WEDNESDAY

1:57 AM
Oh my goodness. I woke up about.

The same time as I did yesterday, like 1:30. Yep, but and probably because I went to sleep. Probably because I fell asleep about 7:00. Yeah.

It’s been a rough week so far, really Here. But I made it, I forgot to Forgot to mention that yesterday was my 1 year anniversary? At my job and I went around like all day yesterday fist bumping people and saying it’s my 1 year anniversary.

And that’s just how I am at work. I’m a crazy person.

I haven’t been singing and yelling crazy stuff though. The last month, because my voice has been fucked up.

I hope I don’t have like a cancer or something. I don’t know. I think

It’s better than it was, you know, but I’ll probably do need to go to the doctor.

I guess. I haven’t been to the doctor in a long, long time. I just got out of the habit of or no, really wouldn’t call it a habit. What am I even saying? Like I got to where if I got sick I didn’t go to the doctor because doctors suck. Doctors offices, suck. And you have to wait. You have to wait. And there’s lots of people. And, I just, I don’t know, I guess I just don’t like going. And I usually uh, my body usually Yeah, it fixes itself.

You know, most of the time but this has been going on for like, I say a month. Jesus like really more than that. All year pretty much. You know.

It’ll go away and come back and go away and come back.

I think I might have like strep throat or something and I just, I don’t know.

Because when I get sick, I don’t really like go down like a normal person. I’m I make myself do things like go up and do stuff. Yeah. I really need to eat something.

A camera is

What I have a can of Tamales. Yeah, but I just can’t bring myself to eat it. Eat those tamales right now. I want hot dogs. I’m going to have to make myself go downstairs and get hot dogs. I’m going to do that and edit this post.

Um, waiting on the hot dogs. I don’t need to get a shower. I said, I do. What the fuck?

Anyways, um, Sometimes I forget most of the time actually, I forget that I have 2 like I have 3 Sisters. So I have 1 sister That’s closer to my age but I have 2 Sisters that are a whole lot younger than me. And 1 of them moved to Washington State and got married. And and she looks like

She looks. Crazier than she ever did. Haha Which I don’t know. It’s

It’s not that crazy, but it’s crazy for her. Yeah. It’s weird because, um,

It’s a testament to how, like my dad. Or what kind of dad my dad is. Like uh, you know, me and my sister came as like, you know, a pair. Haha we were brother and sister and then I have 2 little sisters that were like, you know, there’s an older 1 and a younger 1 and my dad like hates the older 1 and you know

Treats the younger 1 like they’re the most important 1 and that’s how my dad is like my sister, you know. I mean, she’s just

Like she’s just, you know, perfect and I was like this gigantic fuck up to my dad. And uh, my oldest little sister what um,

The older 1. The other 1 that moved to Washington. She’s the older 1 and my dad treats her like fucking, you know, She’s just a piece of crap too and so that’s like relatable that’s like the 1 relatable thing her and I have we don’t have anything else in common she’s like a super Christian. Which is weird that she like looks the way she does. It’s like, okay here.

My daughter messaged me earlier. She was like, oh my God

Dad, Gracie has tattoos. Hahaha

And bangs and no and a septum piercing I’m like really wow and I looked at her Instagram and she does, I don’t follow them on Instagram, they’re not a part of my life at all. That’s why I mean, I forget, I have them until it’s like, oh yeah, I do have 2 Little sisters, who are

Like, 20 years younger than me, you know?

Well, my dad and my ex stepmom raised them because my I guess I call her my ex steps sister, you know, she uh she has 5 kids and she doesn’t have custody of any of them

And it’s really sad but then it is really sad actually. Because my step sister had a really fucked up childhood

She was uh I don’t know if you ever like went around the gas stations or wherever and saw a little jars, they had the sick kid and they were taking up donations for it. The kid on the jars, that was my step sister like around where I’m from. Yeah. And uh it’s really She had cancer when she was like 2 and she lost 1 of her eyes. And I think even like her teeth, didn’t develop, right? It was

Uh, really sad but she turned Out to be like, Because her dad.

Uh,

Well, they owned like a store. I don’t know if she just turned out to be like this, really?

I guess nobody thought she would live to be an adult, you know? Yeah, like nobody thought she would live like I think God she’s like 40 now. I don’t think anybody. Expected, you know, or What am I trying to say?

Nobody yeah, could have imagined that. That would go. That she would have made it that long but she did. And She got into drugs. And got into a lot of bad things and crime. Yeah. She’s been in. Uh, she went to prison for a while.

It’s it’s really sad because she just didn’t. I don’t think she knows how to function. In uh, You know. The world.

And I have no idea what she’s doing. I think my dad has 2 of the kids. Her brother has 2 of the kids. And her, aunt has 1 of the kids. Yeah. Um, and I don’t know anything about. I don’t talk to that side of the family anymore, you know? So I really have no idea.

But my stepmom my new stepmom. I think they got married in May of last year. She, um, She tries to like she’s on my Instagram. She talks to me all the time, it’s kind of funny. It’s like She tries to be a part of my life, which I let her she’s a really sweet lady. But it’s like, I just don’t think you understand how much I don’t have anything to do with my dad or my dad’s side of the family. Like

The last time I saw my dad, I didn’t even talk to him. But yeah, I think I said thanks for holding the door open. Because he pisses me off.

And he pisses me off the way he does my kids. Like he just shows up At their ball like he’ll show up at like 1 or 2 of my son’s games a year. And throws money at him or he’ll like for their birthday. He just shows up for like 5 minutes. Throws them a hundred dollars and leaves and he does stuff all the time with my sister and my sister’s kids. Like, I’ll look at their uh Facebook or something. I’m just like, you know, fuck you Dad. You know, he has 1 grandson and that is my son and he never sees him. Never talks to him. You know it’s shitty and my son asks about him sometimes it’s like you know What granddaddy? Haha which he has figured out by now that my dad sucks, but it’s like God you have my dad. I don’t understand my I’ve never understood my dad, it’s just like how He treats me like shit and my sister is, just the most awesome you know, special person in creation and he treats my oldest

I mean, I guess they’re all technically my little sisters, but I call them my little sisters because they’re so much fucking younger than me. But uh, Yeah, he treats the oldest 1 of them like shit. That’s why she got married and moved to Washington. She ran the fuck away.

From Alabama. All kind of crazy stuff but my stepmom. Um, ex step mom she was really abusive. And would beat the shit out of her all the time. Just her not the other 1 just her. Yeah. And like, I mean,

It’s really fucked up. It’s like how the hell?

I just I could never imagine treating my kids like that either, like my kids are better than me. And that’s how I treat them. It’s like y’all are the best people ever made and they are

And next weekend, I’m going to get them and we’re going to do A big crazy adventure.

I don’t know what though.

But it’s Wednesday, right? Yeah, I’ve got to work Saturday, but then The next paycheck, it’ll be pretty good.

My last paycheck was pretty good but I’m broke already again but I paid all my bills. So yep.

Um, what else do I have to say? I don’t know.

I’m going to probably leave early. And go to the gym, that’s what I did yesterday. And that was really good for me to do.

Also got a celebratory meal. Um, because the cafeteria has some really good food in it. They have sushi and poke bowls. And I got a Poke bowl and I got cookies, chocolate chip cookies and they’re always really good and a coke. And that was uh that was my 1 year anniversary celebratory meal. What? I posted it on my Instagram Which is private now. I don’t know when I’m going back when I’m going to get back on Facebook. But it’s been a nice break because I have to

That’s just it is. It’s like turning off a faucet.

The faucet of Brittany’s crazy fucking shit. And she hasn’t pecked on my blog or anything. Anything. God, I don’t think. Let’s see, hold on.

Yeah, nope. Yay

I mean that’s how it goes though. Like sometimes she’ll leave me alone for 3 or 4 months Until she gets bored, but

Like this last time it’s like you know just leave me alone forever. Like really, like nothing’s ever going to come of this because she’s crazy. And mean and it’s stupid. And it’s remarkable the effort she put in to like, Messing with me like she did.

But, you know, it’s like I said in What 3 weeks ago has it been 3 weeks ago? It was the 19th.

I don’t think that’s been 3 weeks. I have to look at a calendar. I think it’s only been. Like 2.

Yeah, it’s not even been 2 weeks yet so like you know,

I just remember at Honda like she would leave me alone and then all of a sudden she’d start popping up around corners and like I don’t know. I wished it could have been different. I really do, but

You know it would probably be like it probably would have ran its course by now. You know I mean it’s like you know why are you still fucking with me?

Yeah.

But maybe she stopped.

Well.

I don’t know what else to talk about.

I’m hungry. I fell asleep without eating. That happens. Sometimes

I just sneezed it. No, Jesus.

Oh,

How do I have about? I have like 2 hundred dollars left until I get paid. And, uh, I still don’t want to spend the money on a doctor like right now it’s going to cost, like I think my co-pay is like $45

2:14 AM
And I just don’t want to spend that. So, I want to get

I want to get more food or something. I almost stopped and got Mexican food last night on the way home. Well yesterday afternoon, on the way home. But I, I decided I didn’t want, I didn’t want to spend the money.

Maybe Saturday, you know? If I have like, the money left, I don’t know.

Other than this crud I guess. I’m

So happy. I’m kind of. Yeah, I am. I’m really happy right now.

It’s great. I’m just like, I’m not sad right now at all.

I’m really proud of myself for recording some stuff this weekend, but I have a bunch of songs. I need To record. I have like 30 songs.

And I’ve recorded like, I’ve tracked a bunch of them but a lot of stuff I want to do differently. Especially since I got this nylon string guitar, which I’ve had now for

3 months. I like how it sounds better. Yep.

Blah. I guess. Yep. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I said, yay. Thank you. Please.