3:33 AM
Well. I just I’m just laying here. I don’t know. I woke up about
2 about 2:00 a.m. yes, and
I’m hungry.
I don’t know what to do.
I had some crazy dreams about like my old life. Sometimes I do that, I’m still in it. Yeah, I’m still married and I’m still working doing generators and
It’s really crazy. I still haven’t gotten used to. Life after that.
I don’t know that I ever will. It’s really weird. It’s like, ah, It’s like I dreamt all of it.
Yeah. And what I’ve been doing for the last 8 years, or something, is what I’ve been doing my whole life.
But I woke up and I checked my Facebook memories and that never helps. So, you know, it’s like, dang, Because I have stuff from, you know, 17 years ago and it’s like,
It really shows me what or how things used to be in a very real way that you just didn’t used to have with uh you know used to before social media you could look back at pictures or photographs and stuff and think of all this crap and Um, I don’t know. It seems a little more tangible.
You can see all interactions and stuff on my posts. From all the people in my life at the time
A lot more into the, uh, Regular part of the life I used to have. And of course, you know,
My ex wife and I bought that house almost 20 years ago and We had a bunch of dogs for a long time and then we had the kids.
And uh,
It’s really crazy to look back on it, because
I can’t believe that her and I ever got married sometimes and then but I also can’t believe that it ever ended. It’s just Weird.
Sometimes I feel like I just absolutely wasted my life Except for the kids.
But anyways, you know, it’s like dang and
I romanticize a lot of it. I’m really fucking tired.
Yesterday was a really stupid day at work too. We only worked like half the day. The second half of the day. Yeah. And we got over time and it was like damn. But I’ve been going to the gym. I’ve been really good about working out and stuff the last
Couple of months. Yeah, I’ve been really good about that.
Feel better. I’m just like tired a lot of its you know, it’s transition. It’s the yeah a week.
And uh,
I don’t know, sometimes I just get really Sick of just
How far away I am from the kids. And
I don’t really know what to do with myself. A lot of the time I get so burned out on my music, though.
And I do so much during the week at work that on the weekends. I just don’t want to do anything. It’s hard. That’s how it was over the weekend this past weekend.
Of course, we are working this Saturday and, I was going to get the kids, but then my daughter has this Festival. She wants to go to up here in Huntsville. And I’m just like, well shit, you know what the hell? Because it’s just going to be a lot on me to to do all of this like My ex-wife wants me to get them, my plan was to get them and take them to Birmingham and then come back. Cuz that would be a lot less driving, but she wants me to get them and take them up here and then take my daughter to that Festival on a work night. And I’m just like, I really don’t know.
I miss my kids more than anything though.
But,
I don’t know. I just don’t Feel like it would be that much Fun. A, a lot of rushing around. Um, It would.
Wear my ass out. Yeah. And I wouldn’t really get to spend a lot of quality time with them. I would just be super tired all next week, too. I don’t know. It’s just, it’s stupid. I don’t understand my life anymore.
And there’s a part of me that’s just like, I could go through my storage unit and get rid of, like, a lot of stuff or throw away stuff because It just sits in there. You know, I pay $120 a month for pretty much all the stuff that I’ve ever had that. I still have Um, you know, stuff from like my whole life is in that storage unit.
But it’s just sitting in there, you know, it does not like
Doesn’t mean anything to anybody, but me most of that stuff.
I have all the, uh,
Memorabilia and keepsakes from the 18 years, I was with my ex-wife. I’m the 1 who got all that stuff. I took it out of the house as soon as I could because I was afraid she would throw it away or something because she is not a Sentimental person. And I am. Which, I guess ironically is that the ironic?
Um, I don’t know but that’s a big reason why we were together for so long cuz I just loved her and couldn’t imagine life without her, you know? And here I am and it’s like dang
I don’t know if that’s something I’ll ever get over. I actually cried about that on the way home yesterday. I was thinking about stuff. I don’t remember the specifics. I was loopy.
Sleep deprived and all that shit. But, uh, I do I still cry over my ex-wife, sometimes it’s really, really stupid. Like it gets really bad sometimes it’s like shit.
But I also couldn’t ever imagine getting back with her, you know?
Gosh. Yeah.
I’m broken, haha.
I don’t know, I guess that’s all I have to say. It’s Tuesday morning.
It’s time to get ready and go to work. I didn’t want to go too early, though. Yeah.
Thank you, please.
