12:10 AM
Well.
Yep.
I’m really tired of like, uh,
Beyond exhausted. That’s how I feel right now. It’s really awful.
And,
I went out to Food City earlier. And got a whole bunch of,
Food, not a whole bunch but like for tonight. Yeah, a whole bunch just for tonight.
It is already uh almost October. What is? Um Next week. Is October today is the 24th of September. Actually it’s the 25th.
Yeah, my brain. But uh, yesterday technically Was the 24th of that.
That’s my grandmother’s birthday.
It was, um, gosh, she would have been
Like 97 or something? Yeah.
My favorite person, she sure was
That’s what my daughter is named after that, that is who My daughter is named after mostly. Yep, my grandmother Gwyn She was just the absolute best.
Only real stable adult in my childhood.
She was my favorite person until I met my ex-wife, you know? And then My ex-wife was my favorite person until my daughter was born. And my daughter and my son are my favorite people and that’ll never change.
I’m just thinking I guess I’m like believe it or not, there’s some really long pauses in between these paragraphs. Hahaha.
Yep, I’m just like, dang, you know?
In a month and a half. I’ll get my second bonus. That’s exciting. And then what about a month after that? It’s the winter shutdown and then it’s a whole new year.
I was just thinking about how much I hate being away from my kids, like, 2 hours away. And I called in to work and everything. And my son has a soccer game. He had a soccer game tonight, I could have went to it but then I noticed that, uh,
He has 2 more games when I’m back on day shift and I’m just going to go to those
I just woke up.
Oh shit, at like 2:30 or something.
Yesterday afternoon, and I just I’m like, man, I got a shower and then I laid down and I fell asleep for about an hour. And then it was time to go to work and I thought, you know, I just had that point come off I’m going to call in you know, I need a break. I really do though. Push it hard at work like nobody else works like I do and it’s really funny. I’m so insane. But I also pound fucking caffeine and uh, I’ve been taking these mushroom gummies and like every day and yesterday I took uh 1 and a half of them, I usually just take a half of 1. At the beginning of the shift and, uh, half at lunch, and I took a half of 1 before the shift, and then another half.
Uh,
Gosh.
Yeah, I took too much yesterday and um,
I’m just totally off the walls, unhinged at work a lot of times especially doing this 1 process.
And uh,
I haven’t had any caffeine.
Today though, so I’m just kind of
Not really sure where my brain wants to go right now. It’s like I want to just lay here. It’s not nice.
It is nice.
And um then part of me wants to go out in the garage and do music.
I have this chicken casserole stuff. I bought.
It’s like Grandma’s recipe. That’s it. Literally says that on the box, it’s the stuffers. Chicken broccoli. Something like that. Uh,
Casserole Grandma’s recipe. I’m not going to get up and look at it because I’m fixing to make it. After I
Finish this post.
And I can say that I’m really burned out at this job but shit, dude, it’s my job for probably ever and I’m just going to have to deal with it. At least for a while. Anyways. And uh, this weekend though, I’m going to help Some of my roommates friends, um, do like a
A wire to their hot water heater. I’m not really sure what all that’s going to entail. Um, but that’ll be fine and I’ll probably go get lottery tickets up here in huntland. Yep, huntland Tennessee.
At some point.
But I really miss my kids. That’s like gosh, I hate it every day.
Every day, it never gets easier and
Oh, I don’t know. I’ve been thinking a lot though about like, well I mean what could I do to fix that? And there’s really no. Decent paying jobs around there besides Honda. You know, that was uh, That’s why I went to Honda that was 90% of why I went to the Honda plant.
Was that it’s closer to the kids. I remember. When I was working up here the last time, You know, and it’s just like damn it. Sure is a long way from the kids. Yeah.
And uh,
Because a lot of uh, you know, like that was back when I would get the kids every single weekend back then and that was in 2021 and 2022. And uh, you know, on Fridays, I would put in all day at the damn Factory. A lot of times back then we were getting 2 hours overtime.
You know, I would get, I would get off work at 5:45 and then it would be After 8:00 when I could get the kids you know, when I would get down there and uh,
Yeah.
It was uh, I remember that being that sucking really bad. And then I noticed that the Honda plant was paying $3 and something, more an hour and I just jumped on it. But of course now you know what I make now is the top out pay at the Honda plant and So I mean I don’t know you know I can say everything happens for a reason it’s just really hard for me to zoom out right now and see what reason that is. And speaking of the Honda plant you know I’ll uh, I’ll poke around at Brittany’s stuff every now and then. Because she’s
Well, she just does not stop pecking on my other blog.
And I’m not sure why anymore, it’s like, you know, why are you still
Doing this. Like why do you why do I still matter to you? Brittany like
It’s just It’s it’s really sad. I don’t really know what else to say. I don’t hate her or anything. I want her to be happy and have a great life. You know, whatever imbalance I’ve said that a billion times you know, like
Dang.
But uh,
It’s just 1 of those things, I guess. I’m just going to have to get used to the fact that she’s probably never going to leave me alone 100% and that’s it.
Yep. But, uh, I was looking at her stuff. Earlier, and I was just like, you know,
It just makes me sad because you know, 4 years ago or something. You know even probably up until I had that nervous breakdown. Uh I’m not really sure though. She really did go off the deep end. And I don’t understand why chicks do that. Because that super cute girl from work is she’s doing the same thing on a totally like a smaller less. Scary. It’s more annoying than it is anything. Yeah, scale, I guess. Yeah. What am I trying to say? But it’s like, you know what the hell. You crazy girls and I don’t have anything in common with them at all.
The only thing me and Brittany really had in common is that we’re both insane. You know, and we both like,
Were just totally obsessed with each other and that’s what we had in common. The most that we had in common and, you know, we like Adventure and getting out and doing stuff with like hiking and You know, Outdoors things and We like to go and do crazy stuff.
I guess energetically, you know? Yeah. But Like, our tastes in music and
Uh, Entertainment. Like, I don’t know, you know what I mean? I don’t really know. I mean, I didn’t care though. Yeah. That’s The whole thing. This makes me sad when I think about it because I care about her.
I guess it’s just 1 of those things. I’ll never 100% understand.
Well, at least I don’t right now. Yeah.
But I do wish that I saw my kids more often.
And I guess, I wish I could find a job that paid very well, but was Less exhausting. And I don’t, I don’t know what. I mean, I have my music, but
That’s all I have. Yeah, that’s all I have. That makes me special. You know, outside of being my kids’ dad.
Um,
Anyways. It does make me feel better to talk about it because I’m not like depressed or anything. I’m just really tired, which is why I called in to work.
I was going to have a 3-day weekend. Anyways though, um,
If I hadn’t called in tonight, I would have called in either tomorrow or Monday.
Yeah, I’m just glad that, uh,
I’m just glad to be hanging out in my room.
And not, you know, running around like a crazy person. Putting Parts in cars. Oh, it’s it’s so much fun though. I have so much fun. But, You know, there’s that guy that hates me on my team and that stresses me out sometimes a little more than it probably should and
It’s sad too, you know that guy has a massive inferiority complex.
Sometimes I just, you know, want to Just want to hug him and be like look, dude, it’s it’s okay, like I get it. I’m annoying and I’m big and I’m loud and scary. Because sometimes, I’ll like turn a corner or something and see him and he’ll jump. And like he tries to do that to me all the time and like, but I don’t try to do that to him. He’s just like it’s just but I’m It’s so stupid and then there’s this team lead chick who has been mean to me lately, too. And it’s
Everybody gets so sick of each other though. And That’s what I think is what I think they should do. Where I work is rotate people around about every 6 months. So you don’t have to do the same thing and have to work around the same people. Over and over and over.
Because you know, not everybody.
Fits in together, you know, and that’s how I feel. I feel like I don’t fit in with my team at all and they all hang out and do stuff outside of work. You know, they’re all like friends and I’m not, you know, I’m the odd person out just because I don’t have anything in common with them. On 1 hand, I’m like 20 years older than most of them. I’m almost 30 years older than 1 of the guys. So it’s like, you know,
That that plays a factor, you know, and really all I care about is my kids. I’m not going to
I don’t really socialize much at work anyways, because of drama and you know how that goes? Yeah, gosh. I’ve had
Enough of that to last the rest of my life. So, nice and peaceful in my room right now.
Except for me talking.
Well, I think I’m going to make this chicken thing.
Grandma’s recipe, chicken. Thing. And, uh, Go hang out in the garage and work on music.
Thank you, please.
