5:01 AM
Oh gosh, what am I doing? I’m just hanging out in my car waiting for it to warm up. I got around.
Uh, later it took longer to get around this morning than I had hoped. I woke up at 3:30 when my alarm went off.
I woke up before my alarm, actually a little bit and then it went off. And I was like, dang, you know, I just laid there.
Uh read over my last post again, that was like 5,000 words though. I didn’t realize it, was that many words until I did the content. Structure. I think it’s the,
Deal. That lets you, um, See how many characters and words and stuff. Oh, drama roommate drama. Yeah, I have no idea but uh apparently the 2 roommates, the smarted me up about those dogs.
Which I, you know, I liked them just fine before that happened. Uh, them having an eviction notice laying in the floor and they must have got into it with the boss lady roommate.
Because their car isn’t here, like You know, it’s 5:00 a.m. I’m like, oh yeah, they’re not here. They must have something must have happened. Yeah.
But uh, I don’t know, like
The dude that I just absolutely do not care for at all. Like I hope I never see that guy. Uh, the rest of my life ever. I hope, I never see him again because he sucks, but he just moved out and Um, you know I heard they were moving out. Uh, the other day I didn’t really, know why
Anyways, I was starting to think that maybe you know, maybe I’ll just stay here because that’s a big reason I was moving out is because Uh being around people who I just really don’t like at all sucks, you know, even though I never see them. I can feel their presence! Haha
And uh, Yeah it to have roommates that you don’t like really sucks and I don’t like them for really good reasons. You know, they’re assholes. Well, that dude was an asshole that the couple, they’re just stupid young people. Who don’t realize how good they have it. You know, I mean that’s common But I gave them my fucking room and I did it to be nice and totally lost on them. I did it to be like, I thought, you know, uh,
Yeah, that was 1 of the nicest things I ever did for people I didn’t have any idea who the hell they were. I just thought, you know, they’re probably okay. They’re probably, you know, I mean and they’re not like evil scheming pieces of shit or anything, but they’re retarded. Haha I don’t know like Uh, by the time I start thinking, yeah. Uh, the boss lady roommate starts saying all this crazy shit in the group texts about uh, the group chat. Yeah. About uh the shower thing and it’s like all this stuff and she was expecting us to have to pay for all this crap that like was already there, the God knows how old that shower is. I don’t know what she was talking about or if she was just being mean to uh, the people. But Yeah, they’re not here this morning. They must have left. So at some point last night because I went home and I laid down for a while.
And I guess it was like an hour and a half. I I was like, you know, yay. And then, uh, I made that blog post And then I ate, you know, I think I ate before I made the blog post. Yeah. And uh Holy shit, I passed right back out. I mean, I was out by like, 8:30 or 9. It was like, as soon as I made that post, I fell asleep and woke back up at like 3:30.
So, I slept about, 6 hours or so.
It’s never enough. It’s never enough when you work at a factory but I was looking at my room the uh, The overhead light, the little switch, the little pull chain switch. Broke
Oh now on my car is warm. Yeah, nothing like making a blog post. Now I just have to defrost the windshield hahaha. Oh my God this is usually what time I get to work you know I am just Just dragging around. I read the article a couple more times because somebody Has. Somebody has been pecking. Yeah, on my blog uh, this morning they read this article that last article like 4 times Was it Brittany? I don’t know. She got all into my brains yesterday.
Afternoon. Oh, she did. It was like, dang, she hadn’t been into my brains, like that in a while? Well uh I think it was last week.
Or something. I’m just, I’m trying to think it’s just not
Oh, it sucks man. Like That’s the 1 chick though, like And I’ve said a lot of stuff about her like about how, you know, her taste in music and all that and This stuff and all that crap. Okay. None of that mattered to me. And she’s like, Oh, she was the exception to all that stuff that I would normally care about.
I never liked anybody that much. She’s my twin flame. It’s insanity. You know. But, It doesn’t leave me with a lot. It it’s kind of, uh, retarded. Now
I’m tempted to go off like about twin flames though, because I’ve read, like, I haven’t thought about it that much, you know, in the last year or so because it hasn’t Except the handful of times I’ve seen her out and, uh, you know, her pecking on my blog
It’s uh, I’ve got a friend who’s a twinflame chaser and it’s just oh, it was so crazy. What 2 years ago? 3 years ago? Yeah, it started it really started getting crazy 3 years ago and um, Just through the lattice of coincidence. I guess, the, uh, information came to me about twin flames and like all the stuff that Uh, just all of it. Gosh, it’s so much But um, it’s just funny because I’ll read a lot of accounts of twin flame Chasers, the defined feminine, you know, the, the, the Vine The divine feminine. Yeah, you know, and all that stuff. I mean it doesn’t sound really retarded but it’s not bullshit at all. I swear to God.
Um, it’s fucking it was like, oh my goodness, it was so crazy.
But uh,
You know, that’s the thing like Chasers they’ll talk about how uh like I don’t know, call them testimonials or something, but I’ve read a lot of fucking stuff about this. And all the the Chasers are always uh, typically females, most of the time, sometimes they’re not and sometimes it reverses, you know, sometimes the runner becomes the Chaser and all this stuff. But uh
Basically they they freak out and they do a bunch of crazy shit and they scare the living hell out of the runner yeah which is what I was or mm or something. I don’t not really doing a lot of running anymore. But they do all this fucking like, Crazy fucked up, shit. That repels like. It’s beyond your fucking will to control it. I could not get within 5 feet of Brittany without shaking, like a crazy person. Like, I mean, like convulsing almost it was fucking like it was painful. It was so crazy. I never had any kind of feelings like that about anybody ever. I would get so, like nervous in the pit of my stomach.
Knots like I can’t even like knots like I can’t even fucking
Describe it with words. How Much this lady affected me. It was the first time I saw her. I was like what? Oh my God. Who is she? You know, and what’s so crazy is when I found out, It took a long time for me to find out who she was And when I did it was already had gotten way over complicated, but then I would have been like if I would have known that was her when I first started working there because I mean her and I had actually met before it was it’s it’s that’s what’s so funny about all this. It’s such a crazy fucking story. Uh, I would have talked to her. I’d have been like, hey, you’re, you know, you’re Brittany, you know,
Uh, totally forgotten about all this stuff. That because Anyways, uh, well her, uh, EX Dude, or whatever, played cello at my wedding and it was, it was Crazy that she was, that’s who she was. And uh, gosh, you know,
Oh, it was so crazy. But uh,
Yeah, from what I’ve read they’re always like, you know, I’m just so grateful for my the, the Chasers yo, I’m I’m grateful for my Runner, you know, he taught me all kind of things from by running away and forcing me to realize that I had everything I needed all along. Haha but the Chasers having no like empathy or like any kind of trying to understand the perspective of the runner, you know? Why the hell did you think we are running away? And and this is 1, I watched a YouTube video, 1 time, this chick talking about it. Uh, it’s all ego, you know, it’s just their ego Runners, you know? It’s like no it is. It isn’t It’s not and I had to I made a comment. I left a really long crazy comment on that video that the lady responded to. But she didn’t know how to respond. She just put like a bunch of wow faces. It’s like, no, no, it’s not all ego. It is uncontrollable, intense fear of It’s like You know. What kind of crazy hell is this woman going to put me through?Like I was afraid she would drive me to commit suicide. My exwife did! I tried to kill myself because of the way she treated me. And that’s kind of the thing, a lot of Runners have pre-existing like Issues like deep, like crazy traumatic. Fucking fucked up issues and the Chaser comes along and unravels, all that and scares the goddamn living fucking crazy hell. Out of me. That’s what happened to me. And just went totally off the deep end doing mean crazy shit. Making it worse and worse and worse. Until I had a fucking nervous breakdown and it she didn’t stop. And I don’t know what. You know, that’s the thing I say, I don’t know what possessed her to go that crazy, but that’s normal in Twin Flame Dynamics. Like all the, the Chasers, all their stuff that I’ve read, it’s like they, they thought, all of them thought they lost their fucking minds, you know, it’s like, what the hell is, you know, wrong with me. And, you know, and something just so unexplainably crazy about the runner, you know, that they have to keep chasing them and God damn, I was just living my fucking life. You know it made it worse like I was struggling really hard and you can go back and read like in my other blog.
I mean, it’s like I can’t even get through some of that shit. It’s so fucking like just the way I felt about myself was I don’t feel that way anymore. You know, I don’t hate myself, sometimes I do but Like, I don’t. Feel. I don’t feel as awful about myself as I used to, you know.
And I got around late. Gosh. But anyways, at least I’m going to work and I’m hungry as hell because I didn’t eat a lot for supper.
Anyways though. Yeah, I mean I figure that’s probably her pecking on my blog this morning. I mean I could be wrong but None of that stuff like pecking and all that. On my blog happened before she came along.
5:15 AM
Yeah, it wasn’t, you know,
Gosh. But my point to that is that if there was any one lady, you know, I talked about my ex-wife, you know, in my last post if I could go back and be perfect and yeah you know in a lot of ways. But I never felt about my ex-wife, or anybody. The way I felt about Brittany.
And uh, it’s insane.
And a big reason. And not so much anymore, but for the first couple years after I left the Honda plant like up until last year you know? Really gosh? What’s this? Big sheet of ice going across the Street here.
On somebody’s waterline, busted. Yeah, that’s what that looks like. Anyways. Uh, what was I saying? Yeah, I was afraid to get mixed up with anybody because if Brittany or something happened with her, like if she came back I would dump them for her and break their heart. And that’s a big reason why I didn’t get mixed up with any of the ladies from the chicken plant, back in 2024 because some of those were the cutest. Oh my gosh, there was this 1 lady named Paige and I will, I will name her She was the cutest sweetest lady I ever met.
And that was like, something that was like, I just could not. Because if something if Brittany like, you know, Like can’t like cuz she probably would have if I would have like gotten a relationship and posted that on Facebook you know Brittany would have showed up somewhere probably and been like oh yeah well and I would have fucking my head would have been exploded. Yeah, I would have and I don’t know but like it just would have been bad and That was another 1 of those things, too. It’s like that chick though. That I just mentioned.
The sweetest lady ever but we don’t have anything in common. It you know it just it wasn’t the same thing as like with Brittany. And so I was like, well, you know, we’re just going to get, we’re just going to get hurt. Like and I just, you know, can’t Handle getting hurt again like that.
Oh, and I’m not going to hurt somebody else. You know, I’m not going to just like 1 of my friends was telling me 1 time because I, you know, I don’t know, I don’t know anything about dating or like how people and this is normal fucking shit, but people like they use Other people to get over. Somebody and just use them and then that’s it. They don’t care. They’re just Being with somebody to make themselves feel better and that’s really selfish and fucked up.
Really fucked up and crazy and I will not Do anything like that? Like, what the hell? What a shitty fucked up thing to do, like, play with somebody’s heart. You know, just because you’re you’re trying to get over somebody and it makes you feel better and you’re just there out of convenience, you know, they are and like I’m not going to do that. That’s like,
That’s like the shittiest 1 of the, that’s some of the shittiest stuff I ever heard about people doing but they do it all the time. It’s like normal. It’s crazy how people you know, dating and sex and all that is a huge, huge part of most people’s lives. Yeah. It’s like Wow, you know.
And I’m not like that at all. And uh, but you know, and that’s what’s so funny. Is I still
I got to get gas. I’m stopping in. This gas station to get gas.
5 dollars. And that’s it.
Oh, Okay.
Oh, that I know it doesn’t have like another Time stamp to let you know, the I was I left and came back
Oh, it’s warm and my car.
What was I saying? I was talking about crap. Uh, other than I wish I would have left. An hour ago.
I mean, I don’t know.
But this way, I can get, maybe they’ll have some stuff out at the racetrack, they’ve been really bad. Lately about Having breakfast food out. But they have coffee.
And I’m just glad I got 20 whole dollars. I can get Uh, crap with. What was I saying, though?
5:23 AM
All that.
But yeah, I mean that was the thing and that was another reason. That was a big reason why I um didn’t get mixed up. With anybody from Target either.
Uh, last year year before last I guess.
Haha, cuz that was this really?
Oh man. This really beautiful lady. Uh who worked there too, that I like and it’s like, well, you know, I’m just going to, we’re just going to get hurt. We’re just going to hurt each other. That’s all that’s going to happen.
And uh,
Gosh. Yeah.
But um, I don’t know, it’s just crazy because like
I, I’ve never felt like, I thought, you know, I wouldn’t ever I didn’t think I could love anybody else after the divorce and then I met my ex fiance And then I was like well I’m never going to find anybody as interesting, that made me feel the way she did and then Brittany came along, you know. I mean that took a long time there was about uh there was a 6-month gap between the divorce and meeting my ex fiance But uh, there was a, uh,
A 4 year Gap. Between my ex fiance and everything that happened with Brittany.
And we never dated like we barely interacted in person. It was 90% metaphysical. That’s what so fucking. That’s what was so crazy about it and what made me look like a complete like schizophrenic fucking retard to my ex-wife and a lot of my friends. And until I started talking to people who were Dealing with the same thing, 1 of my friends was, she’s the Chaser. Uh and I think everything kind of went to shit with that for her too. And I really haven’t talked to her in a while. I need to message her cuz she’s 1 of my best friends. But, um, holy shit, you know?
How is this thing about this morning when I saw those hits on my blog? Yeah, cuz that happens like, you know,
I just don’t understand.
Like her thinking and I don’t think there’s any understanding to it because most Chasers That’s a common thing. They all felt like they lost their completely lost their fucking minds over this dude, like whatever, their the runner, whoever, whatever the runner was, you know, they just, they went completely crazy and went off the deep end and my friend did too the stuff that she talked about. Like talking about him.
Was so crazy. That some of the stuff she said. And like the way she acted about him and he was just this guy, you know, he was just this little dude from Australia that uh, you know he had no idea that she felt the way that she did about him. And it like, she’s like,
My daughter described her, my friend, the Chaser um as too pretty to be real. Like she’s that beautiful and she started like she was so insecure about this guy and he just looked like some regular fucking dude. You know, he didn’t look like anything special but to her, you know, he was the most beautiful thing in the universe. And um gosh, you know, but seeing this like, I mean, she’s my most like, you know, conventionally hot Uh, beautiful chick friend, you know? And that’s I mean, that’s all it is. It’s like she’s like my little cousin or something, you know, it’s like strictly platonic But she is a fucking, I mean, just 1 of the most beautiful women and I’ve ever met, you know, like in the world in the whole world.
And, Uh she couldn’t understand why this guy, you know, didn’t want like oh it just made her feel horrible though because uh,
She interpreted everything, in The Most Extreme Ways like he didn’t, you know, didn’t act a certain way or didn’t do what she wanted him to do in a certain time frame. And, and he was just Playing with her and stringing her along and being a fucking asshole. You know, all the stuff and he really wasn’t. But like the The uh exchange is so intense. It’s like the most intense fucking thing ever. Uh, I mean, I never even felt like, even close to what I felt about Brittany with any like from anybody anywhere. It’s crazy.
And it just, Gosh, you know, it’s making me think about that seeing a bunch of weird off hits. On my blog this morning. Oh my God. Work. Work work. Work work. Let’s fucking 529.
A.m. Yeah, and Usually like, I’m at work. Usually I’m in the gym right now. You know. And that’s not going to happen today. I really need to find a real gym. Yeah, I do. I’ve talked about that.
But I don’t know, I guess, I mean, there is a huge part of me. That wishes. Everything could have happened and worked out with Brittany. Like I do and that’ll never go away. It’s like my ex-wife and my ex fiance. All the other dumb crazy things that torture me. Haha occasionally Like, I only wanted to love 1, woman forever, you know?
I think that’s another reason why I’m so apprehensive about getting mixed up with any co-worker girls. Because uh, like
It would end up. Somebody would get hurt and I guess that’s what it really boils down to. You know uh, probably them though. I mean I’ll get hurt Because they got hurt but like I just can’t
Get with somebody for the heck of it, you know.
But romantic entanglements for me are always just so big and Seemingly important because it rarely ever happens.
And it’s because of me, though. It’s not that I can’t
Uh, get a date or anything like that. It’s that I just don’t.
But because I’m really sensitive. And, of course, at the end of the day, though, I’ll really wish I could spend more time with my kids. Like, that’s way more, way more important to me than dating. So, anyways, I don’t know. Yeah, I was just thinking, though, like I’m going to get the kids, I get paid tonight. Uh I get paid this afternoon. Yeah. And I’m going to get the kids this weekend and we’re going to have a good time. It makes me happy to get my kids.
But, you know, I do
Sometimes really, really, really wish I had somebody. And I really wish. A lot of the times that it could have been Brittany.
Yep.
And it makes me sad because, you know, all she would have to do is just message me. And like a person, you know, and just be like hey
Hey there. You know, she like I wouldn’t even I don’t, I don’t know if she realizes just
You know, I get it. Yeah, it’s kind of the thing. And I have I had to forgive her
I mean, I didn’t know any anything what else to do, you know, because
God, she ruined my life. It was so crazy. I mean, I guess the whole thing, you know, ruined my life, but she was pretty instrumental and, you know, looking back at it is really stupid. But at the time, You know I couldn’t think at all it was just ah I’m going crazy.
Yeah, but dang, you know? That’s a pecking on my blog, and, you know, instead of like, you know, weird like stalker, bullshit? Just message me crazy, lady goddamn.
Ha ha ha.
And I did, I got my best songs. Out of it. But then it’s like, you know, does she really want like Did, what does she really want from me? Is she just being like nostalgic or just like hey you know I’m still here, I don’t know like because you would think if she really wanted to talk to me, she would just message me. I don’t know why. And that’s another thing is like About twin flames and I finally just had to let it all go. It’s like none of it’s going to happen when you want it to happen how you want it to happen. Like it’s not up to you or her or anything. It’s up to, you know, uh, Divine timing. Yeah. And I say that kind of with like a, like, a stupid asshole tone but You know, Jesus Christ.
You know, I don’t know.
I really wish I had a lady to pet.
Yeah, I could just pet her head and mash her with all the love in the universe. And uh, For a long time.
I don’t know. Yeah. Now don’t make yourself sad. Jesus Christ.
Well, what else can I say? I don’t know. I’m just killing Time I’ve been making some really long blog posts lately. And uh,
Yeah, this will just give me something to edit in the break room. Oh, I can’t wait though, to get up here to the racetrack. And get. Coffee.
And um,
Something to eat. Jesus Christ, I don’t know why my brains today is Wednesday. Yeah, I just, I don’t know. I’m like compelled to keep talking But uh, I don’t know, I just feel like it was just this big tragic waste of a love story with Brittany.
It felt like that.
Uh, with my ex fiance to And my ex-wife. Also Yeah, that was like
I don’t know. It’s I just have a different perspective on all that stuff, I guess than normal.
But I hope Brittany is okay. You know, I don’t know what goes on in her brain. I don’t know, like, I don’t know anything.
But for her to still, you know, stalk my stuff. It’s like,
I, I just I don’t understand why she Couldn’t just message me and let’s just, you know, it’s 1 of those things where You know, she did, in fact, go way too far and maybe she Feels like, You know. It’s 1 of those things, you know what I mean? Like maybe she just It’s like it was too much. Yeah.
I don’t know it, but
Sometimes I really, really miss her too.
And it hasn’t ever went away for long. Like, she’ll stop for like, you know, a little bit and then she comes right back. Yeah, it’s just I don’t know but I’m now I’m just talking in circles about it.
Oh man.
Oh I hate getting to work this like this is like the like the normal person Time to get to work.
Oh gosh. I’m I’m just so used to getting to work at like 4:45 5 a.m. something like that.
And I go to the gym for like, 30 minutes and go sit in the break room for an hour. And uh, you know I kind of have a kind of a rough like routine type deal in the mornings.
You know it’s so funny to just blabber about myself and my own stupid, bullshit and post this online. And you know what is even funnier to me is like with this blog, it has its own domain name. Like, I finally broke down and got my own domain name for my blog. It’s really funny. I should do a whole lot more with this really. I could put like my music up here and videos and stuff and You know, it could have been, it could be a lot more than I make it.
But I don’t get a lot of traffic you know that’s what so remarkable when I get some weird off hits. It’s like you know what’s going on and
5:39 AM
Because a lot of the people that I follow and who interact with my posts, Because I do, I get you know 3 or 4 likes on a post. Uh, average. You know, every 1 of my posts will get, you know, a handful of views but they come from WordPress reader or something. You can see the refer Refer.
Referrer. Yeah. Haha.
But that’s the thing. Like you can’t. There’s no referrer.
Uh, well I don’t know it’s
Uh oh but some people get, you know, tons of hits. That’s what I’m oh God. There’s so many people at the fucking gas station.
Oh man. I hate it. I hate it. I hate it. Hate it. And there’s going to be a big line. Probably. Well, it’s not. Yeah, it’s getting up there. I need to get in and out. I’m just glad I already got gas.
I guess I’m not done talking either, so I’m going to I’m going to go in, I’ll be right back.
Oh my God.
Okay, that was That was not too bad. They have the brunch Burger out.
I don’t know if you’ve ever had a brunch burger from the RaceTrac gas station. Haha.
But um,
They’re actually pretty good. They’re a lot of
I don’t know.
Get on the main Highway.
Now, I can open it up and eat it.
Well, I got it cuz they just made it. They Just made them. So,
900 calories. Motherfucker.
I’m eating. That. Oh,
Oh, with the churmps again.
I really got to get my ass around tomorrow. Yeah, I’m I’m slacking off. It’s bad.
Oh, there’s a dang police. Usually, they just have a security car sitting in the, uh,
Little median thing. Coming in to work. But it’s a it’s a police officer today.
Well, this parking lot actually, is notorious. For being, uh,
Like, just Fucking. Crazy, I guess I don’t know. I mean, like, people have gotten ran over out here, wrecks happened all the time.
People back over shit back into each other fight. Out here. Like this is a different realm here but there’s a few parking lots
Um,
I like how these people just pulled in, where I was going to pull in to let a fucking car load of people out.
Did it? I don’t know.
Anyways, I’m right here, I’m going to go in the long way. I’m taking the scenic route.
Scenic route. And here is a row of 4 cars with all their headlights on just hanging out.
But, uh, holy shit, you know?
Well, what do I want to do? I have A really long blog post to edit
I got my water bottles.
Did I put my bags on? What did I do? Here it is. God.
Gets a baby.
Okay, I don’t know what else can I say it’s 5:55. Haha, I just picked the phone up and there it was, I don’t know. It’s not that remarkable anymore. But,
I guess I’ve talked about enough crap. It’s time to walk into the plant and start the day. Yay. Thank you, please.
MY BLOG NUMBER SEVEN 