6:15 PM
Oh gosh, what am I doing? I just got home. I had.
A really stupid day. I took the post down from this morning. I went too far talking about chicks from work, haha. But uh I guess like when it comes down to it, there’s just 1 of them that really seems interesting to me and I’m going to try and talk to her Monday. Hopefully the whole twin flame thing. Is like, I just I mean What’s it even ever been? You know, like God Peck peck on my blog drive me crazy.
You know.
Make me feel like crap. That’s all it’s done. I made a song up.
You know, all she did was drive me, crazy, and make me sad. And you know enough, like she’s done enough damage. Okay.
Like, when I saw her, uh,
What, 3 weeks ago has it been? Yeah, it was the 19th. Yeah, the 19th of every month.
What does that even mean?
Long story. But, um,
Yeah, 3 weeks ago. You know and she couldn’t even look at me. It’s like okay, here I am. All right, there you are. You did all the Mean crazy stuff. That didn’t make any sense to me, I’m sure it made sense to her on some level. But like,
I can’t put into words how much this disrupted my life.
I feel like I lost literally a year of my life because of this shit. I was barely hanging on as it was.
Yeah.
So, I mean, you know, I hope she’s doing great. You know, and if all she can do is peck on my blog, And, You know, weird stuff that, you know, what am I making up in my head and what is really going on?
I mean, just leave me the hell alone if that’s all it’s ever going to be and that’s all it’s been and it’s crazy and we could have had something really great 3 years ago 2 and a half years ago or something. You know I was so screwed up when I worked there. Sorry. You know, I’m sorry, but like that’s doesn’t nothing. I did Justified anything, she did to me. Or the way any of that went? And it was like all her and she never left me alone.
You know, she doesn’t leave me alone. And I don’t understand like what? It even matters anymore. You know, it’s like I feel like it’s just beating a dead horse at this point.
Hell, I have held out for her. I have for over.
2 years longer than that? So yeah.
And I think, um, Mentioned that in the post yesterday.
You know, I have
I ran away from a lot of chicks and I’m just, I’m, it’s like, I’ve been single for 4 and a half years. You know.
I don’t know what any of this means. I don’t know what I am to her. I don’t know what I mean. To anything. I don’t know what she thinks. I don’t know what her plans are her goals or what she hopes. Like to achieve by having done any of this stuff. Any of it. It’s just like, okay well thanks, you know, I don’t hate her.
But at this point, it’s like, you know,
I’m ready to move on. And that’s pretty much it. That’s all I’ve, that’s what I’ve thought about a lot today and today was just so stupid. I have some really ignorant co-workers.
And now it’s just
You know, people are a big part of a job, you know, like that I have but I keep to myself for a reason and today was just like it’s like man
Stop letting the people get to you, just stop. You know, you’re just here to work.
You know, I’ve been here almost.
Well, you know I’m halfway there. Yeah. Like I have to be here a year before I can get into a maintenance program. Like that’s what I want to do. That’s what I was wanting to do with the second car factory. I’m almost halfway there. You know. Just stop like people can be really. Shallow and selfish and just don’t worry about it. You know, just because you overhear, somebody saying really mean things About you, and Making fun of you behind your back. When they don’t think that you can hear them. You know. It’s like That’s really crappy because I don’t do stuff like that. Just
Um, I don’t know. I’m really sensitive and I get hurt easily and for some reason. The way I treat people and the way I like am about people. I don’t know why. I expect other people to
Reciprocate that.
But, you know, I am I’m a really hyper sensitive introverted artist.
And I hold myself to a very strict code of ethics.
A lot of people don’t realize that because a lot of people don’t really, get to know me. Anyways.
Most people stay in this state of prolonged, adolescence because this society doesn’t really Facilitate unless you just go searching for a different, you know, a deeper, meaning to life. You know, uh, you’re not going to like you don’t have to grow. You know, uh,
Spiritually, I guess for lack of a better term. It’s like if you take the the chakra system, you know, for example, most people never really Go above the third chakra.
You know, they just don’t they don’t have to You know, they get their, uh,
Material, whatever satisfied, you know.
Food. And
Water and shelter. And you know,
They reduce everything because there’s this, you know, why not to a Pleasure Principle. Food and sex, and Whatever that people do and that’s just there’s nothing else to life outside of that and making money. Right? Yeah, I mean
That’s just human beings. And,
Uh, some people do though.
Like,
They Go a little further out.
Those people generally have a hard time.
Relating to the other people who don’t,
Yeah, I don’t know, I’m half drunk. I felt like I deserved it but I’ve got a full tank of gas. Thanks to my ex-wife letting me borrow some money and The last like what I had left, I put I bought hot dogs. And 2 drinks and I’m like, yay. I’m watching Twin Peaks and then it’s like, oh yeah. You deleted you took down that other post you better make another 1 because this is a 121 day streak and I went ahead and put my blog back on Facebook. And I opened up my Facebook again. And I thought, you know, the Twin Flame chick just needs to leave me alone. You know, like she’s done enough damage.
Everybody knows who she is. All my friends and all my family, my roommates. Most of my co-workers, they all know who she is.
And it’s like, yeah. If she could, you know,
She won’t but if she would just like she could just she could have or you know, just message me and be like hey you know yeah this got way over complicated. Sorry, I did a bunch of mean crazy stuff to you, you know?
I mean it’s fine, she’s not going to do that. I just have I just have had to forgive her and let it go.
You know, just like I did with my ex fiance And my ex-wife, but my ex-wife has more than Like made up for all the crappy stuff. That happened the last 2 years. We were married and she has apologized for it. Even my last girlfriend. Apologized for all the stuff she did tooBut I mean, I just, I do my best, I try to do my best and I have an affinity for uh,
I don’t know, I just have a big stupid heart. Yeah.
What else can I say? I’m going to get back to watching this. I’m Just making a blog post. Thank you.
Please.
MY BLOG NUMBER SEVEN 