9:57 AM
Well, I’m just laying here hanging out.
In my room. I was playing RDR2 online, but
The power flickered or something and the uh wafa. The Wi-Fi.
Uh you know, reset or whatever. And it kicked me off the server as I was starting to just kill a whole bunch of people and I was like, dang Then I thought maybe I shouldn’t do that. Anyways, I should just like
Rest or something, I don’t know. I had a bunch of coffee earlier and I went through my set. My entire set.
And um, on electric guitar, I just plugged it in in the garage and That way I could practice my voice. It’s better to practice standing up. It just because I can
I guess move my, you know, body around better to hit notes. You have to kind of do that. I’m
The airflow is easier.
Is, I guess a better way to put it.
And can be manipulated better while I’m standing up. Not all because I seem a lot No. Um, what am I saying?
That’s not what I said. Uh,
Some songs I sing really, really hard. Uh, it’s like, dang, like pet ocean but my voice sounds the best, when I’m pushing the most air through it.
But it’s gotten better. It’s a lot better.
Especially since I quit smoking and all that crap. I don’t know. My voice was pretty good, A couple of years ago. I just really. I just let it get out of shape. Because I got to where I was practicing.
Something like, At least 3 times a week.
It was a different time though. The storage unit that I rent. It was just like, that’s all I had.
I would, uh, go there. I would leave Mom’s apartment. I could not do anything at Mom’s apartment, and go to the storage unit and practice my singing and everything. And so, I did that until I got
It in shape enough. To get back out and start playing open mics. I did that for
Gosh about almost 6 months. I played, uh, I know for 3 months straight, I played, I went there every week. Almost every week, you know, I think. Out of 3 months, there were 2 weeks. I didn’t go. Uh, so
But I pulled off Universe girl, earlier it sounded like crap but I hit the notes and I don’t know what else to say. It’s just
It’s me getting my voice back in shape.
You know, I buy these little Dental Pickers, these toothpick Pickers, and I’ll lose. I don’t know where the box is.
To them.
About.
Big pack of them in Publix.
Where the hell are they eating?
All the rice.
I said all they are right here.
I didn’t say any of that.
This is, This whole fucking world is stupid.
It’s not just me. I mean it is me. Call me. Stupid
Hahaha
Okay.
Yeah. Okay back to it. I don’t know what any of that it picked up everything I said pretty much wrong but then it got me to thinking it’s like yeah this world Yep, and me.
I remember, uh, I used to get
I think it was the philosophy, Facebook group, I ended up getting banned from it. This was 10 years ago or something.
But I remember talking to people and there were people in there that weren’t just in there to argue, you know, but a lot of people were, um, I was just there. I just kind of was like, well, they want to argue. I’ll argue.
But a lot of people I talked to
Uh was pretty cool. That was a long long time ago and I was on a lot of medication then so it’s like, Yeah, it’s my memories of the 2010s were kind of hazy. Especially like 2016 and 17 and you know, 18
Until uh, I got off medication in 2019 because I just ran out and I don’t want to talk about all that though because I have a bunch before already. But, um,
I don’t know. This 1 person I was talking to they were like yeah the world you know it is You are the world you know it’s like it is it’s you and
How did that even that conversation even go? So I was talking about how it’s a reflection and all that and you know you you live in the world not with it or with it and in it haha and it’s like well you are it, you know, it’s like it’s You’re saying part of the same? You’re part of the same thing. That everybody else is and
Uh, you know, we’re all fragments.
Reflecting the same Source at different angles. For the most part. Um, Yeah, I remember talking about all that crap with people.
I don’t so much anymore because uh, I just don’t
Most people at a car factory like my co-workers, who are the people? I’m around the most, they just don’t care about that kind of shit.
They uh it, it’s nice though to see people who are actually interested in life. And things that, you know, I don’t really Care much about but they exist but it’s good that, you know, people care about them like cars, I don’t Know a lot about cars as in like, you know, they’re like a car hobbyists and stuff.
They all talk about a lot of the guys that work they just they talk about cars a lot because they love cars. So why not work at a car factory and I work at a car factory because the money is good but I like to do the same thing over and over and over because it provides me with a contrasting element to my art.
And the money’s, you know, pretty good for an entry-level Factory job but it’s hard sometimes. The trade-off is I have made up a lot of fucking crazy songs the last
8 years. And I hate to say this though but my best songs have came after the divorce. Like I thought I was a good song maker upper. You know, haha uh, before like my playing Has suffered like my guitar playing is just bullshit right now, but My voice is getting better but like my creativity and songwriting and stuff and the shit, the crazy ass shit that I come up with.
And some of it’s too crazy to like, Associate with my name, like the concept album, it’s like, what the hell even is this that popped into my head? But I guess that’s part of, uh, You the world, uh, in the, you know, you live with it, and in it, and All that crap or something. It’s just I’m so far removed from like all that figuring it all out, you know, stuff because it’s like you, you do
Eventually, if you go far enough and then it’s just like, well it’s
Most people over complicate it, it’s not that.
Uh, it’s pretty anti-climatic. Yeah. It’s like I mean it’s not though, but it’s like dang it’s just that simple. And uh,
You know, the real magic and the fun is in doing things. You know, the exchange, uh, between the subjective and objective, you know, you and the world or you and the people who are part of the whole thing, you know,
Generating output through Exchange.
And that’s kind of what you know it’s like oh, okay. Well then let’s do it. Yep.
But mostly I’m a dad and that’s what makes being 2 hours away from my kids so hard because I don’t care about anything else.
Like that, that’ll never change at all and, uh, I just try to Channel all that into music and
Art and being a better person because, you know, it’s kind of crazy how circumstances a lot of times. Just just like,
No, this is where you where you are and what you have to do. Like you don’t really have a lot of control over that. Like people talk about Free Will and you know freedom and all this stuff. It’s like well You can be aware of all that, but in practice, you don’t really have. You know, you don’t it’s like why is your favorite color blue? You know, for example you know why You know why isn’t it Orange? I mean it’s stuff like that.
I mean, I could go off about it and then like, you know, because You’re, you know, the your polarity where you exist on the
All the Spectrum, you know, the energy Spectrum, wave lengths or whatever, is it resonates with the color blue better than it does orange? You know, it’s just that’s, uh, I guess. That’s why. But why are you in that? You know.
Little slice of the thing. Well, um, you know,
Your parents and that’s what’s so crazy about. Being a parent and having parents and, you know, a human being, the whole human thing that was like, uh, You’re a lot more like your parents than you think. Okay, like my kids are just just like me and my ex-wife mixed together and she is just like her parents mixed together. I’m just like my parents. Mix This Together. Everybody’s like that. You know, it’s just that’s
You know, uh, Output for your information. Just like at least 2 forces came together, you know, personified.
Uh, you know, in the human form and Made a new thing. And that was a new person and it’s a mix of all that crap and their parents. Then you know, you have all the stuff in it is. It’s uh, you know, people talk about nature versus nurture and environment and all that but That’s what?
Uh, it is all environment, it’s all the same thing. And what it’s crazy is that like the mode That this planet or or rather? Yeah, actually that it operates and is so dualistic. I mean it’s uh, you have night and day and You know, male and female. You have summer and winter. And then you have the, you know, the 2, little more balanced, Let’s see, he’s a like,
Opposite of each other. I’m just trying to like Not even know my original point of all that. It’s I guess I’m just talking about it.
But that’s all uh, you know all your DNA is is just it’s just code. Of all the information that’s been like imprinted in a, in a tangible medium. I guess that’s really all it is and it expresses itself through life forms.
And uh, yeah. Here we are. Here I am. Uh watching the words go across the screen of my phone as I’m talking and it’s just really funny. But
Really, all I can do is keep practicing my music and stuff and getting better.
And,
Hopefully. Because that’s what I want to do, you know? Still. And, um, I would really like to have another band.
I’ve learned a lot though from having bands over the years with people and even though like some of my best friends, That are like, not bad at all, but they sucked to be in bands with.
It’s really crazy and I don’t know if I’m going to go off on a rant about that.
I mean, I guess, you know it’s uh, I talked about like Free Will and stuff, you know, I was born. Like, in this relieved like economically and culturally isolated area. And uh and there’s reasons for that because it’s up on a mountain in a weird place. And uh
10:14 AM
Where do you start? Talking about all this crap, but I was just thinking about the people that I grew up with that, I tried to have bands with and You know like my friend Eric and he’s just 1 of the laziest damn people he doesn’t do anything. And then my friend, Brandon is the same way like they, they gave it all a shot, you know, like working and doing stuff in their twenties. And Brandon fell off a ladder and broke his back. On purpose.
And uh, both of them though, they’re like a product of the
You know, our generation, you know the post. World War II, economic boom. Like, you know, really where do you start? Right? And so, you know, uh, their parents back. When the economy was a lot easier, you could get into stuff and make a lot more money and their parents. Bought them everything they ever wanted. They have this massive sense of entitlement that I absolutely cannot relate to. And I think my friend Brandon and his, he was the only grandson on his, uh, Dad’s side of the family. So they just I mean, Anything he wanted and it was so ridiculous. He had so much crap that when we got older and he got into like, you know, smoking weed and stuff. He would sell me the CDs that his grandmother would buy for him, just so he would have money to buy weed and me like, wow, you know,
Haha yay
Because my parents they bought me like basic stuff, but like I had to work for everything. I had my dad, that was the 1, the 1 thing, I think he did. Right. Is that he, uh,
Yeah, like I had to go if I wanted something he’s like well you’re going to have to work for it and I guess I was lucky to have the opportunity to work for it. But uh, it’s kind of funny. My dad was such a hardass and I mean like, uh, I remember Eric had a Ford Falcon like a 1960, something model Ford Falcon. It was like the nicest car anybody had and he, you know, he just wrecked. It being a fucking dumbass teenager. And uh, my friend Brandon had his dad, uh, was a mechanic. And he had anything like he had, he had like, Like 60s and 70s model, Dodge Chargers and Challengers. He has a duster and a Monaco. He had 2 different Mustangs, you know, like his dad, just let him have whatever. He uh, he would wreck them, or tear them up. Haha he would go around. He went around a curve, on the wrong side of the road, just being a lazy ass, you know, crazy teenager, Eric did the same thing and I think in a jeep, And uh, you know, hit somebody head on and totaled the vehicle out and tried to act like it wasn’t their faults
It’s like that’s who I grew up with. That’s who I was in bands with expecting to you know with their fucking bullshit ass work. Ethics.
Expecting to go anywhere with those guys. And uh, You know. And then like a lot of my friends that got into drugs and stuff that’s really all they cared about? Music was just something fun for them to do, you know? They didn’t they cared about drugs, they didn’t care about, actually finding success with a band or anything, they were just like, oh yeah, I’m in a band.
My friend Mikey was like that. I don’t even know where.
I don’t even know how I got to talking about this crap. I was just thinking I guess thinking about free will like you know no wonder I didn’t have a Make it with a band from where I am from with, with those people. So, I don’t even know where to start. Like a good place to start to detail any of that, where it maybe it makes some of. That makes sense. I don’t know. I was, I mean talking about my friends.
And you can tell like who was really all about the music by who is still doing it, which is really just me and my friend. Justin. Yeah, I don’t think Brandon does music anymore. Eric doesn’t either plays a lot of video games. I don’t know what Brandon does. I think he drives his motorcycle around. And women hahaha
But you know, both of them, I have done so much. I mean, I did so much for them, like with all the band stuff, I’m the 1, who put all of it together. Recording everything. I’m the 1 who like, you know, facilitated all of it and uh,
They resented me. I think a lot too because I was kind of a dick about it but they were so entitled and Just thought everything was just going to fall in their laps or something. I don’t know how many times Eric or Brandon has fucked me over about something and talked with a bunch of shit about me behind my back.
You know, like just a bunch of like what the hell was I even thinking? But you know when you’re young you don’t really I didn’t really think about, you know, exactly where I was at. I was just living in the moment, you know, being Being there. You would have figured everybody was on the same page I was cuz all I care about was like Having a rocking ass band and making a career out of that. And then I met my ex-wife, but
You know, they they that all that really kind of came later, you know, in my early 20s before her and I moved in together and everything. I was still trying to do stuff with the band. We always had some kind of personnel problem or something stupid, or we’d make a bad decision, like somewhere that we wouldn’t think would matter. And it would end up the drama of the Fallout from it would be so fucking stupid. Like we let this guy And he was a really good friend of ours. When we were doing this band called analog cracker. And my friend, Brandon played bass and sang and I played guitar, and my friend, Mikey who’s a? Just a worthless ass junkie now, but I’m surprised he’s still alive and if he if he is dead, I wouldn’t know it. So, um, anyways. Uh, we had that that band and Brandon got to where he was like man I really would just like to concentrate on, you know singing and being the front person and all you know, bringing in a live bass player. And so we got all of this guy and the basslines. I mean, everything was so easy, it was all in dropped a. It was like just the heaviest, craziest shit. And uh,
You know, he was like, yeah, I can do it, you know. And, uh,
We brought him in thinking, it was going to work out but he he would get so drunk and he could barely, he would barely even be able to play his bass. I would have to tune the bass for him. He never would learn anything like we thought, you know, I mean, He just ended up being such a jackass. And when we kicked him out, he got so fucking mad and was such a fucking piece of shit. About it. After we, you know, and I was a dick about like, when I kicked him out I was like it. You’ve got to go cuz we’re so sick of his shit. And uh oh my gosh like where do I start? You know, like all this stuff. This is why I never Could have a band that would go anywhere with these dudes, but I mean, I’m just, you know, it’s just the world. I had to have it was
I tried so hard to keep all that together for everything. But then uh after like we kicked him out the drummer. He went back because they lived. Oh God. It’s such a long story. They lived in the same house. And they didn’t get along because Mikey had this massive ego worse than anybody else and had a lot of really crazy. Issues that nobody realized until like it was like whoa. Uh, he just thought the whole world revolved around only him, you know. And uh but anyways he went back, he was from this place called hughie Town that’s close to Birmingham and he went back for some reason, he was just like fuck this and moved in with his mom. Like right around the time we kicked that guy out he just like so there goes our drummer too and he’s like oh no y’all you know, well I’ll come up there, you know? And we’ll we’ll keep doing it but I’m the 1 who had to go pick him up. How to drive? What, 2 hours to go get him. I think we ended up trying to do it about every other weekend and he got on heroin and it was just that was it and That was probably the best. The coolest band I ever was a part of that would have ever could have ever made it. Like before I met my ex-wife and we tried to do like a half-baked version of that with this other shit called lot lizard. But it was not the same at all because we had Eric playing drums and stuff, Mikey and that was the thing, Mikey’s, the best drummer that I ever played with, he was such a great drummer. He was a phenomenal, like,
He was a insanely good, like You know, he was as good as a drummer gets
He could do like all kinds of different.
Oh, It was just it sucked. Yeah, and Eric.
I don’t even know where to start talking about Eric, but you know, I sometimes I really do miss Eric. I mean I don’t know, just this, I didn’t mean to turn this into some long crazy post. I’ve had a lot of caffeine.
Hahaha. Yeah.
Well, anyways, I think I’m just going to edit this and do something else. So thank you, please.
