SUNDAY NIGHT

8:02 PM
So, Hello. Yep, it’s just got a different interface. The app? Now I’m going to try using the newer phone. It’s really not that new anymore. I got this over 3 years ago.

What am I doing? I’m tired and I was playing guitar and I started doing the Jane. Song. And then it started my hand started cramping. It’s been like that all day. Yeah.

I’m really tired. But uh, we got a 3-day weekend coming up and then my birthday I got Half the day off for that.

Not really. Not really sure. Yeah. What I want to do because I’m getting the kids next weekend because it’s a 3-day weekend. And my birthday weekend is the rotation weekend. From.

Days to night. So that’s going to be a special treat.

Ought to try to maybe get out and find a girlfriend, huh?

Haha, maybe for my birthday.

I think I’m setting myself up to, to get eviscerated again, my soul and, uh, you know that, that’ll that’ll do me in right there. Yeah. I think I got it in me for 1 more. Really. Yep.

It’s kind of funny. I’ve been thinking a lot about that because today is my dad’s birthday and I, I didn’t even have the

The will I guess to even say I love you. I said, happy birthday but I misspelled birthday. I put a u Where the Y is supposed to go at the end because I couldn’t really see the screens all cracked on my other phone.

And a little like party, confetti thing party horn.

Thing, I don’t know what those even are. I just I just see the Emoji, you know?

Yeah.

And he just said, thanks and then I just remember, just like, you know, I really kinda hate my dad. I mean, do I hate him though? Like Like gosh, it’s it’s hard. It’s hard to really, it’s, it’s close. It’s not like a full-blown, just like hatred though. Yeah, but it’s like fuck my stupid dad and I don’t know. I always try to do the nice thing and I wish him a happy birthday and a Happy Father’s Day and a merry Christmas.

Sometimes happy New Year, you know but fuck him. Yeah, fuck my stupid dad but that just got me thinking about, you know, everything and I’ve been so tired lately and I’ve been having the problems with my voice and everything. It’s like gosh, I did though, I had a really good run. And I was just thinking about the ten years I was in business with my dad. It’s like, yeah, I did. A lot of shit.

I still do uh, really. But it’s like seems like I’ve slowed down a lot here lately but then I did a bunch of exercises and I worked out a bunch this weekend which is why I’m so tired. Yeah, so I wasn’t not productive but I haven’t sang or anything. I guess. I’m trying to give my voice a break. And let this acid reflux shit kind of get settled down.

I’ve been doing really good about it. I felt off the wagon earlier when I got those like I got these 2 raspberry cream, tarts. From Publix. And man, those were so good. Those are like the best things I’ve eaten all year. That’s how it felt anyways because I haven’t been eating anything like that. And then, uh, it just kind of made me feel like crap, maybe even more tired, but then I got over that and, uh, I don’t know.

I guess I feel like I have burned myself out. Yeah, like my whole for like my whole life though it’s like dang.

Will I ever have the energy I had 2 or 3 years ago, you know. I don’t, it’s not even like that anymore. I don’t know, it’s not just the job.

I don’t know, maybe it’ll get better. It’s really not that, uh,

I don’t even know what I was trying to say. I was just thinking earlier, all I was playing guitar was like dang, you know? I used to be so much better. But that was, you know, when I practiced all the time and I I have been practicing regularly somewhat. Anyways, the last uh, since the especially since I bought this amp Yeah, a little practice amp and that it has some really cool sounds on it and I can make my own. I just haven’t. I like the surf rocks? My favorite. You know, I’m probably going to use that for my, my sound. My main sound.

I’m trying to bring myself though to uh because I have to work in the morning. It’s like, do I want to just try to go to sleep?

Or do I want to make myself stay up till maybe like 10:00 or something? And then go out in the garage and try to practice some stuff.

Well, the thing about that is, I don’t like practicing when I know like everybody’s awake. Yeah, I like to go out there. Either 11 or 12 at night or 2 or 3 in the morning or something like that.

But you know how it is when you first wake up, it’s like if I go to sleep, I could wake up at like 2. And then go practice. But my voice is going to be all stupid. It takes you know a few hours for my voice to wake up for anybody who’s really

And uh, I don’t know.

I guess that’s the 1 thing. I do really like about night shift is I can practice uh, my music and stuff more

I feel like I just get really self-conscious and I have my storage unit, I could be practicing in. I could have done that. But it’s you know, 45 minutes away. Now I actually thought about going through that and getting all a lot of stuff out and getting a storage unit around here. I could like go practice in or something.

And I’m, I guess I don’t feel like I’ve, uh,

I feel like I’m good enough to let other people hear me right now but kind of sucks. Like I can pull off my stuff like the easy stuff, you know, just sing and everything and that’s cool. But The really great crap is uh it’s still kind of hard. I just I guess I hold myself to really high standards about that. That’s why I haven’t gotten out and played an open mic night since I’ve lived up here. But it’s always something that it’s just stupid. It’s like, I haven’t had any problems with my voice until this year. And it’s been this whole year and I’m like, it’ll get better and it’ll get worse. But I finally hopefully can get it back on track.

Just whatever.

I’m really hungry though. I’m gonna probably eat another sandwich.

I don’t really. Yeah, I don’t really know what else to say. It’s like I felt like I had something like it was this big profound like reflection and on my life, you know, Because it was my dad’s birthday and that reminded me of all this stuff that I’ve done and I feel like I’m just

I was just feel like it would just take so much effort to get back to where I was, you know, like, it’s sometimes, it’s just,

Oh yeah, I forget I have roommates. I think 1 of them’s up or something.

I feel really self-conscious right now, it’s crazy. What was I even saying? Um, yeah, I don’t know, I guess that’s kind of a really negative way to look at stuff. I think I need to eat another sandwich. And, uh,

Maybe maybe try to keep my head up a little bit, right? Yeah, I still have uh, I still have stuff to, I can do, you know? I’m just It’s really stupid fucking tired. It’s Kind of ridiculous, but I have I have done a lot this weekend, so

Even though I haven’t practiced, like my singing, I haven’t went over my set any, and all this week. Like or this weekend or anything, I feel bad about that, I guess that’s kind of the I think I’m just being melodramatic. Yeah, like Jesus Christ, what the hell? Thank you, please.