WEDNESDAY EVENING

5:43 PM
Oh my goodness. Yep, I am.

Home at last. I just ate My Ramen with eggs with 4 eggs. It was the uh it was 1 of those bowls. I think it was like beef flavor or something. It was good and

I’m so tired.

I’m just, Stupid tired.

I have 2 more days. I’m so broke and tired. And then I have 9 days off in a row. And that’s exciting to me so much.

My daughter messaged me earlier. I was Uh, telling her that 1 of, my roommates works at Build-A-Bear. Yeah. Isn’t that funny? And because she loves Build-A-Bear And she was telling me how her kitties, uh, my kids have been at my dad’s, and she has 2 little kittens and I guess she hasn’t seen them in a few days. So she got home and they were like, went crazy running at her and stuff, and it made me happy. And then it made me remember like the puppies and My puppies, you know, and uh, my kids anytime I saw the kids, they would run at me and just be like, Daddy, Daddy, Daddy. And the dogs did the same thing and

Even though I still, you know, when I get the kids, they still do that at me, you know? Haha It’s just Sometimes I just really miss my old life. I don’t understand. Anything though, but like I just don’t think that’s something I’ll ever get over. I got all choked up thinking about it. That’s my point. It’s like dang you know. But it’s great. That my daughter’s kittens. Love her that much. I mean, you know, why wouldn’t they?

It’s really crazy that, uh, that’s something. I’ll probably never. I’ll never get over. Like, I’ll just always have to

I just have to live. I have had to just live with that. It’s not something I’ve ever. Yeah, gotten over it at all. It’s a big reason why I freak out and run away from ladies too it’s like I can’t

Have that again and lose it. It’ll kill me. And uh, sometimes you know, How am I trying to say that? It’s like, uh,

As much as sometimes I wish, you know, something would it’s like, I don’t really, I don’t know. It’s, it’s really crazy how women have happened to me. I’ve just been hurt too much like and it’s not like been a whole bunch, it’s just been a few, you know, really big things. 3 women have ruined my life. My ex-wife, ex-fiancée, and Brittany. And I guess that’s what bugs me so much about Brittany still pecking on my blog because

I don’t think she understands what.

All that did to me and if she does then you know I don’t think she does. I, I don’t know. But

I don’t want to talk about it again, you know, I’m just kind of, it’s like,

It’s like with my ex fiance, you know, she ruined my fucking life too. And then she just turned around and went back to her dad’s To her comfy bed. And You know, food and all this stuff and I ended up in that Farmhouse where I you know, went totally nuts for about 3 years and, of course the divorce and it’s just like I’m just so It. Me sometimes, I guess like I just choked up about

About, you know, I had a flashback, you know, of like times I would come home with the pups would run after me and just be all like, you know, and the kids would too sometimes. If I would like, go out and come back on a Saturday, I had to if I had to work or something and it always made me happy to see my ex-wife too, until like, things got really bad. And I don’t want to talk about that, you know? It’s just Dang, that’s kind of how when she told me that it’s like it just reminds me of What I used to have, I guess and having a Family?

That was as good as life gets. I just really.

Really don’t think I’ll ever have anything like that again. Uh, because I put everything I had 1 thousand percent into that and it was

It wasn’t supposed to end. Not like that, you know, not

I guess it, it just doesn’t matter. I mean what am I trying to say?

Uh you know, how do I know what it was supposed to do? I mean, I guess it was supposed to do what it did, but shit. I have um, you know, that’s so big reason why I stopped making posts because I’m doing it right now but it’s like

Yeah, I had to take a break because I just kept talking about the stuff over and over and over. And I’m doing it right now, you know?

Oh, it does. It sucks. You know, it sucks being really messed up. I’ve just been like A ghost or something for the last 8 years, just this fucking

Husk of a person. I don’t pay attention to anything. I’m just practically checked out of the modern world. You know. The only time I’m really happy is when I’m with my kids. Or, you know, if I’m doing music or stuff, but like I’d rather spend time with my kids than anything else.

Well, dang y’all. But I’m just Thinking about,

All that.

Kind of makes me wonder if uh, I could have had anything like that with Brittany if I hadn’t have been so freaked out and ran away. But then, you know she really should have been nicer to me.

I don’t want to talk about it anymore I haven’t. I said that a few times already haha. Yeah. You know what? I wish I had. But I can’t afford it. Probably till Saturday or something. Maybe even Sunday. I’ll have, uh, some money on my chime account. I can get it. What’s it called? On chime.

It’s like a little Pay Advance thing. I can’t get a lot, but it’s enough to get like A pack of those Reesey cup Oreos again. And another half gallon of milk. I’m going to want that at some point. Again this weekend.

But I have more Ramen than I thought.

Of 1 of my roommates was like, hey, uh, is this yours? It was in the cabinet and it’s like, nope, but it is now, It’s uh, it’s like 4 packs of this.

Spa. See something or other Ramen spicy. Yeah Ramen something or other. And uh, I can’t remember the flavor and I’m not going to look because I’m so tired and it’s on the nightstand over here and I have to like turn on a light and I don’t want to do that.

But I bet it’s really good. It’s, uh, Some brand.

It’s a Japanese brand. Looks like you’d get at a Asian market or something.

So I have uh, that I guess for more food, that’s probably what I’ll eat Friday and Saturday. And Sunday. I’m gonna try to just not spend any money, but except for like when I go walking, I’m gonna go walking, uh, every day this week and This weekend. Yeah, I’m planning on walking like every day.

Until I get paid.

And uh, can go get the kids. Stuff. I’m so tired. Oh my God.

Well, um, I’m just blabbering. I don’t know why.

I still talk about the same stuff over and over and over.

Sorry. Maybe uh maybe the next post I won’t. I don’t know. I’m just trying to get back into posting again. I don’t

I don’t know.

That’s just The Narrative of my life right now. It’s, uh,

I don’t feel like talking a bunch of crap about it, though. It’s It’s not bad. Like right now I’m really tired and stupid talking but I’m comfortable. And that is great because you know I’ve been uncomfortable. All day long and now it’s like, yay.

Oh, everybody at work is just so ready for the shutdown week. It’s it’s really funny. Everybody’s just like geez.

I don’t know. It’s it’s a hard job. We all work really hard. It’s uh,

Gosh, sometimes it just gets to be so much. And we all get sick of being around each other all day long over and over and over. And You know, it’s just kind of how it is. Uh, I don’t hate any of my co-workers. I can bitch about them though, but I don’t hate any of them.

We have a pretty cool team lead though, he’s a really good dude.

And uh, the the other team lead people are pretty great and uh, I think our group leader. He’s a really solid guy, too.

It’s a really good job especially to just get 9 days off in a row in the middle of the summer. You know, you don’t get that with a lot of jobs.

I’m really, really Really, really grateful and happy that I was able to come back to this job. It’s like I’ll never have another job.

Forever.

Yeah. Like this is my job. This is my day job forever. Hahaha Uh, but I need to start like, after this week, this next week and everything. Hopefully everything will work out and I’ll have some money. I can do stuff with the kids. But um,

After that is just save save. Save, save save. I’m going to save like how I’ve been eating and living like this week? Well, I mean, I’m going to do a little better. I’ve got, um,

We’ve got plans though but like I have plans me haha. Yeah. Um but I’m getting my old room back. And my roommate who I’m gonna miss a whole bunch even though I don’t really interact with people. Like I mean, I’m just always working or I’ve got the kids or I’m

Kind of decompressing in my room. That’s pretty much all I did last weekend. I just gosh, I get so Burned out socially, but despite all that, you know, I’m going to really miss her.

It’s uh, Yeah. It’s like dang, you know? She She really really helped me secure this job and stuff too. I know it wasn’t easy for her sometimes. But like dang, you know?

But she’s leaving her mini fridge. And uh, so I’ll be able to put I won’t ever have to go in the kitchen. I’m going to put sandwich stuff in there and I’m going to probably buy me. Buy myself. A toaster oven. I’m going to try to keep that a secret kind of yeah, I don’t know. For hot dogs and whatever else, and then,

Um, I’ll have

Sandwich stuff. And,

You know, I can just put because all I have all I use, I have this drawer in the bottom of the fridge and that’s all I use. Anyways, and it’s just whatever I cram in there. And uh, I try not to get like the same thing like for a long time because I get sick of eating stuff. So that kind of lets me since I don’t use a lot of storage space in the fridge that lets me. Uh, rotate my stuff out.

And I’m going to get a coffee maker. Like a Keurig where I can get hot water so I can make ramen and oatmeal. With peanut butter and honey.

I’m going to do that and I’m going to get a weight bench. I’m gonna get my ass in shape and I’m never going to go to the work gym again. It just makes me that last. Oh my gosh, I haven’t talked about that. That was last Thursday. I went in there. The gym girl freaked me out so bad.

5:59 PM
I don’t understand that, I don’t but it sucks and She’s actually the 1, I like,

Like she’s, you know, she’s the 1 that uh,

You know, I’d say like I wish she was my girlfriend but I don’t really know anything about her, you know but she’s definitely the 1 I like the most out of all the chicks.

Um, except maybe helmet girl and uh,

Oh, dang in the team. Leader chick that I liked she left. But uh, she, uh, I added her on Facebook. I mean, it’s not, you know, I’m not going to like,

Try to get with her or anything like that. And I guess that’s kind of the thing, too. I love all those chicks from work. Like so much, but I don’t have anything in common with them, you know. It’s like, uh,

I just, I don’t know, I don’t know how to like in the in the in between with that, it’s like I just freak out and run away its And then I feel horrible about it and then it’s like, well, they hate my guts. They think I’m an asshole and

Oh, that makes me really sad. So I don’t know, but I’m not going to worry about that. So much, I’m just going to keep

Oh, I’m going to get back in shape. I’ve been walking a lot up in really good about that.

And it’s just shit. If I can get up, I haven’t been able to leave the house.

Um, What any this week? Yeah, before fucking like 5 or something. Like, oh my goodness. Yeah, I just I have no. I got to work. It was after 6:00, this morning, when I got into the plant and got into the break room and everything.

I just couldn’t get up. I woke up, I went to sleep yesterday at like, About now. Yeah, I fell asleep and slept till about 11:00 woke up and didn’t go back to sleep till after 3:00. And you know, I only got about an hour and a half of sleep then, And I felt like crap, and it’s stupid. And

Um yeah. There’s some different stuff, huh. Yeah, I’m just uh I’m excited.

I don’t know this room, really? It’s A, it’s a good room but it’s really too small for me.

And I can have my kids in the other room. That’ll be, uh, it’s big enough that they can stay in there with me and we wouldn’t be downstairs and I can save a lot of money from not going into hotel rooms so much even though we’ll probably still do that sometimes. But, uh, Because if I’m on night shift, you know, we’ll probably, it’s just, it would be easier for us to just go to Rome. You know, but if on day shift, I get Friday and Saturday and it would be cheaper for us to come up here.

So, I don’t know.

Uh, my brains, but that’s it, I guess for this post because I am going to fall asleep. Thank you.

Please.