TUESDAY MORNING

5:06 AM
Oh my goodness. Well.

Um, I just

Left work. I reckon, I left uh, We got off early and then I went to the gym and that was awesome. I worked out for probably 45 minutes. Great for what I’ve been doing. Hahaha. And, uh,

Dang. Yeah. I’m just thinking

I got, I’d say breakfast, but it was, this is my supper. I got a bunch of delicious breakfast food from the Sprint, Mart where I used to get breakfast all the time at when I worked at Target. And, uh, shit, I don’t know.

This is going to sound dumb. But I just noticed that Brittany hasn’t. Um, been active in 8 hours. Isn’t that stupid though? But, uh, I hope she’s okay. Like, after my daughter Friday told me that she had been in a wreck. I felt, uh, I felt really bad. Like I want her to be okay. I wanted her to be okay. And I guess she hasn’t been active. I don’t know, maybe she fell asleep earlier. Haha I just, like I don’t want anything bad to ever happen to her. Like ever, I want like she’s right up there with you know the rest of them. I really care about and even though it wasn’t like a real physical relationship, She’s still my twin flame. God damn it. And even though she ruined my life and was mean and shit to me, you know, maybe she felt like I deserved it. I don’t think I did.

Ha ha ha ha. I mean, I just, I don’t know. And she might be doing it to mess with me, like it’s just It’s crazy.

I just cannot. Message her, I can’t.

I just can’t do it.

As much as I love her and wish that things could have been different. Like, I really do like really do. There’s no way I can. Anything short of like some chance. Seeing her in person or something. Or if she messages me. Yeah, like I don’t know why she can’t though. And why did she even unblock me? Why did she block me in the first place? You know, why did she do all this crazy mean stuff to me that just Scared. The living hell out of my fucking All my shit everything, pretty much. And I ran because I was afraid she would Drive me to blow my fucking brains out. Like, you know, I’m Really fucked up and a lot of chicks.

Cannot possibly understand that. You know, to look at me,

You wouldn’t think? You wouldn’t think anything? Would affect me at all like that.

But that’s Only.

Only a woman. Yeah, that’s the only Thing and not just any woman. Yeah. Uh, It has to be like, it takes a special 1, a really special 1 and there’s only been 3, women.

Who have ever could even like affect me on that level.

And, you know, my ex-wife My ex fiance and Brittany.

Nobody has ever Affected me like that before, except them 3.

And for some popped up reason. I have the hiccups

I said, fucked up reason. Yeah. Haha, Oh

Probably, because I just ate a bunch of food really fast.

Yeah, I don’t know but uh I hope she’s okay.

There’s no telling, you know, it might be on purpose, she knows that she can mess with me with tiny little things that seem like they don’t matter. Yeah. Oh, that’s all. It was like 2023. That was the whole year. Yeah, that was the whole year of 2023. And like, did she just not have any idea? That. I would have just Mashed her and petted her. And forever and ever with all the love in fucking creation for all eternity? Ha ha ha. I mean, you know, I don’t know, it’s just it sounds really stupid. I mean I feel stupid even talking about this but whatever I mean,

I just

Find it remarkable. And, you know, I’ve talked about her actually in a few posts the last couple weeks 1 of my ex-girlfriends, like the worst 1. She unblocked me I noticed it yesterday. Like she blocked my uh, 1 of my alternate accounts, my main alternate account.

I have I really only have like 2 accounts. I have my main 1 and then my alternate account, then I have a fake account. But I don’t ever use it for anything. My alternate account was where the original dolphin came from Um, and I made that to hide from my ex fiance who, as recently as 2022. Was still messaging me from like her fake account being a crazy person. Oh my gosh. Yeah, that was uh the Bulgarian chick. She was pretending to be a Bulgarian chick 1 time. It was like It was so funny because she had the accent down like she’s Oh, she was just like a little cartoon. She was, I never met.

A lady like her and she hurt me so bad that it’s hard for me to remember like the good stuff about her. But uh, yeah, my ex fiance was just

I, I can’t even explain how

How like,

I just, I don’t know. I’m not going to get off on some rant about that.

But, uh, yeah. Like after her and that the, the worst ex-girlfriend, after we broke up, like, I blocked her. I, I got to block her first. Haha Before she could block me on my Main account, but she blocked My alternate account. Yeah, and I have no idea like she must have just unblocked me in the last Well, you know, I don’t check that account very much. So, you know, I would think maybe the last month or so. I don’t know. But uh, why would she unblock me? Like I get why? She blocked it.

But I don’t know. That’s another thing that I was thinking about tonight. And then I noticed that last night or that I noticed that earlier today, I don’t remember. But I was like, dang, Hannah. Unblocked, my alternate account. Yeah, I was just like, wow.

But I don’t know like just because Brittany hasn’t logged in to her account in 8 hours or something doesn’t mean shit. You know. Now, if I see it in like a couple days, it hasn’t she hasn’t logged in because she made another account for her business stuff. And uh, I don’t know, like the whole thing, just I feel so dumb talking about it, but this is The Narrative of my life, okay? Like right now. And I got my absolute very best songs from Brittany. Out of that whole fucking whatever the hell that crazy shit was I got my best songs out of that.

But, You know.

I don’t know, I flip flop between like you know, like I don’t ever want anything bad to happen to her. Not really, you know, not I don’t And uh, but then, I’ll go from like, because I never liked anybody as much as I liked Brittany. Not even close, not even like Even close to how much. I liked her and uh, yeah, I know it’s really crazy. It’s like, Completely retarded crazy. Stupid fucking crazy. Yeah. And uh, But then, you know, sometimes I just feel really

Like I get this like, Bad. Feeling when sometimes I look at her stuff. And just I’ll start feeling like really bad because she did A lot of mean things so that I never like no, no chick has ever mess with me like she did, I guess. And it was like, She didn’t care.

About. Me as a person. She just wanted to fuck me up and she did

It was, uh,

Not something I expected to ever happen. Yeah, it was so inexplicable. But I’m not the only person to have to deal with the Twin Flame thing. So my ex

Fiance. Yeah. Has 1 too. So I mean And I did when I read her crap, talking about it. I thought because she posted a lot in these public groups, it was so weird. And I just thought it was a dumbest shit I ever read. And then it happened to me like uh,

6 months after I read, all that crap. You know, it was like, fucking whatever. You know. But apparently, that’s who she Dumped me for, Yeah, she dumped me for her twin flame.

But, you know, she’s also lied a lot, a whole lot about a lot of things.

Like, I don’t know. I don’t know how far that even goes because

You know, the relationship really in and of itself. I mean, we were like going to get married and stuff. That’s why she was my fiancee. She was for a little bit. What for about a month? Yeah.

And uh,

Man, that messed me up so bad. Yeah, it did.

She was just so.

Caustic, and Evil, you know, to me. After a point. She would pick fights, Dump me, and then a week later Beg me to take her back. That happened at least 4 different times. Yeah, I just don’t, I don’t know.

It would be crazy to like, ever see her. You know what? I haven’t It’s been this year will be 8 years since uh yeah. Since I saw her like, you know, it’s just crazy and she was just fucking awful. Oh, so awful, after we split up and for some reason she thought I owed her money. You know, like gets into my phone turns my alarms off. So I oversleep and missed my return flight back. I was only supposed to stay the weekend, you know? And I mean she just fucked everything up. And, looking back I think she was just trying to be even more mean I guess.

It was so awful. And she told me, too. She told me I should have killed myself. She told me, I should go kill myself. You know, like, wow. And she meant it.

God, you know, I really would like to just stop talking about this crap, though.

You know, what? I really though, I wish I had and I don’t think it’s going to be, you know, like I just don’t think Brittany and I will ever Like I just don’t I think that was I don’t know what that was. Like not all twin flames. End up together, you know? But uh, I really, really, really, really wish I had a girlfriend. I guess that’s my point to all that. I wish that I had a girlfriend so bad. It makes me like it hurts. Yeah, it makes me hurt.

It sucks. I’ve been single for so long. And I just, Have all this stupid, love to give. And I feel great because I just left the gym.

And so I’ve got like I’ve just I feel, you know, the blood all went up around through me and I’m all like I feel good. You know. Hahaha!

I don’t know why ever go without

Working out like it just, it makes. It’s insane. The difference It makes in my moods. Like how I feel. I could be like hating myself and wanting to die, which is how I kind of felt most of the shift tonight anyways. And then I’ll go to the gym and, you know, I’ll get on the treadmill for 20 minutes. And, uh, and I don’t just like drag around on it, either I go fast and then, uh, not quite running though. I’ll lift a whole bunch of weights. Yep, I did and until my arms were jello, Which was uh, a few hundred reps with a dumbbells. I worked the 12 lb dumbbells in there. I got a set of 100 with the 12 lb dumbbells and, uh, 200 with the 5-pound

5:23 AM
And I did about 100 reps on the bench, press thing with 30 lbs, and about 60 reps with the 45, and maybe 20 with 15 because that’s all I could do. After all that. Haha. Yeah, I don’t know but I almost told him

I’m almost home, I said.

And, I guess. Like, I don’t know, just because

I just wish I had a girlfriend. I really do.

I also found this like lunchbox thing. Somebody it looks like somebody had put it on top of their car and uh, it was in the road leaving the parking lot and it was around the curve, like somebody lost it going around the curve. So I picked it up and turned it into security and posted into the group. That I found A lunchbox and turned it into security and, uh, That made me feel like a nice person. I mean, I’d hope somebody would do the same thing for me. I was like, oh, what the hell was that? Cuz I almost hit it. And so yeah, that But, uh, I don’t know.

It’s just crazy that little stuff like that for some reason like with Brittany? It just made me worry for some reason about her And I was too like Friday. I just of course my daughter said it wasn’t that bad? It didn’t look that bad. There was no telling she couldn’t tell what exactly happened, but you know

Um, it wasn’t like You know, some big crazy wreck or anything with blood and smashed Vehicles, it was like, you know, probably a fender bender or something or who knows. But,

Gosh though. I am home.

I sure am.

Yeah, let’s peel myself out. Of here. And

Go inside and edit this and pass the hell out. I have got to, I cannot

I have to go to the gym. I can’t not go to the gym. I have to get Back on track with my physical health. Or I just I had a horrible weekend though. I did Valentine’s Day. Never makes me happy anymore. I loved my ex-wife more than anything. You know, like it’s just, I’m fucked up and, you know, if I had a somebody, it probably wouldn’t even be that big of a deal. But I’m alone. I’ve been alone for 5 years, you know. It’s like gosh.

And that’s the, uh,

That’s the eighth Valentine’s Day in a row that I have been alone on it. Yeah. I remember the last Valentine’s Day while we were married. It was uh we split up 2 months later for good. Yeah, but I just had this sinking. Just terrible feeling. The last Valentine’s Day with my ex-wife, it just I just don’t understand.

Why romance, and love and everything has just been

Stupid. Bullshit for me? Is it me? I mean, it’s not all me. I just don’t think I’ve met. The right person yet. Honestly, if I have, I don’t know it. I can speculate of the ladies I have met which ones you know, would it would could possibly be but I have no idea.

But I am. I’m ready to love again and I guess you know when the timing is right. Hopefully sooner than later, all of them. I’ll find somebody. You know, or all if I have found them already, it’ll like You know.

Oh happen, right?

And I’ve still got this fucking call for God. I said I still got this fucking cough. Goodness!

Thank you, please.