5:02 AM
Well.
I did, I had the whole night off and I haven’t done. Anything hardly at all.
I took a couple of naps I did. I did that.
It’s funny. How when, uh, you’re just not doing anything time Zips away? It’s like, wow. It’s already after 5. I think I made that last post. I started it 5 hours ago, I took about an hour to Edit it and everything and post it. That’s usually
How it goes.
I hope we get today off too. Haha hope we get tonight off too uh oh my goodness.
I have to make 1 of my work friends, a birthday card. I told her I would. I found some paper. I have to find my markers and I really need to clean up my room. It’s just been difficult.
I’ve been tired and lazy and made myself sad. But I don’t need to be sad.
I guess that’s 1 thing about being by your self, you know all the time uh It gets a little gets lonely, really. Yeah, I just never have gotten used to it.
At least the first 3 years after the divorce, uh, when I lived in The Farmhouse,
I had the dogs. It’s 1 of those things, too. It’s kind of funny. Uh, when I was living there, you know, there was some of the saddest times I’ve ever been But,
I didn’t realize just how Special, those 3 years were
They really were. It was a remarkable. It was very, uh,
I can’t believe I got to live there actually for 3 years and only because the ceiling caved in is the why I moved back in with my mom. Yep.
I didn’t really want to leave it. I really liked living there but shit the uh the mold had gotten so bad. It was so bad.
And I’ve noticed this app. The jetpack app. Will, uh, It’ll show you like, you know, here’s what you’re doing and your memories is your posts from over the years, on a certain day. And I’ve, I’ve been reading them on my other blog like stuff from 2021 and It’s the same crap over and over and over and over. Except I’m talking about my ex fiance and Stephanie. Haha Yeah, it’s kind of funny. It’s sad, but then it’s like, I’ll go back and read my old posts and I don’t sound that crazy really. It’s It looks crazier than it really is. It’s just how I talk, girl.
But it’s the same shit. Yeah. Uh, I was really This time, 5 years ago, I was feeling really, really hopeless. And I had gotten a car that I wasn’t able to fix.
And uh, I think it was
About the middle of October. My mom decided she wanted to go back work and she got her. Uh,
I can’t remember exactly. But she rented a car and she got, um,
Started working again. Uh, at this nursing home, she was a caretaker
And,
It was really crazy though. How
Um, I don’t even know where to start, but like,
But anyway, she had a car a rented car. And then, uh, I got about the middle of October, I think. Yeah, I filled out an application for where I work now, the first time I worked there, And I got an interview. I had to go take the hands on assessment test and I passed, you know, and everything and I started working But I felt so hopeless until that happened and then I was like oh my goodness, you know, a way out and uh you know I ended up buying a car and then well, everything was just still getting off the ground there and it was not It was really hard. Yeah. And I was like the same thing then too. It was like, you know, I’m 2 hours away from the kids. And I noticed, where Honda was hiring and
Uh, I worked. I worked where I worked now. The first time.
For about 5 and a half months or so. Yeah. And then I went to Honda and the rest is history, right? Yeah, it’s really crazy.
But I remember, doing house, remodeling up until
I started at that job. I started on the 15th of November And it was, it was like A whole new adventure had opened up. I was uh,
Still struggling with a lot, though. It took a lot for me to get used to people and social dynamics. I’m still not used to any of it. Sometimes I feel like I’m just like
I’ll never, I’ll never get better like that 100%. You know, I’ll always be pretty screwed up.
As far as that stuff goes, it’s really weird. I don’t understand the world in life and all that. Like I felt like I used to, I guess I just don’t really feel like I belong here anymore. That’s a lot of it.
But I’m still compelled to make blog posts, you know, and There’s a lot of stuff I really do enjoy about planet Earth.
You know, and the things made by humans
Um, like cocacola that’s pretty good. And I like some of the food I get to enjoy. I really like, Fig bars.
And I really like,
Bio bread, you know, it will never I’ll have to type that in bio.
Bayou.
It’s just, it’s just doesn’t want to it, starts to and then it just doesn’t want to pick it up Brio.
Nope. B R I O C H E
But yeah, it’s it’s actually pretty funny to look back. It’s like I was just been Stuck in this mindset for a long time.
And uh, time just goes by so fast though and working like I do, it just goes by so fast. The only times I’ve really been happy. Working is doing house, remodeling?
But I can’t go back to that, you know?
And also my friend Eric uh I hate to say this about him but
You know, he’s kind of lost his mind a little bit, like way worse than I ever did it. It’s, uh, I miss him and he’s, you know the closest thing I got to a brother but Man, he’s been really, really hateful to me at times and I just, I can’t, I can’t handle that, you know.
Yeah, I don’t I don’t know but I couldn’t go back to doing house remodeling anyways because the work isn’t consistent enough. And my boss is almost 70 years old, it’s not going to
I don’t know, it’s just not going to It’s not the same.
But yeah, this time of year, it’s it always starts making me remember like When uh,
Gosh. Yeah it just does. You know when I first the first stint I did house remodeling in 2018. It was, right after I met my ex fiance, it was such a big I was so optimistic. I was going to say it was such a big Pile of shit, but I was really optimistic about it. Yeah, I have this like optimism though. Sometimes it it’s uh, I think it’s
Faded a lot though at this job. Like I was really optimistic this time last year, especially, I was like, oh yeah, I’m going to do all this stuff, you know. And it’s like no You are going to be a grunt on the line. That’s what you’re going to do.
Yep.
But I also, Haven’t really been working out regularly not like, Like I should be the last couple of weeks and I’m starting to feel it in my Right shoulder, pretty bad. Yeah.
Sometimes I feel like I have just really completely worn my body out. I’ve done a lot of Crazy crazy things.
And mostly work-related. Yeah, but um you know I’ve had some injuries. Some pretty bad injuries that The after effects persist
I’ll probably take.
Oh gosh no less than 1200 milligrams of ibuprofen a day. Sometimes a lot more than that.
It’s just, uh,
Stupid. Yep.
But that’s uh that’s, you know.
Let’s see. Uh, that’s where I am manual labor. Yeah. It’s like I don’t know where I could. Go do anything else and make any more close to as much money as I make right now. Like, uh, I don’t think I could work at a department store. I couldn’t work at like a grocery store or I was thinking I don’t know how much.
Like Target or, uh, Publix or anything pays. I know that I have some friends who work at Publix and they do pretty good, but I don’t know what all
They start off at and everything and I have no skills.
I was just thinking like you know what other kind of work cuz I did the Dollar General For about 4 months. And it wasn’t, That bad but it was too, I don’t know. I just don’t think I could do anything else. Any other kind of work?
And I guess I have gotten pretty discouraged about my music with my voice and everything.
Uh,
Gosh, I’m just tired of, you know, only thing. I feel like doing is laying here in blabbering into the phone. I really need to make this chick uh her birthday card. Her favorite color is blue and she likes. I asked her. What her favorite baby animal. Is and, she said dogs, so I guess puppies, you know,
And uh, I think she’s going to be 41.
Or maybe 42. Yeah, I don’t remember.
Yeah, I don’t know. I’m just blabbering. I don’t fucking, I don’t really have anything new to say other than I’m tired. And that’s not really new. And damn, you know, it’s just
To get an, I get a night off from work and then, It’s, it’s over. This is about the time I get home. Usually, and then You know, I’ll lay around for an hour or so and pass out and get up and do it all over again. And that’s what is about to happen. I think I might make that card when I wake up. And who knows? I might just
I just do it after I post this.
But it is really nice outside. It is. It’s, it’s not hot. It’s it’s feels like fall, kind of It is. Yeah, it’s it’s actually kind of cold. I think it’s
The 50s, isn’t it?
- Yeah, that’s pretty. Nice.
Well, at least, you know, I’ve only got a 4 day work week and it’s rotation weekend and I hate that.
I hate it.
But uh,
Oh, maybe everything will get better.
Maybe tomorrow, my attitude will improve. And I’ll be happy.
Thank you, please.
