TUESDAYY⛈️⛈️⛈️

4:09 AM

Oh my goodness. I am driving to work. Who would have guessed it?

Ha ha ha ha ha.

Well, I feel better today than I did yesterday. I don’t know. I really need to.

Try harder, I guess to Be happy and appreciate the things I have. My life is

So much better than it was 2 years ago.

I miss my mom. Though. Yeah, sometimes.

I missed my mom so much yesterday that I messaged my sister and I was like You know, I miss Mom and I replied to a bunch of crap. She sent me months ago that I completely ignored

I don’t know, I don’t really want to get into it but it’s just stupid family crap. It’s like they don’t. Really even know who I am.

They never did.

Yeah, it’s 1 of those things where like

I was just so naive and sheltered.

That’s uh, that’s a big reason why I turned out the way I did. Is because I had a very sheltered isolated upbringing.

And it’s kind of funny.

Otherwise I would have gotten this far, the fuk away. From fucking why the stupid app.

I would have gotten as far, the fuck away.

From uh, My family and Alabama.

As I could, I probably would have went to Quebec.

You know, I didn’t know shit. I thought my whole universe was My family, my sister my dad, my mom. My grandmother, my 2, little cousins. My uncle and my aunt, You know, that was like, the little Part that I lived in. The place I grew up. That was all the people around me.

Most of the time and I thought that was the whole fucking universe. Yep.

That’s all I got older, you know, until I got older and by the time I realized what I could do and the world and all this stuff, I was already With my ex-wife and in love and couldn’t imagine life without her.

That, you know, For a lot of things, it’s just damn, you know.

Damn.

Yeah.

It’s really windy.

And rainy. Yeah. It’s It’s raining. Sometimes it comes down hard and Just kind of.

It’s a big thunderstorm coming.

Anyways, I’m trying to have a better attitude, you know? I mean it just Most of it really 90% of it.

Is I miss my kids.

I miss my kids all the time.

And probably 5% of that is. I wish I had a girlfriend. And the other 5% is

I don’t know. Haha Yeah, that’s some real crude. Uh, That’s a really crude like estimate. I don’t know, but I just miss my kids all the time. However, I get to go see my sons, Viola performance.

Tonight, and that’ll be cool.

I only got to work half a day today.

I think I’m going to take a break from eating, hot dogs and like crappy barbecue. Grilled food for a long time. Yeah, I have to, I’m going to eat better. I need to start eating better. Yeah, like SpaghettiOs and all that bullshit. I need to do better with food.

But I’m getting to work really early because I’ve been up since fucking midnight, and, uh, yeah, rotation week.

Um, I’m going to get into the gym. I’m going to work out.

It’s picking up everything really stupid. I don’t know why. It puts a lot of words in there, that I don’t say,

I don’t know like how intelligent this app is if it fucking like Learns from my speech or whatever, it tries to anticipate, what it thinks I said or going to say or something. I have no idea. I don’t know how this thing works. But, I’ve been using this speech to text app for about 7 years. It used to seem a lot better?

It’s kind of funny.

But, uh, holy shit. You know, I have a lot to be grateful for. I really do. And I have a lot more free time than most people.

And uh, I just, I don’t know, I don’t know what gets into me. I, I struggle a lot with depression and a sense of purpose. Because to me, it ought to just be easy that, you know, when I’m not doing stuff with my kids. You know, I’m working on music.

Or something a shitty ass Road. Oh my God.

But uh,

You know. Damn.

I said, goddamn. Yeah, Jesus Christ.

Oh, I’m trying to concentrate because it’s raining and the roads. This is a really shitty little stretch of Interstate up here, uh, between the airport. Madison and the airport and then a little bit past the airport. And then it gets uh, it gets better right before my exes.

Before my exit.

Jesus.

I think I’m having some acid reflux problems. I guess that’s why I mentioned. I just eat shit all the time. You know, hamburgers and hot dogs and a lot of spicy food.

Oh, somebody just messaged me.

I was the guitar guy.

It was this guitar guy that I subcribed. To because he posts a lot of really cool classical.

Like, Tutorials and shit. It’s I just haven’t had a time. I say I have a lot of free time, but I, I really don’t. I don’t know why I said that. You know, a lot of times when I get off work, I’m so fucking exhausted.

That’s at least that’s been the case the last this whole year. Yeah I haven’t had a lot of time. Where I wasn’t tired

Oh my God.

Well, like right now, you know I’m trying to make a blog post but I can’t think because it’s pouring down rain, and I’m having to Pay attention.

But that’s life, right?

Fucking constant push and pull.

I didn’t say fucking I said it’s like a constant.

Uh, like a, you know?

I can’t even think. Yeah, that that’s my point. Like here’s the stuff I want to do but here’s the stuff I get to do, you know? And I don’t think what I want to do is that unreasonable?

Oh my God.

Well, at least my exit is right up here.

Okay, the rain has slacked off a little bit.

But yeah, I mean whatever though I still All things. You know? What am I trying to say? Like when it’s all said and done, I really don’t have a lot to complain about not for real not compared to what I have had to deal with. So, you know, I need to, I need to be happy. I need to make. A lot more effort and just to be happy and appreciate everything.

Instead of, you know, kind of at the same time I kind of can’t help but it’s just I have to Be more aware of that and try to do better.

It probably would not hurt for me to find a therapist.

You know.

But what I’m thinking to do is, uh, what I am fixing to do is, is uh,

Go up here to this. Sprint, Mart.

I’ve already had breakfast. So whatever. And uh I ate hot dogs and potato salad, haha? Yeah.

Uh, and I’m going to get some coffee here.

Oh,

1 thing I hate about the rain and all that stuff is how much my fucking windows fog up Yeah. It’s like shit.

Is it? I’m gonna get some coffee.

And I’m gonna go to the gym.

Oh shit.

Yeah, I just couldn’t see because my windows. I don’t know, I probably should clean them. Yeah, I should probably clean my windows.

4:37 AM
Okay, yeah, I almost locked myself out of my car.

But uh, The lady. Went to me the cashier at this gas station, lent me the floss water The Fly Swatter and I was able to pry enough on my window. To get it, uh, to be able to stick it in there and unlock the door. To hit the unlocker. So God, I almost had a fucking

Meltdown. Like, just Oh my God.

But I’m okay now.

Yeah. Holy shit.

And I can’t see anything.

Fire truck.

Oh, a fire truck? Yeah, anyways

I’m not going to be able to really make a good post until I get it to work or something.

God, I hate this shit.

What the fuck?

Yeah, I’m yelling that actually oh no.

At least my headlights. Both my headlights are working.

I just can’t see anything hardly and it’s stupid. I’m having to concentrate instead of making a post, but this is my post talking about it.

Yeah. Anyways.

And then my alarm goes off.

Anyways, go ahead. It’s too much.

Actually, now that I think about it. I had a cousin. My cousin. Shawn actually a few. Well, this has been

Something 20 years ago he was having some throat problems. Uh it was fucking with his singing and he thought he was going to have like throat cancer or something and it was just really bad acid reflux.

Yeah. And I remember that I just remembered that.

And that’s probably all it is because my throat was feeling really crappy and I drank this coffee and out in the spawn. It’s like it pushed all that down. Oh bad.

Yeah.

That’s not. Anyways, whatever. I almost to work. I can’t think until I get to work until I actually can get to work and Park. You know.

I’m just I’m way over stimulated right now. And there was this guy. Getting coffee. He was there yesterday too. At the same time, the exact same time and, uh,

Getting coffee and just all up in the fucking way. Getting 2 cups, 2, small cups of coffee. And I don’t know if it was for somebody else. I don’t know. It was weird the way he was mixing it up was weird.

And it was almost like he was just trying to get in my way. But like, it was stupid. Yeah.

It was almost like he was trying to interact with me. That’s that’s what it was. Yeah, he was trying to just like be a part of what I had going on.

But he was all in my fucking way my point to that is yesterday. He got out of my way. Yeah. It was kind of stupid. Oh, that was somebody got overtime. Today, everybody’s just now leaving. Well, a lot of people are leaving. Yeah, not not everybody. I don’t know what side of the plant.

But yeah, I do I need to eat better.

I eat a lot of crap. You know, hot dogs and

Fucking with Pimento cheese spread and deviled egg potato salad, you know? That’s not

I have these people. Don’t go don’t go. Stupid assholes. They wanted to go. Uh, yeah.

There’s a yield sign like it turns in the parking lot like around a curve and the people coming out intersect with the people going in and the people coming out. Have uh yield signs and those people, they’re like a 2 of them like next to each other in 2 lanes and they were not going to stop until like I thought I was going to have to stop. Yeah. Anyway, it’s I get it though. I do hey, they gave us umbrellas.

I’m going to use my umbrella.

And once I took it out of my car,

I don’t think I do.

I don’t think I did anyways, I don’t even know what the fuck I want to talk about. Now I’m at work, I need to get to the gym.

I fucking took it out.

I took my umbrella out. Yeah, I took the umbrella out.

I don’t know why. No, I didn’t. Here it is. Yay. Okay, well I guess that’s it. Thank you, please.