5:55 AM
Okay. Yeah. Well, let’s make a post. I am home. I got home.
Uh, I am about.
No, this, I have a remote control for my Ceiling fan light. Fan thing. And I accidentally bump it all the time and it turns the fan on.
And it’s annoying but I guess it’s my fault. Haha.
Oh, shit, I don’t know. I’ve just been bummed out all fucking day. I mean,
All. Of the shift. Last night
Yeah.
And it’s so stupid. Like my life. Is uh, I don’t understand so much stuff. I just don’t understand anymore and this whole thing with Brittany is 1 of them.
But uh, the end result, it doesn’t matter what
You know, um,
I guess. Makes it happen, exactly. You know, like like her leaving cards around my apartment complex trying to get me to meet her Across the street. Yeah at like 3:00 a.m. you know and I never figured that out until it was too late and then realized it was her and all this other stuff that Made me.
Feel, I think the only thing that made me feel worse than that was when my ex-wife and I split up for the last time and you know, and when the divorce was Final. Yeah, I think that was uh The only thing I can think of that’s made me feel worse than that.
Which is pretty bad. Yeah. Um,
But uh, that’s the end result is just me. Feeling like fucking bullshit.
And that’s what happened yesterday when I noticed she blocked me again and I felt so awful like that’s the worst I felt
Since.
Um, I guess that was 2023 the week, the weekend after my birthday. When She had came to see me.
And that’s the worst. I had felt since the divorce. Well, no. Probably
Since my ex fiance dumped me. I guess. It’s it’s it’s pretty similar. Crappy stupid shittiest feelings ever.
I mean, just that’s like I felt so fucking worthless yesterday. And uh, I never figure out anything. It’s like, was I supposed to message her? Oh because the last time I did was after, you know,
Uh she apparently was she came to see me for my birthday? And that’s it’s such a long story. You know, she was stalking me. She stalked me all the way into this fucking secret’s club confession group. Haha Oh gosh though. And read a bunch of stuff. And it didn’t hit me that she had done that until later. It’s like, oh my God, she’s in that group because she would post stuff, she would confess things and uh, like not like I mean like she would say stuff that would, it would be like oh crap. That’s Brittany. Yeah. And uh, I told the the the admin guy I was like, she’s in this group dude. And he’s, he told me I was crazy and making it up in my head just like my ex-wife did. But it’s like no you stupid son of a bitch. I worked with this chick for over a year at the Honda plant. I’m not making anything up in my fucking head. You have no idea who she is like you have no idea.
Like, oh my gosh. But um, You know, when does it stop? Like is, can this be the last fucking stupid thing? She does. That makes me feel like absolute garbage because that’s all it ever has done. I made up a song about that it’s like uh, it’s called crazy and sad. It’s, you know, all you did was drive me. Crazy and make me sad. That’s all you did and it’s about her and it’s all it was that’s all this has been. That’s all the whole twin flame experience. Ultimately, has done is drive me, absolutely insane. And make me
Practically the saddest I’ve ever been. Except for the divorce, you know, I was way more sad in 2024 than I ever was about my ex fiance. So I mean, you know, What does she get out of this? Is this funny to her or something? Or is she like,
Is this like does she really think? This is going to get some kind of like yield some sort of positive results? I don’t know. Like, I don’t know what she hopes to accomplish with this crazy shit. But it’s just, that’s the thing is, it has just gotten so old. To me. Like just, it’s just like it’s just like, again really? And I and I do, I love her. I fucking care about her so much, but I care about her in the capacity that like, I can let her go. Because I think that’s for the best, I don’t think. Holding on to her has been, you know I haven’t it’s she always Does stuff to remind me of that, you know, it’s like she doesn’t want me to let her go and it always happens about the time that, uh, I quit thinking about her or something will happen. And it’s not always me or her. It’s the universe. It’s like, uh, last Friday when my daughter saw her car had been in a wreck You know, close to where she lives and it’s like, wow, really? Because it’s like, you know, she unblocked me and I was like, wow, for about a week and then, uh,
I kind of forgot about it and she would pop up on the, you know, her active status, she would be online and I would be like well there’s Brittany but I never, you know, I’m not messaging her. So whatever. I kind of got used to it honestly and I didn’t really think much else about it. Because I’m not messaging her because of what she did, when I messaged her the last time and I was I got mad. I got so fucking mad. Because she put nails in my tires and she drove me so fucking crazy. It’s like what the hell is? She think like who the hell does she think she is? You know, Like, who the fuck does she think I am? And why? And what does you know, what makes her think she can do this shit. And I cut her so much slack because she was so special to me. Like I mean, the only other person I can compare how I felt about Brittany to is my ex-wife
And I loved my ex-wife more than anything in the whole universe. Our relationship was the entire Foundation of My reality for 18 years and that’s why it fucked me up so bad. And uh you know, here comes this chick out of nowhere. That I fucking, I mean, it wasn’t exactly out of nowhere, but it just happened, you know, like all of the sudden, it’s like, I’ve noticed some off hits on my blog and uh, It was just so stupid, though.
Like she She couldn’t just be like, hey, you know, I read your blog. I like you, too. You know. It got, she had to make it fucking like crazy and it made me crazy and it scared the living hell out of me. And that’s why I ran away from her. And I was afraid, I was going to end up killing myself over this chick, like I figured, you know, cuz I had a
1 of my ex-girlfriends, drove me. That fucking like, I had to get away from her, she was so fucking crazy. And abusive, I was afraid. I was going to kill myself. I literally tried to kill myself because of my Ex-wife. You know, it’s I’m not A normal person. You know, I’ve been through too much shit. And I’ve talked about that in my blog, my other blog. I talked about that quite extensively and Brittany, read. She read those posts. Some of those posts where I talked to about that and it’s like she just didn’t. Either didn’t understand or just totally disregarded. The fact that
You know, I can’t help how screwed up I am. And I’m better in a lot of ways, like if the whole thing with Brittany would have happened, now, it would be different but, you know, 3 years ago And I was still reeling from having my heart broken by that Tiffany chick, which is Stupid as shit too, but it happened.
And uh, she just didn’t. It’s like she didn’t. Care?
Um, it was really selfish and ignorant of her.
To do what she did to me and just continue to do it. Like what the fuck? You crazy fucking mean. Like I don’t know what to say about it. I don’t know what to call her, honestly. It’s like what do you? What the fuck do you think you’re doing?
And it’s just, it’s just
I’ve cried about her. I mean, I’m just like the only other person I cried about like I did I cried about my ex fiance really, really hard. But, I mean. My ex-wife and my ex fiance and Brittany. Like I have never
Cried myself. Stupid.
About anybody else like I did that I cried over that Tiffany chick for about 2 months. But it was. You know, it was just like normal though. Like, it was like she broke my heart, it was just kind of normal, like a normal thing like that, it wasn’t anything crazy. You know, up like
Holy shit, you know I don’t even know how to I really don’t even know how to properly describe that. It’s just
Brittany messed me up so bad but in proportion only in proportion to how I felt about her and that says a lot. That says a whole lot about how special she was to me and how much I think she underestimates.
How special she is to me, but You know, after a certain point it’s like, it’s time to let me go or either be like, hey, you know,
As a person, you could totally just talk to me like a person.
Instead of expecting me to do a bunch of crap and figure a bunch of shit out, that doesn’t make sense.
To me, I don’t understand.
It just seems like there was something else uh what the fuck, this stupid phone. I have never had a phone act like this phone. It’s like you touch it. It gets a, it’s a touch screen, right? It gets some kind of smudge or something on it and it starts acting all fucking crazy and it’s just it’s slow and it’s glitchy and it sucks. It was free and I appreciate getting it and I’m probably not going to get another phone anytime soon, but oh my God, it’s frustrating, you know. What was I going to say, though? It was something else. I was going to say,
It was important.
6:09 AM
Okay, well, I just, I had to like close everything. I had to close the phone. And then wipe it off. It’s just fucking retarded. I don’t know. What was I even My train of thought and that’s what sucks about it. It’s like it fucks up my train of thought.
I’m kind of pissed off. Yeah. It’s just like you know, why does she still do this shit to me? You know, everything was fine.
And unless until she does, that’s what it was. That’s what it was.
Oh, it’s like when I start, Just I forget about her, you know, when I start to forget about her, something will happen to put her back into my brains, what happened? Uh, when she came up there for my birthday, I had unfollowed her on Instagram and, and unliked the 5 or 6 pictures, I had liked on her Instagram, I was like, you know, I’m so stupid. You know, she just, she’s just like, I don’t know what. What the fuck? She used to stare at me?
Oh, she used to stare at me like all the time like a crazy person. Just like stare like, Like, oh my gosh.
I don’t understand, you know. I liked her so much, you know, and it’s like, it was like My friend, who’s the the Twin Flame chaser?
Nothing about anything. She says made About that guy that she would you know her the runner guy or whatever the dude who ran from her. Nothing that she ever said, made sense about him. It was just crazy bullshit all the time. It was like this this this and that, and she would make up all the stuff in her head. And interpret anything, he did, and whatever crazy way. And then validate, however, crazy whatever, crazy fucking way that she, you know, decided that’s what he was doing. Uh, she would like, you know, She would just make it,
Make sense in her head. That’s the only place that it would make sense though. So she could justify being mean to him all the time, no matter what he did, he would be nice to her, he was just being fake. You know, but if he was being an asshole, you know, or something like he was just playing hard to get or like you know what I mean?
And he was, he was stringing her along and he was toying with her and she was just making all that up in her head, he wasn’t doing anything. He actually.
She drove him further away by acting fucking crazy and that’s what Brittany did to me. That’s what she’s continuing to do because I would love to just be like hey You know. I mean, I know where she works. I know where, I mean, I’ve known where she’s lived for a while, but if she even still lives there, but like I don’t care to find out either that’s the thing like she stalked me. You know, I didn’t figure out where she lived until I got that last nail in my tire. I didn’t try to, I didn’t care. I was like, well, you know I’m going to have like what am I going to have to do about this? You know? Like was she just going to torture the fucking hell out of me forever?
I mean, I didn’t know and uh, it’s just But like, you know, I would love to talk to her. But I don’t trust her. That’s the big thing about it. Um,
You know, I blew her fucking messenger up, trying to get her to talk to me and I’m mailed her this thing because she was doing worse shit to me. But it’s like I wanted her to know that I knew where she lives too. I wanted her to leave me the fuck alone. Like you know if she wasn’t going to be you know if that’s all she was going to do is fucking drive me. Crazy well leave me the hell alone. And uh, God this stupid app.
I mean I guess short of you know just typing all this up myself I get you know it’s
I guess I ought to be happy it picks anything up, right? But um,
But I was trying to get her to talk to me and she just wouldn’t do it. She wouldn’t do it just to be a fucking piece of shit. Just to make me mad just to be a fucking bitch and you know, I didn’t even ask for this shit and I didn’t care. That’s the thing it was like you know what, she’s going to act crazy who who gives a shit and she wouldn’t stop she wouldn’t leave me alone. 1 of the things she did was. Uh, I didn’t talk to her in a time frame that she found acceptable. And, you know, the she would just like, come around and stand around, you know, I guess expecting me to come up to her and talk to her and when I didn’t, it would piss her off. But it’s like, you know, Like was I supposed to do that? You know, I didn’t know 1 time she parked beside of me at a gas station, and I was like, you know, it’s am I supposed to talk to her? And she was on her phone and she was staring into her phone and I was like, well, you know, maybe she didn’t want to be bothered. I didn’t know that that’s what she wanted me to do, you know? And then she just fucking got with this dude and started rubbing him in my face and I finally I just gave up it hurt for about a week. Eventually I was like you know who gives a shit like I got over it and then uh that wasn’t all. She would get this guy to chase her around every time like She saw me she would like walk over where I could see her. She would get like in my line of sight and then like she would text this dude on the phone or something and he would come up and start chasing her in front of me. So I would pay attention to her and she did this shit like and I finally that’s why I gave her the artifact because I was like, you know, she’s doing this stuff to get my attention? I’m going to like try to interact with her and it was so hard because she made me so nervous. And I’ve talked about that, she made me so nervous that I could not get within 5 feet of her without shaking like a crazy person. And when I made the artifact and gave it to her, I walked up to her and I was shaking like a fucking. Oh my God, I was shaking so bad as I was handing it to her. She goes, what’s this? And I said it’s the artifact and I ran away, partly because I was so nervous but partly because I had to use the restroom really, really bad. It was right at the beginning of a break, and I was like, you know, if I don’t give it to her now I’m never going to give it to her and I don’t care how awkward it is. I have to give it to her and I did and it was it was super fucking weird and awkward but she wouldn’t leave me alone. And she was reading my blog, you know, and I figured out it was her after, after a point, you know, it was like, it has to be her and she would pretend that she didn’t know who I was and all this stuff, you know, stalking the fucking hell out of me online, but she would pretend that. She didn’t know who I was. I tried to message her and she would be like, I don’t know you. I don’t know who you are, you know, I don’t know your name or any of this crap. I don’t know what she thought she was trying to do. I don’t know who she thought I was, you know, if she thought I was just some arrogant fucking asshole but I wasn’t. I was afraid. You know, there’s a huge difference. But that’s what I’m talking about. Like the Chaser, my friend, who was the Chaser, that’s how she would think about that guy. He was a, he was like a really meek Fucking like, introverted. You know, just real like, sensitive kind of shy person.
Nothing really malicious about him and she would just make up like she would take his insecurities, you know, him being just that. That’s what it was. It was just him being insecure and not uh, you know, probably wouldn’t believe that a chick. I mean, like my friend. The Chaser chick is 1 of The hottest fucking girls. She’s the hottest chick. I’m friends with. And we’re just friends though. That’s the funny thing. But like, she is insanely beautiful and he probably couldn’t believe that in a million years, a woman like her. I mean she’s like
I mean like actress model fucking level like this chick is so beautiful. Fuck insanely. Beautiful.
Uh, What he couldn’t believe? Like, why would he, why would she be interested in him? You know, and that’s how I felt about Brittany too. You know, I mean, Brittany’s just really crazy and weird looking which is super beautiful to me and she is she’s really fucking cute. I thought Brittany was the most beautiful lady in the whole entire universe, and that was before our, like, all this twin flame shit unfolded or whatever, but I guess that’s why? The first time I saw her, I was like, oh my fucking God, you know, holy fucking shit. Who is that? And it’s such a crazy stupid story. Because once I found out who she was, it all made sense, like she was this dude’s. And I’ve talked about that in this blog. She was this dude who played cello at my wedding is his ex-girlfriend and if I would have had any idea, that’s who she was when I first saw her and I’d forgotten all about this stuff. You know, that this was like Before the divorce happened like, you know,
I’d forgot she worked at Honda, and all this other crap I just I just wasn’t. I had forgotten about all this stuff. I didn’t forget things until after the divorce. After I got off, like all the medication, I used to be on. And that’s a like Brittany read posts I made about all this stuff. It’s like I’m not normal. You know? I’m not just some normal, dude. I’m really messed up. And I spent a lot of time isolated from people and it’s like, you know, and I made posts about that where it’s like You know, and I felt horrible about it. I was so crippled socially and I still am. I’m better. But I’m still pretty screwed up, you know? And, uh, Like she was she was just like like I was just this piece of shit or something. That’s how she treated me, that’s how she’s still. That’s how she acts. Just buy the little, even the little stuff that she does. Like she thinks I’m just some fucking You know, just the worst the biggest piece of shit in the fucking world or something. That’s the way she acts. It’s like well, you know, if I am then 1, what the fuck am I so important to you for anyways? You know, but she’s obsessed with me.
6:20 AM
That’s the Thing like my friend who’s the Chaser? She was obsessed with that guy, it was so unhealthyand he was just, you know, unhealthy, you know, like But that like I tried. And that’s the thing though. Like with that that dude, uh, that she was rubbing in my face. I just, I gave up. I was like, well, you know, I don’t give a fuck and I started ignoring her and it wasn’t intentional, I just stopped caring. I was like, well, she’s going to go off and do that. Who gives a shit, you know? And she would, I remember, uh, About, she did that for about a month. And then she, um,
I guess decided I had enough 1 Night. I walked by her and just didn’t even pay attention to her because I didn’t care, you know. And I could feel her staring at me and then I would look up periodically like uh, the rest of the shift and she would be staring at me like I mean like, Like, like I was Just like she had been starving to death her whole life and I was this big Oh my God, I was like a fucking Buffet full of Juicy meat and tasty delicious vegetables and and you know all the good stuff that’s on a buffet, right? Haha macaroni and cheese and You know.
All that crap. I was a just a big stupid Buffet.
And uh, that’s how she was staring at me.
I was supposed to meet her. I didn’t know that though. At a gas station at the same gas station. It was the Mapco up the road from Honda Um, and I didn’t, I can’t remember if I stopped and went in and didn’t go talk to her or if I just drove past I don’t remember. But um, I was supposed to, I was supposed to stop and talk to her and because she had been staring at me, all Krayzie(what? haha app), the entire night and I didn’t and she made her Instagram private that whole weekend and then my car got repossessed and so I didn’t get back to work till like that Wednesday or some shit. I don’t remember maybe even Thursday And uh, she tried to get me to meet her at the Mapco again. Oh, and how did she do that? She pulled out in front of me, like, on the way out. And then all this stuff, it was just games and it didn’t make sense to me. And I was afraid because this was after, uh the artifact. And she was mean to me when I tried to message her, I only tried to message her because She had put my Instagram up on her Facebook page. I was like, Oh well hey? And she was so Fucking mean to me! It made me feel horrible. I thought she was going to be even meaner to me in person. Right? Isn’t that fucking crazy? I know, like I don’t know how much this how linear this is coming out of my brains, right? But I was so nervous, I got so nervous. Uh, after I finally got my car out of repossession
Anyways, uh, I was so nervous. Um and I was afraid there was a part of me. I guess. A bigger part of me was afraid. She was just going to be even meaner to me in person. It’s like she’s just setting me up. To be even meaner to me in person and make me fucking cry in person. And I got so nervous that I threw up all over myself and that’s why I didn’t stop. And I saw the look on her face and I was like, crap, I probably should have stopped. And I didn’t and then she posted later on and she posted a picture on her Instagram of her and that guy she had been rubbing in my face out. Like Waterboarding. Is that what? It’s called paddle boarding or something water? Boarding is the torture. I guess it was waterboarding metaphysically into my brains, haha I don’t know, but it did it hurt. Um, but like I was like well you know she shouldn’t have fucked with my head and That shit like that over and over and over and over and I until I finally started talking to her a little bit, it was so hard to do at first but still she had fucked with my head though so much That, by the time I started, uh, I was faced with the fucking. It was either like, you know, it was time to, like, ask her out or something and I just couldn’t. Oh everything went haywire and I had a nervous breakdown. And that’s it. Yeah, that like that concluded, my stint a year and a month and 4 days at the Honda plant. It was, you know, it was, I was going to say it was fun, while it lasted, but I was like, I was going to have a career there.
I had just gotten eligible for the maintenance program. I had plans and goals and dreams and uh I wanted a maintenance job and a girlfriend, you know, I got a stalker and a nervous breakdown. I kind of joked about that sometimes but that’s all I can do, you know?
It’s just
That she can still drive me crazy and make me feel like Absolute bullshit is just fucking I don’t understand.
But that’s what happened. Yesterday, afternoon and all night the whole shift. I was sad and weepy, and like, I had to drink a lot of caffeine to keep going and I had to distract myself with stupid bullshit. And, uh, I don’t know. Like on her end of things though. Like, what is she thinking?
Like what? Why is she? Still, you know, why does she still?
Do this crap. And then how, you know, I remember reading about The Twin Flame thing this was back. This was about 3 years ago. Yeah. Because I had to read all about it, you know? It’s like wow, this is uh some crazy shit that’s happening to me. That I just Never it wasn’t on my 2023 bingo card, you know? Haha. And um,
It’s like that’s a thing. I was like, it never goes away because Well I’m not like that like a dramatic You Know Drama fueled stress addicted fucking person. She is And she’s made several Facebook posts that hinted to her being an alcoholic. For some reason, you know, that is not something to be proud of because my ex-wife was an alcoholic, and it was hell on Earth, not even like an exaggeration. It’s like I died and went to hell for fucking 2 years. That was the worst thing I’ve ever been through. Was the last 2 years. I was married. And my ex-wife is so awesome to me now, but I am so fucked up from that. I’m getting a lot better. I’m not 100% better. I’m like
40, maybe on a good day percent better. Yeah, I don’t know how to gauge that. Sometimes I feel awesome and then sometimes it’s like, I’m like not even better at all. Sometimes I feel worse, I don’t know. But uh,
Nothing probably made her feel the way. All that shit made her feel ever before and nobody ever affected her the way I did. Nobody ever affected me the way she did either. You know, and it’s horrible because it’s like that’s another song I made up about it. It’s like it’s just like a waste of a love story. I feel like because I’m afraid of her on 1 hand but then it’s just like, you know. Oh, please
Like I said, it’s just gotten old now to me, You know, maybe she needs her like Fucking with me fix or something, periodically. Because she has, uh,
You know, she’ll peck on my blog. It was like once a week there for a while but then also it was like every few days but then that comes and goes Its Fairly inconsistent. But, uh, she pecked on my blog about
I guess it was the 10th of February. That was uh, what? 10 days ago. Haha
All my friends and all my family. Like the people that, you know, the ones that I Talk to, you know, everybody who gives a shit about me in some, you know, for real and a real capacity knows who she is. Everybody knows who she is. Everybody, the several of my friends or cousins. Either have met her or know who she is. Like personally or they know people who know her personally. And, And like it’s a really small world and I noticed she’s tried to clean up her stuff or like image, or whatever. Like I don’t know, it’s not that like,
What’s the word I’m looking for?
It’s not like she’s a celebrity or anything or like it’s some but you know she she’s uh she doesn’t have the crazy hair anymore, she looks normal. Like as normal as she could look, you know, haha, Um, It’s like she’s trying to make herself look professional and like legitimate more than she did when she worked at Honda because
But that’s what I liked about her was she looked like she was from another planet and that made me I can’t put into words and it’s so crazy that it went the direction it did. But I used to like, you know, I’d get strung out working at Honda. Sometimes I’d work 70 hours a week. They would let me work as over as much as I wanted to, and I’d make I made a shit ton of money, and I spent it all with the kids, we had so much fun, but I would get so strung out working and I would get depressed as fuck and I would come in some days. I was driving an hour and a half. This app is so dumb. How it fucking picks up curse words. I know and it’s not consistent either. I don’t know if I’m, if I’m going to leave some of those up there, as an example or just edit them out, I don’t know.
Shit. What was I saying? Oh yeah. I would be like so depressed. You know, I struggled back then, especially I like I don’t struggle with suicidal stuff like I used to It used to be like a daily fucking thing. Like, just kill your fucking self. You know, something happened last like last year when my car got repossessed and my mom died. Like, within a few days of each other, that was that broke something in my Brains or something that like that was like, it was so much that it broke Some shit and I was just like I went from
Being super fucking depressed. That that doesn’t happen so often anymore like I can just get normal sad. It’s just like normal a normal sadness. It’s not like this crippling depression where I want to, you know, where it’s just. I want to drown myself in the ocean. That’s where I was at for most of 2024. Yeah, it was bad, really bad. And it was because of Brittany. It’s because everything went to shit. Like you know, I didn’t think my life was ever going to get better again. It has but holy shit, you know, I couldn’t see that in 2024.
But uh, I was still struggling with stuff like that. Uh, that was 2022, I guess. Because it took about. 6 or 7 months before, things really started getting
6:33 AM
I guess, 6 months, yeah, before things started getting to get really like weird with her, but I didn’t think she would give me the time of day. That’s how beautiful she was to me. I would come in and I would see her like bopping along with her crazy hair and her ponytail. She had this little ponytail that poked out of the back of her hat. And she’s got all these tattoos and she’s got this like big nose. It’s so cute though. And these big teeth, and these gigantic green eyeballs. And the way she walks, I can’t, I don’t know how to describe the way she walks. She swings her arms in front of herself from side to side Like a cartoon or something. She’s got this really like dorky just fucking uh, It’s the cutest. She’s the cutest chick I’ve ever seen. I don’t know how to else to explain her. She is like, like I had a dog named Gneegnerz. She was this little 1-eyed Chihuahua Pomeranian mix and she was so cute. She was like the cutest little dog in the whole fucking world, but she was like crazy as hell looking and that’s how Brittany is. She’s like the craziest cutest lady I’ve ever seen in my life. And I would come into work and I would be just, I would be so sad. I’d be thinking about, you know, if it wasn’t for my kids, I’d fucking kill myself, you know, just hang myself and blow my brains out while I was hanging
I don’t know, the horrible shit, right? And uh, I would look up and see her like and sometimes she would look so mad and she has this like little underbite. I don’t, I don’t know what else, how to describe her, but she was, I would look up and just seeing her would make me so happy. Sometimes it would make me so happy I would cry and I would just cry. I would look at her and just like, oh my God, she exists. But I thought I freaked her out because I stared at her a lot. And, uh, so I had to like, make myself stop staring at her. Sometimes that’s just how. I mean, she’s the absolute like biggest crush I’ve ever had. I never liked anybody as much as I liked Brittany and I don’t understand her taste in music though. Some of that I think might be because she’s 12 years younger than me. But you know, I don’t know, I didn’t care, I didn’t care that, she liked different music and stuff at all. You know, she likes Emo music and some other kind of stuff that doesn’t I don’t I don’t know, she likes a lot of mainstream like pop stuff, too. She’s a huge Taylor Swift fan. I think I said that in another post. She likes Creed, which to me Creed, is the lamest band ever. But I did not care about any of that stuff. What I cared about was her acting so fucking crazy, but I fucked up. I fucked up 1 time and that was uh and it’s because I didn’t think she would give me the time of day and I got mixed up with That Tiffany chick. I’m talking all about this, you know, I’ve made.
I can’t remember how many posts I’ve looked that up 1 day. God damn it.
Oh, my body is so Fuckin tired and sore right now.
This is a really long post. I didn’t have time to make a long post yesterday.
Thinking about all the crazy stuff and talk about it again and again.
But I did. I fucked up so bad, like
Oh, I got some hits.
But I got a like, like that.
Aren’t you showing me who liked it?
Oh my God.
Of course, it’s just not going to work, hold on.
She probably fucking read it, you know? Oh Jesus.
Anyways, I was just wanting to see how many articles I posted because I forgot 389, I guess, will be 390 when I post this 1. But, you know, back somewhere, I have I’ve talked about That Tiffany chick too a whole bunch but I just, I had already gotten mixed up with her. Like I had went and saw her that weekend and my kids met her kids and all the stuff? I thought I’d finally met somebody.
And um, you know, like we made out and all that crap it was, you know, it’s like it’s gross to think to look back and think about it but like, You know, I’d already like
Thought I found somebody, you know, and this was before all the whole twin flame thing like opened up, you know. But uh, Holy shit. I mean it’s like I didn’t know what to do. I did not think Brittany would give me the time of day. And then, you know, then she it’s like if If she would have done this like that Friday before the weekend? This was I think on a Monday. Yeah. When she came at me, making these big crazy her big gigantic eyeballs, you know? And I was like, no way cuz I didn’t think she would. I just didn’t think she would give me the time of day. I thought I got on her fucking nerves, you know? I didn’t think in a million years she would ever like me back and uh when I realized I was like no way no fucking way. Oh my God why couldn’t she have done this 3 days ago? You know, was it that 3 days ago? Like the Friday, you know before the weekend? Why couldn’t? She had done this before the weekend happened? Like, what the fuck and I freaked out and I ran away. I didn’t know what to do. And it pissed her off really, really bad. And It’s like, but she didn’t understand that it was me being a fucking like.
An idiot. You know, It was me, just, it was like me being insecure. I don’t know how many times I’m going to. I mean, I’m what am I? What am I saying? I’ve already said, like, I just didn’t think. She would Give me the time of day. I don’t know. That’s just what I thought. And, uh,
I realized that, you know oh my God, she she would have and uh But it was I wasn’t being an asshole. I was Scared and I felt stupid. And, you know, it was all just a bunch of You know, a lot of crap but it wasn’t me being an asshole at all, like any of this has been. None of. This has been me being an asshole. It’s been her. Treating me, like an asshole.
For the most part it’s like you know what the fuck But then I’ve seen where she’s made posts about well, she just thinks it’s funny to be mean to Guys, as you know, So like, yes she does. She’s she just thinks it’s funny to be mean to guys and I don’t know what that
She thinks that’s going to accomplish with me anyways, like I need I needed somebody to be nice to me.
I don’t know, it’s just it got way over complicated though, um, because a lot of it wasn’t, A lot of it was just circumstances. Or the universe or whatever you want to call it. But this is a big crazy, long post and I’m going to, I’m going to wrap this up. I think I’ve said most Pretty much. At least, 90% of what I wanted to say. And I Feel a lot better. I feel a lot better. I think I got most of this out of my brains. But uh, you know, at the end of the day, though when it was all said and done, When it is I guess like I mean it’s still ongoing, all she would ever have to do is just message me and be like, hey, You know, because I still would, I would still be like yeah, it’s okay, you know. I get it but I would still
I’m still. What am I trying to say here? Like open to, uh, the fact that the fact that I would still entertain any kind of anything with her.
What else can I say?
That’s it. Yep.
Thank you, please.
MY BLOG NUMBER SEVEN 