THURSDAYYY¡!

3:52 AM
Hey, I am driving to work. Yeah. I just I’ve been talking a bunch to myself and it’s like well, let’s just make a blog post. Yeah.

Um,

I have been really negative probably this whole year Especially the last couple of weeks. And I’m sorry for that. But at the same time, I can’t help it. You know, but I like to think today. I feel better. Yeah, a lot of it this week is just been Extreme stupid. Fucking exhaustion.

So I’m trying to, you know, I’m trying to have a better attitude. I feel I feel pretty good right now. I slept uh, I got home about

5 something, maybe and slept until Like 10:00. And then Woke back up for like 30 minutes. Fell back asleep, until

Shit, 130 or something, or 2, maybe I forget. And then I’ve just been up since then. Yeah, I tried to go back to sleep and I couldn’t Uh this chick from work the team leader. Who drives me crazy? Who drove me? Crazy. Yeah. She uh she got all into my brains. And I just don’t know that it would be a good idea to get mixed up with her. But, I had a huge stupid crush on her for about 3 months. Yeah. Oh yeah. Oh my gosh. I’ve talked all about it though. But, you know, I think there’s hundreds and hundreds. I don’t know how many hundreds of Blog posts I’ve made on this thing so far. I’ve made almost as many posts though here like in the last year that I had in. Like 4 years. On my other blog. It’s kind of funny. But, um, I don’t know, I’ve just been thinking a lot about Like, you know, it’s kind of a I want to say, I don’t want to say, what do I want to say?

I have a love hate relationship with my roommates. Kind of its I don’t like that though. It stresses me out. The boss. Lady roommate is really awesome though. Overall as a person But there’s some stuff here and there that is. Just It bothers me. I guess. Yeah, like how she didn’t offer me my old room back?

And how the 1 who took me back and forth to work who hates everybody and everything and thinks she’s the smartest person in the universe. But she’s really just a 2 faced fucking You know, bum is really what she is. She’s a bomb. Yeah, I’ll have to edit that in Um,

You know she hates the boss lady roommate and she got my old room and that’s a really that’s like the best room in the house.

And It just it was like what the fuck, you know, that really made me realize that I can’t live there forever? You know, I’m crammed into this little bitty room and granted, I’m only paying $500 a month. Which is not a lot. And she’s raised the rent on everything else except for me. Probably because I have done so much extra stuff for her so I don’t really know what to do. You know, maybe I should just sit down and talk to her about it. Because she’s not a bad person. She’s actually a really sweet Caring person. She probably didn’t think I wanted that room back or something. And there’s no telling because the other 1 that took me back and forth to work. She’s so selfish and self-motivated that she might have just jumped at it or something.

Like they’re they could have worked out some kind of deal but see I don’t know because nobody tells me anything. It’s kind of shitty. Because it affects me obviously, right? Human beings. Like, you know, relationships of any kind can become very complicated. So that’s what I was thinking about just blabber and blabber and blabber. And but um you know, there’s only 3 of us living there, right now. And

As opposed to 6, that was like this time last year, I think.

Um, what I was trying to say,

I don’t know. Like I want to move out though. I don’t hate living there by any means, but I don’t really like having roommates.

Um, but

I like where I live. I like the area that I live in. I’m not really like, I don’t know, like I had some talks with the boss lady roommate the last week or so, and yeah, she’s dealing with a lot of stuff right now and it’s really sad and Makes me sad because she is a really great person. She really is overall, she cares about other people a lot. And she goes out of her way to do stuff. Really nice. Awesome things to do, really awesome. Nice things for people. And that’s, uh, you know, I don’t know. I I’m thinking though. Maybe I’m I’m might try to move into the downstairs room. I’m going to talk to her about that this weekend. Yeah, and uh, you know, and I have no idea.

But,

I want to live somewhere. I can keep my kids. Because I have been spending a lot of money on hotel rooms. And don’t get me wrong, I love hotel rooms, too. They’re fun. And then we get the big crazy breakfasts in the morning. That usually is just me because I can’t ever get my kids up. Because we like to stay up all night because we have fun. They’re my precious Babies. You know, they’re the best people ever made literally And that is like, oh my goodness. Sometimes I just can’t believe how great. They are it makes every thing that I’ve gone through and dealt with worth it. When like the other night we went to the what my son had. That’s right. Cuz I didn’t make much of a post yesterday. Um, My son had a viola. Well I say recital it was a concert. He was part of a string Ensemble of a bunch of fifth graders like from all over the area, From different schools. And I really got to hand it to the people who put that together because I could not

In a million years, get Well, I don’t know what 50 or so, uh, violin Viola and cello. And upright bass playing 10 and 11 year olds to do anything. I would I would I would be in a mental Hospital. Hahaha Oh my gosh. Yeah. But uh, You know, um,

It was really awesome. I went there then I got them for supper and They didn’t even think or hesitate. It was like Olive Garden and of course, that equates to about a hundred dollars. You know, I’m kind of broke right now but I’m not completely broke. Anyways though, um We were just, I don’t know, we just hanging out and Talking to. I mean, they’re just so fucking great and intelligent and they’re Like, They care about stuff, they’re just really Socially emotionally, you know, conscious

Super intelligent, fucking well-rounded people. I mean they’re they’re as good as. They’re the best people. Yeah. I mean you can’t make people better. That’s as good as people can be made and it makes me so happy that I was able to do that.

You know, it’s just it’s just so great. And being a parent is the absolute best thing. You can be having a family is the best thing you can have. And I’ll never get over losing that. And it’s really, that’s all that’s what’s wrong with me. Is the just from losing all that stuff. And I just don’t

I’m just kind of in limbo. In between the weekends, I get my kids. I mean that’s what’s wrong with me in a nutshell. And it’s sad and I deal with it. A lot better than I dealt with it. You know, last year and 2 years ago, 3 years ago and I run from chicks, a lot of times too especially from work because I don’t have anything in common with them. With them. Yeah, but on the

Other hand, I can’t risk.

It’s just like it’s almost like intuitively. I can see it’s going to disrupt the dynamic I have with the kids. Hello. Yeah. Okay. Yeah, the my signal cut out or something and I can’t. Oh, I can’t risk that. Yeah. Because that’s the most important thing. That’s like my whole Life’s purpose, really? Oh yeah, totally. Because the world needs more people like my kids.

There’s a lot of really messed up people in the world and they make it Harder than it has to be. I guess that’s the best way to put it, right? Am I wrong?

I don’t think so. But anyways, uh, this weekend though. Um, gosh, I am. I’m a lot. I’m so much more well-rested than I was yesterday. Holy shit, I was dying yesterday.

But um,

Yeah. This weekend. I’m just going to take it easy. I’m going to finish that room for the boss lady roommate. I’m going to work on my concept album. I have to get that finished. I get my bonus.

Oh, in about 3 weeks.

Is it 3 weeks?

Like 2 weeks? Yeah, I have to get some work done on the car, just routine stuff, and I’ve got to get studio monitors. So I can. You know, fiddle with the mix. I need to uh look into getting some different recording software. I need an external hard drive.

To dump all the stuff that I have on it off of it. And because I want to play Red Dead. Redemption. 2 hahaha. I do. Yeah, I do.

Oh but I have to get the concept album finished. It’s too important. It’s about. Um oh I don’t even I can’t talk about it. Yeah I just can’t I can’t talk about it. I have to release it and then maybe I’ll post a link to it. It’s, uh, It’s going to be really funny. Um, But then after that, I have to finish my regular album and my coworker album, I have to start on my coworker album. And that’s like it for music for me. And I’ve got a bunch of electronic music ideas. I have a lot of music, though, stirring around. So I’ve got to just, I’ve got to work on all that stuff.

And that’s, that should be enough to keep me occupied. I don’t really need a girlfriend right now. Unless 1, just comes along, who

Well, you know that chick, I freaked out about it’s been almost a month ago. Um She probably would have been fine, except she’s really young. But they don’t care and I don’t look 45 like everybody thinks I’m in my late 20s. Or early 30s. It’s really funny. But anyhow, I am just turning on my exit and I just, that’s a lot of less negative stuff I guess to talk about. I feel like the tone is a little better. That it was. Um, but I have to yeah, I have to get

Coffee and go to the gym

And uh,

4:05 AM
Anyways, uh here I am at the Shell station. Hopefully, I’ll have a great day today.

Build some cars and go the fuck home.

Hahaha. Yeah. Thank you, please.