SUNDAY NIGHT🪄💥

11:38 PM

I guess so.

It’s Sunday night. I went out and got hot dogs, and all that stuff, and then I came back and fell asleep. Woke up about 8:30.

I might Fall asleep again. Oh

I’ve just been kind of blah today.

Really just been kind of blah all year.

Yeah, this whole year, it’s not been

I’ve been sad a lot. I don’t know why. I was thinking as all I left earlier when I was going to Walmart.

It’s like I should be happy. What the fuck is wrong with me?

I should be really happy.

I guess I still feel stupid about not talking to that chick. Um, whatever the fuck that was Thursday. Was that Thursday?

I don’t remember Wednesday or Thursday.

I can get my other phone and look.

Yeah, it was Thursday.

Anyways.

You know, it’s like she is, she’s really beautiful and she seems cool.

She probably hasn’t been exposed to all the cool stuff that I know about. And that’s, you know, like I think about that sometimes it’s like you don’t have. Anything in common. I can’t find anybody have anything in common with but not a lot of people have been exposed.

Or the opportunities or had the opportunities I have had to develop. It’s picking up, everything is stupid. But uh, I’ve been given Some very unique opportunities that not everybody has.

I also hate how screwed up I am when it comes to women, but it’s It’s like,

I still just don’t think, you know, that would be like

You know, me and her would have a lot of fun. I don’t think we would end up getting married or anything. I think I would end up getting my heart broken.

I think that would hurt me really bad, actually she’s so beautiful. It would just I don’t know.

I think I’m overthinking it, so, yeah, I don’t. I don’t know. Well, I have to marry a ref fucking

What?

Why I would have to want to marry every chick that I get involved with but that’s how. It kind of how it was. The post divorce phase, you know, that’s A big reason I’ve been single for so long. But I just don’t, I don’t do anything fun like that.

Probably the most, I guess, like dating wise I ever did was that chick who lived up here. Uh, And I would probably run into her if I went out to like the normal places. There’s nudie Mondays and Moody Mondays. Yeah. Thanks.

Haha. And uh,

What’s that Irish cafe or Pub thing? Maggie Meyers? I thought that was pretty lame. I thought both of those places were really lame but we went out to those 3 or 4 times a week. She dragged me out to Moody Mondays, like

Shit at least 3 times a week and, uh,

You know, if we would have met if I would have been in my early twenties or something, I would have had more fun. Of course, I would have gotten tired of getting out and doing that crap. My ex-wife never She never was not a going out person like that.

Sometimes, every now and then we would go like Out to places and

She would end up getting so very drunk. Getting so fucking crazy drunk. There were a couple times. I had to carry her out of a bar. Like my ex-wife wasn’t

She was 1 of those people that like she didn’t do stuff because she was afraid. She would like it too much. Yeah, like that was like that was the kind of person she was she was really?

She had a lot more problems than I realized it’s when we were together that didn’t come out, they were latent. Yeah that didn’t come out until It was way too late and I still cry about her. You know, it’s so crazy. I loved that woman more than anything and It’s been 8 years, it’s just the divorce. You know, she was just a terrible piece of crap to me the last 2 years. We were married. I can’t

I still can’t understand it, it’s like, who the fuck? You know. But I also think she feels bad about all that because she’s so nice to me now.

And and, but it took a lot for her to get to that point. Because she wasn’t for a long time, just the last couple of years. She’s been really super nice to me.

Really, ever since my mom died. And she started being nauseous to me after she read my blog.

Nicer to me. Yeah after she started reading my blog. Hell that’s been 5 years ago.

Give or take, what did she find? Find my other blog in like 2021. Yeah. And she stalked it for every day. She would read every single post I made for Probably the next.

3 or 4 years.

It’s crazy how much time has passed. It’s like 2026.

Aww my daughter sent me a reel. Okay.

Here we go.

Another 1.

On.

My daughter sent me some pretty cool reels.

On Instagram of this dungeon master guy who went totally nuts with a room. And lighting effects and fog. And then this other

Thing with, uh,

This Chinese lady jamming with 2 old Appalachian banjo picker women.

Looks pretty cool. 1 of them played a baseball game.

Hello.

A bass banjo. Thank you. What the fuck?

I don’t know. I’m afraid 1 day. I’m just going to blow my fucking brains out, you know. For real.

I’m so nice and accommodating to other people.

It’s really kind of crazy. It’s like, I’m mean to myself. But I’m not really mean to other people, I’ve taken a lot of shit. I put up with a lot of shit from people. It’s like weird, sometimes.

I don’t know how audible I am outside of this room, but I’ve put up with a lot of crap. From the roommate who took me back and forth to work,

Oh my God.

And that dude that moved out. Yeah, took a lot of crap from him too. And it’s like, you know, I could kill this guy with my bare hands like easily.

You know, it’s like I don’t know why they want to, you know, give me shit. It’s like I’m not. I don’t know. Everybody has their limits. I guess. My limits are pretty stupid

It just gets old you know and I have like that crappy ass fucking dude, I’ll work with that 1 coworker guy he’s this little bitty shit and he’s such an asshole and he’s a jerk and he always comes back from breaks late and he stays gone. He’ll go to the restroom and stay gone for 30 minutes.

And it’s just a shit, you know. And it’s like

You are.

Why, you know like what the fuck?

The hubris of some people.

Far exceeds their real world capabilities and It’s like it just

Sometimes, I just want to, you know,

Put them in their place. Yeah. But it, it stresses me out, it’s like why are you being a jerk, you know?

And like that 1 roommates chick. I guess she’s been out. I don’t know. She’s, Moving out or something. And she, she doesn’t ever stay here. But that dog, she had that barked and growled and everything that’s

That stressed me out. I was like, what the fuck last weekend? Was it last weekend? Yeah, the kids and I we we stayed last Friday night up here.

And uh, my son was sleeping in a cot and that dog, like came up and sniffed like Sniff was then looked at like my son and growled at him. And then like ran off and I’m like, you know,

You know what I mean? Like if that dog bit my kid, I would kill it right there in front of her, you know, it’s like what the fuck is wrong with people?

And she’s a deadbeat human mom, she’s a crappy, dog, mom too. It was really weird.

My God.

You know, cuz most of the time, you know, I don’t know where the hell I’m at and I do I struggle with a lot of stuff. And uh, I’m so nice to people. I’m so nice to other people that um, sometimes I just don’t want to be, you know, it’s like,

Man, I don’t know.

And it’s just having to to deal with the most ignorant bunch of shit. From other people. It gets old and and I’m so nice about it, you know?

So nice about it.

And I don’t have to be.

I mean, there’s not, you know, A lot of people could if I was, if I wanted to be a crazy asshole, not a lot of people could do anything about it. I would probably end up in prison. Yeah, or something. I don’t know. That’s kind of

I don’t know, I don’t know what I’m trying to say. It’s like

It’s like when I got mad about those dogs, those yippy ass dogs waking me up. That those old roommates were pet sitting. And I was just what the fuck y’all you know and nobody told me anything about them, they were just like 1 day. I just got woke up a whole bunch of times in a row by these yippy ass dogs and Oh, they were smart asses about it and I thought, you know, I’m going to have to back away from this right now or it’s going to escalate into something that I’m either going to get kicked out, or go to jail for Yeah. And I just take shit from people.

You know, and

If it wasn’t for the kids, I would kill myself. And here I am taking shit from these fucking

People who haven’t? Emotionally matured past Middle School, you know. And it’s just

I just, I don’t know.

I don’t know. I don’t know how audible I am. I think the other roommate though she’s asleep last time, I looked let me check,

I wonder if she can hear me through her closet because I can hear her rumming around in her closet.

When she’s like, going through her clothes and stuff, I can hear the the, uh, coat hangers. Pretty loud

And I still don’t know why the boss lady roommate. Didn’t offer me that room back after they moved out,

You know, I’m just like, why did she get that room? But you know what? I get my bonus in a month and a half and I’m going to move out. So I’m going to find another place to live.

I don’t really like having roommates. If it was just like the boss lady roommate and the 1 who took me back and forth to work because as a roommate, she’s okay. Like, she’s really not.

Bad as a roommate overall. She’s a Stupid Bitch though. And um, Like I said, I have talked a lot about her. Yeah, I talked a lot about her in this blog. I’m just, I don’t know. I don’t know where I am going with this, but

I get sick of having a deal with fucking stupid ass fucked up. People that don’t deserve it, don’t deserve me being so fucking nice to them. They deserve to have the shit beat out of them.

That’s what it amounts to. And it’s only because I’m such a good person. That I don’t, you know, that I don’t

But I struggle with so much crap.

11:59 PM
Like, I should be. Happy. You know. And like all that shit that Brittany did and I just let her get away with it. She just got away with it because I thought she was the most beautiful lady in the universe. I never liked anybody as much as I liked her and she did a bunch of mean, crazy shit. And I just let her get away with it. You know, instead of like I could have got her, she could have went to prison.

You know, and putting nails in somebody’s tires is criminal mischief. It’s a felony. You know, I could have been driving down the road and had a blowout with my kids or something and wrecked and anything could have happened.

And I just let her get away with it.

She ruined my life, my ex fiance, you know, is another example of that she fucking. I just let her get away with it too.

I don’t know why. You know.

My life is such a mess. I hate myself so much sometimes.

I was laying here earlier before I fell asleep. The uh, I fell back asleep. After I got back with the hot dogs and everything.

And I was just thinking, you know, like, Why am I still here? You know why am I still on this planet? You know.

I won’t ever forget what a piece of shit that the roommate, you know, the 1 who took me back and forth to work what she how she acted about the dishwasher. Something trivial that didn’t didn’t, even that doesn’t even matter. What? A fucking piece of shit to me. She was about that. And I just took it. You know, I’m just like, okay, all right, Misses doesn’t have a Job and doesn’t have to get up and do anything that she doesn’t want to do ever. You know, after spending Like 10 hours driving in the fucking 95 or 100 degree fucking heat with my kids all day long in Birmingham. And you know, after like I mean I was so exhausted and I just came home I made some, I think it was hot dogs. Was it hot dogs then? Yeah. And uh, I was so nice and she just Laid into me about. You know, like something that Who the hell do you think you are?

And I was just so, I mean I wasn’t like You know, I wasn’t that like nice about it. I was like, oh, you know, I didn’t I didn’t just take it with a smile on my face, but I, I was just like, okay, you know, I didn’t say why don’t you go fuck yourself? You dumb old bitch but I probably should have

But that’s kind of the funny thing though. If, uh, if I were to throw it back on, anybody, they can’t take it. And most people who dish it out, can’t take it.

I don’t dish out the fucking meanness on other people. But I take their crap and I don’t understand why there has to be any crap.

Hell, the biggest reason why I’m so fucked up is because I took so much shit from my ex-wife Yeah, and my dad. And neither 1 of them deserved to have me in their lives in any capacity at all.

But it doesn’t make me feel any better about myself. You know, the only thing that makes me happy anymore are my kids.

And living 2 hours away from them. Just kills me. I talk to them all the time. I talk to them every day, you know, I message with them all day every day, but it’s not the same.

No, I just don’t think I’ll ever get over. Having a family and all that. And all the Everything I put into that and like just to lose it, like I did for the dumbest fucking reasons like my ex-wife, you know,

I mean, I just wanted her to be happy, I’m not going to Talk a bunch of shit about her or anything, but

That’s not something I’ll ever really understand, either.

But um, I don’t know. Yeah, I do get lonely.

In between the weekends I get my kids which next weekend I’m going to do it and I’m off Thursday, I get paid, Wednesday night Wednesday afternoon. Yep I’m going to get the kids For supper probably Thursday.

And uh, I don’t know this blog makes me feel better when I talk about it and stuff, you know, it’s like I’ve said before, I feel like I’m talking to the whole universe.

But I guess what? Sucked too is, when I first moved in here, I thought, you know? Yay, roommates. And You know, I tried to be really awesome. I actually was And uh,

I don’t know. It just didn’t didn’t work out like that. I don’t know, I don’t know why. You know, and I’ve done a whole lot of work for the boss lady roommate for nothing. Practically nothing, you know? And it’s like, Man, not a single thing I’ve done for her has been worth my time.

You know, and I have done some pretty big things.

But whatever. You know, it’s

It’s like I said, I’ve been looking around at some places in Athens. I think that’s where I’m going to move to

I just wonder where everybody’s at. It’s just, I guess the um the roommate that took me back and forth to work. I don’t know what else to call her. I’m not going to call her by her name. But uh it’s just me and her here, I think,

But I was, I was really, really awesome to her.

And she would just leave me up at work on night shift sometimes. For 4 hours after I clocked out. You know, I was just stuck up there, you know, she didn’t give a shit. It was really mean

But, you know, that’s kind of, uh, That’s a big thing though, like What really matters in life at least in this human. Experience or whatever. The fuck this shit is. You know how you treat people matters? It does and everybody. You know, nobody’s perfect, and everybody has problems and struggles with so much. The least you can do is just be nice to people be polite and kind. And not shit all over them, but they do people do, they’ll diarrhea all over you. They’ll make it worse. And, you know, you can just be minding your own business.

But then, you know, I have people come up to me at work and tell me how much they like watching me work and how happy it makes them, you know, my upbeat positive attitude. And I’m like, you know, thank you. But gosh, it was all I could do this morning, not to just drive my car into a fucking You know, something weird and kill myself. Commit. Suicide, I deal with that, like, all the time. It’s sometimes it takes all the strength. I have not to kill myself.

And I just think it’s so remarkable that I take shit from people who are just babies

And I don’t know why. I mean other than you know, I am, It’s it’s so weird. It’s like, uh,

You know, but that also ought to let you know that some of the nicest people. Are also probably the ones who struggle with the most Like Robin Williams bless his heart. You know.

It’s really sad.

And people can be so full of themselves, and so full of their own bullshit.

And it’s just, they’re just Shitty bullshit fucked up stupid people. They don’t. You know, the world wouldn’t miss them if they were gone but they just You know, they’re assholes and anytime they get a chance to be an asshole. They fucking You know, they jump on it, it makes them feel good and powerful to cut somebody else down or to be a piece of shit. And uh,

I couldn’t ever do that. I’m just way too nice, but I couldn’t be any other way.

I don’t know. It’s weird.

But sometimes, I don’t know, I’m just repeating myself but it’s like, you know, But you know it is it’s every day. It’s a struggle every single day, you know, not to commit suicide, not to end my own life. Every day.

And I take shit from people who just think that they’re, you know, think of themselves, They’re the most important people who have ever lived. You know, but they’re not. They suck. But I take their shit and I guess that’s my point. Yeah, like goddamn.

Well, I feel better though. That feels better to get that out.

You know, maybe I’ll find a girlfriend 1 day if it’s not that chick, I saw at the gas station. You know that I’ll work with who I could just walk up and talk to at any fucking time.

I don’t know why I get so weirded out about it.

I guess because I just I’m I’m afraid it’s going to end up like it would just end up hurting me and making things worse for me. Yeah. And that’s usually how it goes. That’s how it’s gone. Anyways, every time I get mixed up with a lady, it just You know, they get

Whatever they want or need out of it or whatever, I don’t know. And then I’m the 1 who gets You know, fucked up but because of it and I just I just don’t feel like putting myself through that again. You know, and it’s so funny that like Stephanie, she comes back every few months. And this time, I accepted her friend request. But it just reminds me every time she comments on something or I see 1 of her posts in my feed. It’s like

It just reminds me of why I’ve been single for 5 years. Yeah. I mean, I don’t date or have sex with people or anything.

I’m like a monk hermit or something.

Which is, you know, that’s okay, you know.

There’s more to life than sex. And anyways, Ironically that’s what creates it, but You know, it’s not a lot of it is cultural. You know, a lot of the problems with that shit, you know, in modern times it’s

People are really stupid about it and they take the path of least resistance and you know how sex is uh, feels great. And it’s easy and it’s easy to get pregnant too. It’s easy to make more people.

And I don’t want any more kids at least right now or, you know,

I don’t get to see the 2. I have enough. And I would feel bad that it’s kind of like It’s another reason why I don’t get another pet. Like a dog or something, I just can’t.

Well, I could get a pet like a different kind of animal, but I don’t think I could get another dog ever.

Well, I’m just blabbering. Yeah. I’m probably going to put this back on my uh, Instagram and Facebook eventually. I was going to say I’m probably going to put it up there soon, but like, no, I’m, I’m going to wait till I get into a different place.

You know, probably in a month or 2, I’ll put it back up on my Instagram or Facebook

12:15 AM
And Facebook. Hey, that’s the third time stamp. So, let’s, uh, let’s wrap this up. It’s gonna gonna take me an hour to edit this probably Hahaha. Yay

Thank you, please.