5:43 AM
Hello. Yeah, I am just laying here in the bed. I got home. Um,
I’ve been home for a while, I don’t remember exactly when I got home. But I made a big sandwich. It was the biggest sandwich I’ve made. And it was so big and I ate it. And uh, I want to eat more Stuff. I have ice cream and I have a carrot cake but I don’t know that. I really want to eat those right now.
I spent the whole way home just bitching about work.
And then wishing, I had a girlfriend. Ha ha ha ha.
Um, but like
Yeah, I don’t know. I’m just kind of burned out right now. Especially, uh, at work because I don’t really like my team. I mean I don’t like it’s not like every single 1 of them that there’s like 1 dude, I think is really cool and this other dude, he’s He’s a kid, really? And I can’t like, I can’t hate on him at all.
But uh, I guess that only leaves Uh, 2 other people and they’re training this 1 lady and it’s I just don’t want to talk about that in my blog. I’m just like really
Burned out on all a lot of stuff and the team leader, He caters to the babies,
And, you know, I just don’t, I don’t know. But I’ve got this paper. I’m gonna work on this weekend. Uh, the team lead thing. And I really don’t want, I really don’t know. Everybody’s just like yeah, you should do it. You should do it. Like, a lot of people have been encouraging me to go out for a team lead. And I am, I mean I’m a fucking badass online. I really am. Nobody can do what I do and that’s how it is everywhere. I work, nobody can do what I do. It’s funny, not the way I do it and not as much as I do. And It cracks me up because I see people. I’ve got this 1 process. But they’ve been sticking me on it at the last quarter, every single night. For the last 10 days and um, I don’t know why because I don’t want to do it any more than anybody else does. I, I want to get it out of the way like the first quarter but they put me on it on the last quarter. Because I make it look really easy but it’s the hardest process in the plant. And I just stomp its fucking stupid balls and I, oh my gosh. And nobody can do that. Like, I work ahead with it.
Uh like it is twice as much work to work ahead. It’s already a really fucked up, shitty process. I can’t explain it. You know, uh, but it’s like
It’s really hard. And I remember the team lead guy, um, and everybody that I’ve seen try to do it, like I do it as fast and as accurate. And as much as I do,
And I can’t like he’ll get up there and he’ll just like they’ll try to work ahead and do stuff and they can’t do it. It’s too much work for an average person. But for me, it’s easy, it’s just like, well I’m just sleepwalking this crap, you know, but I still hate it. I hate the fucking hell out of it. It, that’s why I do it the way I do it because I hate it so much. I fucking, I’m just like you fucking piece of shit process. And that’s why I, um, I do it like, I do. And it’s really funny to see other people and they don’t they they’ve tried to do it for a second and they like God how does he even do that? And they stare at me the whole plant and everybody around that can see me stares at me in disbelief as I’m you know, just stomping the hell out of this shity ass process. And it’s funny. And I don’t know what though makes them think that I’m not enjoying it, you know, I’m not having a good time. I hate it.
Maybe I’m just a big stupid asshole. I don’t know. I don’t understand nothing and nobody communicates anything to me or tells me anything and it’s dumb. And I just, I’m really burned out on it but I can’t quit ever because I’ll never find a job that pays as much as this job. You know, for the level of responsibility that I have, which I enjoy and which is 1 reason. I’m a little apprehensive about being a team lead on the other hand.
I think it would be cool to be a team leader because I would get a lot more hours and a little more money, it’s not It’s not that much more money,
I guess it is a lot more if you factor in overtime and stuff. Um I’m trying to think
Because you have to get there earlier and clock in earlier and everybody, I don’t know. I would just say your average around 50 hours a week which isn’t shit. You know, when you’re used to working 70 or 80 hours like I used to yeah, which is another thing I guess. And, you know, I forget that I come from this really crazy place.
Where, you know, I would work a 100 hours a week in the summertime and that was like, you know, Like we just did not stop and that’s my dad’s world. You Which um, you know, it’s really good to be able to work like that. We got a lot of shit done, you know? But uh, crap, like nobody else. Even can conceive of that, you know, the average person like you did, what?
You know, it’s like yeah. Even my house remodeling boss wouldn’t work like that. He would like, you know, he’d put in an 8 hour day, and that was it, he might work a Saturday and a Sunday but he wouldn’t work more than 8 hours in a day you know, my dad’s like 20 hours. Fuck you. You know everything. Like a, I mean, my dad like 16 hours a day was an average day for my dad. And which means that, that was an average day for me. A lot of the times, it’s kind of funny. I remember, uh, Doing this gigantic generator installation. When I was 15. At a commercial, egg layer Farm over in Union Grove. Alabama and we would, we would get there at like 5:00 a.m. and we wouldn’t quit working until like 10:00 at night. And then we would go home. We would eat supper we would stop, you know, we would get breakfast, we’d go get lunch and we’d eat supper, and then back to work, haha we would, and we got that thing knocked out in about a A few weeks, I think.
And uh, I mean it was a huge installation. It was the biggest thing I had ever been a part of at the time with my dad. I mean, it I can’t. This place was it was a huge place and we had to wire up the generator. I think it was a 200 kilowatt generator. We had to run.
Hundreds and hundreds of feet of 500 MCM copper wire a 3-phase. Yeah, if you’re not familiar with that, you got 3, giant lead wires, and I guess it was 350. MCM for the neutral.
And uh, you know Ground was I don’t know, wasn’t even that big. I forgot, you know, but this was the world, I grew up in and that’s what I did until I was divorced like until I was 37 years old, my entire adult life. And, you know, most of my Teenage years. Yeah, was spent doing this kind of work. And I forget, That you know what, I come to a place like this where everybody, you know, they got lives, I don’t have a life at all, you know, not not a real 1 and, uh, you know, I forget that, you know, your average person isn’t going to, they’re not, it’s not that they aren’t capable of that degree or level of output. It’s that they just can’t conceive of it. They’ve never been You know. Pushed for that in that direction, like on average you’re just not going to you know, you’re just going to put in a good day’s work and go home and be like fuck this stupid job, you know? But I’m not like that, I’m insane.
And it probably does seem like super fucking, I don’t know, but they do people just stare at me in disbelief all the time and and they did that at Honda too. It was insane how I worked at Honda. And at the chicken plant, a couple of years ago, uh, when I was doing the Nugget meat machine, nobody could do that job. And I don’t understand why they would put make a job that hard and give to a regular person because that was
Probably the all-around hardest factory job I ever had was, uh, was that nugget meat machine because it wasn’t just the Nugget meat machine. I had to do, I had to like, Manage, um, the the like the hulls Of the chickens like they had been like they had already removed all the breast meat and everything from. I had to manage The Hoppers But those fucking things got into and they were hugely these huge Combos. And uh, I had to make these other combos out of cardboard. For the breast meat, they were falling and like I, I don’t really. They were set up on these series of conveyors and I had to make like I had to wrap these things and make like 8 of them a day and they were big and I got like I had to run around them with Saran Wrap like a thing. Not it wasn’t like Saran Wrap. I mean it is but it was, it wasn’t. It was like shipping wrap, you know, and I had to do that and I did that so much, you know, when you run around and around and around and you get dizzy, well I don’t get dizzy anymore when I run around, like when I go in circles, haha you know, So it’s like that’s that happened and uh it’s really funny but like and I stomped that job’s stupid balls too. And everybody would just stare at me and like What because I would move so fast and do so much and it’s really funny. And nobody else could do it. I watched people try to do it because I had to train somebody to take my place before I was going to go to the other department. It’s a long story, right? Yeah, cuz I did, and I ended up dislocating my shoulder doing something completely unrelated to that, and Uh they had to do an investigation so they kept my badge and all this shit and like like I was I didn’t want to get on, I think I was going to end up, it was a workman’s comp type case. And I ended up just doing going back doing house remodeling because I said you know fuck y’all fuck this fucking place and It didn’t they insulted me is what they did like y’all find you know y’all aren’t ever going to find anyone else who can do this job anyways because nobody else could it was really comical actually to see other people try to do that job. But I don’t know where to start. Explaining how? Insane. That job was and how they would expect any human being 1, human being to do that damn job. Yeah, it was, it was ridiculous. It was that ridiculous, but it was a stupid ass fucking chicken plant, you know?
And uh, Yeah, anyways, but that’s just kind of I was thinking about that tonight. It’s like, you know,
5:55 AM
Maybe I just don’t realize you know, where I am and like I just I don’t it’s like I said I had a really sheltered isolated upbringing and I just don’t know how I appear to people at all.
Because most of the time, I feel like this gigantic fuck up and it sucks. And I’ve been struggling with that a lot too. I had a I’ve had a really bad mental health week. Yeah, it’s been really bad. I’ve just been
Really miserable and sad. And I miss my kids and I don’t have the money to get them this weekend because my check, you know, the shutdown week. I didn’t get paid for 2 days. Um and I didn’t have the PTO you could use PTO anyways, blah. I don’t want to explain all that but my check was only like $900. So it’s like, well I got to pay rent. I’m actually going to have to get some of the money like advanced. To be able because I have to buy a bunch of other things I’m still buying stuff for my room. I still have to buy a fucking camera because some I just don’t, I just, I don’t know maybe I’m just being I hope I’m just being paranoid. But um,
Yeah.
Yeah, I don’t know. I don’t know what else to say. Brittany, I finally went and checked my other blog and she’s been pecking on it. Like she didn’t, and then it’s like she pecked on it the other night and then it’s like, she pecked on it yesterday to see if I had posted anything, and it looked like she pecked on it. Again this morning. To see if I, you know, it’s like I don’t know what to say. Like I posted about several posts. I don’t know how many exactly off the top of my head. You know.
Telling her, how much I loved her and how special she is. But it’s like, you know,
Okay. And then what? Like I do, you know, she’s Brittany but like, She ruined my life and she was really mean to me, over a bunch of shit. I couldn’t help and uh,
You know what does she expect me to do? I had something I was going to say and I can’t, I can’t remember what it was about that. It was It was like,
What was it?
Yeah, if she like I don’t know if she really, just has any idea that I cried about her,
Almost? As much as I did about my ex-wife, you know, it’s like,
And how much she disrupted my life. And and what I got in return, really was some artwork, you know, crap and some ideas. And like, you know, half a dozen songs. Usable songs out of it, you know. Like some of my best songs though. 4 of like my best songs ever. I got out of this exchange. I would not have gotten them without her. But I mean Geez like
Is, how much does did that even matter? You know I was like
I don’t know. I don’t understand. And I don’t, I still don’t understand why she hasn’t ever left me alone. No. It’s like she will for a minute and then it’s like blam. Then she’s back. Oh and my ex-girlfriend my last girlfriend is the same way.
She’s been messaging me a lot lately and uh I think she just misses me. I don’t know. And she’s probably bored with that, dude. But, I don’t know. I don’t want to I don’t want to talk about any of this anymore. I’m just I’m tired now. But I did, I think what’s wrong with me?
Is I pounded a monster the last quarter right before I started working? And that’s kind of the thing too. About that process is it’s like
I’ll run around like a crazy person, so it’s like I, I’m exercising and so I’m all like wound up when I leave work. So, I don’t know, but it’s just, it doesn’t seem fair for them to put me on it at the last quarter. For 10 days, straight. You know, that’s it’s just like okay you know, it’s just a little ridiculous and it makes me feel picked on I don’t know but then that goes back to me wondering like, how do people see me? I don’t know, you know, maybe they think I’m some kind of super person and nothing you know I’m like Invincible doing this process. That is just the biggest piece of shit ever.
I guess I just don’t really feel like I’m all that great, you know, it’s like any fucking idiot can do this. You just got to put forth effort. Stop being a baby, you know? Because like when the line stops like most of my team, they just sit down on a desk or in the floor and the car, you know, and I don’t do that either. Like I’ll lean on stuff though, but I don’t sit down. Which is to me, is unprofessional, but they don’t, you know, it’s just, I hold myself to way, way, way higher standards. Than other people even care about. And uh,
Drives me nuts. Is what it does. Yeah.
I don’t know, maybe that’s why. Like, a lot of the people are are trying to be like, yeah, you should totally go for the team lead that thing because maybe they see something in me that I don’t see because I hate my fucking self so much. Most of the time I do, I’m laughing about it, but
You know, it’s
Some days are really, really hard. And uh, this week has been filled with those. Those stupid days. I just hope it gets better.
I’m gonna rest this weekend, but uh, I’m gonna holler at the boss lady roommate because she’s got all the furniture things or whatever out of the breezeway. I want to see if uh she wants me. I’m sure she does. I’ll see if you know, if uh, when she plans on putting those back and when the painters Are going to be done. I’ll pressure wash it before she puts all the furniture back. Yeah that’s my point and the carport I’m gonna holler about holler at her. I was gonna say holler at her about that tomorrow, but later today, you know, It’s really funny how night shift and I don’t they’re not it’s not giving me a paragraph break for some reason but it’s really funny how night shift is like, It’s like half of it is like your day is in this stretched over 2 different days like like this is It’s 6:03 a.m. right? But it’s
For my sleeping schedule and everything. Uh it’s 603 p.m. if I was to be like on a normal You know day shift I guess rather but it just kind of overlaps it. Fucks you all up though. And that’s the 1 thing about Honda that I liked was the the shifts were a lot easier to manage like night shift was 400 p.m. to 12:30 a.m.
And, uh, that’s what makes this job hard. Because it’s 700 p.m.
To, you know, some 4:30 give or take am. And that’s so a 12-hour offset. From the, uh,
From the day shift which is 7 to, you know whenever I’m just trying to factor in the overtime as we never get off like You know, what would be considered a regular 8 hours?
Rarely, you know, but um, It is, it’s a complete 180 and it’s like, it just totally fucks you up day shift though is not that bad. As far as that I get a lot better sleep. A lot better rest on day shift, but on night shift, I ain’t worth a fuck and that’s how it is with everybody. I think. I mean, I’m not I’m worthless as hell on night shift. All I can do is work and sleep.
For the most part, you know, well, on the weekends, I’ll stay up all night. That’s that’s what I like about night shift is I get to stay up all night on the weekends and It’s uh, it’s pretty cool.
Well, I don’t know, I feel like I’ve talked a whole bunch and also, I guess that chick that’s been in my brains, I wish that would like
That. Just seems like it would be really nice. I don’t know how realistic. You know. Or how anything but it’s like, you know. Hey yeah. That would be
Totally. Give her a shot, you know. At least like and if it just lasted a month or 2 and it was a bunch of shit, you know, I’d be like well that’s I’m sure I’d get some songs out of it or something.
But uh, you know, who knows? It’d be funny. I’m just thinking because God damn it. I really do. Wish I had a, a girlfriend.
But I want somebody that I have stuff in common with who Is also like creative and fun and smart, and has like, you know, similar ethics and uh, You know and would get along with the kids and I showed the kids her Instagram. Oh I guess it’s been 2 weeks ago and my daughter was like dang she seems really really cool. Which means she passed the, you know that the most importan test, So it’s like, okay.
Maybe but then Brittany’s been pecking on my blog again, and
You know, where do I start? I’m just I just imagine some big crazy scenario, you know, where she like like me and that chick. That’s been in my brains. Get it together and and we like put it on Facebook. It’s like I’m in a relationship and then Brittany just comes unglued and starts fucking like popping up where we’re at and because
You know. I don’t think she has limits and I I don’t know. I would probably die. I would just probably have a brain aneurysm or something if that happened and I would
Or a stroke or a heart attack, probably all of that. And I would just just die and that would be the end. The end of me and it’s like, you know, what happened to Clay? Well
He finally started dating this chick and uh this you know, this other lady showed up and I guess it it fucked him up so bad he died. Hahaha. But I guess that’s all. That’s all I have to say. It was the last thing in my brain.
Thank you, please.
MY BLOG NUMBER SEVEN 