MONDAY

5:25 AM
Oh my god. Well, I am driving to work and

Yay, me. I guess it’s Monday.

I guess I just get to be tortured beyond fucking all things sane forever. By Brittany. I don’t know, I don’t understand why? I didn’t run from her on purpose. So, and I tried to tell her that she was like

And and she never leaves me alone. Well she uh she blocked my I unblocked her massage therapist account. I know this is stupid. This is stupid as hell, right? Yeah, it is. And so, and then like, she blocked my account, my main account. But now on my alternate account that I check like once a week or something, Now she’s popping up on it and we don’t have any mutual friends on that account.

And it’s just like, wow, you know,

And I did, I made my blog, I took my blog. Offline, I made it private. I didn’t want her to peck on it. This weekend and drive me crazy. And then she ended up driving me crazy in a different way.

And it’s stupid.

You know, it’s like, yeah, I’m sorry I ran away, but she was doing. She did crazy shit and it freaked me out and I couldn’t help it. And it’s like it’s it’s way more than that, though. But it’s stupid. It’s like here I am. I left the Honda plant almost 3 years ago. I had a nervous breakdown because she wouldn’t stop fucking with my head. It’s not hard. It’s not hard to do if especially if you’re her or any lady that I you know, but her especially

And there’s nothing I can do about it. It’s like she would rather fuck with my head and drive me crazy and make me feel like shit. Than anything else. And I don’t that’s like, that’s abusive, I guess, right? You know, I mean what, what the fuck

And that’s where I’m at this morning, I had this crazy ass dream about her last week.

And uh, you know, ever since then It’s just been it’s like this never goes away.

This will never go away. It has never went away. It, it goes away, just enough for me to get like,

Comfortable, I guess.

Where I’m like, happy and I don’t fucking care about stuff.

And then all of a sudden it’s like, blam, there she is.

And it is so fucking stupid. It’s not like, It’s like how retarded my life really is. It’s like God this? Really this?

And you know, I had a shitty fucking weekend too because I just didn’t feel good.

My allergies and stuff are like, it’s so fucking stupid and I’ve been taking antibiotics, I got better for like a couple days and then I just I started fucking I lost my allergy medication, I bought the other day. The Claritin I bought some fucking Claritin and, uh, I’ve lost it. And of course I can’t go anywhere that sells it.

Well, until Walmart opens at 6:00 but then, that would be

That would be cutting it too close for work. So, I’m going to be miserable today, I guess.

I just don’t understand.

Because I tried like I did I tried to like I finally came around and started talking to her and it just It made me crazier. It was worse, it made it worse because she had already fucked with my head. And like, she just doesn’t. Understand. But then At the same time it’s like I don’t think she cares. I think she’s like, yeah, I have a twin flame. I’m going to fuck with him.

And he’s just living his life. I’m just minding my own business. You know.

Like it’s all I could do Not to go get my kids yesterday. It was all I could do was like no, I need to rest, you know?

And I did.

But,

I guess it was last night. Uh I don’t remember the time it was either was it was it after I ate? Yeah I went out and got some Culvers. Yeah, I guess that was about 8:00. I think it was after the yeah. And uh

I got on my, I checked my alternate account because I do that about once a week. I have uh,

I have a different set of friends on that account is the account. I originally made to hide from my ex fiance.

It’s where the whole dolphin thing started on my, uh,

My main profile. That’s where all that came from. Yeah. But what’s so stupid is uh you know, she got all into my brains Wednesday.

And started pecking on my shit again, like my blog, but Numero Dos of my blogs and I guess she tried to make it look like you know somebody else Googled it. But I know it was her cuz nobody else gives a shit. So even though you can Google my name and where I’m from and that’s the first thing that pops up. Is this blog? Yeah, it’s like dang, okay. Maybe I need to like, change that or something.

But uh,

I know it was her because any any time any weird? Fucking shit like that happens. It’s her you know, nobody else cares enough and she does and she just does shit. And it’s little stuff. It’s something you wouldn’t think matters but it fucking does.

It’s like when she, uh, blocked me, I guess it was the 19th of February. That fucking that sent me on this, like depressive fucking spiral.

For uh, for a while, for a long time for like, for like a month, I was just insanely depressed.

And I got sick of her, other account popping up on my main account. So I blocked it. But after she got into my, like, pecked on my blog last Wednesday and but it happened while I was recording music. I was in the zone. I was happening. And I that just must have transmitted something. That it just I don’t know, compelled her to do that or whatever and this is how stupid it is. It’s stupid. It doesn’t make any sense.

But it, it does.

But like my allergies are so fucked up that it’s like you know. Why am I here? Okay. Like why don’t why am I on this planet? It’s like, it’s so dumb and that’s where I’m at in my head. It’s like yeah, okay. I get 2 days off. I work. I exhausted myself, Saturday recording music, and I got a lot of work done, but it’s, it wasn’t enough. I mean, I, I’m, I’m still it is still going to take me another

At least another couple of weeks or longer to to finish my concept album.

But I have to finish that before I can do anything else.

And uh, it’s been a lot of fun though.

And everything. Sounds great. I got those monitors and it all sounds really awesome.

Oh my God. Uh, but yeah, it does. It just makes me question my existence and my purpose for existing and all that crap. It’s like this. I get to deal with this.

Yep, I do.

But it is, it’s it’s really remarkable because it never goes away. Something always, you know. And and if you know if nothing else I will pass her on Highway 431 at some point. When I go like when I go get my kids or something, You know, I’ll pass right by her, coming out of Huntsville, or going into Huntsville, or At sitting in the fucking parking lot of my storage unit. You know, or at the cleaning out my car beside the dumpster next to the storage units.

And she is just so mean and crazy. Yeah.

That it doesn’t make sense. It’s like, you know,

I don’t know. I don’t know what else to say. Yeah. It’s like God, this is still Like either, you know, let her like something.

Or leave me the fuck alone, you know, like Yeah, it’s gotten so old to me and it makes me feel horrible. I woke up this morning, feeling horrible.

Like horrible, awful. Yeah.

Like, just this vacuum in my fucking soul.

And all she would ever have to do is just message me and just be like, hey, I don’t know what else to say. I just can’t I can’t message her or anything. It’s just, it’s gotten so old and I’m sure this isn’t the last of it. You know, it’ll go away again. Probably. And then something else. Yeah, who knows? But The Narrative of my life.

It could be a lot. Worse than a lot more fucked up. So Yeah, I’m just gonna I feel better now. Talking about it.

Let’s go to work. Let’s get some coffee. Yeah, let’s uh let’s do it today, huh?

Thank you, please.