leaving. I feel that way sometimes. And then now, I’m in assembly.

Which is hard.

Oh, it’s 1 of the hardest jobs. I, I can’t think of a job that’s harder than, than what I’m doing right now. Honda wasn’t this hard Yeah, it’s really it’s pretty rough sometimes.

But it is a great job, and it’s the best job like ever. Around. And there’s a thing, my son.

Oh yeah. The

2017, his Christmas picture.

Here’s this. Alfa Insurance envelope. I got

And then here’s a business card from where I was in business with Dad. You know.

I was just a pawn. Like a, you know, just another tool at his disposal. I don’t know if you’ve ever seen that movie where, um, There Will Be Blood. Yeah. That’s that’s my dad’s just a lot like that guy. Yeah. Anyways.

He’s been married 4 times twice to the same woman. You know, I mean, I guess, I guess some people are married a lot more than that. I just, I couldn’t imagine getting married again. Like uh, or getting rather like getting divorced again and getting married again after that. Like I think I’ve got it in me. 1 more. 1 more fucking marriage or something. I don’t know.

But I don’t know what else can I talk about? That’s pretty much it. I’m just

Killing some time making another post. I’ve made almost 400 blog posts on this blog and it’s not even A year old yet, haha. Haha, thank you. Please.