TUESDAYYYYY

4:31 PM
Well, anyways,

Blood girl sent me a message on Instagram. She must have like removed it or something. I don’t know. I hope she’s okay. Oh, who is blood girl, right? Yeah, who is blood girl?

Blood girl is, uh, An artist, she’s a musician from Denmark and she’s my daughter’s favorite artists like in the world. And um, we follow her on Instagram. Yeah. And she, like, interacts with my daughter all the time, it’s really funny and sometimes I’ll comment on her stuff. But she sent me a message and then I don’t know, I don’t know what that was about.

So I hope she’s okay. I hope she doesn’t have like a depressive episode or something.

She also looks like my ex fiance. Yep. And Like a 10 years younger version of my ex fiance

And, uh, so you know I mean Yeah.

But there’s no way she’s that. I don’t know, I don’t, I don’t know. I just hope everything’s. Okay, with blood, girl, I love her. Yeah, I do. I hope she’s okay. I don’t know why she would message me but You know, crazy things happen to me in between me having my own depressive episodes. Like I’ve had the last week or so.

And a lot of it, I’m just a lot of it. I’m lonely. And it’s hard and I’m trying to do better.

Oh my goodness. My uh the boss lady roommate, kind of insulted me a little bit yesterday. About the chores, I don’t know. But then at the same time it was like well I should have done them over the weekend. I didn’t do anything this weekend like I didn’t do anything over the weekend. This past weekend. I did not do shit. Yeah.

I slept a bunch.

And I ate well.

But as far as actions go. Very minimal.

I am though, I’m trying to do better. I’m trying to be happy. You know, I don’t want to be sad. I don’t want to die. I just I get tired of suffering. Its fucked up. And, you know, I have a lot of

Ideas and creativity and Energy when I’m not being sad.

But I get paid tomorrow.

I’ve got 2 packs of these Nashville. Hot Limited edition, lamps crackers. Yep, I’m going to eat. Today. Tonight, I’ve got a can of spaghetti and I have 1 honey bun. Account SpaghettiOs.

A can. Of SpaghettiOs.

And a honey bun.

So anyways Thursday, I’m off and I’m excited about that.

I love you blood girl I did I was just thinking I spaced out for a second. I was thinking about hope that blood girl wasn’t having some kind of episode and she didn’t like reach out to me some for some reason and Then like get embarrassed and delete it. It’s a Yeah, that happens, man. Um, I’m going to tell you like, Like, I mean, nothing the void, right? Like just Is.

Permeates my fucking reality. But every now and then

Some chick will come through and be like, uh, like I don’t know. Like just weird shit though. Like, this chick 1 time. I was uh, this is after I had the nervous breakdown and I was using my alternate account. And this chick I had added. I don’t even remember when I added her. Her name was Mary something and she, uh, she lived in Birmingham at the time. I think she lives in Nashville now, but she called me on Facebook, messenger and screams. What About Us?

Yeah, screams that at me. And I just I didn’t know what to say, I was like, what? And she says, never mind and she hung up and she hangs up. Yeah.

And I’m just like, dang and uh, I don’t know, it was like but it was like, 3:00 a.m.

And part of me wished I would have went and like got her and just been like Hey cuz she Seemed crazy, but she seemed like You know, she really just needed to be petted and mashed

And loved.

Though.

But, you know, I don’t

What’s what’s the word?

Rule out I guess is the best way to put that. That blood girl doesn’t stalk my shit, too. Haha. Huh, because they do uh,

Girls from work, dude. It’s really crazy. That’s what made me feel like shit. So bad last week because I know that girl likes me and it probably made her fucking feel awful, and she didn’t deserve that because I wanted to talk to her.

Oh it just killed me. It kills me to think about it but you know, like I just the rest of the time though. I’m just like, it’s just nothing. I hate myself. I don’t want to, I don’t want to hate myself. Jesus I want to have a great life like, you know, I want everything to be okay. I don’t want the world to end, I don’t want to die. I don’t want to just Die. You know, I want to fucking have a fun adventure life.

Oh, I’m in traffic. Yeah.

I’m going to the gym. And it’s going to make me feel better, right, too? Hot dogs. I ate 2 hot dogs.

I don’t know, I don’t know what else to say. I hope blood girl is Okay, I hope she’s not in trouble. You know, even if it’s in her brain,

But she does, she looks a lot like my ex fiance it. She even kind of like My ex fiance like the way she sounded and stuff, like her music. If she was like 10 years younger, she’d been born like, you know, 10 years or so later, that’s probably what she would have sounded like You know.

I don’t know. Sometimes I wonder how old Beverly Sue Welch is doing. Yeah, the last time I seen pictures of her, it made me really sad. Because she doesn’t look that great. She looks like

She looks really rough. Uh but you know she lived the party.

Yeah, she did.

I don’t know, I don’t know what else to say now. I just feel like I would be repeating a bunch of crap that I’ve already said. But I miss my kids and, uh, I don’t know, I guess they have a bunch of stuff going on Thursday night, that I didn’t know about my daughter, has therapy until 6:00, and I thought that was okay. But then, my son has Soccer. Practice until 7:30. And I still feel like I want to go down there though. Yeah.

And,

I still feel like I want to go down there and and at least take them out to supper.

Gosh, I miss the kids. I miss my little kids.

So very, very much

Thank you, please.