TUESDAY AFTERNOON

4:48 PM
Hello. Oh, I’m driving to work.

Yeah, it’s just

Blah.

That’s how I feel.

What it’s the second day of June, isn’t it?

Yeah, yesterday uh, last night, I guess at work. I just had this crying episode thinking about my old life, you know, while I was married and Uh, you know, my parents, my dad. How much you know, sometimes I really do miss. All that I miss having a family, I miss my Momma, I miss my dad, I miss my sister. You know I don’t have that I don’t ever talk to them or see them anymore. You know, I see the kids every other weekend give or take.

But then it hit me. It was the 8-year anniversary yesterday. Was the 8-year anniversary of uh our divorce being final and it’s like okay maybe that matters or something, I don’t know.

But I didn’t cry about that last year.

Today is my friend Eric’s birthday. My old pal. Eric

Yeah, I need to wish him a happy birthday. He’s uh, 44.

I think, when I first met Eric he was 18 or 19. Well, I didn’t first meet him but when I first started hanging out with him, And he seemed like such a kid, you know? And

Now, he’s like this.

Crazy old man. Yeah, he’s like 70 years old, he goes He goes to bed at, like, 5 or 6, oclock every day and wakes up at 3 or 4. Every morning And He fusses about politics and

I’m going to I’m going to wish him a happy birthday here soon. It’s just crazy. How The Eric I knew you know 20 25 years ago.

And Eric today is so much. More. Different than I could have ever imagined him in. Um ending up. Yeah. It’s like wow. Uh but anyways

I’m so burned out on my job right now and all my co-workers and it’s like

I don’t know what to do. I’m not going to do any better about A job. My co-workers are actually pretty great for the most part

You know, I’ve been working here for a year and 3 months

And that’s the longest I’ve ever had a job since the divorce and I don’t know, I’m just still really screwed up. Uh, I made a I was going to make a post this morning. It was really bad because I was still kind of upset about it, but I’m not now after I fell asleep and woke back up.

And also after I slept for about 7 or 8 hours and I’m still really tired.

But uh yeah, I don’t know. I remember when it happened like um, when the divorce was finally, you know, when it was final, Legally, you know, and my ex-wife made this big huge celebratory post. On Facebook about it and it upset me so bad that I had uh I think I had about 30 colonp Yeah, I’m going to have to edit that in. Klonopin haha

Colon’s a pound. Clonazepam. Yeah. Anyways, uh and I just took all of them. And slept for about a day and a half and woke up with a headache. It’s like, I don’t know, I don’t know what I was expecting to overdose on fucking

Nerve pills, you know? But I didn’t It, I mean, it didn’t kill me, you know, it didn’t really do anything and then I didn’t have it anymore.

I don’t remember. Yeah, but it was a lot. So

But it did. The divorce was a, an apocalyptic thing for me. Fucked up as hell and my ex-wife like, you know, she’s sobered up. Uh, some some, at some point that summer and tried to get me back, it was really weird and it’s like,

I was so traumatized by the way, my marriage ended. If that uh, I mean I’m just talking about a lot of the stuff over and over and over, but

I don’t know.

I’m really just burned out on life, like my life. Is so stupid. And the only thing that keeps me going is the kids And I’ve got all this music and stuff. I’m finally like getting around and recording and everything.

Uh but you know, I don’t want to be there anymore. Not the way things have gone. Anyways, I just I’m not happy. And it sucks because I ought to be, but I’m not.

And I noticed Brittany pecked on uh, my blog numero dos. The other day, and I never check that blog ever at all. Like I might look at that blog once a month, you know. And I looked something told me to look at it and she had pecked all on it uh on my daughter’s birthday and I don’t know what any of that means. I don’t know what any of it ever meant but it’s like okay, well

It’s stupid. It’s not like her and I are ever going to end up together and nowadays it is because of her.

It’s stupid. Like really, really stupid.

And all she would ever have to do, is just like

Send me a friend request or message me or something. I don’t know. I don’t know what she expected me to do. But, Like God uh, you know, leave me the fuck alone if that’s all you’re going to do, it’s not going or It’s not like it’s not some kind of thing for me anymore. It’s like, You know, forget about me. Jesus Christ.

Like if that’s all you’re going to do, you know, I mean what am I to her?

Nothing that fucking special. You know.

If I was like, if she really wanted me We would be together.

She’s just fucking, I don’t know but like that’s 1 reason another reason. This is another reason why I’ve not been making a lot of blog posts lately because this is all I talk about.

I hope I don’t hit a big stupid traffic jam up here. Looks like I’m on it though. It looks like I might

Oh my God, I forgot to. Well, I didn’t forget I didn’t think it would matter. I didn’t charge my other phone and it’s like 19%.

And I didn’t realize that, or I would have charged it.

I don’t know. I don’t know. I can’t really complain. I’m just burned out feeling. I’m really sick of this job and I’m sick of being tired all the time. I had a really, really good weekend. It was a very productive. Very awesome weekend. And uh,

It was really hard for me to go back to work.

But we have the summer shutdown coming up. I think that’s uh

In about a month and a half. And that’s probably what I’m going to make a lot of Headway with my recording and everything this weekend. I’m probably going to work on vocals. I’ll probably get the kids for Lunch or supper or something?

Yeah, and I’m going to work on vocals.

Uh, to the Brittany song and Frogs and To a few other songs

And I’ll probably either do that in my car or in the storage unit. I haven’t been to my storage unit.

Fucking like 2 months? Yeah.

But I don’t know, I don’t know what else to say. I just want to make a post. I don’t know. It felt this morning in my emotions were so stupid, but then I just I fell asleep before I could edit it. That’s how tired I fucking am. And, uh, I don’t know.

Maybe everything will get better.

Thank you, please.