TUESDAY EVENING

6:11 PM
Well, what am I doing? Oh gosh, I got home about 30 minutes ago.

I’m trying to collect myself and work out.

Some what was it, like, 6:30 or something yesterday. When I started working out, I’m really tired.

It’s kind of funny like, uh, 1 of my old roommates from When I first moved in here, he, uh, I guess he got some a package delivered last night. Uh, I think he messaged me on Facebook. Now I have talked about him and he was a total jerk to me. And the only reason we’re friends on Facebook is because I was like, hey, can I add you on Facebook? Because I was all excited to have roommates and shit. But you know, almost 2 years ago, and I was just being a person and I was like, you know hey you seem cool, you know and uh But he was, he was like he got really mean with me a few times. It was really bad. I’ve talked all about it though. In this blog.

But uh, I thought he was going to keep, he just took my heater out of the garage and he if I hadn’t said anything, he would have took it with him when he moved. I was like, hey that is my heater, you know I’ve um, I’ve talked about that. I can’t remember what I made private and what I haven’t but he messaged me and was like hey do you still live? You know, there I’m like, yeah. And he’s like, I got a package and, uh, if you know, if you don’t mind checking so I checked it checked the mailbox and it was in there and told him yeah, it’s right here. Like, what do you want me to do? And he’s like, do you mind bringing it to me? It was like 9:00 at night. I was like, I’m about to go to bed but you know, why not? And I did and he gave me this necklace with Thor’s hammer and it actually made me feel good to do. You know, I don’t know. I don’t know what kind of Crap. He was going through or something when he lived here, but he seems really happy. Now, he’s got a partner and he’s uh gonna start doing a a career or a new career and I wish him all the best, you know. I don’t know why he was ever a jerk to me, but he was, It was kind of weird. But I guess it’s, you know, it’s fine now. I kind of, I just don’t understand human beings. I don’t, because I’m not like that. I’m not going to be a jerk to somebody and if I am, it’s because like, it’s for really, really good reasons. And I don’t really like, if somebody’s been an asshole, to me for anything.

1 way or the other I usually am just that’s kind of you know but I guess with him it’s just It’s not like that. I don’t know anymore. Maybe it’s maybe he was. I have no idea but uh, Yeah. So

Um, and I kind of, I wonder about that though with like, co-workers and stuff, you know, too because that 1 guy that I just cannot stand him at all. Um, you know Like, I don’t know how seriously to take any of that, but Maybe, you know where I come from. If, you know you, you either you treat each other with, you know, everybody is pretty.

Um, respectful to each other and if they’re not, that’s it, you know, it’s like, all right. Well you

Fuck yourself and that’s it yeah. But, uh, whatever. I don’t know. I thought that was remarkable. I was like, dang, you know, he he really was a jerk to me on several occasions. But I’ve talked all about that. Yeah, I don’t want to go off on like a story or anything about it, but then, you know, when it was all said and done, it made me happy to to do that to help him out. And, uh, so I guess that was

All is well, that ends well right? Yeah, something like that. I don’t know. But I do hope he has a great life. He he’s not a bad person. I do have a polarizing effect on people though. I understand That much at least is I’m really big and loud and annoying and I can be so I don’t know who the hell would find me intimidating, but some people do like real bad. It’s, it’s kind of like, oh, okay, I’m sorry. That’s not. You know, I just I don’t understand how anybody And this is just stuff, people have told me, you know? Yeah anyways though um I’ve been having a lot of crazy dreams about that ex-girlfriend that lived up here not Stephanie but the other 1 and she’s been popping up a lot on like Facebook stuff and Instagram. It’s like well hot dog. You know. I don’t know what to do about her. Oh, She’s so like out of all the post divorce girlfriends, she’s the 1 that I really really wish Could have been, you know, could have been it, but

I just, I don’t know.

The last time I sent her a friend request was 5 years ago and she declined it and I was like well you know, that’s fine.

Uh,

But yeah, I wish she could have been the 1. She was all around like totally the best.

I think I’ve mentioned that several fucking times. Yeah. Like nobody’s perfect. But she was a really, really great. Really smart. Uh, I mean some stuff about her didn’t seem that way but She was though she was really intelligent, she had great tastes in most everything we had actually had stuff in common. Yeah. But, and it was her best friend at the time. I don’t know how good of friends they still are. You know how that goes? But that’s the 1 that’s been in my brains. And it’s like, I don’t know what to do about that either. But then, uh, the last 3 days, um, Sunday, when I was walking, I walked past this chick walking, her dog, and I have seen her out of a bunch, she’s just really cute, but she seems kind of crazy like, like, schizophrenic crazy, you know, I can just tell for these kind of things. She’s Uh, there’s just, You Can Tell, She’s got something going on in her head, but, um, I’ve passed her, uh, coming in yesterday at at that totally like close to the house. And then earlier it was about 5:30 I passed by like, um, off another road. That was a little further from the house. Walking her dog and I was like, well dang, you know there’s girl again and I said that loud enough so she could hear it but You know, uh, haha

Yeah.

I’ve got to go out and walk again. I’m probably going to do that about 7. I’m really having a hard time collecting myself to work out right now. But I’m going to have to

You know, and then I’m gonna have to walk and then have to come back and do more working out and then get a shower and go to sleep, but I got my keyboard. From uh, from the Guitar Center and that makes me kind of happy. I’m going to mess with that later, too.

But um, Yeah, I don’t know. I just really wish I had a girlfriend and I but I have like every night for the last 3 or 4 nights. I’ve had a dream about that ex-girlfriend and it’s like, well, you know, what does any of that? Even mean it just tortures me, you know, because I didn’t want to break up with her. But I know the guy that she’s had they’ve been kind of on and off for the last 5 or 6 years. That’s what I what I mean, they’ve broke up and got back together a few times. I’ve noticed every now and then I’ll see on her page. It says single. And the last time I saw that was like March I don’t know, I have no idea because I’m afraid to send her another friend request. I’m, you know, I just I can’t really handle rejection. It’s like I have this.

It hurts really bad and it’s like I get it though that

Uh, why she wouldn’t want?

Um,

Any of that. So but then at the same time, it’s like, why do I keep thinking about her and dreaming about her because, you know, it’s not on purpose. I’m not like all hung up on her or anything but, you know, uh,

I’m in a lot different place than I was when we met, but I just I don’t know, you know.

She was really, really awesome.

And a lot of ways, you know, in some ways she wasn’t but I wasn’t either. And, uh, I don’t know. But

I feel like if she really wanted to talk to me, she would. Yeah, because I’m not like scary or anything. I was a total idiot when I was with her. And I was really, really.

Nice. We’d actually really treat we treated each other pretty well. Actually, it was a It’s just 1 of those things that It’s how it goes, right, but I’m not. I don’t. I don’t want to talk about that anymore. Yeah, I’ve got to edit this shit and I’ve got to eat.

More food. I’m gonna eat some fucking cow.

Cantaloupe. Yes. Thank you, please.