11:09 PM
Oh my goodness. Yeah, let’s make a post, huh? It’s Saturday night so I slept until about 9:30. That’s right, I’m still on night shift.
9:30 p.m. Yep. And I had this crazy dream that My first job out of high school was working for my uncle, uh, as a motor repair person electric motor Yeah, I rewound. Electric motors. Uh I don’t know if if you know if you don’t know anything about electric motors they’re full of copper coils.
It’s just loops and Loops of wire. It’s called a coil. And, uh, there’s a coil making machine that you use and it takes different sizes of wire, depending on the motor and the application.
Well what the motors used for? I guess. It depends on how big it is, how fast it is. If it gets. You know. How many coils of wire it gets and they are lap wound and concentric wound. And there’s a formula that you can convert Back and forth. Back in those days. I don’t know. This was 25 years ago, 20.
8 years ago, 28 years ago. Haha When I first started, it was 1998. Yeah, gosh, that just kind of hit me. And uh, Oh, I hated it. It was the worst job ever. But You know, that was the world, I grew up and I talk about my old life, you know. That’s the people, I grew up with my uncle owned it, there was this guy? His uh, Friend named Jason. Who ended up buying it from him and running it. I’m not really sure how all that went. But, uh,
I know my uncle retired when he was 45 give or take I think and uh,
Yeah, he sold the business and all that when it was all that that happened around 2005 or 6, it was around the time my ex-wife and I got married
And we bought his old house, my uncle. Anyways, I’m just thinking and trying to but like the guy
Uh, who bought it for my uncle? He ran it. I don’t know if he still runs it or not, but um, I had a dream that I went back to visit. And I was with my dad which is weird in real life but not in the dream was normal. And my cousin, my step cousin who, uh, shot himself. It’s been almost 2 years ago now. Uh, who replaced me essentially that I trained and gosh, I worked with almost every single day for 10 years. It’s, it’s crazy how different my life is like, It’s like everything was contingent on my marriage. Just, it was funny. Yeah, I was like after you know, that ended everything changed.
I don’t recognize the world anymore. It’s crazy. And it’s stupid. It’s fucking really stupid. But it also showed me, you know, who
Really mattered. And I hate to say that a lot of people, I loved a lot did not matter or like I thought they did my dad being 1 of them. Yeah. But without going off on a big crazy rant,
Even though I’m almost doing it now. Um, And the dream I went back to visit and it was funny and the whole place was different and I’m like yeah, my uncle used to own this place and nobody knew who my uncle was. And uh some people didn’t even know who the guy the Jason guy who bought it was in my dream, you know, it was really stupid but it made me feel all nostalgic when I woke up.
And,
It’s just crazy, I don’t know. Yeah, I was just thinking about like, wow, I don’t think about my old life enough, you know, sometimes I do. I have been lately.
It’s just really crazy but I could have done anything else with my life too. My dad. Never left me alone. Like I couldn’t get away from him. I got married and moved to Birmingham which was like 2 hours away from where I’m from and that wasn’t far enough.
It was it was really crazy. How my dad didn’t leave me alone. It was weird. And uh, My mom always said that he was really jealous of me which is really fucked up, I don’t understand.
Uh,
But it makes sense, you know?
Yeah, that was just a crazy dream. It reminded me because I don’t even talk to anybody anymore like in my uncle. You know, like my uncle’s the biggest little baby I’ve ever fucking met. I don’t have any use for him at all.
And so it’s like, it’s crazy but in the dream I was like, yeah, you know, it was none of it. The divorce and stuff I guess none of that had happened. It was just
You know, everything was like it used to be, but just a whole bunch of time had passed. Its A. And it didn’t. I didn’t recognize anything like I recognized a few parts, it’s like, oh, that’s where the winding side was. And Yeah, that’s where I wound Motors. And now it’s the warehouse which I think actually happened. But this is a stupid fucking dream. You know, but you know how emotions and feelings and everything are
Brittany has been shamelessly pecking on my blogs like all 3 of them the last week or so it was real bad last weekend. And I accidentally, I say, accidentally I really didn’t know. I just realized what I did and canceled it, but I sent 1 of my ex-girlfriends, a friend request, and I was like, dang.
Yeah, she was the only 1 I’d ever think about getting back with, but then, when I think about it, it’s just, I don’t know. She was the best 1. She was just uh,
I think the time and you know it was a lot of it. The timing it was a lot of it. Why it didn’t go anywhere.
I was so messed up when I met her. And I’m not, you know, it’s not that I’m I ain’t still it’s just if I would have either met her before I met my ex fiance Or met her like a year or 2 after
Uh, it would have been different.
And she doesn’t live? I don’t know that she’s still She’s still lives. I don’t know where, I don’t know if she’s still lives. Where she lived. 7 years ago. Was that 7 years ago? That was 7 years ago. Yeah.
The chick after her uh, was a big reason I was single for like a year and a half until I met Stephanie and Stephanie is a big reason I’ve been single for 5 Fingers. Uh 5 Fingers.
- Fucking years, God damn it. Yeah what the fuck? I forgot how stupid this app is. I haven’t made a blog post and um
When was the last time I made a blog post besides that? Last thing I posted, I guess that was that’s been a week ago. Almost.
Looks like she’s pecked on it again.
Yep.
The 1 before, that it was June, the 2nd. And what is today is the
13th. So,
11 days ago. I just haven’t felt like making a post.
I think that’s her actually. Yeah, I can go on my blog now, right, as I’m looking at it.
It’s like 3 pecks in a row. I don’t know. Let’s look at my other blogs.
No, it doesn’t look like it.
But I wish that like. I had a lady.
And,
At the same time, I just don’t, I can’t bring myself to put the effort in to find 1.
Um, I would almost
Well, no, I’m not even going to say that out. I I was going to say, you know, I would
I don’t think it. I don’t know what to feel about anything right now. Oh, in that regard. Yeah. I was just thinking about my ex-girlfriend and Brittany and all that like I just don’t understand.
I’m hungry. It’s It’s going to be hot dog time again soon.
Oh, I just couldn’t ever bring myself to lock my profile.
I’m looking through this stuff I was gonna. Uh yeah, I was gonna unarchive.
Also, the uh, the Wi-Fi has been glitching out a lot. I’ve noticed.
Last. Uh,
There we go.
Well, I just ate 2 these damn tuna meals. They Took them. Away, and they came back.
The.
Citrus. Quinoa quinoa. Yeah, with beans.
With tuna, it’s pretty good. I know my thoughts are all over the map right now but
I have um, music stuff to do. I’m going to work on soon. I’m just being lazy here. I had a stupid week. And I just don’t, I don’t even like right now and people come and go. So it’s not that big of a deal. It’s not going to last forever but it worked. Uh, My team lead is kind of a douche and he acts like he isn’t but he is And I say that because he’s had me on the shittiest process.
At the last quarter for the for the last 4 days. Yeah. Um, and they’ve been giving us a lot of overtime and I’ve been like having to do it for extra 45 minutes. Every night and nobody else would put up with that. And I just, I’m just like, well, you know,
I guess it doesn’t really bother me that much but it’s a matter of principle, you know?
Maybe he’s not a douchebag. Maybe I’m just looking at it wrong, right? Hahaha I don’t know. I don’t really um,
Sometimes, I just feel really like I feel like an outcast. It’s a like with my team at work. I have a team of like there’s like 5 of us or something. Is there 6 of us? Oh, let’s see, I think including me.
Yeah, and I just I feel like the outcasted member. It sucks. Sometimes, I don’t know. It doesn’t really matter though. I mean sometimes I just feel alienated. I don’t have anything in common with anybody. I don’t know what I’m even complaining about.
The hell is wrong with me, I think I just need to eat and I have some coffee. I wanted to make a blog post though. Um
I don’t know, I haven’t been doing it and it helps And in a lot of ways I need to clean up my room. I was going to say, though, I’m better.
But I still still the same old crap cuz I still want to just talk about Brittany and other Ladies
Yeah, that’s And how I wish things I said. But uh, Yeah, this app. And this poor phone, I guess it’s been 2 weeks ago, that I might. I might have mentioned it. In the last post, I don’t remember. But, Um, I got mad at it. Because if it gets like a smudge or anything on the screen, it starts acting up and it’ll start opening things and just all kind of unpredictable shit. It sent a bunch of emoji texts to like some number 1 time and it was like I can’t it’s a liability. You know, that’s what I mean.
Uh, so I started slamming it on the steering wheel yelling at it. I know, right? What a fucking thing to do like an ape and uh it flew out of my hand and went out the window and like landed in the bounced a couple times and landed in the middle of the road. And I thought well there there it goes. I’m gonna have to get a new phone, you know? And uh know it’s just cracked. It’s still
It’s it still functions it, it still glitches out, you know, and stuff. But it works and I’m probably not going to replace it anytime soon. I feel bad. I felt really bad about it. I think I mentioned that in my last post actually.
11:28 PM
But uh, yeah. Second time stamp
I just, I don’t know. I really wish I had a lady. It’s just, uh, I’m just way overdue for another romantic entanglement and
I was thinking about that chick from up here that I dated, for a couple of months. And I did I chased her too like all the way down. Haha Yeah. Oh my gosh. I thought she was the cutest sweetest thing I ever saw. And she is, that’s my point. Um, I don’t know that. I just I don’t know.
I would almost rather like I don’t know if she’s single. She was for like a minute. She had it on her profile like back in February. I don’t know I think She’s had some long-term. Like Guy. I don’t know how Serious. They are though. For the last 5 or 6 years and, um,
I don’t know, I’m afraid, I guess because the last time I sent her a friend request, she declined it and uh
I was kind of thinking, maybe I’d run into her by now or you know, cuz I’ve lived up here for almost 2 years like a year. Well, a year and a half. Yeah and I figured surely, I’ll Run into her. Uh, but I haven’t but I don’t ever get out either. And, uh, sometimes I’ll get it my brains and I’ll go to, like, the Walmart that I used to go to, with her, or I’ll go to the Star Market or, um, You know somewhere sometimes I drive by her house. I don’t know if she still lives there though just to be nostalgic. Not like it’s
Actually did that earlier though I was pumping gas and I was thinking about her and uh you know, when my gas tank was on MD and uh, it was on empty. Yeah, fucking app. And I was pumping gas and then it stopped on like, you know, it just I had just started pumping and then it stopped on 2 dollars and 22 cents. And I was like, well, um,
You know, maybe I’ll just drive by her house and Send her a friend request and then I did. But then I chickened out and canceled it.
Yeah. I just can’t dude because the last time I sent her and it was It was like 5 years ago. When I sent her a friend request and she declined it and I just sank like a fucking Like a rock into the bottom of the ocean, like off out in the trenches, you know, miles down. That made me so sad but it’s like, you know, I don’t remember.
But I dumped her. Now I did. I broke it off. I’m the 1 who broke it off and I have dreams about her sometimes, but she’s been all in my brains on and off this year. And, uh,
She was a really great chick and I dumped her though because Couldn’t maintain a presence up here anymore. I had too much. I had neglected stuff. That I shouldn’t have neglected like the kids and the dogs and I say neglected like I just
Put off like getting them for several weekends so I could spend time with her. Because I was just starting to get to know her and I didn’t want to, you know, I wanted To marry her honestly. Yeah, I wanted to marry the crap out of her. And I didn’t want to mess it up. I totally was trying too hard
I just I don’t know, I wanted her so bad, I was stupid. It made me so stupid. And uh because she was like, I mean, when I first saw her I just thought Oh my God, you know, this is the cutest little lady in the universe. Like I’ll never do any better than this. And uh, But you know 2 months later it just reality hit me and it’s not that there was anything wrong with her. It was just Like, you know, I had other things going on and I was spending all my money coming up here and it wasn’t going in the direction. I wanted it to go anytime soon and that might sound stupid. But uh, I don’t know what I was thinking. I hadn’t even been divorced for a year. I was really screwed up like that, you know, I wasn’t thinking realistically about anything.
And I was still crying over my ex fiance when I met her and, uh, I don’t know. Like But I was just thinking, like, you know, I would almost rather give a another shot with her than meet somebody new Yeah.
But I’m afraid of her, so, You know. I mean I’m afraid of like her just being like, fuck the hell off you fucking weirdo. You had me, you know, and you dumped me and you know, Fucking forget about it. And that’s what I’m afraid of I guess. And so I would just rather Because,
Um, you know, am I even thinking straight about anything right now? Anyways, you know,
Yeah, that’s 1 of those kind of deals. And you deal with Brittany still pecking on my stuff.
And I don’t know that.
Well, Brittany’s my
Brittany is my twin flame, you know. So it’s like I just I see the potential for drama being, um, great. Yeah, if like, if I got a lady and, you know, It was like, Yay. I have a girlfriend now and I posted it on Facebook. And Brittany would see that? And there’s no telling what would happen and, uh, could become dramatic.
Yeah, I know. And
I think I’m just.
I don’t know. It sounds pretty stupid. It all. Sounds pretty dumb. I guess, right? Yeah. This is another reason. I haven’t been making blog posts.
Quite well, I’ve been getting a lot of my stuff out.
Into music. A lot lately. I’ve come up with a lot of songs I’ve been recording and, uh, you know, working a lot during the week and then,
Uh, the last few weekends, I’ve been recording stuff. This coming weekend though, not this weekend, but next weekend is Father’s Day weekend. And uh,
That’ll be fun but yeah, I just sometimes I really wish I had a girlfriend again.
And that chick she was the best 1. It was like a lot of it was circumstantial, why it didn’t work out? That’s my point and it’s not that I, you know, fell out of love with her or anything or Thought she was some kind of shit hole, and You know, it was just circumstances.
I couldn’t, I couldn’t do it. It was
It was, you know, fun, while it lasted and Sometimes I just you know, I don’t ever think about her, but then sometimes she just gets all up in my fucking brains and she pops up on my Instagram all the time too.
You know, I don’t know.
Because my life after, uh, After, you know, we like after I broke it off with her and then the, after the next check, Uh but the actually the fact that I’ve been single for the last I’ve been, single this app is picking up everything so stupid For The Last 5 Years though, I have done a lot of like really cool.
Fun things, uh, with the kids and by myself and I’ve got all these songs and I’ve uploaded shit, tons of videos to Facebook and me doing them. And I mean my life just got better though in a lot of ways and more interesting. Uh since I’ve stayed away from, you know, any kind of woman entanglement and they they actually they they seek like they find me. It finds me. It happens to me now like like Brittany that was
I Ran from her, you know, but
It it sucks that uh, it ruined my life anyway, so yeah, like it made it worse. If I would have you know, I ran from her, it ended up doing it anyways. It’s like, you know, Maybe she was the 1. I shouldn’t have ran from but I did. And I just Don’t really know. I just get lonely. I think. Which is also stupid because I have stuff to do.
Lots and lots of stuff to do. And if I had a lady,
Um,
I guess we could do a lot of stuff together and she would probably think it was fun to record and And uh, everything and that’s the the side of me like the that she didn’t get to see, you know, I’m talking about the chick that I dated like I didn’t open up like that with her. I didn’t, you know, like she had a keyboard and a drum that I would mess around with And, uh, we’d be hanging out and stuff, but like like she never heard me sing. Or play guitar or really at all. I think I brought my guitar over there. 1 time and it was really awkward. And uh, Yeah, I don’t know. Maybe I’m just being maybe I’m just romanticizing it and being a fucking, idiot.
That’s usually the case anyways, right?
Yeah. But um,
I think I’m going to get something to eat and try to do this song. I’ve been coming up with The last few days about hot dogs. And I know that sounds really dumb and it is, but it’s
I’ve got like I’m going to make a video and post that. I don’t know when though I might do that.
Monday morning or something. I don’t know. It’s stupid blah.
Thank you, please.
MY BLOG NUMBER SEVEN 