7:58 PM
Oh my goodness. I just woke up about 30 minutes ago or something.
I think I fell asleep about.
Well, it was before 1. Yeah and I had this crazy dream. That this chick I worked with from Target. Who I don’t know how I didn’t ask her out but she uh, She like picked me up and gave me a ride to work and it was kind of silly.
You know how dreams are though. It was like really intense though and I was like dang and I held her hand and we like, falling in love it was really stupid like that. Hahaha So And then I had to do like some weekend work.
I had volunteered to come in at the job that we had together at Target. At, uh, it was just a really silly dream and I woke up and she was all in my brains and I’m like, dang. But uh, I don’t know. I looked at her story on Instagram, I don’t follow her or anything, but every now and then I’ll look at her stuff. She’s a really, really beautiful lady. Uh, talk about I was talking about tall chicks. The other day, you know? I mean I think what she’s probably about 5 8 or 9.
She is so beautiful. And uh, gosh, I remember when I first saw, her I was like, dang I wish she was my girlfriend and it took me a long time to get to where I could even talk to her. But I just never could. Ever could work. The nerve up to ask her out. She’s also, you know, a lot younger than me. Oh, I think she’s like 25. Yeah, but you know, you know how that goes.
But I didn’t, you know, I just, I don’t know, I still have some kind of complex about dating co-workers.
As stupid as that sounds because a lot of people that were a lot of people meet each other while working together. I just I’ve had so much crazy shit happen to me because of co-workers that I just kind of I have to have very rigid boundaries and I hate that sometimes.
Especially when it comes to, you know, like chicks. I could totally date. So it’s like well, we’re co-workers. I’ve never had a woman, not get possessive and crazy.
And jealous. And You know, something at least some kind of
Something like if it ended and we had to see each other every day at work, It would be a living hell for both of us.
And that’s kind of a kind of the thing like that chick that I dated up here even though
I don’t really know what. Uh, she still she got fucking crazy with me.
Yeah, she did. She still got crazy here? Um, I don’t know. Sometimes I feel like she liked me a lot more than she wanted me to know.
But I don’t, that’s just me trying to
I mean, obviously, something like that or I wouldn’t have even she would not have even let me in her house. But um, I don’t know.
I just had that crazy dream and I woke up and I was like, damn.
But, uh, cuz I’ve been having, you know, crazy dreams lately about stuff.
Even if I don’t always talk about it here.
But I am not looking forward to work tomorrow, actually, next week at all. Because everybody’s going to be pissed off.
And uh,
I like swinging shifts, I guess? I mean, The uh,
I’m so tired. Those still. It’s like, damn, I’m so tired. I just slept for like maybe 6 hours. Yeah. And I am still So tired. I remember, I think it was uh, last year the summer shutdown. It took like 3 days for me to get to where I wasn’t so tired, like sleeping and laying around all day.
And then I finally about the time I was like, yeah, I have energy and I’m ready to do stuff and I did and everything. It was, you know, the week was over and it was time to go back to work.
I really need to clean up my room, but I do have this clinical aversion to cleaning and it’s a complex. I have its it is it’s not like normal or anything. I’m a Clinical slob, that’s what I call myself.
I know there’s probably worse people out there than me but I’m I’m pretty bad. I remember uh, I don’t know how the roommates are now, but the last round of roommates. That I had, you know, uh,
All the rooms were pretty clean. Everybody’s, you know, I just need to clean up my room. I’ve got
Uh, grocery bags in the floor, like a mountain of them. I’ve got crap all over my desk. I have a mountain of plates. I have a garbage. Can that is empty, right? Haha Yeah. So, I mean, Oh my God. I haven’t even unpacked everything yet.
From when I moved a month ago,
It’s just it’s just the way I, I don’t know. I don’t know.
And a really big part of me, just wants to go right back to sleep. That’s how tired I am. I don’t know. That’s kind of the general consensus where I work to its like if they didn’t pay us so much nobody would put up with that crap. It’s just so Oh my God. It’s just too much sometimes.
To space out thinking about that. Yeah.
Gosh.
But yeah, I don’t know if it’s kind of funny because that chick that I just talked about. If I saw her out somewhere, I’d totally be like, hey, what’s up? You know, and I don’t know why I could just send her friend request. But I just I don’t do that kind of stuff anymore. I don’t know. It’s Brittany really.
Oh, she really messed me up about that. It’s like, what the hell, why does this kind of shit happen to me? You know?
But uh, I think there’s a A really, really good underlying reason.
Why. Um,
That has always that never worked out like that with, um
I am just too much for most people.
That was a big thing too. With my ex-wife, like we grew apart in such a Like a crazy Direction and it was mostly me like, you know, but I didn’t realize how
Normal, she really was so yeah. Uh, I mean, she’s just really.
You know, she’s really awesome though and uh she’s the best mom ever. But,
I don’t know, it’s just I
I’m a very adventurous like intense crazy person. And, I’ve never got to really Express that, in my life except through music and art. And uh, and life kept me here mostly because of her or some kind of something would always just kept me kind of tethered. And uh, when I finally did get a chance to do something big and crazy, that’s when I met my ex fiance and it ruined my life and I don’t know. It’s like I’m really messed up because
Um, I think a lot of the conflict comes from my adventurous. You know, crazy intense fucking
Self. Haha, and I just feel like, you know, I’m just going to Like, it’s like I can’t really Do that, you know real? I don’t know. I just feel like I’m I’m not
It just makes me sad. Yeah, like I just kind of collapse on it all sometimes and I’m
Um, but I go and like inside and in my own head and everything and that’s where all the creative. Creative creativity and shit comes from, you know. Because it works, it’s not an adventure in the Physical Realm. It is uh, Pretty.
Fucking awful. Really. I mean, we’re making like real things that people use, and it’s important, but it’s just the same thing. Like I mean, you’ll do like,
The same handful of things like they call them steps. So you know, you just you put a clip here and a wire there and a sticker here and you Jam, these fucking things up in a hole.
And you screw down, you know, some bolts or something, shoot bolts. Yeah. And uh, over and over and over and over. And over and over and over and then you’d go to a different process where you do a different set of steps over and over and over and over and over and then you know 8 hours go past Sometimes, you know, 10 hours they’ve really scaled back a lot with overtime and everything because people
Raise a lot of hell about the work life balance. And that’s I guess another thing about this job is there isn’t any like, this is the worst work life balance of a job that I’ve ever had. And that’s what makes it so hard. Like, Honda wasn’t this hard And Target, which was the last like,
Anyways, and the chicken plant and all that, uh, it wasn’t that hard. Like, when I got off work, I still had energy to do shit. And you know, Target it was 4 10s. So you had 3 days, you had a 3-day weekend and then that was really great.
Oh, I kind of got well, I didn’t have that until after this holiday season.
Stopped.
Because I would work. Every day that they would, let me they wouldn’t let you work. 7 days, straight.
And you could only get 60 hours, so I’d work 6 days. I only got 1 day off a week for like 3 months, it was really funny.
And a lot of times I would take that day and I would go do house, remodeling. Yeah, I did that for for a while that was like that was when Mom was in the me and Mom was in the, uh, Motel and stuff. I Did that to pay for that fucking shit. And nobody. Could really understand how hard that was. And I do regret a lot of stuff and feel horrible about what happened with my mom, but I did everything I could And I don’t think anyone except maybe a handful of people. Really understood.
What dealing with my mom was like and I don’t think anybody understood it, the way that me and my sister and my daughter and my nieces did.
I guess my son too because, uh, but she treated him differently and she treated me differently. Than she did my sister and, you know, her granddaughters, it was really weird.
I don’t want to talk about that though. I was just like dang. I did I worked a lot, but I still Wasn’t as tired as I am. When I get off, work from this job and like, I’m tired right now. I was never tired like this. Until I got that job but the job I have, you know, it’s just like damn.
But I’m not broke, you know, I have plenty of money right now. I Just I’m trying to save it. I wanted to go buy an amp earlier. I think Guitar, Center’s closed.
I don’t even really care. I’m not going to mess with that. But uh,
I could totally go out though and get some kind of food. I have.
I really need to get lunch stuff.
But then I’m just kind of stuck to the bed. I don’t really want to go. Go out anywhere. I don’t know what I want to do. But I need to at least try to go back to sleep before midnight. Ha.
I fucking hate rotation weekend. Um well only from night shift a day shift. I love rotation weekend from days to nights.
I don’t know.
Thank you, please.
