5:25 PM
I just decided to start over.
Oh, here’s the traffic. Yeah I just I left About the time. Uh, I usually get to work which was a little after 5. And now I’m just going to work. I had a 3-day weekend.
It was nice. Never lasts long enough.
I’ve got this persistent fucking cough. That my vocals are so fucked up right now and this app was picking up everything. So stupid. That I just, I started over this is my third fucking post attempt
But I’m not like,
I don’t feel great right now like in my brains. I feel sad. And,
My voice sounded really great Wednesday. It made me happy. And then I guess it was, uh, Saturday morning, early, Saturday morning, I don’t remember. I got home Shit. I don’t remember anything, but I tried to sing last night, and my voice sucked. It was horrible.
And, I just, it’s really discouraging.
You know, most of the time like my life is really great right now, it’s the best. It’s been in a lot of ways since the divorce But I just
Had, I had a really rough time, like, Yesterday. Saturday, you know that? Saturday sucked too. Yeah.
And uh, yesterday I was just sad.
Yesterday was my ex fiance’s birthday and On her Facebook page. She has the wrong birth date up. So it looks like she’s an 11 life path but she’s not. She’s a 7. Her birthday is the 15th. She’s got it as the 28th. Of February 1988 but that’s inaccurate because she’s a lying sack of shit and I don’t know why. I was just looking at her crap yesterday. She doesn’t really have anything up though. On Facebook. It’s just her Profile. Just a picture and a background. And her birth date. And I was like, happy birthday. I sent her a message in all caps. I’ll never hear back from her. Hahaha But,
I don’t know. I just feel like sometimes I just all I have is my music. Well you know I fucked up College I fucked up. A lot of other stuff.
I could have probably had a career at Honda, You know, could have got into the maintenance program there and done great things. That was my plan.
But, It is though that’s all I have left is my music and I was going to try and get into the maintenance program here. I missed the hire on deadline by a month for this year. I’m going to have to wait until next year to do it and I just you know just thinking about it. It’s like well I’m not.
I’m probably not ever going to fucking like. Do that though. For real. I mean, I might get a different job, like an offline job or something.
But,
You know, I’m not.
I don’t know. I was being really negative. My last post attempt. Now I just feel fucking stupid. Here’s all the traffic Isn’t this close to the airport? I thought I passed Madison.
I don’t know. All I thought about, There’s a damn Honda Ridgeline. I wonder if I put the headlight in it. Haha. I think about that, sometimes I can’t ever tell what year model they are, if they’re shiny, you know? I mean, it might. Shit, I didn’t, you know, I haven’t worked at Honda in almost 3 years now. So it’s like, You know, I might have, I might not have
But yeah, I was, I was just thinking about killing myself. Like pretty much all day yesterday. It was the reason why I didn’t make a post. And I thought it might make me feel better, so I got drunk. Yep. I fell off the wagon and you know what? It made me feel worse. It made me happy though for about 2 hours. And I ate a whole bunch of enchiladas and I was so happy. I was talking to my friend Alessio And uh, Like it’s just damn all the traffic now. Yeah, shit. This is way up past where the traffic usually is.
I think this is because of all the road construction. But yeah, my voice being so fucked up, too. Just it’s like, you know,
I just get sick of it. I get sick of like you know, the fact that I’m alone
95% of the time. Yeah, I was thinking, like, you know, maybe 90%, but it’s more than that. I’m not going to get to see my kids again for a couple of weeks, you know, twice a month is about that’s about as much as I get my kids like they live 2 hours away. And my life is like, I can’t complain and so many ways. It’s so great. I just wish I could blow my fucking brains out.
I’m not getting any younger, you know, and sometimes that It matters and sometimes it doesn’t
I’m just, I guess I feel burned out.
And I overslept about an hour. Yeah, that’s that’s bothering me right now.
Oh, this is the, uh,
I’m almost to my exit.
Actually.
Well, that’s not too bad. I’ll get to work about 5:45.
Maybe a little later actually because now it’s starting to slow back down right at the exit.
Oh, there’s some crazy shit up here.
I don’t know. I feel bad.
I feel bad talking about killing myself, you know, It’s Just God, I just feel so pointless, sometimes. All I have is my music though. That’s the thing, like, and and when I can’t like I it’s been a struggle all month. It’ll my voice will be great and then it’ll be all I’ll wake up like with the flemmy fucking cough. And it fucks it right back up. And it’s like, okay.
Oh, this sucks, I didn’t hit any traffic until right here at the end.
And I’m hungry. I’m about to starve to death.
Hahaha.
I guess though, I mean overall I had a pretty good weekend. I don’t know.
I feel better. Now, I’m getting the stuff out but like, Shit, you know February is always like the shittiest month for me. Anyways, it was last year, I know that. So Uh, and uh, You know, the just I’m not February is never the best month of the year for me.
At least it’s not super cold.
I don’t know what else to say. I really don’t. I lost my post streak again. Haha
Yeah.
Oh, thank you, please.
MY BLOG NUMBER SEVEN 