11:47 PM
Well. I am.
Awake. I guess I slept and slept
Most of the afternoon.
I’m kind of sad.
Yeah, I slept most of the night, too. But I’m just sad. My daughter messaged me earlier um her favorite artist. Musical artist June Henry is going to be in Atlanta Friday. And there’s no way I can take her.
And, I was supposed to get them. I’m supposed to get them Saturday night, but there is a festival going on next Sunday.
That she wants to go to that. I’m not sure I can take her to that either.
And,
I live 2 hours away from the kids and I hate it like all the time. I hate it. Hate it, hate it. And she was like, just move down here. It’s like, well, if I did that then I would be 2 hours from work. But that was the whole reason I went to Honda.
And, uh, and I just started feeling really weird and stupid
I don’t understand my life. I really don’t. I work all the time. And, you know, it’s already
Almost the middle of October like this year has just flown by Last year did too. And uh,
There’s a lot of stuff that I wanted to do. That I haven’t done, and it sucks like, I don’t know, I’m burned out on all my old songs and it that’s, you know,
I need to record them all. They’re great songs. I’m just sick of them.
And then there’s the coworker album. Yeah, and uh I don’t even know where to start with that 1 but
I’m really tired of my job too. I hate to say that but I’m tired of some of my co-workers. Like my immediate like team and I’m tired of dealing with people. I don’t understand why
There’s ever any conflicts like the way they kind of happen, but they do because human beings are, you know,
Filled with all these crazy emotions and
I am a lot of person.
And I have a polarizing effect on people and sometimes that can cause problems. You know, I just show up to work. I’m just like blah me and uh,
It sucks. Yeah.
I sure did though. I slept probably
6 hours or so. Yeah, like all afternoon and most of the night. I think I woke up about 10:30.
At some point, somebody read my last article.
Directly from the site. I don’t know who could have done that. I was talking about the concept album and everything, but it just makes me sad because my kids are so far away and I could take my daughter to that festival thing, but then it’s like a work night. And I have to work Saturday, too. That’s another thing. Um, that kind of complicates this coming weekend. Next weekend. Yeah. And uh,
I don’t know, I’ve been thinking about like what the hell else could I do though? I don’t need to make any less money, you know.
I don’t really care about anything besides my kids and that’s what makes me really sad because I only get to see them a couple of times a month.
You know, like 3 or 4 days a month, and it just sucks.
I’m always alone. I have roommates, you know, and co-workers and stuff. But I’m still like almost always by myself like right now and all day. You know, I went out and did stuff this morning and it was I was all by myself which is okay I guess but it’s like
I just miss the kids.
And uh,
You know, outside of that, I don’t really, you know, know why I exist. I don’t You know, I like my music and stuff but I don’t know how much other people do.
Um, of course, when I was getting out and playing those Open Mic nights a couple of years ago, people seemed to like it, the chick who hosted it really did.
I got this crud but it’s better than it was. So it’s like, okay.
I don’t know, I probably need to go back to sleep.
Yeah, I’m just kind of like, blah. I don’t.
I don’t really feel that great about anything right now. I feel like a really crappy.
Dad.
Yep.
You know, and it just kind of hit me. It’s going to be a rough week. Yeah. It’s uh
The first week back on days and then we got to work Saturday. So it’s uh,
It’s going to be a long week. I might not feel like getting the kids this weekend anyways and that’s kind of what I’m talking about. It’s like, well shit, what am I supposed to? You know, how else am I supposed to feel?
It’s like I said, I don’t understand. I don’t understand my life.
It’s the whole reason I went to Honda though and even though I’m probably going to be making, I’m probably making more now than I would top out. At Honda, but it’s like, Just closer to the kids.
I don’t understand like The World At Large anymore, either. I just feel like I’m so out of touch. I mean is it just me or does this uh so far? It’s 2026 like this whole Century. It’s just like 1 big long decade. I mean is it just me? I don’t know.
You know, I can say like the world made a whole lot more sense when I was younger but maybe if that’s because I was younger I just took everything at face value a lot more. And
You know, just maybe that’s like a normal thing or something, but it sucks. Like, you know, I’m in my 40s and I just feel like Outside of the kids, I’m pretty much done with this Life. I don’t really
You know like all the stuff that I wanted to do and all that I’m never going to get to do, you know? I’m never going to get to live in Quebec. Fucking travel the world. Or or have a music career, really? I mean, am I? So, I mean, you know, it’s just like well,
I guess I don’t really care about myself. I just I still don’t like, I don’t know how to care about myself. You know, like a normal person,
Oh yeah. I’m so tired. And burned out. And sick of missing my kids.
I need to clean my room. I didn’t clean my room, this weekend. This is a crappy weekend, though, for me to do anything the rotation from, uh, Nights to days you get a day and a half. And uh,
Slept a lot, though. I probably need to, I probably needed to, but
It’s stupid.
Hey, at least I went to Publix earlier and I got food for the week. I just ate another sandwich.
Did I really leave all my oat milk out?
No, I didn’t put it back in the fridge. Yay.
Oh, I don’t know what else to say. Just me complaining about how empty and stupid. I feel all right now
That’s about it. Yep.
Thank you, please.
