THURSDAY

2:46 AM
Hello, I’ll just use this phone, I guess.

Oh, today is the 19th. And I fell asleep last night.

I think it was like yesterday evening. Yeah, it was more like,

I think it was around 6:00.

I came home and I just laid down and fell asleep.

I woke up about 1:30.

So that’s I think I got around 7 hours.

I’m still really tired though.

I guess this week is half over. I’ve got

To work Saturday.

I’m hungry.

I just ate a pack of crackers. I have some tamales in a can, but gosh, those things are messy.

I need to get up and get a shower soon. I might go to buckys.

Yep, and get.

Breakfast there.

I get a brisket taco.

Hello. Ha ha.

Yeah.

I’m so burned out it’s stupid and everybody at work. They are all burned out too, and I just got back on Facebook. And in the work Facebook group, that’s all everyone’s talking about is how burned out they are. They have been running the shit out of everything because we’re like,

I don’t remember, I think a thousand cars or something behind.

I’ll just be really glad when the vocal trainer thing comes in and I can maybe I can get my voice back.

Going again.

But I read that, if you’ve smoked for a long time like I did and I smoked cigars mostly

Um, When you quit it, fucks you all up for a while and that’s what I’m dealing with. I’m pretty sure.

Oh my goodness.

My ex fiance looked at my Tik Tok. Yeah, I thought that was. Funny. And I had a crazy dream about Brittany that she messaged me.

So, I’ve been thinking about that since I woke up,

I don’t know, sometimes I’m just like

I just don’t feel like I’ll ever love again. It’s not that I couldn’t like find a person but I just can’t do it. The will isn’t there, and it’s gotten.

Exponentially. Like here lately. I just have not cared.

Um there’s there’s just I don’t know.

If it wasn’t for the kids, I’d kill myself.

I don’t think that’ll ever go away either.

And I don’t know if that’ll always be enough. Because the older, they get the less they like. They just don’t care, you know I’m just their lame ass dad.

At least that’s how they act. Now, I’m just, you know, it used to be

We had a lot of fun and Adventures and You know, we’re just none of we’re not

I feel like I’ve missed too much.

You know, living so far away and

You know, there was the year, I didn’t really get to see them. Because of, How crazy Brittany drove me.

And my ex-wife, you know, was just like, well, you’ve lost your mind and it was really sad. Looking back on it.

I was just going to drown myself in the ocean.

And sometimes I think well maybe, you know,

That doesn’t ever go away, 100%. I still haven’t. I’m so burned out though right now it’s like

It’s ridiculous.

Maybe everything will get better. I have to work Saturday. I think I mentioned that a few times.

You know, on the other hand, I really can’t complain. Yeah, things have been way way worse than this. Actually still have money, you know, from like my last paycheck and that

That’s great. Yeah, last paycheck though. I gave my ex-wife a bunch of money. And I did, I spent I spent a good bit with the kids.

How much do I have?

I guess somebody messaged me.

Oh, it’s that weird guy from those schizophrenic group. Yeah.

He does, um, portraits of African women.

Like, that’s all he does. He’s obsessed.

Yeah, with African women.

You know, schizophrenic, It sucks.

I’ve got like Sixty dollars.

Oh, actually, I haven’t found.

I said, actually, I have about 300, I just haven’t.

It’s in, like the afterpay, and then my chime.

Whatever it’s called on chime, I don’t remember.

That’s how fucking burned out I am right now And stupid.

Thank you, please.