11:11 AM
Hey there.
Let’s make a post?
Well, what have I been doing? Um, it’s just work, you know, I haven’t felt like making a post Lately, when it’s the last 1 I made.
When is the, when did I make the last 1?
Oh gosh, it was just Thursday. Yeah, that’s right. When I went That was yesterday. Was it?
Yep. And that’s night shift, brain.
The uh, gosh yesterday was a really sad day.
My favorite group lead, he was the group lead when I first started back the second time where I work now, He died in a car accident and he was just the most awesome guy ever and
I cried and cried the first quarter and it was so sad and just the whole rest of the night was just sad for Everybody and
It was it was just gosh. I don’t really know what else to say.
But it’s Friday and
I always feel like I have some just
Really. Interesting things to talk about, and A lot of times and then I’ll make a you know, I’ll start to make a post and it just leaves my brain. I think about how weird it is. Just this whole existence that I’m in right now.
I was poking around on Facebook earlier which is just Gosh, I’ve gotten so burned out on social media. But I still use it, I still post on it and it’s really funny. I remember when I first made a Facebook page or an account or whatever
17 some odd years ago. I think it was like this June or something of 2009.
And everybody was transitioning from Myspace to Facebook because it had gotten so saturated with
I’m not really sure exactly what but crap. Something went wrong with Myspace. I really don’t remember off the top of my head, what happened? But everybody just went to Facebook.
And,
Oh, it’s just so crazy. It is and
You know I miss my kids all the time but if it wasn’t for them I would I wouldn’t be like I was thinking about that last night at the car you know it’s a car factory. The same thing over and over and over around the same people over and over and over every day all day long. And I get along with most people, but when you don’t get along with somebody, you have to see and work around every day, it sucks and I have a polarizing effect on people. I’m not a normal person.
And most people really like me, but a few people don’t and it bothers me, I don’t know. I’m just really sensitive. And it’s like, gosh, you know, but some people just don’t like you. It’s How that goes. Some people are just miserable. Assholes and then I’m just annoying too, you know, some Some people just don’t they find me really annoying.
And I’m okay with that, but
Life isn’t perfect isn’t Isn’t that just?
I don’t know. Um,
As far as.
I was trying to think and and I’m I’m like I probably should just go back to sleep, but yeah, I was just thinking about that but uh Gosh sometimes. Don’t want to be there. I want to do something completely different with my life.
I’ve actually been thinking about that lately. It’s uh it’s like, you know, don’t really want.
I do I really want to keep doing this like, you know, and I mean I don’t mean like killing myself or anything. I mean like just I know like for once. Haha. It’s not really funny though. But like what do I want to do? You know really? I don’t like being 2 hours away from my kids.
That is just, oh, I just miss them all the time and I don’t really care about anything else.
I don’t know, but on the other hand, right? I like to, I like to weigh 2 things in each hand metaphorically.
Um, My life’s actually, Pretty decent. Right now, I need to clean up my room. I’ve got all the crap in my room, still from last weekend, like all the stuff with food, and I bought that I ate and the garbage. I just Haven’t put a garbage bag back in my garbage can I’m going to do all that this weekend.
I guess I don’t really feel exhausted right now. I slept for about 4 hours. Woke up about 9:30. And I was like, dang.
Yep.
Actually, I think I fell back asleep and woke up at like 10:00 something. I had some kind of crazy dream but I don’t remember, but that’s kind of part of it too. Like gosh you know you have waking reality. And then dreams talk about, you know, weighing things on
Uh, you know, 1 hand or the other It’s uh, it’s like This is the world is just, you know, it’s split into 2 things all the time. You have a night and day and You have melon female and haha Yeah.
Or, you know, positive and negative. And uh,
The exchange between those 2.
Poles
You know, it creates all the output is a reality here.
Is reality, I didn’t say a or here, but whatever. Maybe just the way I’m talking, is stupid.
Of course, you know, I think tally Hall the band. They uh, They have a song about that called, and
That’s the name of the song, but it’s like the ampersand.
Uh, but it is it’s just like
You have the Sun and the Moon. I already said that night and day and
Yeah. Uh, hot and cold.
Or warm and cool. Ooh
Yeah, you have winter and summer. And spring and Autumn and, uh, Left and right, and up, and down and backwards and forwards.
And then you have, you know, in between those but it’s just
Good and bad. East and west north and south. You know, of course you have Northwest and Southeast and so on.
I don’t know. It’s just, it’s really crazy, though. Like, Where I work, because I’m part of a completely different demographic. I come from a totally different place than Anybody else? Uh, where I work and you know, um, It causes some conflict because Even though I’m motivated, uh, essentially by the same. You know, things that everybody else is, I need a job.
Where I make money. I guess that’s another 1, right? And uh, that’s the thing. There’s like me and you, you know, it’s like, that’s the thing. That’s like the subjective and objective.
You know what? Something is and what something isn’t? It’s the same, you know, defined by the same. Stuff and uh, but it’s just, I have a really hard time relating to anybody at work, but they all relate to each other. There’s like me and them. And but that’s really not all the way but I was looking at some of my co-workers stuff uh before I fell asleep.
Because that guy died and I was poking around to see if anybody had posted anything. He’s having a memorial service.
I think it’s next Saturday and I’m probably going to go to that because he was a really, really great guy. I mean, he was just the best dude, ever. And every time I saw him, I was like, hey, And always fist bumped him because he was so great. And, You know, it’s like, you know, I would be upset though if any of Because there’s some really really great people where I work especially in like the management and stuff like at the group lead level and the team leads and stuff. I still I’ve heard people say a lot of stuff but I’ve still not met a shitty team lead. Like a, you know, for real most of the team leads are really great people and even though there’s You know, you can’t get along with everybody. You know, sometimes I do, it’s just me too like I said, I’m just annoying.
And I’m really big and loud which makes me even more annoying.
To a certain kinds of people. Yeah. Like, you know,
I think sometimes the, you know, what I think that really saves me is the fact that I’m like, a good person, you know, and I’m my heart’s always in the right place. Even if I’m
Uh, Curtis Austin, something Criticizing something? Yeah. Oh Jesus. I guess you have, you know, me and this app and whatever it wants to pick up, however it does that. But then also you know, sometimes I just drag my voice out and it sounds really dumb.
But uh yeah, I was looking at some of my co-workers and I was just like dang
Uh, a lot of them are Christians and then it hits me. It’s like these are just like regular, you know, Working Class People. They’re not. Bad people, they’re not that complicated though. And uh, I’m really
Out there.
As far as my, you know, interests and tastes, I’m, I’m really selective.
Uh, I have very eclectic tastes, but I yeah, however I’m just going to have to edit all that. Uh, but um, every now and then though, I will run across somebody who I can relate to and uh It’s really cool. When I do, there’s this 1, Guy, of course, you know, he’s like really young, but he’s, uh, he’s half German, and he’s super fucking cool, and he’s really intelligent. And it’s like, Yay, you know, I just hope he doesn’t end up getting fired or quitting because that’s what’s happened to the last couple of people that I made friends with like this guy who,
Knows my ex girlfriend that lived up here that lives up here or something. And I think about her I haven’t thought about her in a week or 2.
I really do. Wish she could have been the 1. Yeah I really really do.
Didn’t I say that in a post the other day?
You know, I did.
But uh he was really cool but he he got fired. He did a a 1 armed pull up on Uh, the car on a car and like bent the whole thing down and he got fired for that. And uh, but he was really awesome. And then there was uh, this other, dude, that was really cool and he got he quit. There was a guy last year. I got to be friends with and he was just the coolest guy ever and he pointed out And this other dude. He was Hispanic and I guess he still, is. Haha he would let me, uh,
Practice my crappy Spanish with him and then he just quit just out of the blue 1 day and I was like damn. You know, so I’m really apprehensive about making friends at work, anyways, because I get attached to people because I care, you know, I’m like, hey, hey, a friend,
And it’s like 1 of like my friends used to tell me back in the day you know. Well and and uh Like, reflecting back like, you know, recently, like from telling me about back in the day, you know, I was the glue, I was the 1 who held everybody together. Well that shit gets really uh, that’s like it’s really It really takes its toll on you because people will just be pieces of shit.
11:28 AM
And it’s weird. It’s like they’re selfish though. And then they realize, you know, they were shitty, but they don’t want to take accountability for it and it’s like, well, you know,
I don’t know, I guess people maybe people think I can take it or something but it’s like Well I didn’t want to That’s like I try to understand. It’s like yeah well I mean you’re just kind of a crappy asshole like I’m just thinking about some of my old friends.
You know, my friend Eric has fucked me over so many times and we’re still friends, he’s still like my bro and sometimes I really miss hanging out with him. But he’s been such an asshole to me, especially the last few years. And uh, you know, I have other friends like back in the day we were just, you know, but they would all talk shit and fucking, you know, get jealous of my, stuff you know, because I actually would put Work into to developing my stuff to a degree that
You know it’s like wow like my guitar playing which isn’t anything what it used to be like I’m a better musician. Now, you know by far like there’s no comparison.
As a musician, how I am now. But my skill like my playing.
Mastery of an instrument is not what it used to be. But I sacrificed a lot of stuff for my creativity, but then I’m just a lot of that is, just I’m out of practice, I don’t practice 4 to 6 hours a day, like I used to But I will on the weekends but that, you know, I mean gosh you can only do so much with a
With a human life.
I don’t know. I was just thinking But it is hard though for me to like,
Genuinely open up to co-workers, it takes a while. And then once I do, you know, something happens and they quit or get fired, that’s my point. But there was, you know, the dude. Uh, and actually that guy that’s the same guy, he’s half German. He’s the same guy who met Brittany at a bar in Gasden. Yeah, I talked about that,
Didn’t I talk about? That. Yeah. So, I mean, You know, it is. It’s a really crazy small world and he’s really cool but he’s like already at 4 and a half points. Out of 5 Points, you get 5 Points and you’re fired. So, um,
You know, that’s kind of a. Another thing is like, how I get attached to somebody and then they’re gone. And uh,
And then I’m like, dang you know, it takes me a little bit to get over it, like that guy. That knows my ex-girlfriend, you know, made me really upset that he got fired and it took me about a week to get over that. It’s like damn, you know there’s my There Goes My Pal. And I you know of course I don’t ever talk to him outside of work or anything. I added him on Facebook but I don’t ever talk to him, you know. It’s just
I guess I don’t really actively maintain friendships anymore. I have a lot of old friends. I talked. I’ve been trying to talk to My Colorado. Rebecca friend, a lot lately because we have a birthdays around the same time. Mine is the 11th and hers is the
22nd of September. And she always wishes to be a happy birthday, you know, and I’ll like wish her a happy birthday. We’ll talk back and forth for a couple of weeks and then you know we’ll go A Year Without
You know, or, you know, months at least without talking again, it’s kind of funny but I’m trying to not let that happen. I’m like, Because she’s really, really awesome. She’s 1 of my favorite friends, you know? We used to talk all the time back in the day. Oh, I guess I just don’t
I bet you about being alone all the time, you know? But I have all these friends that I never talk to Anymore, like, all my old friends, I love them. I love the crap out of them, and they’re my best friends ever, and they’re the ones that I can relate to the most out of all my friends, like Justin and Alessio. And Thibault even though that’s not how you say his name, that’s what I call him.
And uh, my friend Chad. And uh,
Yeah. There’s German Rebecca and Colorado. Rebecca And uh,
Eric, you know, and I guess I keep up with everybody a little bit on Instagram and Facebook but I just don’t you know I don’t talk to them every day. I might go you know, every once or twice a month I’ll I’ll be like hey you know how is it going or I’ll send them a reel or a, funny picture or a meme or something.
I was just thinking about those. Just how fucking weird it is that like You know, if you’re in it, like human, the human world and all its like, that’s the whole fucking universe. It’s kind of like, when I grew up where I grew up in the Martling Asbury community,
Uh,
They actually there’s like a 4 little communities down there and they abbreviate it on a sign. It’s like Welcome to the It’s uh the Martling Asbury popular Springs Community and popular Springs. People Alder Springs too. I think they’re all just crazy as hell. But uh
Yeah, the area I grew up in though, it’s really really small and isolated and I just thought that was the whole universe until I went to high school at Boaz. And You know, realized the world was, uh, Actually a lot bigger and more diverse than I could have imagined, right? Hahaha Well, it just, you know,
Uh, it’s like that about on planet Earth.
You just think. Well, this is all. They’re all human beings and This is the whole universe here, but it isn’t. And it’s like, you know what, what some crazy little things to how, you know, we’ve got arms and legs, and heads, and eyeballs and We talk with this shit coming out of our mouths that is sound you know Into your ears and language and its got like
I don’t even know how to say that. I don’t know why I can’t think of the words. Using this language, you know, it’s got its own, you know, Things mean stuff. And it’s, uh,
I don’t know why my brain isn’t firing off in that direction right now, it’s like, yeah. Um,
I’m just holding this phone in my hand. I have a, I have a hand but I have 2 of them. And you know, you have like the literal stuff like that and then it’s like I said, metaphorically on 1 hand, I’m holding my phone on the other hand. I’m just moving it around as I’m talking talking with my hands, you know, like guess this. And I hold it up in the air like
I don’t know, it’s just, it’s really silly, but there’s a whole lot, you can do as a human being, but there’s only so much you can do as a human being, you know? Like I can’t fly off through the air. I want to. I want to transport through walls and Um,
Eat a bunch of, uh, Delicious food.
This surprise, you know, I don’t really have anything in mind. It’s just Stumbled upon. A buffet. Of, you know, just, I don’t know. I’m just my brain now. I’m starting to get tired again. You know, this would be like
It would be almost midnight in a regular person’s world for me. So I’m probably going to just wrap this up. And uh, I don’t know, but I want to keep talking, you know, it’s weird. It’s like what I want to do, but then it’s what I’m actually capable of doing, you know.
With that got me to thinking I got like it’s just another thing. Life and death. Yeah, that’s another like, you know,
Um, but that guy yesterday. Uh, and he was just he was he was the best
He was just the best person ever, he was so awesome.
And he had a wife, and kids.
And it’s interesting to look through people’s Facebooks that. I work around every day because you, you know, you don’t really know anybody. I don’t unless you just talk to them but, you know, I make up stuff in my head to like there’s this guy I call doodoo faces and he is, he’s like, you know, you think I’m annoying? Like this guy’s way more annoying than I am but he’s got a little family too and oh, he’s got like a wife and a baby and I think he’s got like 2 step kids and there’s this other, dude, I call Mr. Doperton And he canoes. And does Adventure stuff and he’s from Sand Mountain and knows a lot of the same people that uh I know but I don’t know that from talking to him. I know that from his Facebook because in person, he’s Mr. Doperton. Haha But he’s like a a real you know, person with A life of his own and everybody is, and it’s really crazy to Look at Um, Everybody’s Facebooks. And stuff. And but I never talk to them about their personal lives. I’m just like, hey, what’s up? You know, you like they seem cool and I’m not talking about doodoo faces or Mr. Doperton I’m talking about other people. Uh like there’s this 1 chick, she’s a team lead and apparently she just got married over the summer and I didn’t know that, but I was looking at all their stuff and they’re all like Christians though. It’s just I can’t relate to Christians all. You know, I think because of my polite. Um, Which also can be annoying. I’m so I’m just so annoyingly polite. A lot of people who think and and my vernacular and everything, uh, at work because I do have a work personality. I’m so weird. I have to have A work personality and, uh, A lot of people will get they they think maybe I am too and I was you know, raised in a very strict Christian environment but I’m not
And, uh, I don’t know. But I think to a lot of times people just Want to try to understand you so they projects their own stuff onto you and so they just they will maybe you know, I’m Just like them too but I’m not.
But Mr. Doperton is a liberal. Yeah, I was looking at this stuff it’s like I will never would have thought that I figured he’s probably a dip shit Trump supporter or something. Just from looking at him but he isn’t. Haha Yeah. So I mean it’s just funny like
Co-workers, you know, and there are so many of them like it’s not like I work in some like little bitty place. I have
Thousands of co-workers. And, Uh, in my immediate area, there’s a few hundred people just all around. It’s a really busy, you know, Place full of people.
So it’s kind of funny to poke around
At their stuff, you know. But then you know some people don’t even have Social media I guess you just kind of have to figure that 1 out. I don’t know. It’s, I guess I guess in a, in a In a way, you know, you get a like a snapshot of of people who they are. You can tell a lot about somebody from their social media. It gives me an idea of who they are too without having to really talk to them. Haha It seems easier
11:41 AM
Most of, you know, of the time I mean, I don’t know.
I got me. Another Chakra meditation book. Yeah, It is supposed to be here. I paid for the express shipping, but apparently it’s not supposed to be here till Tuesday and that makes me sad.
But I think I’m gonna clean up my room this weekend and try to get
I don’t know, try to add a little bit more atmosphere to my room and maybe fix the little, uh,
Light thing that I bought.
That projects, like moving stuff, all over my room, it just makes You. The atmosphere here. Uh,
Better.
Try to add some stuff and I did that when I first moved back into this room. Like I’m like, yeah, I’m going to make art and put it all over my walls. Well, I did 2 things. And then I’m uh found that wine art painting. Gosh. This is going to be a lot to edit, isn’t it? Yeah. I wish I could keep talking, but I really need to edit this and then try to fall back asleep for a few hours, but it’s Friday. I’m always really happy on Fridays because it’s like, well, you know,
Then I get I work for 5 days I mean I work my fucking ass off, I run around like a crazy person. Nobody else does that. That’s annoying to some people, too. Some people think it’s funny and, you know, people like to watch me work, but some people do not like that at all. And I think that’s 1 of the reasons why I have such uh, Problems with certain, you know, Co-workers. Because, uh,
I don’t know. I really bring out the best and worst in people. So if somebody is an asshole that they’re going to it’s going to I’m going to bring that out of them.
And, you know, there are there are some assholes out there.
Uh,
Yeah, shitt, I don’t know. Um, And I and still hate, how this fucking app picks up uh, Fucking curse words. Yeah, sometimes a lot of the time is really annoying. I’m just going to leave that up there for reference but uh holy shit. Yeah let’s uh let’s edit this and go back to sleep. Thank you, please.
