THURSDAYYYYYYYYYYYYY

3:21 AM

Hello. Well, I’m driving to work. I’ve been doing pretty good this week so far. I’ve been, uh, I’ve been getting to work about 4:00 a.m. and working out.

It’s been a crazy week though, but not too bad.

Um, my brains. What was I saying? What was I going to say? Oh yeah, we’re supposed to work Saturday. But from what I’ve heard that

That could be up in the air that uh, we may or may not work Saturday. Whoa, crap in the road. That was like a Metal thing, a big metal thing on the side of this exit. Wow.

Uh yeah, I don’t know. I got home last night. I’ve been doing really good though. I think I was out by 7:00. So, I’ve been getting about, you know, it was 6 to 7 hours of sleep. Hell, I might have been out by 6:00. Yeah, I was like, I got home. I made my hot dogs. I ate them. I fell asleep, listening to, Marie LaFôret

Marie laugh for Ray. Yeah, well I’ll just type that in

Made me cry and then a Costa Kaplan. Yeah, I was, uh, I listened to that. I fell asleep. Listening to Costa Kaplan. And yeah, anyways. I need to make a playlist. Yeah, I’ve been uh, Been listening to music a lot lately at at home. It kind of makes me.

Hello. It grounds me to my personality like oh yeah, this is who I am. You know, and I come to work. Because nobody really knows what to think about me at work. They’re all so normal and I kind of went off. I was going to post this thing last night, but I just fell asleep. I didn’t feel like doing it. But it wasn’t anything new. I was just talking about, we have a new group leader and he just I don’t know. I don’t even know what to think about it. He seems like. Yeah, he’s kind of a dud. He doesn’t have much of a personality, but I don’t think he likes me and I don’t care.

Shit though. What else? Uh, Somebody.

Somebody read a couple of Articles yesterday from October, the 14th and 15th. And I can’t like I have no idea who comes and reads this stuff.

I don’t know if it’s Brittany. I don’t know if it’s You know, my ex fiance or my ex-wife or just somebody off, you know, WordPress. But I don’t think I really don’t know because I don’t get hits like that on my other blog. You know, sometimes I would somebody would go back and read those but that doesn’t happen now that I use this blog There’s I don’t know. I figure it. It probably could be somebody. I don’t know, it might just be an article that pops up. On a feed or related article thing or what? You know.

But I was reading, I can’t remember which article it was Was either the Tuesday or the Wednesday night 1, About, uh, talking about Brittany and It just I don’t know, it made me sad to read it because even then this, you know, that was October, it wasn’t that long ago like she still

Fucks with my head like it’s still the how much it fucked with my head and how much I genuinely really cared about her. Like, and I still do. It’s just like damn man.

She’s awful. Yeah, like she’s an awful fucking Terrible person.

And I don’t even know what else to say about that. She’s a really bad.

Piece of crap person.

Like real bad? Yeah.

Anyway, haha Jesus Christ. I don’t want to talk about that anymore.

I’m just driving to work. I haven’t had a lot of time to like interact or talk to the new roommate. Um I guess it’s okay though. Cuz she does kind of freak me out a little bit. Like the same. The same way that the gym girl. Freaks me out. Yeah.

Because she’s a musician, too. And uh, I don’t know if I’m going to have the energy for that this weekend, but eventually she’s going to run up on me. Practicing my stuff in the garage and my voice has gotten a lot better. You know my singing voice and everything like the crud I’ve had I’ve been fighting off the last couple of months. It’s gotten better. Yeah. So uh

You know. She’s going to be like, I don’t know, it’s probably will be the same reaction. I always get from Chicks, when I go out and perform, uh, which you know, it’s been 2 years. Haha like Oh Wow

Well. The last time I performed was, uh, September of 2024. Yeah, so you know, out live. In public, you know, at a place.

And I was looking, I looked at her Facebook the other day she had posted something about recommendations for, uh, Places to go play at.

And she is though, she’s really, she’s got a really pretty singing voice. You know, she uh, she just doesn’t I mean, she sounds like all the other chicks. I know around here. Like her music and stuff, it’s just like, okay. It’s really pretty. Though. I mean in my opinion, a woman. Has naturally a Way more beautiful. Singing voice than a man. Yeah. I mean, gosh, you know, I would rather listen to a woman sing Than a man. Haha Yeah.

I love women so much. I do. Oh my gosh. But uh, I don’t know. I need to get out. Play like something. I gotta I want to practice up a little bit. You know the next few weeks. And then I’m going to, I’m going to go perform somewhere, just to get out and do it cuz I haven’t done it in so long.

I guess it’s been about a year and a half, you know?

I started. To go.

Uh, to the Mexican restaurant last night after work well yesterday afternoon after work and I decided not to

Because I didn’t want to spend the money. Yeah, I’ve got

I guess about $150. And that’s got to last me another week, you know?

I don’t really know what else to say. I felt like I had some like just deep profound thoughts on like, you know, rereading those articles I posted back in October about Brittany. But it’s really sad how much she fucked with me. How much she drove me Crazy. It was really sad and mean and like, really awful of her. Yeah.

It was it’s the effect that it had on me was really, really sad. Like, she’s a total piece of shit. Yeah.

And my favorite song I’ve ever made up about a woman is about her. Yep, it’s like 1 of my best songs ever.

And I am I’m going to perform it. I’m going to go play it out live. I have a bunch of songs actually I wish the Copper Top would start doing Open Mic nights again. The chick that used to run those. Now she was different though. She had a different sound. Um, her singing and playing and stuff. But she was so like two-faced though. She was so mean, she acted nice to people’s face but I walked up on her 1 time talking shit about some people and I mean, like a bunch of people, like all the people that were playing the Open Mic that night. You know, like she was just talking shit about how annoying and stupid and how much they all sucked, oh my God. I thought we were all like, pals you know? Like we were all local musician pals? But she didn’t know I was standing there like for a minute and I walked up and I was like me? You know, me too? Haha and she uh she was like oh no no no no not. You of course not You! I was like well of course not me! I’m standing right here. Ha ha ha ha.

I never looked at her the same way again. Yeah. She had a Like a side ponytail. Like, I don’t know. I think she was like, that was her normal. 80s Look, though. I was going to say she kind of I don’t know, but she had like she had good taste in music, she had good taste and music and uh, she liked, you know, David Lynch and cool stuff.

Like she was totally my type you know, as far as that goes. But she had a boyfriend and I think she’s well, she’s married now. Oh yeah. She was just a mess. But she had her own sound. Yeah.

Well, how many like, there’s there’s probably about a dozen know, maybe not a dozen. I like to use dozen as a quantifier. Haha Like half a dozen or a couple dozen or something. Probably about half a dozen though. Yeah. Give or take? Maybe 8. Okay. Uh, chicks around here that I’ve, you know, seen like their stuff on Facebook or I’ve actually heard them perform live. And most of them all sound the same but uh, that lady, she’s got a band called Candles. Yeah, but she actually has her own sound. All the dumb two-faced petty bullshit aside? You know, she’s like, you know, that’s where I kind of have to commend her on that. Yeah. But you know, the last time she really bugged me about coming and playing an open mic night. And the last time I went over there to play, I went way the fuck out of my way too. I didn’t even get to play. She she didn’t even let me play. It was stupid. And I never went back that was I guess March yeah, 2024 towards the end of March

Yeah, 2024 And then I didn’t play again until about September because I got

Well, I dislocated my shoulder and I had to transition in between jobs, and money got weird so I lost my storage unit access for about. 2 months, and Finally got back on track with everything about the time. Mom, got us kicked out of the apartment.

And I was thinking about my parents like, uh, yesterday too, like cuz I think about stuff all day long. And I get really sad thinking about my mom and my dad, I don’t understand either 1 of my parents. You know, I don’t uh, but I and I’ll never Believe my Mom deserved to starve herself to death and die and my sister’s house. You know.

But I think there was a whole lot more going on with my parents than I will ever know about both of them. Yeah, there’s like, you know, there’s stuff. I’ll never know about either 1 of my parents. I have actually like I’ve heard stuff about them. But neither 1 of them like I don’t know, they’re weird. They never were honest. About the things like, You know anything that would made them seem less than perfect.

A lot of people are like that, though. My ex-wife is like that too. Yeah.

I was just thinking though about like, You know about how much I care about her and stuff but I can’t, I still can’t believe. That her and I were together for 18 years, though. I mean, I just loved her that much. But I was, uh, I was on my alternate account on Facebook earlier and this chick who I could have married and probably would still be married to. She pops up on the people. I may know from that account and you know, it does it makes me like I’m not going to say it hurts, but it just just kind of dang, you know, there’s like, There’s no, there’s a like 1 of the handful of chicks that I met while I was married. That I knew I could have like gotten with that. It would have Been a whole lot better.

3:35 AM
Uh, she was this artist chick. I remember, as she was nuts about me. Oh gosh one tine at this Pavillion show festival thing she just followed me around like a little puppy. That whole Day.

Oh my God. Yeah God she was so beautiful and crazy. Looking But she’s got 2 kids and she’s been married for a long time to this dude. And I was just like, you know, I could have had 2 kids. Like I mean, I don’t, I wouldn’t want any different kids. You know, I if I could have had the same 2 kids, you know, how I just hypothetical speculation and stuff goes, but I just wish that I could have had those 2 kids with somebody. You know, the same 2 kids.

Because I don’t want any different kids but you know with somebody that Genuinely loved me that we could have, you know, we’d still be married. Because if my ex-wife had genuinely, truly loved me, we would still be married. I wasn’t bad or really Awful at all. You know, I wasn’t perfect. I guess that was. Yeah. But uh, we were just so fundamentally incompatible. But we had gotten together at such a young age and blah blah blah you know I don’t know. Sometimes it just it hits me really hard sometimes.

Like I I’ll never get over that. Well, I say, you know, I mean, you know, eventually I’ll find somebody

And uh, yesterday I was talking about crazy girl, right? And I got to work that was before I got to work. And I got to work. Um,

Really early like it was like 10 till 4 and nobody was here, haha the parking lot was empty. And so I parked there I parked in the I got the best parking spot. Where crazy girl usually does. And I was in the gym and she came in the gym. And just like walked from the you got the like both the restrooms. There’s like 2 locker rooms on either side of the gym. There’s the men’s and the women’s and she came out of the women’s locker room walked right through the fucking gym.

And fucking uh, just and went out the exit of the gym just so I would see her because I got her parking spot and that’s crazy. Haha That’s why I call her crazy girl. You know, and she is. She’s beautiful, crazy girl is beautiful.

You know, it’s just, I don’t know, there’s just like, I don’t have to be single.

But I don’t want, I don’t know. I don’t even know why I’m talking about this crap.

I miss my kids more than I wish. I had a girlfriend. Yeah, for real.

But I am going to come in on the other side of the plant today. I don’t know. I’m going to try that. See how that goes. I’ve got to, uh,

We have to figure all that out. Wow, gases. Oh, never mind. I thought it said 239.

On the gas, like at the RaceTrac gas station. But, uh,

Uh oh it just didn’t pick any of that up, did it?

This didn’t pick up anything. I just said, I said, I thought gas had gone down.

I thought it said 239, but

When I got up a little bit from it, it uh,

There was a pole in the way.

It said, 289, I don’t know my brain’s hurt. Yeah, Jesus. Thank you, please.