THURSDAY NIGHT🌌

10:45 PM
Hello. Yep. I finally am like I’ve got 75% of everything moved over here.

That’s something like that, right? Yeah. And, uh, Just thought I’d make a post. I’m really really tired. Super, just Zapped. Just Stupid, tired. I am

I was going back and reading my last post and that probably sounds really crazy. Like this chick gets into my brains and it’s like, that’s all It means it’s just she’s in my like I don’t know why I’m thinking about her while she’s in my brains and um,

It’s uh,

It’s really funny and it probably sounds stupid crazy but uh yeah that’s my reality.

I have no idea. I was just thinking it’s like because she’s not, like she kind of, is I feel weird about it now, like it was earlier. It was like

It actually was not bad. It was like, dang, you know, I thought about sending her A friend request. Yeah. But then I was like, you know,

She sure was really mean. Yeah, that’s what I was thinking. I’m like, you know, if I did and um,

She would just, I mean, she could just, as easily make fun of me and try to make me look stupid or something or tell that ex chick, you know, it’s like, hey, guess who sent Me a friend request, you know? And I just don’t want to be. Like, Talked about that way or anything, I guess it would show a certain kind of vulnerability that I don’t want to show them because That was 1 of the meanest chicks I ever met. And every time I saw her, she would have some kind of dumb fucking thing to say about me like she was talking about like you know, something about like me being docile or domesticated or something. Like she used both words different Times, I think once like, at the same time, Haha. I’m just like I don’t know if that was her trying to get me to be, like, I’ll show you domesticated, you know? It’s like Obviously, I mean, I’m pretty intense

That like, but she was just saying that to get some kind of thing out of me. And I just don’t know, you know, because she was so mean and she may have grown up. I was looking at her pictures.

Uh, with like, I guess the last dude that I remember, I remember seeing her like, looking at her stuff, a couple of years ago or something.

She looks. She’s a really beautiful lady though that’s that’s kind of the thing about it is she’s like Really, really pretty. And she’s a really good artist but I just I’ve had You know, my ex fiance was like that. She was just

Oh man. And uh,

She was really, really mean. Also.

Yep. So I was just, you know, I’m just like If I run across her like we cross paths somewhere, you know out and about like that’s cool but I’m not sending her a friend request But it’s like, you know why? Because I’ve never. I’ve never thought about her like that, at all ever, even when I met her, and she is beautiful as she is. It’s like God, what a mean lady like, she was really caustic.

And I didn’t. Really hang out with her, you know, like that 1 time I hung out over there and, uh, but the rest of the times it was like her. And that dude that I got to be friends with and me and the chick I was seeing, you know, it was like that was the context. It was like they came over 1 time. I think it was, uh,

I want to say it was Memorial day, but it might not have been but I don’t remember because

I drank a lot of alcohol. When I was with her and we smoked a lot of weed, it was dirt weed, and she chained smoked dirt weed. It was weird. I don’t know where to start talking about this chick that. I dated like there was a lot of stuff about her that drove me absolutely nuts. Like for example, we would go to the uh she’d get all excited and and make like a little crazy animal noises. And uh,

Like let’s go to 88 Buffet, she would say, All just she would squelch, you know, and I would be like, okay haha and we’d go to the fucking 88 Buffet. I can’t remember how much it was then, it was like 13 dollars or something. I think it’s like 20 now for the buffet but, um, From what I’ve heard people talk I haven’t ever. I haven’t been in a long time.

But anyways, she would get this gigantic plate of food because it’s a buffet, she would pile up Sushi. And You know, crab, rangoons or whatever. The fuck. Like I just remember it was all kind of stuff. Don’t what was the spring rolls or something? Yeah,

I can’t remember, but it was just a big pile of fucking food. It was more food on her plate than I had on mine because I was, you know, I just get like 1 thing and eat it and then go back and get something else and she would just like be all excited and You know vibrating with just you know oh my gosh you know it was like okay well that’s silly and then she would take about 5 bites of it and be like Oh I’m full you want the rest of this? And I would she did that like every time we would go there. And uh the first couple of times I was like, you know whatever but it got to where it was like, okay. Well let’s just go drop 30 dollars then if so you can have 4 bites of fucking food. And

It was like that. Drove me crazy. And uh,

But she, I don’t know.

And like the way her Dynamic with her parents was really like Like a Middle school kid, almost the way she interacted with her parents, it was it was ridiculous. And uh, Gosh and her parents liked me. And I could tell she didn’t like that at all. I’ve talked to about this though, a little bit. Yeah, because, I mean, she was really important. She was number 4 out of 6. I don’t know how many I was out of God knows what you know. And she talked about that too. She’s like I’ve been with a whole lot of people. Hahaha Haha

And I was like, well, you know, that’s cool, I’m sure she didn’t have anything on the chick I dated after her but um, I didn’t really care about that, you know?

I don’t care about that because I could totally do that. If I wanted, I just don’t I don’t want to. I’ve got I’d rather do other stuff because that shit takes time. And I redirect that energy in other places like music and art and working because that’s all I’ve done this week. I haven’t taken any kind of leisure activity at all.

Of course, I’m getting the kids tomorrow. That’s the equivalent of that too, for me. But it’s also like Well, we just have just crazy fun. You know, it’s always just super fun and great time with the kids. But I never rest

But like I haven’t done any recording. I’ve I think I’ve gotten out in the garage, I just got back from the garage, but I went through 2 songs and I was like, shit. I’m so tired. I’m too tired. And And uh,

Right. That’s why I’m laying down right now, making a blog post because It’s I’ve had a lot of caffeine But I pushed my body really hard the last couple days doing stuff that I wasn’t used to like climbing up and down the ladders and getting on the roofs and Wallering around the roof, you know, hammering shit and carrying heavy things that I’m not used to doing. I’m used to doing like simple, easy crap over and over and over and over, it’s awful. Really. And I remember when I worked at the Honda plant, like after I had a nervous breakdown, And I did house remodeling little stent there before the car seat Factory. Uh I helped my house remodeling boss get started on this other Pavilion. The first Pavilion I helped with for this this his sister-in-law and uh we had to carry these Cyprus logs that they came from Louisiana. They had to get them specialty ordered and cut and everything and these fucking things weighed 400 pounds, some of them weighed depending on the length, some were 20 ft long and we had to put them on a wheelbarrow and like walk them down though to the pavilion. They were so big and heavy. Uh, some of the smaller ones even were like 200, 300 pounds and we had to carry those and we did. My house remodeling boss is like insanely strong. And uh I wasn’t used to that and I was so sore. The next day we we carried a whole bunch of them like, in 1, Day and I couldn’t even like, oh my God, I could barely even get out of well. Off the couch I slept on my mom’s couch so I was like I barely could get out of the couch, hahaha.

But, um, yeah. So you know,

Was having to carry around this 300, something pound ladder. Yesterday and This morning. That I think it’s a. Is it a 20 foot ladder? I think Yeah, something like that. It got all the way to the top of the

Building. We were working on. We had to Change. Sheet metal or whatever, you know, like,

7 pieces or something. I think I mentioned that in a post that I don’t remember.

But I am like really overdue for another romantic entanglement. I just don’t know that. I just don’t know about any of these chicks because I kind of got to be around them. You know, and they’re like, they are, they’re like a clique kind of, they all uh, then they all go out to the same bars and the same, like, there’s Maggie Meyers and Moody Monday Mondays and we would go there, like, literally 3 times a week. And, uh, because she just loved to sing karaoke, really, really bad on purpose. So, you know, she wouldn’t have to pretend like nobody would be like, oh, she’s just doing that on purpose, so she wouldn’t have to be good at anything. That’s what drove me, the most nuts about her.

Is that she doesn’t. She just pretended like everything was just for just silly pretend stuff. But it was like masking a really, really deep-seated insecurities that I hope she’s overcome. You know, that’s what I mean about Like I don’t typically date women under 30, you know, usually people work out a lot of those issues she had just started therapy. I had suggested that to her actually, when we first, uh, Like the first few weeks we were hanging out and stuff. It’s like yeah you need because she would just go off on these rants about like her ex-husband. And I don’t know if I reminded her of him, I don’t know how because 1 guy told me that he was like the biggest prick in the fucking world.

10:57 PM
That I wasn’t, you know, I was just I’m remembering all this stuff. It’s kind of funny.

But yeah, like I’m I don’t

And and uh, but she didn’t, you know, I was in a different category. She wasn’t going to listen to me, like she would listen to a therapist. You know, it was really uh,

I really kind of wish. I don’t know what I wish, actually. I was saying like, it would have been a lot better if I was to have like a relationship with her. It’s if I would have met her like now or something, not then cuz I hadn’t even been divorced a year. And I was, I mean, Getting mixed up with her was, what got me from. That’s What stopped me from crying every single day. Like all day long over my ex fiance, it was so bad.

She dumped me that My ex fiance dumped me. Uh, that December like of 2018, like the 7th, I think. And, um, It was so it hurt me so bad. I was so like oh my God because I thought I met my soulmate, you know, and we would like she would pick oh she was so crazy. She would

Pick fucking crazy fights with me and then dumped me, and then fucking scream and cry, and beg me to take her back and like this shit over and over and over for like 2 months. And um, oh my God. It was so weird.

And but she was 30 almost 31. So, I mean, you know, sometimes that doesn’t always matter and her family. I could tell I’m just going off on this crap, I guess, but I can tell her family was really glad that like somebody was taking her away even though, you know, she ended up going right back. It was like, I could tell that she was a She was a handful. Yeah. Like are more than that. Really I think actually they’re all their entire lives revolved around her. All day and night

It was I could tell, you know,

Because she was so much. She was so much to handle. And, uh, but I loved her. Oh, my God. It’s the most in love I’ve ever been. She was like a little cartoon character. I, I don’t know. I can’t really

Oh my goodness, but I was so like I don’t have the words for it, honestly. How it affected me? But I cried over her like every single day. I would have to like Stop doing stuff and like go cry somewhere and I couldn’t look at another woman. I couldn’t look at a woman. I couldn’t even I could barely talk to my mom or my sister because I still talked to my sister back then. Um, for fucking A couple of months. Yeah, It’s started to get a little bit better when I met that chick from up here but Anyways, but I was just remembering like, you know,

This is really stupid to talk about too. It’s like, hey, this girl just got in my brains all of a sudden and uh Because it’s like, I’ll just be like, like earlier I was on the ladder and I was um,

Having to go back and, uh, like tap these Sheet metal screws into the laps. And because it’s you know it’s 2 pieces, you have to poke it through 2 pieces, I have to smash it with my fists to get it to to puncture it, you know for a like a really crude pilot hole

Um, And she just got in, like I started thinking about her like dancing around with her and it’s like this demon girl has like put a spell on me or something. Like what the fuck. But uh just like that all week every day. Like it’s like, I’ve never thought about her before ever. You know, she was like the mean crazy friend of the lady. I dated, you know, like that’s just who she was to me and and who tortured? Like 1 of my friends. And he uh, ended up getting with this other chick and moved to New York. You know,

I don’t know, he called me up 1 day, he was really, really upset. And, And uh, I just remember all that and talking to him about it. And it’s like, You know, I had to kind of walk him through the shit. It’s like you got to get out of that. Like go like life is too precious you don’t you can’t it’ll never get better. They you know,

That’s how they get their kicks, you know like fucking with people like that because you know he was he was a lot younger. So that’s how I remember her. Yeah.

But even saying all that though. It’s like, it’s crazy. It’s like, yeah. But you know she is really beautiful.

Ha, ha. Ha, ha, ha. Ha ha ha. Yeah.

I don’t know. It’s I have had a lot of caffeine. But um, it’s just, I don’t know it is always so remarkable when that happens.

I guess um I have an example of how I know that it’s not just me making up a bunch of shit in my head when the shit gets into my brains is um There was this lady I worked with who had a huge crush on me that I kept running from. One day about a year or so after out of nowhere when I was spraying cabinets, she Got all crazy into my brains so bad that I sent her a friend request but I have was already friends with her from a fake account. Isn’t that silly? Yeah, I was like, she accepted the friend request. It was like an obviously like troll account.

Um, but she accepted the friend request and when I sent her a friend request from my main account, she made a post about it, about how I should have, let her have me and uh, You know, she could have made me so happy but she don’t do second chances and I was like, well crap, you know, and then she became a stripper and uh, Now she’s pregnant but I was like, dang, you know, but she had got all into my brains that day and that’s when I sent her a friend request. What probably happened was that she was thinking about me Gosh knows what all, Haha but and then when I sent her a friend request it pissed her off.  It probably reminded her about how Much It pissed her off when we worked together. And then, you know, from my fake account I saw that post she made and so I canceled my friend request I was like, whatever I ain’t even going to care about that

And uh, yeah. So, you know, I’m I know, I’m just not making it up in my head, but there’s no way in hell. I’m like,

Gonna like because actually, it wasn’t that long ago that that I sent that chick a friend request that I dated, and then I was like, what the fuck is fucking wrong With me Oh my fucking Goodness and I canceled it almost immediately. And um,

You know, like I don’t like anything like that. Yeah, I’ll just I’m just going to have to like she’s going to either. It’s either going to go away. Or she’s going to keep getting into my brains, and until like, of

We manifest in each other’s physical realities, right? That’s so stupid, though. Gosh. But um, yeah. I’m really glad to be back in my old room. It’s lots of space. I’ve got all my instruments and I’m not all cramped. Cramped up in the little room.

That is so little. It was such a it was the littlest room.

It was so little, in fact, that I really think, I’ve only spent like a total of about  an hour, moving, most of my stuff out of it. And most of it has been cleaning it all

Up a little bit. You know, that’s really all that’s left to do is to get like some more knickknacks and then Sweep it up. More

You know, clean it up a little Oh my goodness, though. The roommate that uh took me back and forth to work, this is a really long post. This is the kind of an update, I guess to make up for all the Days, I didn’t post. Uh weeks, I guess rather. But um yeah the roommate who took me back and forth to work. She just moved out and uh she

Wanted to leave this mini fridge. And, uh, haha

You know, wanted to know last week if I wanted this mini fridge and I didn’t really, but she wanted to leave it. She didn’t want to um,

Move it with her but she wants $70 for it. And I’m like, well I don’t really need it and Uh, she’s like, well you don’t have to pay me all at once. You know, you can pay it in installments, you can pay, you know, twenty dollars a month if you want to or something. And it’s like, okay well uh,

Sure, you know, I mean I don’t really care but I just took it to be nice. I was actually, I’m actually doing her a huge favor, even giving her anything for it, and not just throwing it out on the fucking curb. That’s my point. Because she left, uh, All this shity ass fucking gross pancakes. All frostbitten fucking bullshit in the back of the little freezer. It’s a tiny, little fridge and it’s filthy as hell. And it’s fucking got cups, it’s like fruit cups or something. I think that’s what it is. I thought it was like, sauce oh the cups, like you would get it, you know, from a pizza place or something. But I don’t really know. I didn’t look at it that hard. Well, it was just like she just wants 70 dollars, just leaving some shit that I didn’t really even I just kind of, you know, Just to be nice. Because she is on a fixed income and I, you know,

I know a disproportionate amount of people like that actually, but uh, and she left this rock, which she said was on her altar. And I was like, well, I don’t want it, she’s like, oh, it’s so know you, it’s okay. It’s safe, it’s safe, you know, if it came from my altar, I don’t do evil things on my altar. I was like, okay, well, I guess you could leave it. It’s a cool looking Rock.

I don’t know. I thought about, uh, Just throwing it in the lake or something somewhere. Yeah, Madison County Lake and see if it like bubbles up.

Um,

But at the same time, like I don’t really give a shit. I’m probably going to take it down uh outside and pressure wash, the fucking hell out of it is what I’m going to do. Yeah, it’s not that heavy.

She also told me she was going to leave her bed and she didn’t

Uh, I don’t know. It was kind of it was kind of a little bit of drama about it. When she Left, which that’s, you know, I don’t want, I don’t want to ever mention any. Or talk about her ever again. Haha

She helped me out a lot she did. But you know, I hope her life is great. People come and go.

Dang. Uh, what else can I talk about?

My body is so tired, It feels so nice. Just to lay down. It’s like yay. I got me some ribs earlier for lunch with brussels sprouts and I have a hunk of bread around here somewhere. But I’ve got to go through all my crap. And uh, Again you know? Because really I just when I moved into that room little tiny room, I just Threw a bunch of shit in bags and then just threw them in the closet and because I didn’t have room for anything in there and I only did it like, I guess to be nice.

Like I didn’t really want to give this room up, you know, but I guess I’m back in it.

11:11 PM
It’ll make me appreciate it more or something. I just I do end up Yeah, doing really nice things for people.

I do. Well, I guess that’s uh that’s it. That’s all I want to. I’m gonna have to edit all this. I think about that. You know, after like it’s like blah blah blah blah blah blah blah. Oh yeah, I got to edit that. 5,000 word fucking post.

Haha, yay. Thank you, please.