THURSDAY MORNING

3:48 AM
Well, what am I doing? I’m just hanging out, because I was off tonight.

Earlier, I went out and got the kids. We went to eat at Jefferson’s in Rainbow City. That was really great.

I really needed like I needed a night off. I had to do stuff with the kids and just kind of like, I don’t know. Sometimes my job gets to be a little too much like socially, though. It’s not the work. I mean it is the work too. It’s over and over all the same thing, but everybody deals with it in different ways and it’s just

I just get burned out, and I’ve been fighting that crud, this crud or whatever for the last.

At least a month.

But I did a bunch of music tonight. My voice is awful, and my playing is not that great right now, but I haven’t played any in like a month, hardly at all. I haven’t hardly done anything.

This new year so far.

So I went out there and I worked through some songs and

Pushed my voice about as far as I wanted to singing Blue Velvet. I have. Like 20. I have like 21. Original songs that I can play. And then I have about a dozen covers.

I’ll probably go back out.

And practice some more before I turn in. Before I go to sleep, but Later though, It’s cold outside.

It’s 38 degrees which isn’t you know, it’s not 15 degrees.

But it’s it’s not 60 either. Haha

Sometimes it hits me though that like

I talk about stuff. I think I talk sometimes I go way too far talking about things that just anybody Can stumble onto my blog onto my blog and read just from the internet, anywhere from Instagram or from, uh,

Facebook.

I think about that, you know, like the last few posts, I’ve just way off the deep end talking about, like, like talking to that chick from work. And how awkward and stupid, that was. And I like, I just freaked out and ran away from her, like, the whole time. I’ve worked there. Anytime she’s looked at me or made eyeballs at me or anything, but it’s, because I wasn’t ready to talk to anybody and it’s the same. It’s been the same thing for, like, everybody up there. Like all the ladies that I’ve Crossed paths with and I know I Get on their nerves is what I do. Yeah. I get on their nerves. And I’m aware of that. Sometimes, it’s like God. And this is probably even more annoying, having a Blog where I talk about all this crap. And then I just laugh about that because it’s like, you know,

Nobody like ever comes up and just talks to me either.

I started in making blogs blog posts. I started the blog. Really got going though. I started it. And the other Blog, the original 1, you know? This is like the

I guess the main 1 I’m using. Now, I thought about making a new 1 actually,

And just, uh, because this domain expires, I have to renew it in like a month and I thought about just making a whole new 1. Wouldn’t that be funny? And just like, starting all over and put this 1 like into the archives like the other 1. You know just leave it up there for posterity. It’s like yeah well you know that was a particular time in my life while I was dealing with a bunch of crap but in a different way and it’s different crap. It’s a it’s different, you know.

I thought about that because I have 2 other blogs out there in The Ether.

But at the same time, I’m like, I don’t know. I like that. I’ve made more posts with this blog. I think how many posts have I made?

About 3777. So that’s

Uh, 377. Yeah, that’s what I said. Anyways, haha in 11 months

For some reason I thought that was more. How many did I have in the other blog? My other blog.

567. Yeah, on the other blog, you know, I really didn’t remember.

But I had that blog up for

You know, like 6 years over 6 years Almost 7 actually.

Um, crap.

No, right. Like right at just a little over 7 years anyways, but um, of course, I didn’t really start posting like every day regularly until 2021 2020. Yeah. 2021, I really got going in 2021 on that blog like posting on a regular basis. It was the last year, I lived in that Farmhouse and I just went, you know, nuts. I made a lot of posts in 2019, but I took all of them down that was before I figured out, I could just make them private. I really thought about it and

You know it’s just saving them as a draft. I save them as a draft now or I make them password protected.

Mostly, yeah, I make them password protected more. Now, that way, I don’t lose my post streak, which I just lost

Again. But, Yeah, it’s like anybody can stumble upon it and read it but like that nobody ever does except every now and then it, it’s crazy. Uh, but in 2021, I was just posting Just I mean just not even thinking about it and I thought, you know, I want more readers. I want more people to read my blog and look at my blog and so I put a link to it on my Facebook page. And my ex-wife. Started reading it, then she read. Every single article I had posted up to that point which was like

30 or 40 that I had up uh from like 2020 to about the middle of 2021.

And then she read every post I made, up until

I think the beginning of last year, you know, she finally, I don’t know. I wouldn’t call it like we didn’t fight about it, but we

Kind of got into it a little bit about it. Oh, just because of everything that happened with Brittany. And this and then you know, and then Brittany like she found it and that’s why everything got crazy. And then, you know, the time, my supervisor found it and I’m just like

I don’t want any of that to happen again. I don’t want that to happen again but I can’t help myself. I have to like It has to be oh, Up you know?

It does.

But nobody like nobody cares but the people that that do like that have cared, it’s just been Super retarded. The funny thing about this blog is it’s it’s really hard to read and hard to get through for like a normal person. It’s hard for me to get through it sometimes but it’s here. It’s just like this is

This is what comes out of my brains.

But I, I do, I realize I’ve been talking about the same shit over and over for a long time. And I complain too much. I think I complain too much sometimes

But, I talked mostly about like,

It is, it’s pretty ridiculous. Yeah.

But I mean, at the same time like who cares? I don’t really take it that seriously and I don’t say anything in here that I wouldn’t say to anybody’s face It’s not like, you know, or something, or stuff that I’ve already said to people, you know,

Because I’ll pretty much tell anybody anything to their face. If you know, if it’s relevant I’m not like oh in your face kind of person though, or even

But if something, I guess this is part of that, in a way.

But I don’t I don’t take it that seriously. It’s just kind of stupid. It’s something stupid for me to do every day or almost every day. It’s just a record of my stupid crap like on a somewhat daily basis. You know, what’s going on in my head? It’s Mostly for me, I don’t really do this for anybody else. I read it sometimes and I’m like Holy shit

Me? Hahaha

But it’s just out there. Here it is, you know, it’s it’s really funny when I think about it. Like what this it really is

Oh my goodness.

The only time though, like I’ll make a thing private if I say a bunch of crap, if I go too far, as if I think there’s a possibility that whoever might read it, it might hurt their feelings. Who doesn’t deserve it. You know or something like that. You know, it’s something that might completely get Uh, misunderstood and then sometimes it’s like well you know,

But that’s a 1 reason, why I’ll take stuff down or make it. I make it password protected. Now if I’ve gone too far and I realize it later, it’s like, dang, I ought to take that.

Uh, take away public access to that. Just in case, you know,

I guess. Uh, what made me think of that, too? Was somebody and I can see. Like, when I don’t know who I can figure out sometimes from the reading patterns or something, but, um,

You know, I can see, like when people look at my blog and what articles they read, and where they come from, and all that crazy stuff, and somebody went back and read a post of mine from October of last year. I think it was October, it might have been the beginning of November actually, and I went off talk Talking about. Uh, my uncle. And stuff and it was pretty mean, but I left it up there and I was like, well, you know,

Like my dad and my uncle both were just They were really hard on me when I was younger and it was stupid. It was like, like my uncle when I worked for him. He went out of his way to be an asshole to me, because I was his nephew, so nobody could like, accuse him of nepotism or something. I mean, it was like, and my dad was the same way. And uh, but then I could never get away from my dad, it was crazy. He was like possessive and controlling everything.

And everybody around him. Yeah, like my dad you know, he’s gosh it’s like what the hell? Hold on.

But it was like his world, you know? It was crazy to think about, like just what a presence. What a big Huge person, my dad really is. It’s like, wow and my uncle is too and they were they were such Such dicks to me and I guess I felt Justified in going off about him on that article that some strange person read, you know, hahaha

I don’t know, I guess I was just thinking about that crap. I was like, dang. I sure do talk about some fucking shit sometimes. Yeah.

I guess also in like most social settings and stuff. I’m so withdrawn and quiet because I don’t know what to say. And uh, You know, or I’m just not interested in what’s going on around me. Because I’m off, I’m thinking about like what the song I’m doing. Or uh, some idea of God, or what I’m going to do with the kids. Next time I have money. You know, it’s just

It all comes out in here though. Yeah, it’s like, that’s

The balance to that. Yeah, it’s uh here here’s a bunch of crap.

I don’t know, I guess that’s That’s all I have to say. Hahaha

I miss my Kids more than anything else.

Thank you. Please.